A mistake (?) which I cannot rectify

[toja555]

This belongs to ?Property? subject but it is more about how I feel. I am not sure if anyone will be able to give an advice.
I am currently renting. About 6 months ago I started looking to buy, it was a good time to look actually. The first 2 bed maisonette I saw was not ideal, but affordable and liveable as it is. And, most importantly, I liked it. Would have been a good start to our family. My husband somehow didn?t like it, though, although he could not explain why. For that reason I followed my instincts and put an offer, which got accepted. I started proceeding, ordered the most expensive building survey and called a specialist to check electricity and heating. And then when, I think, everything went wrong: 1) building survey picked up some points, which, I though was bad, but as I later realised, it was normal, just I was inexperienced and scared 2) a specialist told that electricity and heating is old and could need replacement (4-5k) any time 3) husband kept repeating that he does not like the flat 4) I saw a house on the market (not a flat anymore), which was within our very max budget. Then what I did: with shaking voice I pulled out from the flat I was in a process to buy and already spent 1.2k on. Then we viewed the house, liked it, put our max offer? and the next some else appeared and put a higher offer! We could not do anything. We came back to the square one.

We were looking further. I got spare 10k from somewhere and so increased our max budget. During that time, the same flat tried to come back to us ? the seller firstly suggested that they will do some work so that we still buy it. I offered much lower price instead which they disagreed. I had a lot of grief in my mind that I disappointed these good people without a clear reason but the idea that now we increased our budget and can look for a house kept me not to look back. About 2 months ago we saw a new house in the market which we liked, offered and offer got accepted. Not to mentioned that I am very much on the edge of my financial possibilities. We started proceeding. Now the survey and solicitor picks up various things which are not good about the house. Maybe I could negotiate the price down, but I have no energy left. I am just going with the flow. Maybe I will be happy when I move in.. it is a nice house, the only one affordable in my area, at the end of the day it is a house! But inside myself I feel no joy. I should have bought that very first flat. I want to move on, but I just can?t. I know sounds stupid, but maybe it was meant for me and I missed it and it feels that all my life went wrong from that point. I also blame my husband for discouraging me from the flat.

I hope I will be happy in the house?Everyone should be happy buying a house?
Sorry for the long post.

Don't worry - this is absolutely normal 'post-enormous purchase anxiety'. Just the same as the lady with the tile anxiety in another thread. I bought my house and then went over there again and stood in tears in the road outside thinking, "I've made a terrible mistake." As soon as I moved in, I loved the house again.

You're about to buy a lovely house - it will be fine, and you were quite right not to worry about sacrificing the 1.2k in order to buy the house now, rather than stick with the flat and then find yourself buying a house later.

paragraphs would help.....

I certainly wouldn't be buying a house just because it was the only one I could afford - why not save up for a bit longer so you can afford one you like. I also cannot imagine proceeding with a purchase of a flat which my dp was nto totally comfortable with?

toja, buying a property is one of the most stressful life events for anyone. So don't panic!

Do not worry about the first flat, nothing that goes wrong or right in your life from now on has anything to do with you not buying that flat.

To talk tough to you: you could not/should not have bought the first flat anyway...if your husband didn't like it. You both have to live there you both have to like it and it's not always easy to explain why you love or hate a place...it's just the way you feel.

Is a house better than a flat for you? Do you have children?

If you both still like this latest house then go for it. If the faults found in the survey are major then of course you should try to negotiate the price down. That's what everyone does.

Don't look back, look forward. Good luck!

Actually, I agree with motn. Toughness is called for.

Toja, you didn't buy the first flat because your husband didn't like it. You were right not to buy it.

You both like the second house. You can afford it. So you are right to buy it.

Stop wittering about how you should have bought a place your husband hated.

did similar thing buying our house. It's not my ideal house, not a forever house but it's a box we made homely to keep us all in until a bit later in life.
Once you've done all the hideous legal money things and planned your colour schemes it will be fantastic

lal123, sorry I am on Mumsnet only the second day. Will try to paragraph my post in a better way.

Maybe I expressed myself not clear enough - we are buying the house because we love it - but also it is true that it was the only one we loved and we could afford! If this was the first property I viewed, probably I would have no doubts.... And i am not having doubts about the house itself, but about my choice, that maybe that flat was meant for me... why it kept coming to me?

My husband is sometimes funny as men are - and I am sure as we moved in probably he would have been fine.

I have no feelings for the house left.. it is ok, and it should be fine to live. I have some anxiety though... that it will collapse, will broke down, something bad will happen. Maybe it is my character's, and not the house's fault...

GrendelsMum, one of the reasons why I pulled out was that I thought it was too much too invest for a short period of time, because I was hoping to sell the flat after 3 years and buy a house, but was not sure if my investment would have returned in the current climate. On the other hand, nobody can guarantee that I will live in the house all my life...

You can't buy somewhere your dh doesn't even like ,yet you chose to waste money pursuing it. Similarly if you really dislike the house don't go ahead and look again, it is a buyer's market.

However you're in danger of not buying anywhere if you keep on like this. Either accept that every property will have its limitations and faults, that you maybe have unrealistic expectations or continue to rent. Why are you responsible for all the legwork and not sharing it with dh ?

Thanks girls. I REALLY needed this kick in to my a..!

LIZS, first of all my husband says the same - when I get terrified that a house has faults, he says very few will not have faults - at the end of the day we are buying an old Victorian house.

The reason my husband is not helping is because I am buying on my own - it is my deposit and my mortgage, my husband (DH as you say) is unemployed at the moment. We have a son 1 year old and he is looking after him.

