Will it be porridge or curtains for Knob? Await a sensible and sensitive ending to That Storyline on The Archers thread.

[PseudoBadger]

Threads are moving so fast! Will this thread be here to welcome SOK?

Thank you so much for filling me in about the Snells! I do not trust this new Grundy brother, but really most of the time I listen to the Archers and it just burbles around in the background and I don't take much notice. Poor Helen doesn't seem at ease with herself. Maybe she wants to be more than she is, but that is a nebulous thing. Perhaps one day she will grow up. Or maybe not.

What Helen is saying and what she is thinking are hopefully two very different things. She is just too bloody stuck up to admit that Kirsty might actually be right about something. I really hope when this is all over she acknowledges how good Kirsty has been to her.

Was it tomorrow that Pat said they would have Henry for the night?

If I truly thought my relationship was wonderful I would be fairly insulted by someone saying I should ring a woman's refuge. I got that umbrage.

I had a best friend who had a secret love affair... she confided in me but I was unhappy, no reason it should be secret, my instincts twitched saying it was wrong. I told other people how I felt about my friend's secret affair (not mutual friends, without naming my BF). BF was deeply hurt when she found out.

After maybe 3 yrs, she admitted I was right & she never should have kept that relationship secret; keeping it secret was a core part of what made it very dysfunctional. I suppose she truly deeply madly loved him, though, so that's why she couldn't see at the time.

I think it's brilliant the way they're showing the denial that is an essential part of domestic violence.

I don't believe Ian would be so totally gone from Helen's life, Kirsty would have guessed that Knob had something to do with their rift and gone and demanded to know what had happened. And told him how much Helen needed her friends.

Let's hope Hellin was telling Kirsty to go in such a typical nasty Hellin manner, because she knew knob might overhear them and would like to see Hellin rejecting Kirsty's 'nonsense'.

I hope Hellin has the sense to memorise and eat the phone number!

Shit will hit the fan tomorrow apparently!

Lynda and robert are a lovely if bizarre couple

Gruach I agree. I think that Helen wanted a father for Henry as much as a husband for herself. On the surface Henry seems to have a good relationship with Rob. He's teaching him to play cricket and to enjoy hunting. Henry called Rob Daddy quite early on, before Helen and Rob married I think. Before Ursula's arrival Rob did most of the school drop offs and pick ups.

Of course in reality Henry is showing signs of stress with the bed wetting, night waking and rough behaviour at school. It's a shame that no one at school has tried to work out what's going on, but I guess that Rob as the sole school contact has been pulling the wool over their eyes too.

It's Helen who Henry seems to like less . Of course Helen doesn't realise that that's because both Rob and Ursula are pushing her out of Henry's life. Although she did say to Rob, "He's not my little boy any more."

Sadly, I suspect that if Helen does leave Rob she will have quite a hard time with Henry who may say that he prefers "Daddy" to her. Rob has often presented himself to Henry as the fun parent.

Kirsty is being a little pushy but I think it's probably what Helen needs. That constant reminder that someone outside of the family thinks something is very wrong, vocalising Helen own internal doubts.

I fear Henwee spilling the beans to Pat will go something like this. (while Helen is absent)
H - I'm going to big boys school like Daddy and I'm going to sleep there. But we mustn't tell Mummy because it's a surpwise for her.
P - Rob, is this true? You're sending Henwee to boarding school?
R - yes, Pat, I'm afraid Helen is far, far worse than we thought. Henwee has to go for his safety and Helen's sanity. But we can't tell Helen yet, I'm sure you understand.
P- well Rob, I've always been opposed to private education, let alone boarding school, especially for a 5 year old - but of course what you say makes absolute sense - you always know best - shall I go and pack his bags now?

ColdTea its the tea party tomorrow but I can't remember if Henwee is staying over on Saturday

Annie

I can actually hear my heart thumping. Don't like that script at all.

It's very well written. Although listeners may be impatient for a resolution (I know I am) in RL this is realistic. I did the same, carrying on in an awful relationship because I was terrified of my child losing their new stepfather. It took years before I could see that it was doing my child more damage than good. I felt so low that my understanding of my own human rights just faded away and I couldn't see the wood for the trees.

The tea party is tomorrow but Rob won't be there (he's doing deliveries) nor will Tony (he's minding the shop) so it will just be Pat, Ursula, Helen and Henry.

