Overwhelmed by first house post divorce

[shizgigz]

just bought my first house solo after a 30 year marriage. I am 55.
It is something I longed for and am thrilled but now I’ve been here 3 months am feeling very overwhelmed and anxious by how much needs doing.

its a Victorian 3 bed end of terrace which is structurally solid but as time evolves I’m finding lots of issues. I know that’s normal but my resilience is quite low and it’s all getting to me.
Exh was very practical and did most of jobs around the house.
I don’t have a huge support network nor huge savings so need to prioritise which I am struggling with. I also desperately need a new car.

please talk me down and help me think logically about how I approach this.

3 wooden sash windows need replacing (rotten frames and blown glass) at cost of £1800 each, replacing with plastic sash. I can’t afford nor want the upkeep of timber

some brick repointing needed and signs of minor damp in integral porch

Ancient Range cooker pretty much condemned. 5 of the six hob burners are damaged and dangerous. It’s a relatively small galley kitchen which is at least 25 years old and wooden counters all marked and water damaged around sink. Realistically am I looking at a new kitchen. I don't particularly want or need a range cooker but if I don’t replace like for like it won’t fit the gap.
will try and attach a photo

Raised decking in garden which is rotting in places and potentially dangerous

Timber soffits need painting

guttering needs attention

My daughter used a sash window repair firm but despite the company having 100s of great reviews, the window frames still could look better.

@shizgigz I would go ahead with your original plan to replace with plastic sashes. They don't look quite as nice but are practical especially for anyone on a budget.

Excellent job!

I was in the same position post divorce, kids very small and a house where everything needed doing and very little money. It’s so overwhelming but you can do it! Even things like the boiler kept losing pressure and I didn’t know how to top it up or who to call (I do now!), a leak in the roof and didn’t know what to do etc. I dreaded any storms for the first 3 years as something else always broke! But slowly we’ve got everything done and nothing really goes too wrong now.

I’d say prioritise the essentials or structural stuff so windows and damp and get them done. I’d just forget the decking and garden for now if it were me. Obviously depends how much credit you’re comfortable taking on but when we did the kitchen we did interest free credit with Wren over 5 years, was about £150 a month and could all be paid off at any time.

where did you see these reviews?

You have us!

If any of that is above the porch that’s what could be causing or contributing to damp problems in the porch.

There’s a video for everything on YouTube 😀

post some photos please. Zoom in if you can.

A pair of binoculars is very handy for looking at roofs and gutters. Don't use them when your neighbours are likely to be getting dressed.

Aldi and Lidl occasionally have very good value ones. Don't get zoom bins or telescope.

Ask your window cleaner if she knows anyone who does gutter maintenance.

This is so true. I taught myself so many new skills using YouTube. I learned how to repair my own windows and had never done anything like it before. I fixed four wooden windows for less than £250 and saved a fortune. The quote to replace with UPVC was more than ten times that.

Should have said that I'm in my 60s so old dogs etc.

I haven't got one myself but perhaps an air fryer or 2 would suffice for a while?

Oiling the worktops is really straightforward! You need the oil, and if they’ve left you that then awesome! Also need sandpaper and a non- fluffy cloth!

1. Clean the Surface
2. Lightly Sand the Worktop

• Use fine sandpaper to smooth the surface and open up the wood grain.
• Sand in the direction of the grain.
• Wipe away all dust

3. Apply the Oil

• Pour a small amount of oil onto non-fluffy cloth.
• Rub it into the wood in the direction of the grain.
• Make sure the oil is spread evenly and thinly.

4. Let It Soak

• Allow the oil to soak in for about 15–30 minutes.
• Wipe off any excess oil with a clean cloth

leave it to dry and done! We do ours about once a year just to keep them looking good

To add to all the great advice you've been given - you've got teens! Get them involved asap. Give them ownership, figure things out together using youtube and chatgpt and not only will everything be a million miles easier but you'll have a great time doing it.

Some of my best bonding moments with my teens have involved diy and copious amounts of swearing.

Our local window cleaner is always keen to earn a bit of money clearing out gutters.

Those guttering end caps cost a couple of quid each. I don't know if you know of Screwfix? I really recommend them for anything you need for your project. They are very cheap, very helpful and deliver.

OP, you are going to get so into doing up your house that your next car is going to be a white van 😂

Oops sorry @PigletJohn - cross post there about window cleaners.

quite right!

(about oiling worktop)

(any black water stains can be bleached out with oxalic acid)

wiping away the excess is very important. I once thought leaving a bit on the surface would be OK and it would soak in. In fact, it oxidises to form a sticky gum, which is very different to remove. You may have experienced the same thing round the neck of a bottle of cooking oil.

I actually apply it with a very soft paintbrush, for speed. you have to wash out the brush in white spirit or it will set.

BTW, the oily rag can spontaneously combust. I once found this happening in a painters cupboard where they had put their tools. To avoid this risk, wet it with water and WUL and wrap it in a plastic bag to keep air out and prevent the water drying out.

I messaged a friend earlier. She got around 25k in grants because her energy rating was low. You have to work at their pace produce quotes, get approved etc. so if you're in a hurry it's not for you I guess.

On their website 🤦‍♀️

You live & learn even though I’m old enough to know better.

In case you don’t know @shizgigz - Piglet John is a MN legend so it’s great that they are on your thread.

A leg end

What are your retirement plans? Are you planning to retire early? If not, I’d be getting a mortgage on the property to get all the works done now so you don’t have to worry about it in the future.

YouTube is your friend - there are loads of DIY videos on there.

Get the windows replaced- get a few quotes. Don't use people from FB neighbourhood group recommendations- they are invariably recommending brother/bf/husband/dad. Look them up on Checkatrade or TrustedTrader type sites, look up the cimpany and the directors on Companies House website- if the companies keep shutting down and restarting with new names, they are dodgy af, stay clear.

Take the range to the tip,or Google for waste clearance services, check they are licensed or they might be flytipping. Get a regular cooker for now.

Buy sugar soap, masking tape, Leyland contract matt brilliant white paint, plastic sheets and brushes/roller from Screwfix, paint all the ceilings and walls throughout the house. This will instantly brighten up the rooms. You can then do a 2nd coat with other colours of your choice if you ever get out of the Instagram rabbithole of DiY/decor reels.
Get an electric sander from Screwfix, sand the skirting boards, paint them.

Take your time, nobody else has any say in how you decorate and how long it takes. Get the teens to help.

I would absolutely recommend watching IG reels, it's full of exciting ideas. Then watch lots of YouTube videos, until you can write a textbook on the subject, grab a big huge glass of wine to fortify yourself and just do it.
If it didn't work out well, you can still call it a design feature. Above all,give yourself grace.

Our neighbour was widowed a few months ago.

This morning heard a lot of shouting a bloke was walking all over her bungalow roof pulled off some cement from the chimney stack. Slipped loosened some tiles, then broke off some guttering and fascia board getting down. He wanted £3.5k to fix her roof and chimney.

Husband went tearing out. Unmarked van. They scarpered.

Apparently they'd knocked on the door to tell her that her chimney needed repointing.

Bloody rogues.

Thank you, I can’t tell you how grateful I am. I also seem to be in the grip of post divorce depression which makes the smallest task seem overwhelming.

i am reading through all the posts.
what’s the smallest job I can tackle first, that can be done quickly and give a small sense of accomplishment to spur me on?

so grateful

You need a safe cooker so do that first