How to be happy in a less-than house/ neighbourhood?

[BeHappyHazelCat]

Hello Mumsnet,

I’m looking for some tips, both in terms of:

1. Changing my own mindset; and
2. Improving my situation.

I think with my family in a house in a neighbourhood which is fine - just okay. I really thought I would be bringing up my children somewhere with less rubbish/ dog poo, a bigger garden (we have a patio garden), and generally just prettier and nicer.

Basically, I’m not completely happy with the house or location but we cannot afford to move for the next 10-15 years. We have done the maths and hope to move one day, but it just isn’t realistic with our current salaries/ young children.

I know I am very lucky to have a home, so please don’t just comment to tell me this! What I am looking for is ways to improve my time here. I think my own mindset needs some changing!

Do you have any tips? Any ideas welcome. I want to feel happy in my home and proud of my local area.

Thank you for any ideas.

Make the best of your own home. Look at it as though you were buying it fresh, is the front and back clean and tidy? Make it as nice and uncluttered as you can inside, and bear in mind that a house like yours could cost around £500,000 in London!

When you say you “can’t move”, why?

Thank you - this is really helpful. I’ve already done some decluttering and feel quite positive about it.

A multitude of reasons, all which we have thought through a great deal. It is not an option at present.

I would really love any tips you have specifically about staying in this house/ area. Thank you!

My advice is not to allow yourself to be stuck in/with something you aren’t happy with for 10-15 years. You may have discussed it at length, I struggle to believe there really are no alternatives. It may be the best option for you, if it truly was then you would be content with that and not on here.

Look how much it would cost to move to a nicer area (stamp duty, extra value of house and moving costs). Then imagine how many holidays you could have, or his that money could help your kids get their first house.

If I were you I'd start a community project to clean the place up, like a dog poo picking day. Usually, if one local takes it upon themselves to start something,.you find there are lots willing to join in. Even if your immediate area like your own street looks better it can really improve your mindset. Good luck.

Lovely ideas Rollercoaster1920 and Crucible, thank you 🙏🏻

I live in a very poor dirty area in New York City. I have filled the front steps of my house with flower pots. I thought that they would get vandalized but they haven’t! And I think they have made me friends in the neighborhood. I think a row of exuberant plants makes a difference

Also there’s something to be said by not judging a book by its cover in terms of your neighbours… see if you can make make some connections with people who live nearby (even people for eg in the older generation) as that will help you feel more at home and it might surprise you how much you will have in common.

Glad that was an okay suggestion (I appreciate starting with a poop pick up.might not be the most edifying suggestion, however you will often find others hate it too and just want someone else to lead the charge. And in the long run people leave poop where people leave poop. I hope that makes sense. If it's clean and tidy with bins for disposal you'll find it can help it stay that way). Can you tell I have two dogs?🤔

Also, a community garden, of any size, can help with cohesion and feeling a lot better about where you live. 3 herb boxes is a start!

You'll be okay, I know lots of other responses will be pushing a move but I really understand not being able to do that.

The grass is greener where you water it
Much love. Crucible.

Glad that was an okay suggestion (I appreciate starting with a poop pick up.might not be the most edifying suggestion, however you will often find others hate it too and just want someone else to lead the charge. And in the long run people leave poop where people leave poop. I hope that makes sense. If it's clean and tidy with bins for disposal you'll find it can help it stay that way). Can you tell I have two dogs?🤔

Also, a community garden, of any size, can help with cohesion and feeling a lot better about where you live. 3 herb boxes is a start!

You'll be okay, I know lots of other responses will be pushing a move but I really understand not being able to do that.

The grass is greener where you water it
Much love. Crucible.

Glad that was an okay suggestion (I appreciate starting with a poop pick up.might not be the most edifying suggestion, however you will often find others hate it too and just want someone else to lead the charge. And in the long run people leave poop where people leave poop. I hope that makes sense. If it's clean and tidy with bins for disposal you'll find it can help it stay that way). Can you tell I have two dogs?🤔

Also, a community garden, of any size, can help with cohesion and feeling a lot better about where you live. 3 herb boxes is a start!

You'll be okay, I know lots of other responses will be pushing a move but I really understand not being able to do that.

The grass is greener where you water it
Much love. Crucible.

Glad that was an okay suggestion (I appreciate starting with a poop pick up.might not be the most edifying suggestion, however you will often find others hate it too and just want someone else to lead the charge. And in the long run people leave poop where people leave poop. I hope that makes sense. If it's clean and tidy with bins for disposal you'll find it can help it stay that way). Can you tell I have two dogs?🤔

Also, a community garden, of any size, can help with cohesion and feeling a lot better about where you live. 3 herb boxes is a start!

