Did anyone catch the husbands side on radio four??

[Maxwellthecat]

I am just listening to this now and holy hell he is vile!!!
Just as bad as her. I want to hear the other woman's side now.

The DH searched out his ex. Then it sounded as if they were having sex within a couple of meetings. Really underhand imo. He has stepped out of his role as patriarch into fun loving responsibility free 25 year old. What's not to like, except he is ignoring his wife and DCs in the process. Guilt over that has brought him back imv, but it does not bode well.

He can afford to run the two homes and wine, dine and holiday the new 'love' of his life (He is so shallow I feel suspicious that any woman would have done). Hence he was going to live 'alone'. Hmmmm that's likely , more likely he was planning a harem with a bit of family life fitted in when he felt like it.
Perhaps I am being unfair but he appeared to make no attempt to rescue the relationship with his wife, or, having decided he wanted more in his life, to tell her what he was doing. Cruel imv.

Hmm, what struck me was that the wife said, almost at the beginning of her interview, that she had lost all interest in sex some years before and either had given it up completely or rarely had sex with her husband. It seemed to be an entirely unilateral decision. We don't know how much discussion there was about this - I suspect very little - but although you may be saddened, you can't be completely surprised if your spouse chooses to have sex with someone else in this situation.

I absolutely agree that choosing to remain a financially-dependent wife is extremely risky.

lalalonglegs didn't the wife say she had clearly tried to talk to him about sex but he was completely closed off and would/could not talk about it... do you remember he could only address the topic of sex with the interviewer by talking about 'the horizonatal side' or something equally teenage?

He was too repressed, embarrassed or shy to talk about sex with his wife, but not too repressed, embarrassed or shy to do it all over the plalce with someone else instead.

sorry sp - horizontal

He was too repressed, embarrassed or shy to talk about sex with his wife, but not too repressed, embarrassed or shy to do it all over the place with someone else instead.

But that's what happens, isn't it? If someone tolerates you having sex with them occasionally (which is how the wife described their sex life - she was the one tolerating) it makes you feel really crap and your relationship falls more into a brother-sister kind of thing rather than husband-wife. Talking about sex does then become embarrassing and humiliating, too.

I haven't listened to these yet but having read the thread I'm not sure whether I should as the situation sounds so like one in which I naively got involved in an EA with a married man when I was in my mid-20s. The details quoted suggest it's not them though the ages would be about right, so it could be interesting, but that suggests it's not an uncommon situation (As an aside I wised-up and got uninvolved v quickly when he started going on about their years of lack of sex. I could work out where that one was heading and it did- but with someone else)

Oh god, this guy really doesn't want to stay married.

Having listened to both I just don't see how they can come back from this .

Me neither. They didn't seem to have anything in common now, and of course the guy was happy with the OW. His hesitation when he was asked whether it was all over made me wince - god knows what it'll do to his wife.

Blimey just listened to the wife

Like others said, compelling listening, but it's a mystery how it was decided that the interviews would take place and then be broadcast.

The husband came across as an arse and very selfish but the wife's interview was the most upsetting listen. Her priority is that they must stay together, even if it makes both of them utterly miserable, because the alternative, to be seen to have separated, is far worse. She seemed fixated on securing the grimmest future for all concerned.

At least the husband was able to contemplate that a happier life might be possible.

Bit shocked that they were broadcast really. I can't see that staying together can be the right thing for either of them.

He was awful and utterly self centred and clearly didn't even know his wife.

She was equally blind to what a marriage needs to continue successfully and as for declaring she would never divorce him. Why? Spite? Love?

Neither came across as particularly nice people although the betrayal was something awful to hear. A really odd broadcast.

Having caught up with the follow-up programme (the one with the counsellor/psychotherapist woman) I could not believe how they all seemed to have such sympathy for the bloke and not the wife.

For example, the bit where the husband retired and was "surprised" that she had built a life of her own whilst he was working all hours - was cast as her being heartless and excluding him fhs - was she just supposed to drop everything for him having been ignored for years?

Agree with others that she should move on though, who would want their dh back knowing he was just there out of duty?

Can someone help me find the wife's story please?

www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b085h733

24+ minutes in. It was a cheery Christmas Eve broadcast to put us in just the right mood for the holiday.

Did anyone else hear the interview last week with the couple who went out in their teens and then got together again after they were both widowed? They were experiencing hostility from his children who refused to meet her. Inheritance concerns were not mentioned but I bet were a factor.

YES, GaspOde, I was just saying to DH the adult children's animosity to their father's new love is either due to money. Or it could be a fear of misplacing the affection felt for their late mother. But most likely money. What I've also been thinking is I can't imagine our DC behaving like that. Mind you, our 4 are only getting a quarter of a crumbling old house and several thousand books each, in a fairly cheap area. However, I like to think we've brought them up to not think too much of money and, thus far, they seem to like spending time with us both and I'd hope for that to continue.

Sorry to revive an old thread, but just heard on PM that they are doing another set of interviews with the wife and husband.

The wife's interview will be on IPM on Saturday. I cant imagine they are still together.

Just listened to it on iPlayer, the update, omg. Can’t wait to hear husband’s side.

Just listened to the husband and wife. Goodness - what an unhappy place to be. For both of them. There is so much blaming from one to the other; very little if anything about their own roles in creating the situation.

Can’t wait for the update...

The wife’s update is on there from ipm early this morning. Don’t want to give it away but really want someone else to listen to it!

I was gripped by this, where can I find the update please?

Listening to it just now. Good grief.