Town vs rural large family

[Lilaclight]

I live in a lovely town with DH and five DC aged 5-13. We have a detached 4 bed, 2 parking spaces, no garage. Children walk to school. It’s already been extended so no scope there. We’ve viewed a semi-detached 7 bed in a village 5 miles away. Tons of room for everyone and multiple vehicles, workshop and garage. I’m not fussed about being semi-detached as only one room adjoins next door. Both locations are great but the village doesn’t have any amenities other than a pub and it would mean driving the children to school and my work. However everyone would have their own space. What would you do?

It’s not just going to be driving to school and work though is it.

5x driving to social lives etc.

The eldest in particular will be getting more independent and want to see friends more - is there a bus?

I’d not move DC if that age anywhere where they needed lifts, sorry. Right now you can probably walk to everywhere you need to get to and that will become more valuable to your DC as they gain more freedom.

With the amount of ferrying around my one teen wanted between ages 14-17, I'd have preferred them being walking distance to school and likely friends! Where is space lacking, living or bedrooms? Is there no option for loft conversion for a study or play room bedroom for extra space?

I would be very, very tempted by the idea of having more space for everyone, especially when the children become teenagers. Unless you would be missing out on having friends and family very close by or have to move from very good to not as good schools, I would definitely move for space!

I used to live in a much smaller London property but moved to a more rural commuter town in Surrey and have found it life-changing. Big garden, bedrooms and space for everyone - glorious!

No no no

I only had two kids and I spent every evening and most weekends as a taxi driver.

I think with 5 kids and every single aspect of their life requiring lifts I'd feel panicky just at the thought of it. Walking to school isn't something to underestimate either.

But was the move to a town though complete with all of the local amenities and not to a village where you became a taxi service for your DC?

All good points thank you! There is a bus, need to check out the route times. No space for a loft conversion due to ultra low ridge height, kids have a playroom downstairs currently but it’s sectioned off from the lounge so can’t make it another bedroom. I just want what’s best for the children and I’m struggling to work out whether it’s personal space or independence.

I'd do it. You need to enjoy your home and your space and as they get older having that will be invaluable. What a lifestyle you can create for all of you.
Yes - extra driving, that's a small comprise for the enrichment this new home will give you

Sorry but moving from London to a commuter town is Very Very different from moving from convenience to a rural area with no facilities.
You will need to ferry kids everywhere and they will moan - it’s not just sports activities, it’s going to mooch around town etc. Lots of people move back from even villages with buses back to towns when kids reach their teens.

Do you enjoy driving OP as you’d be doing a lot of it.

I’d stay in town with access to public transport and walking distance to schools

I think in ten years time you might be exhausted by all the driving. I'd find a way to reconfigure your existing house.

Having just moved back into a village with public transport after living more rurally for the last 10 years, and with only 1 child, I would say DO NOT do this unless there is transport from your home that they can access independently! We had a school bus which was a godsend but otherwise there was a LOT of driving about and picking up from things. Particularly as they got older and wanted to stay out later, you have to stay awake and be dressed so you can go and collect them from when they’ve had a night out - this can be quite late! My teenager is now very grateful for being able to jump on a bus or a train into town, or visit friends easily. I can’t even imagine trying to coordinate all this with 5 kids.

As some who lives down a track off a lane, in a small village where the nearest pint of milk is 6 miles away. I would say don’t do it ! This is my idyll and has become the children’s too but I didn’t impose my rural dream upon them until I had taught them all to drive. It’s the big big game changer. We have a village bus Tuesday and Friday.. and it’s a half hour walk. I only had 4 but I can’t imagine working full time and then spending my evenings doing the guide/scout/tennis/Gym club pick ups and then the weekends as they get to 15/16/17 picking up from parties at 11pm or later. Never being able to have a drink at home because you might have to go and pick someone up.

My advice would be stay. Children don’t need their own bedrooms it’s just become a middle class lifestyle choice . Most of us boomers managed perfectly adequate lives sharing a room with our siblings.