DH also says that it is in my character that I can't enjoy what I buy. I again repeat that I like the house we are buying, it was just that feeling that bothered me so much regarding the first flat. I understand that DH has to like the flat as well, but he could not reason it at the time, and I was left confused - i thought he will move in and he will be fine.

But as you all say I should not be thinking back. I should be thinking forward.. It is not a mistake, it is not a mistake! I should not have offered for that flat at the first place. Omg... I need to believe what I am saying here.

The house is lovely, 2 bedroom with spacious corridor (rare for Victorians), conservatory and west-facing garden. Needs a bit of doing but I love DIY myself.

toja darling, the new house sounds gorgeous. Your one year old will soon be whizzing around that garden...- much better than a flat.

Think yourself lucky you DIDN'T buy the flat!

You daft sausage. You're buying a 2 bed house with a conservatory and west-facing garden, and you think it's going to be anything other than lovely???

toja - think of your ds - he will be so much happier in a house with a garden than a flat.
I have a house I love but am selling as it has no garden - I don't want one but my one year old ds very soon will so I am moving because it will be better for him.
i am sure you are doing the right thing, forget about your flat - oh and don't worry about paragraphs either!! -

Toja - I would agree that the house sounds much better than the flat, specially with your 1 Year old.

Every property that you move to will have things to be done with it and full surveys have to say something to justify their price!!
In saying that, if the survey did bring something up then that is a tool to negotiate with, use it and try and get some money off, you can then use this extra cash as a decorating fund to make the house your home with your own colours and ideas.

We moved last year from a flat in London which we loved when there was just the two of us, to a house with a garden in Scotland, we have 2.5yr and 9mnth DS's. So much more space for all of us, the grass is a marshland (but very green, with all this rain!!!) but when we can we get out there we love it.

Good luck with your decision.

Yeah.. thanks for your thoughts. Well that flat (maisonette) had a garden - it was a big shared garden with a downstairs maisonette. Maybe not as good as a private garden, but there was a space to hang clothes and play ball with the child.

I am afraid I have no power in my mind to negotiate the price off because of some things, because.. the house is through the same agency as the flat. For the flat, I negotiated the price off very hardly (and still did not buy in the end) and I feel kind of embarrassed to do that again! The main faults of the house are past movement (not progressive), absent building permissions for some structural alterations that was done long years ago (before even the current owners) and non valid damp proof guarantee (meant to be valid for another 11 years, but the company got dissolved). None of this actually requires any remedial costs, so i am not sure whether i have even to start negotiating...

The house is here: look here

And the flat was here: http://www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-24677918.html?locationIdentifier=OUTCODE^2326& sortByPriceDescending=true&minBedrooms=2&minPrice=150000&maxPrice=170000&savedSearchId=4373417&inclu deSSTC=true&includeSSTC=on&pageNumber=2&backToListURL=%2Fproperty-for-sale%2Ffind.html%3FlocationId entifier%3DOUTCODE%255E2326%26sortByPriceDescending%3Dtrue%26minBedrooms%3D2%26minPrice%3D150000%26m axPrice%3D170000%26savedSearchId%3D4373417%26includeSSTC%3Dtrue%26includeSSTC%3Don%26index%3D10 look here

House is far nicer imho. You can get an indemnity policy for the alterations if needs be, not all guarantees are transferrable anyway.

Why does your husband have no say just because he's the one looking after your (mutual your) child? That's completely unfair. I hope you realise that no matter who put in the cash or got the mortgage, he has a right to ownership because he is married to you. Re the house, looks as if you might be able to do a loft conversion in future to make it three beds, which you couldn't with a flat.

Indemnity insurance can be bought by seller to cover lack of planning permission, but doesn't apply if you talk to council. Not a bad house!

Oh, I did not know about indemnity insurance and my solicitor has not told me
Today I threw all documents that I had related with the flat, and my heart nearly melted . I still feel for it (how long does it take to get over the first "love"?) Then each fault of the current house nails me to the wall. I will try to call it "buying a house" anxiety to make it easier for me...

Another thought that makes me mad, is the question if I will be able to get my child in a proper school in 3 years time?
I think it would have been easier and cheaper to sell a maisonette and look to buy elsewhere if we didn't get in the right school. Selling a house could be much more complicated and more expensive, and take longer. Omg, I am again torturing myself.

Actually a maisonette can be more difficult to shift (hence why it probably came back onto the market) - issues over freehold, permissions, shared maintenance and utilities complicate it. Costwise not much in it, fees largely based on selling price unless the solicitor has to hunt for the various paperwork (again more likely on maisonette)Direct access to garden is a huge sellign point. If you are so worried about buying in the wrong area for schools why buy there at all, you can't rely on the market havign piacked up enough either way to enable you the same freedom as renting. Do you know the local area and schools or done any research?

Yes LIZS, I have done research and there are a couple of good schools but it is not granted that we will get there... (nobody can predict that unless all schools around are good).
That maisonette had a 100% through a company and direct access to the garden too For the house you have to pay a stamp duty, so it's at least 2k more expensive buying procedure.

Then you can't do much more until the time comes.

Not sure what you mean by 100% on maisonette, a good solictor would require checks on all the paperwork relating to freehold/leasehold, the shared areas etc whether the info in a HIP clarified it or not. I see what you mean re Stamp Duty but who knows how things might change either in property prices or rates of duty and thresholds over the next few years. The debate really isn't worth the angst you are giving yourself.