Overwhelmed by first house post divorce

[shizgigz]

just bought my first house solo after a 30 year marriage. I am 55.
It is something I longed for and am thrilled but now I’ve been here 3 months am feeling very overwhelmed and anxious by how much needs doing.

its a Victorian 3 bed end of terrace which is structurally solid but as time evolves I’m finding lots of issues. I know that’s normal but my resilience is quite low and it’s all getting to me.
Exh was very practical and did most of jobs around the house.
I don’t have a huge support network nor huge savings so need to prioritise which I am struggling with. I also desperately need a new car.

please talk me down and help me think logically about how I approach this.

3 wooden sash windows need replacing (rotten frames and blown glass) at cost of £1800 each, replacing with plastic sash. I can’t afford nor want the upkeep of timber

some brick repointing needed and signs of minor damp in integral porch

Ancient Range cooker pretty much condemned. 5 of the six hob burners are damaged and dangerous. It’s a relatively small galley kitchen which is at least 25 years old and wooden counters all marked and water damaged around sink. Realistically am I looking at a new kitchen. I don't particularly want or need a range cooker but if I don’t replace like for like it won’t fit the gap.
will try and attach a photo

Raised decking in garden which is rotting in places and potentially dangerous

Timber soffits need painting

guttering needs attention

Tbh getting our windows done though expensive was the simplest-feeling job of everything we have done - once you get your three quotes done and pick one, you don’t have to do much else. If you’re anywhere within reach of Berkshire or neighbouring counties I can DM you our firm.

Unfortunately I’m East Anglia.
got one quote £1800 to supply and fit each sash (I need 3) with plastic replacements.

Find a builder who knows a fensa registered fitter not the big windows companies

I am also recently divorced and have moved to a similar type of house. First off, I’ve signed up to a “DIY for beginners” one day course which will teach me to put up coat hooks, shelves, and hang pictures etc without busting the electrics or a water pipe. Next, I also need a new kitchen but have limited funds so have done a lot of research on here and on Instagram and think DIY Kitchens (online brand) looks a good option (cheaper than Howdens). I wouldn’t just replace a cooker like for like to fit in the gap if the reality is that the whole kitchen needs doing. I’d wait and save up. Get a little plug in induction ring (cheap) and an air fryer (plenty of good deals on especially around Black Friday) in the meantime.

I see this as a transitional phase of my life and although it can sometimes feel overwhelming, I enjoy watching lots of DIY/IKEA hack videos online and thinking “I could just about manage that maybe”.

For your sash windows, get UPVC sash replacements. People are snobby about real timber windows but they cost a mint and need repainting regularly. The UPVC ones look great these days and are many times cheaper. We paid £2k per window for 2 windows in timber at my old house before giving up on that and getting the rest of the house done in UPVC for £9k the lot (about 7 windows).

Soffits can also be painted but I am going to replace mine with UPVC as once that’s done, the only maintenance is cleaning.

Just seen you are mortgage free. Unless you’re within 5 years of retirement, I would absolutely get a mortgage to cover the costs of making the house reasonably habitable (and maybe also replace car if that’s a necessity). The work you’ve mentioned could be done for well under £100k (including buying a decent used car) and that is a small mortgage which you could pay off unless retirement is around the corner.

Side note: if buying a used car, DO NOT buy one from Car Planet (north London) like I did. Whole separate thread but I’m suing them now.

@shizgigz guttering so water isn’t pouring down walls causing other issues, make sure you don’t have to replace wood windows with wood (we had to - conservation area). Get 3 quotes for all work, check reviews on google maps (maybe consider a Which? Subscription short-term so you can find recommended traders). A good ‘black book’ of trust worthy people like plumbers and so on. And possibly a small mortgage you can handle (consider a fixed rate over a shorter term, or even an unsecured loan if need be - fixed rate again). Don’t rush into things - garden may look a mess but it is winter, etc. Get the things done that need fixing then make a plan for each stage.

I would too - none of this sounds more than £40k to £60k or so max - and then would last you -windows, any damp, decent kitchen , get electrics/heating looked at same time - it’s extensions and walls down etc that tend to cost the really big money , you can get a suprising smount of bits of essentials done for £40k and almost immediately put money on house -

I would get a small mortgage but anything above about £50k (incl car) doesn’t make financial sense.
i do agree I need a mortgage though, having escaped from financial chaos I was fixed on being debt free but I need to get these jobs done and I’ll never save quick enough

Sod the garden, it’s winter, you can ignore that for at least 6 months.

Have a look for a female handy person locally to quote for your other jobs.

My kitchen was from DIY Kitchens. Was very cheap and I am very happy with it. I paid to have it delivered fully assembled, so the fitting was quite quick/cheap.

I agree with starting on the guttering and start work on the worktop as you can do that yourself.

Personally I would use hard wax oil rather than the worktop oil stuff as have found 2 coats of hardwax oil and the water sits on top of the worktop where as with the other oil it soaked in. However I think there weren’t enough coats of oil to be fair and you do have it there already.

Hi OP
Congratulations on your new home.
I am very familiar with old and listed properties. Not everything needs doing at once, they are a long term love with ongoing maintenance.

Windows: Your wooden sash windows will be repairable by finding a local competent joiner. UPVC is a false economy, they don't last long will not add value to your home AND will prevent your home from 'breathing' which will intime lead to damp issues. Please please repair them it will be far cheaper now and long term. Don't ask anyone selling windows, they will be selling to you. Please trust me on this. It really is in your best interest to repair them.
You can get magnetic secondary glazing which is heritage approved, very cheap and will help in winter. Look at Extraglaze for example.

Kitchen, you can almost certainly reuse the carcass / units and just replace the worktop and if necessary the doors/ironmongary. Or look on Facebook market place as people often sell their old kitchens. You can get a 'used' one for very little then find a local handy man or the joiner that is repairing the windows to fit it for you. Look at the 'seconds' sites for a suitable oven. eg AO have an outlet as do other retailers. Or go into stores and find a display one that is being sold off at a price.

Damp in the porch - a leak somewhere, find that eg gutter or leaking pipe and fix the cause. Once that is done it will dry out on its own and you can redecorate in a year or whenever you are ready to do so. Don't put an Elastoplast on a broken leg, it won't work.

Decking - it's winter, does it matter right now? If it's not to the house and above ground level then best to get rid asap. If not don't stress on this one.

If you want to share pictures then we maybe able to offer more advice.

Thank you I am so grateful
Tomorrow I will take some photos of windows, damp, kitchen etc and post here so I can give an idea of what’s happening

Something to bear in mind is that the timber windows are probably the age of the house whereas plastic ones will only last about 20 years - if you have teens now you might have grandchildren in 20 years and still be in that house. We did windows, damp (and electricity!) first in our quite similar house.
We replaced a horrible but small range style cooker with a cupboard with an induction hob on top and the oven went in a space where a built in microwave and coffee maker (bizarre choices of previous owner) were. We're just replacing appliances as they give up and then putting up with doors that have fallen off!
Forgot to say we painted the walls and tiles, the doors were innocuous but if they are the worst bit you could do those instead. We have a black floor and the walls were dark purple with black tiling. It was like walking into a black hole!

For small repairs YouTube is great. DH is pretty handy but he doesn't do bikes, I'm the cyclist and between us we find what we need to do on there.

As it's about to be winter you can probably stare grumpily at the garden till Spring!

Ha ha I see @TMMC1 is on the same page as us!

@shizgigz yep wise decision - it’s why you get many elderly folk who are mortgage free but rapidly depreciating dropping to bits homes -