Is that a ferret in your (Gr)undies or are you just pleased to see me? Discuss The Archers vermin (so many possibilities!) here.

[PseudoBadger]

I'm not sure that ferrets cannot through a thumb sized hole - rats can, and mice can fit through a pen sized hole. But I know the SWs will have researched such a statement carefully

I think the fling will turn out to have been with an Ambridgee.

And wtf does she want the evil swine back anyway?

As for Kate, she did abandon Phiebe so she has form and she is veing denied contact with the other 2 isn't she? Which everyone seems to think serves her right that wouldn't fly wrll on MN.
But you'd think she'd ask P how they are.

I think the fling will turn out to have been with an Ambridgee.

Such as Alistair?

One way or another Ethan is going to become an Archer/Hebden-LLoyd. I can feel it in my water.

Zero I think it is absolutely in character for Kate NOT to be grief stricken about her SA kids.

I have LA'd. Listening to H and R makes me never want to be in a relationship again! They are both dull and together get duller. She talks to him like he's 8. Did we like the 'wear any dress you like' line. Is this supposed to be a turning point? He's ok now Jess is off his back? I suppose being round a wired person makes you act in a strange way.

Yes. But there was so much weirdness last night it would take all day to talk about.

Not only was Helen "allowed" to wear any dress she liked but she and Henry were being taken out purely because Helen had suggested her dad might join them for dinner.

WWJD? (What will Jess do?)

Oh, I think we have to be prepared for EE On The Am for the foreseeable future.

Every birth, marriage and death outside the Very First Family will be accompanied by trauma, crisis and barely comprehensible complications.

I don't think they were being taken out solely because of the suggestion that Tony join them. It was obvious that Rob was feeling extremely cheerful as a result of a very successful bullying session with Jess. Revolting man.

I don't get why this suddenly removes a barrier to divorce. They didn't even know about the pregnancy until a very late stage, so there was no reason why the divorce couldn't have gone through before then. And, even if it had been Rob's child, there was no good reason for it preventing a divorce afterwards - if anything, if he was so sure of his innocence it would have made sense to demonstrate that he had nothing to hide by going through with the divorce and wedding. So if Helen really buys it as an excuse, she really is shutting out the truth.

I fear that what we're heading for is another big wedding storyline, Helen stressing out about making everything perfect, Rob telling her she has so much on her plate with preparing for it that she can't possibly work in the shop, all culminating in another wedding with a "Will they go through it or not?" climax. It's a given in TV soaps that no wedding will ever be straightforward, and it's a real pity if SOC has fallen into that mindset for TA.

and it will be a Xmas wedding don't forget. And someone will have to die whenever there is a birth. And one set of siblings have to be arguing/sleeping with the others spouse

Oooh yes - I like the thought of Rob's brother turning up and catching Helens eye!

There's a new face I would welcome.

Will Rob's parents be at the wedding and what complications will that bring?

Oh it was all very very strange. I was expecting the convo with Jess to be her telling him that he was in trouble now that the paternity test was positive (i.e. proof that he had forged the letter).

I really wasn't expecting it to be TRUE that he was not the father. However I don't think that Rob was either (I'm not holding out for an infertility storyline). He was shit scared and has been very very lucky. Alternatively, I think that the SWs may have changed their mind about this storyline after they started it.

It was interesting how he was truly vile to Jess and got her all worked up and then went out of his way to tell Helen that Jess had been "civil" and it was almost a pleasant conversation. I just can't get my head round why it doesn't go like this:

"Jess, we were happy together once but we grew apart (and/or "I fell in love with Helen") and I don't want to be in a relationship with you any more. I am sorry that we slept together when we did, that was a weak and stupid thing for me to do and I know that you wanted the baby to be mine but he isn't and you need to move on and let me move on too. I wish you and Ethan all the best."

It gave me the sense that Jess must have done something in the past that was truly awful and deserving of such terrible treatment. I suppose that is what Helen is supposed to think too, when in fact Rob is just an evil, nasty man who enjoys bullying women. (are we meant to blame his mother for that?)

Ref. the Fairbrethren if SOC is trying to redress the male\female balance in Amb. (and it does look as if he is) where's Ifti???

Why not bring back someone we all know ,a lovely, sexy straight cricketer man who'd be perfect for Lizzie.

I can just about stomach the fair brethren but no brotherly love triangle

And yes to ifti. Aren't we a bit short on ethnic minorities? He seemed a believable character too.

And what has happened to Freddie and his short lived rebellion?

I thought that the paternity dispute was a problem in the divorce ici. The Courts wouldn't grant a divorce until the money side of maintenance was resolved. Now that it's proved that that Ethan isn't Rob's then that is no longer a stumbling block.
Oh, hang on! Actually, it's a double whammy for Rob. I think that if you are divorcing for separation then you have to wait for two years to be up and we are not there yet. However, this paternity test has actually given Rob proof of Jess' adultery so he can go immediately on those grounds instead.

My first instinct is to think that the Hell/Rob wedding will never happen but it would be ridiculous for both Helen and Tom to fail to make it to the altar.

Rob's going to want to get married in secret because of his alleged estrangement from his family. Helen's going to want the full-on version.

Infertility storyline could be good in that he could blame her and say the anorexia caused it. Or he has secretly had the snip and never reveals that.

I'm wondering if when she puts on 'whatever dress she wants' will it be a bit tight due to all the pudding eating and that will set her off again.

It would have been too simple if it had been his baby and too obvious.

Following on from another weirdness last night - perhaps, if Jess should cease to be, Ursula might want to claim Ethan? That would put Rob's nose well out of joint.

How will anyone ever know who the father is if anything happens to Jess? Unless she keeps a diary.

Oh God, Charlie Thomas is going to be the father, isn't he...?

Lucky, lucky Helen getting to choose whatever dress she wanted to wear. She really is in a dream relationship.

We have actually heard Rob's mother haven't we? Didn't she call once and was surprised to hear H pick up the phone? Do we have any proof that she's this awful harridan? (Am working on the basis that he never did invite them to dinner that time...)

Yes, Rob's mother did call. One of many irritations is that that has never been followed, despite her having allegedly become a doting grandmother. Surely she'd have been in touch with Rob to push him to deal with maintenance and have some contact with his child? I appreciate that that could all have been happening in the 23 hours 47 minutes of the day when we don't get to listen in, but surely it should still have been mentioned?

Just LA - thought I was listening to EastEnders, they should have had the EE drums at the end. Clearly Knob and Hellin will make it to the altar only for Jess to turn up at the lawful impediment moment. Hate it at the moment - just had a week away and was looking forward to a long catch up with a pile of ironing (small pleasures) but it all just feels so disjointed at the moment with lots of random bits of plot and pantomime characters. Jess was in Ambridge long enough for us to have seen some signs of lunacy so her behaviour now seems too out of the blue to be believable.

Rob substituted bull semen from his AI suppliers

It gave me the sense that Jess must have done something in the past that was truly awful and deserving of such terrible treatment.

Yes - she stopped being the happy woman he married (for some unknown reason), but then worse than that she rebelled against her lord and master.

I think Rob was delaying on the divorce because if the baby had turned out to be his - which it might have done - then he'd have demanded his property parental rights, culminating in driving Jess into such a state that he gained custody.

I don't think semen is provided for a paternity test. It's presumably a DNA matching test that simply requires a mouth swab from both the child and the putative parent.