Henry is staying with Pat and Tony on Thursday night and Ursula leaves on Friday. I suspect that Helen will challenge the boarding school plan on Friday before Henry comes back and after Ursula leaves. I suspect that Rob will hit her again. Hopefully she'll then call the number Kirsty gave her and admit to herself and others what is going on.

Although Rob said he wouldn't be going for tea. I think its supposed to be Helen and Arsula.
I think Henwee will spill the beans, then when Pat starts to complain Ursula will criticise Hellin,

Then the fun will begin

Ditto whatEmily says. I think you have it spot on.

I think when H said MY husband she was venting a lot of angst. She finally gets a husband and it turns out she isn't happy. It isn't possible that she picked a wrong 'un. It isn't possible that she is a 'battered wife'.

But I don't think its fair to say she is choosing to let her child stay with an abuser. She believes he is a good father and Henry loves him. I think she suspects Rob is a better parent than her.

This adds to her cognitive dissonance. He's a good dad. I am expecting his baby. Etc. Etc. The father of my childwould not hit a pg woman. Some one with the upbringing I had would never end up in an abusive rs.

And also she mentioned compromise. As I said in pp we are brought up to believe in fault on both sides: meet in the middle. She believes if she changes he will change too.

I think Kirsty should have taken the tack of "don't forget I am here if you need me. no matter what." And then possibly mentioned "there are people you can call if you need to talk".

But she must he careful not to bully Helen nor to rush her.

I think that scene was very cleverly written. There were definitely elements of Helen being Helen and refusing to admit that she was wrong about the wondrousness of Rob, and also feeling that domestic abuse is just not something that happens to People Like Us. But it was also very true to the emotional abuse pattern where Rob has led her to believe that his behaviour is normal and indeed that if anything he's being a total saint putting up with her. It was awful hearing her suggest that being hit and raped was just part of the ups and downs of marriage, but underneath it all this is the woman who was utterly desperate to see Kirsty when she was at her lowest ebb, and she'll go back to her when realisation hits.

Yes, but I do think Kirsty fluffed it a bit by allowing Helen to think that she had broken her promise. Surely, Kirsty would be better off building trust, exemplifying to Helen what a normal happy life being with your friends looks like (as Helen glimpsed that life when she was chatting to Fallon in the cafe last week), and reinforcing she was there if Helen needs help. All Kirsty's research could come into play when Helen opens up.

But maybe the SW will bypass all that and we'll have a scene soon where Helen dials the number, says something dramatic, then cue theme music....

Exactly 3D

Yes, Kirsty got a bit too pushy, I think. She could have said something like "here's a number I found, if you're worried about what's happening in any way, they are anonymous and you can talk to them and get an unbiased opinion." I might have suggested that it's not right for people to come to blows and at the very least they need relationship counselling.

Then again that's probably too softly softly and maybe Helen actually needs to hear it being said out loud, even if she's not in a place to listen yet.

i worked with victims of dv (police) for 8 years. hardly anyone in the early stages want to recognise themselves as a victim. they don't want to admit it to themselves, it's a very emotive phrase because there are so many negative connotations (battered wife, why won't she leave, doormat) but also the very distressing truth that someone you loved and trusted has betrayed that trust. women feel stupid, as if for some reason they have been fools, are ashamed to admit what has happened both to their families but more fundamentally to themselves. If i say it's happened then it's true and i can't bear for it to be true. people are desperate to believe that it won't happen again, that it was their fault, it was someing that they did and that the behaviour will stop if they modify their behaviour - because the truth is so awful to admit

the man i loved, trusted, had children with, let into my life is a wanker who controls and abuses me

Agree it's totally realistic that Helen doesn't want to 'hear' kirsty, but her protestations sound unconvincing. The penny is wobbling even if it hasn't dropped yet.

I hope that kirstys words resonate with Helen next time something happens and she allows herself to acknowledge what's really going on.

I think Hellin"s conversation with Kirsty was all about her not acknowledging the abuse and/ or covering it up from the outside world. I think a lot of women in that situation do the same thing. But it did sound like the pre Knob Hellin , in fact it reminded me of how she was with Greg ( I think that was the name of the very depressed gamekeeper about 15 years ago ) ie pretending all was fine when in fact it was the very opposite.

One of things Helen said in response to Kirsty was that marriage sometimes involve compromise. It would be interesting to hear Helen give an example where she and Rob have compromised...

Maybe she could say they share the decision-making process: Rob makes the decisions and she carries them out.

Very glad Hellin took the help line number. Well as long as Knob doesn't find it of course

Are you sure she took the number - if so, was it just a convenient way of closing down the discussion before Rob emerged?