You'll be okay, I know lots of other responses will be pushing a move but I really understand not being able to do that.

The grass is greener where you water it
Much love. Crucible.

Glad that was an okay suggestion (I appreciate starting with a poop pick up.might not be the most edifying suggestion, however you will often find others hate it too and just want someone else to lead the charge. And in the long run people leave poop where people leave poop. I hope that makes sense. If it's clean and tidy with bins for disposal you'll find it can help it stay that way). Can you tell I have two dogs?🤔

Also, a community garden, of any size, can help with cohesion and feeling a lot better about where you live. 3 herb boxes is a start!

You'll be okay, I know lots of other responses will be pushing a move but I really understand not being able to do that.

The grass is greener where you water it
Much love. Crucible.

Glad that was an okay suggestion (I appreciate starting with a poop pick up.might not be the most edifying suggestion, however you will often find others hate it too and just want someone else to lead the charge. And in the long run people leave poop where people leave poop. I hope that makes sense. If it's clean and tidy with bins for disposal you'll find it can help it stay that way). Can you tell I have two dogs?🤔

Also, a community garden, of any size, can help with cohesion and feeling a lot better about where you live. 3 herb boxes is a start!

You'll be okay, I know lots of other responses will be pushing a move but I really understand not being able to do that.

The grass is greener where you water it
Much love. Crucible.

For me it's more important how I feel inside the house. Our last one was in a rougher area but I loved it, was so quiet and everyone looked out for each other. Smaller home and garden, felt safe.

Now in a bigger one with lots of outside space, with a train track nearby which I didn't think would be an issue but it is.

It's so much noisier, neighbours don't talk to you, no sense of community, local shops and supermarkets are the expensive ones. It may be grander but not nicer. Xx

Apologies for multiple posting!

It looks lovely.

That looks amazing!

Tidying up the neighbourhood and becoming part of it is a good idea. We lived with a communal area that was a mess, loads of rubbish just dumped, and no one had responsibility to sort it out and no one fancied doing it. After we left a new person just went in and did it, it transformed the place.

The first place I rented was probably not the most desirable in some respects, in others completely unbeatable. However what made the difference was a landlady who was very community minded and lived next door to three sets of tenants with separate places and she said she would look out at night and could tell we were all tucked up for the night so to her all was well with the world, which was a lovely sentiment.

I think you have to look to the good and to the bits you would miss like going into the room your kid first said Mummy in or had a particular triumph or scrape.

I would also say that you have good reasons for being where you are and you are building on that and moving forwards so this place is serving its purpose and giving you all shelter.

Is there a local park or area of green? Does it have a Friends of? If not could you start one? I do a bit of volunteering with ours, and it's great! It gets you out and stuck into the local community, working on projects to improve our green spaces. Ours does things like planting community gardens, wildflower meadows, mini orchards and there are also regular litter picks. The activities are always child friendly and the kids love getting stuck in and getting their hands dirty. It's brilliant to build local connections and see visible improvements in the area.

I haven't always loved where I live - it's a bit of a dull suburb superficially, but getting involved in local things has built deep roots, and now I love living here.

Could you get an allotment locally where you can put a shed or playhouse, build a little wildlife pond, grow some veggies or strawberries with your children that you can take home and eat. A picnic table, some flowers and it could be like a holiday garden just down the road on summer days. Allotments are great places to meet other local people too.

In your house and yard I'd say go to town with making it your own. Fill it with things you love and that will make you smile every time you look at them. We have used lots of colour in our house and painted the front door a really lovely olive green. Now I'm happy when I put the key in the door.

I hope your house and area end up being your dream house.

A friend of mine took on a 700k mortgage (she could barely afford) a few years ago to move to her dream house, literally just a nice family home in a middle class area of an expensive UK city. Sadly her husband lost his job and did not get another one as well paid, then the interest rates shot up and the resultant financial pressures broke up her marriage and she lost the home. Better a happy, secure family is a less than perfect home than overshooting what you can manage and ending up in the shit.

I would just make the house a project, do a pinretrest board for each room and then thrift what you want, fix up a corner at a time. Make your patio garden pretty and useable in some way. Even things like just planning lovely evenings and weekends at home, nice food, movie and games nights can help you fall in love with the place.

Thank you everyone for these wonderful suggestions - there are so many I can’t respond to each one but please know they are all being taken on board!

I love the sentiment of “the grass is greener where you water it”. We are here for the medium term (at least!) and I want to put my best foot forward.

I am a terrible gardener (!!) but will give it a shot… Those plant pots on your steps Greenfinch7 are great.

I must add that our nearby neighbours are fabulous which is a huge plus. They are as frustrated by the dog poo/ local mess as we are!

I really do appreciate these ideas and will take them on board. Thank you.