Buy alone or sit tight? Feeling a bit emotional

[Travelinshow]

Ive been going out with my boyfriend for a year now, and its the best relationship Ive been in. It feels great. We are late 30s/early 40s
The issue is he has a lifetime tenancy (council) and I want to buy. We've flip flopped on this with a few different permutations a couple of times now, but ultimately I think the best solution is I buy alone, for quite a few reasons, and for reasons that are probably best for both of us.
But I feel really sad about the prospect of not living with him, as does he :(
We live quite a long way apart (but have in fact spent a good few back to back weeks "living" together if that makes sense).

I guess I'm just looking for reassurance that I should crack on? Or should I move in with him and hold back for a year and see whether we end up buying together next year?
Any thoughts welcome!

I really wouldn't rush into buying, both from a personal point of you, while you wait to see whether you want to be in this relationship long term and from a general economic perspective. We are already seeing a downturn in the housing market, which may well worsen and that could put you in a bad situation as a FTB (I'm assuming you are a FTB from your post). If you do buy where you live now and the relationship works out very well, what would you do? Would he give up the tenancy and move to be with you or would you sell or consider renting? As others have said, if you are even considering becoming a LL, please look into it very carefully. Many LLs are selling at present for several reasons.

Dating for 1 year in a long distance relationship is not a long relationship. It's too early to combine finances. You don't know him properly, even if you think you do.

Buy your own property alone. Secure your longer term personal financial position.

Live in your new home and continue your long distance relationship as you have been for the last 12 months.

At some point in the future if you decided to move in with him you could rent out your home so it's still there for you and an investment for your future.

Be wary of a man in his 40s with no savings and no property other than a council house. I would suggest not marrying or combining finances unless he can equally financially contribute. There is currently a big mismatch here (what does he do with his money?). Him wanting to buy with you when he has no deposit to contribute is also concerning.

Buy your own house Op and live in it. As a landlord my advice would be NOT to rent it out. You probably will not have a BTL mortgage so would need permission from your lender and also being a ll these days is not for the faint hearted.

The days of being an accidental ll are over - even if you hand it over to an agent. It’s no longer a passive income - and of course it shouldn’t be. It’s a lot more regulated, as it should be, and you need to know ALL the regulations even if it was managed by an agent.

As an aside whilst a secure council tenancy is great it also has its downsides too and doesn’t allow for any mobility as we see here. Your dp is now “stuck” in his property as it’s too good to give up so can’t move to be closer to you, well he can but… I’m not saying the PRS is better but people can become trapped by their council homes which could stop them from taking a promotion/job in another city far from home. Families not so much but more applicable to single people.

And lastly why was he pushing to buy if he has no savings? Are you expected to front up all the deposit and buying expenses?

Oh! That changes things. Be very very careful with this one.

I totally agree.
Also, why does a single man with no children of 40ish have no savings at all, especially with generally lower rent? How is he managed to acquire a council house (nearly impossible for a single, young man)?

You think now is a bad time for FTBs?

Are you expected to front up all the deposit and buying expenses?

Essentially! Which is one of the reasons I baulked

I do but it will obviously depend where you are buying, what sort of home, etc. If you want to buy, consider looking at Fred Harrison. He has a number of videos on YT and also MovingHomewithCharlie on X/twitter and YT.

That was wise of you!

How many times have you actually seen each other in the 12 months?

If this is how you feel you are miles away from being ready to buy together.

So just buy your own place and carry on with the LDR.

This relationship has 'future financial mess' written all over it.

If someone has enough savings to buy a house then they should do so. Council houses should be for those in need.

This would be unforceable and rightly so. We need more social housing - when we had more social housing there was greater cohesion and greater economic resilience, plus lower benefit costs falling to the taxpayer.

Ready access to social housing rather than private rentals helps with social mobility and general economic mobility.

Many people would opt to buy due to the financial benefit of owning.

This obsession with restricting social housing makes the country weaker in a myriad of ways.

The most practical solution is to buy your own home and look for a boyfriend in your area, not one who lives at the other end of the country! The vast majority of relationships don't go on to be decades of happiness, and most people have feet of clay*, so why tie yourself in knots trying to make things fit.

*Source: The University of Life