Of course due to the cost of living Kids stay home a lot longer.. or go to Uni and then return for several years while they save for their own place. I would put my time money and effort into teaching them to drive. Then you can move where you like when they are older .

Thank you so much everyone, it’s very beneficial to get other’s opinions. We’ve just been looking at buses and it seems totally impractical. Think we’ll stay put and keep looking locally!

I am sure that's the right decision OP.
I was 7 miles from the nearest town.

That 14 mile round trip for everything from a pint of milk to a dentist appointment got old very, very quickly. In the dark. In the snow. Winter mud everywhere.
It is the end of 'just popping out for.......'

I've moved back to a small town and love the convenience. I can walk out to the high street in 5 minutes - library, butcher, post office, GP, dentist, vet, cafes, pubs. I never take it for granted now.

A 7 bed semi is unusual and might be difficult to sell if you wanted or needed to in the future.

Note of caution...there might be a bus route now but it may not still be there in the future. The village I live in had a good bus service when I first moved here, there is no bus service at all now. You need to be mindful that your free time may be taken up with a lot of ferrying DC to town/picking them up, going to a mates house/picking them up etc.

The only family I know who made a move like this work as their kids headed into teens, all the kids weekly boarded at school from age 11. Driving lessons for the eldest were fully funded by parents as soon as he got to 17 so as to join the driver pool for the family. The parents were not sad the day the youngest passed their driving test.

What about searching for a bigger house in the town? We thought we wanted to live rurally until we went to view a farmhouse and realised all the taxiing we’d need to do! Bought a big 5 bed 3 rec detached within walking distance from schools and trains/buses. Ours have all flown the nest now but I still love living here walking distance to shops and a local hospital so we’re fairly future proof

I hadn’t thought of that myself. I can’t imagine there would be many buyers either.

Stay.

My Dc walked to school and it added such a quality of life. Friends within easy walking distance, we got to know the families really well (lifelong friends) , loads of casual reciprocal childcare.

I would not find it remotely enriching to have to run a logistics exercise on school runs, brownies, football club, 2 birthday parties and a short notice play date week in, week out. And in 3 years the eldest will want to stay out til 11 or midnight..

Much better for teens to be able to be independent and not ferried everywhere by car.

Look for a 4 bed where you can add a 2 bed loft extension or whatever.

We moved from London to a village, however we did insist it had a shop, pub and school walkable. Ironically, we ended up choosing schools a drive away and I actually love that. We get a quiet 20 mins each way to chat, I can pick up anxieties or little things and in the afternoons we often pop to a cafe en route home or a drive thru coffee. Yes, it's annoying and ties me to the school run, but it is nice bonding time and you have eyes on things a lot more (e.g. dynanics as they head into school or come out). You'll also always know where your teens are, and you'll get to know their friends better as you'll give lifts, know where they live, have them in your house etc. Of course, there are downsides to the lack of freedom for them, but I think people miss some of the positives of being a taxi! Think of the things you've told taxi drivers in your life....
I also hadn't known at that point how my kids would turn out, my eldest is passionate about nature and gets a lot more freedom being able to potter about looking at wildlife (he's asd so the wildlife being near is more enriching than the friends being near tbh!)
The downside is when you need to "just grab" something, its 25 mins to a big supermarket and we used to shop most days, we just have to plan a bit better (and woth a bigger house, you can have more in cupboards/stocked up!) We are also saving for driving lessons and their first cars - lots of local kids end up in car accidents, so be aware of the potential risk once they learn, country roads can be lethal.

I'd personally go with space - we all have our own bathrooms here and that in itself is a bloody delight!

I agree with the pp

Just to add, as my kids have got older, they actually seem to need less space - they’re out of the house more and the endless toys and craft stuff are replaced with gadgets and toiletries. Although privacy is more important.

Is a garden room or a posh shed or summerhouse a possibility?