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Original poster

Buy alone or sit tight? Feeling a bit emotional

39 replies

Travelinshow · 22/06/2026 06:47

Ive been going out with my boyfriend for a year now, and its the best relationship Ive been in. It feels great. We are late 30s/early 40s
The issue is he has a lifetime tenancy (council) and I want to buy. We've flip flopped on this with a few different permutations a couple of times now, but ultimately I think the best solution is I buy alone, for quite a few reasons, and for reasons that are probably best for both of us.
But I feel really sad about the prospect of not living with him, as does he :(
We live quite a long way apart (but have in fact spent a good few back to back weeks "living" together if that makes sense).

I guess I'm just looking for reassurance that I should crack on? Or should I move in with him and hold back for a year and see whether we end up buying together next year?
Any thoughts welcome!

OP posts:
Shrinkhole · 22/06/2026 06:50

If you buy you can always rent your place out and move in with him can’t you? That way you have security of things go wrong

Original poster
Travelinshow · 22/06/2026 06:52

Thats true, I could do that. Im in the process of looking at houses now and have seen one I would like tp make an offer on, I have an agreement in principle but not sure how it works with renting somewhere out - I thought you had to live in a house for a certain amount of time first?

OP posts:
anon12345anon · 22/06/2026 06:52

100000% buy the house on your own.
It doesn't mean the end of your relationship.
Ensure you protect yourself with the house (if you you do move in together eventually)....

Good luck! Exciting times!

concertinacornflake · 22/06/2026 06:55

He would be very foolish to give up a secure tenancy for a relationship of only a year.

If you're keen to buy then you should buy alone, it's very early days and you would risk making him homeless if you force him to give up his secure home just to experiment with living together.

In his shoes, I'd not leave and I think you're being a little unfair to be applying pressure so early.

RoseField1 · 22/06/2026 06:55

Travelinshow · 22/06/2026 06:52

Thats true, I could do that. Im in the process of looking at houses now and have seen one I would like tp make an offer on, I have an agreement in principle but not sure how it works with renting somewhere out - I thought you had to live in a house for a certain amount of time first?

Yes, 6 months I think?
He absolutely shouldn't give up his tenancy to move in with you at this early stage. Maybe in 5 years when you're committed and married and he can buy in to the property - but do check you know his financial situation as if you can't marry him and he can't financially share the burden and responsibility of the mortgage because he's a low earner for example then you shouldn't.

Original poster
Travelinshow · 22/06/2026 06:58

I absolutely agree with your points on him not giving up his tenancy, and I have been the one continuously pointing this out to him.
My question was about whether I should buy at all this year

OP posts:
Daffydoll · 22/06/2026 07:13

Are you renting yourself at the moment?

SparklySparkle · 22/06/2026 07:15

If he has savings then both of you buy a house together. Council houses should be temporary for those in need.

BelleHathNoFury · 22/06/2026 07:15

I would buy but, rather than rent it out with all the problems that entails, I'd look at getting a lodger. Tax free income and your house will be waiting for you if you need to return or you and bf want to live there.

concertinacornflake · 22/06/2026 07:17

SparklySparkle · 22/06/2026 07:15

If he has savings then both of you buy a house together. Council houses should be temporary for those in need.

Nope.

We need more secure tenancies, not to downgrade the tenancies we have.

This country was so much stronger and cohesive when we had more secure social housing.

concertinacornflake · 22/06/2026 07:19

Travelinshow · 22/06/2026 06:58

I absolutely agree with your points on him not giving up his tenancy, and I have been the one continuously pointing this out to him.
My question was about whether I should buy at all this year

Yes why not buy near to him and you can see where you are in a couple of years.

Or are you wanting him to leave his area too?

It just feels like there's a lot of rushing from you?

Original poster
Travelinshow · 22/06/2026 07:21

Buying near him wouldnt make sense for me if anything went wrong.

Just as I wouldnt want him to give up a lifetime tenancy for the relationship at this stage, I also dont think its wise to buy a house at the opposite end of the country for the relationship either...

OP posts:
MsGreying · 22/06/2026 07:22

Travelinshow · 22/06/2026 06:58

I absolutely agree with your points on him not giving up his tenancy, and I have been the one continuously pointing this out to him.
My question was about whether I should buy at all this year

You've only been with him a year.
Buy yourself. Be independent of him.
It's a red flag you wanting to rush things.

AImportantMermaid · 22/06/2026 07:26

But your own place. You know for certain he is going to live and die in the house he lives in now, and you already know you probably don’t want to live there. If things change then at least you still have your asset to rent out or sell.

Itsmeanttobesummer · 22/06/2026 07:26

Why are you wanting to buy a house with someone you’ve only known for a year? That’s no time at all, far too early to be thinking about that big a commitment IMO.

I would buy on your own, live in it for 6 months or however long you have to live in it before you can rent it out and then move in with him and then you’ve always got your safety net should things go badly wrong.

BelleHathNoFury · 22/06/2026 07:28

It's a red flag you wanting to rush things.

Oh give over!

OP - how far apart do you live? Do either of you have kids? Do you want them together?

sesquipedalian · 22/06/2026 07:28

OP, you both need to secure your futures. He needs to hang on to his tenancy, and you need to buy somewhere for yourself. If your relationship doesn’t work out, you’ve both got a fallback position, and if it’s all good, you can let out your house until you have both decided what you want to do. You both need to be financially prudent because none of us know what the future may hold.

Original poster
Travelinshow · 22/06/2026 07:30

Actually he was the one pushing for us to buy together.
I put the brakes on it as he has no savings and a lifetime tenancy...

OP posts:
Original poster
Travelinshow · 22/06/2026 07:31

BelleHathNoFury · 22/06/2026 07:28

It's a red flag you wanting to rush things.

Oh give over!

OP - how far apart do you live? Do either of you have kids? Do you want them together?

Opposite ends of the country! No kids, neither of us want them

OP posts:
HolyCrepe · 22/06/2026 07:34

Shrinkhole · 22/06/2026 06:50

If you buy you can always rent your place out and move in with him can’t you? That way you have security of things go wrong

There's no guarantee that the tenants will move out at a convenient time, though. They might stay for years!

Ilikewinter · 22/06/2026 07:38

Buy your own home but make sure you properly look into being a landlord before you make that decision.

Tortephant · 22/06/2026 07:39

You get on and buy OP. That’s what’s in your best interest. View lots and look, there is no rush, when you find the right property circumstances may have changed anyway. You have nothing to lose here and time as well

Advocodo · 22/06/2026 08:02

Could you not buy his property under right to buy in the future?

RoseField1 · 22/06/2026 08:13

Advocodo · 22/06/2026 08:02

Could you not buy his property under right to buy in the future?

Um no! That's not how right to buy works...

Emmasblackboard · 22/06/2026 08:48

Ilikewinter · 22/06/2026 07:38

Buy your own home but make sure you properly look into being a landlord before you make that decision.

Yes this! Especially with the new renters’ rights act. If you are buying to let in the future you need to make sure properties you look at are suitable - correct EPC rating and so on. Be aware you probably wouldn’t be able to go on your boyfriend’s tenancy in future if you own a property, though you could move in with him obviously.
I had a similar situation, my partner was keen to move in with me but I was wary of him giving up his tenancy since he’d been paying rent on a family home for 26 years. In the end he did a homeswap - initially to downsize but moved areas too.
In your shoes right now, I would start looking just for you - don’t think about renting out - and see where that takes you. If you feel you’d want to let it, talk to a letting agent now for advice on the best property (try an estate agent that also has a letting side). I think you may end up with a compromise all round though.

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