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Property/DIY

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Overwhelmed by first house post divorce

90 replies

shizgigz · 26/10/2025 08:15

just bought my first house solo after a 30 year marriage. I am 55.
It is something I longed for and am thrilled but now I’ve been here 3 months am feeling very overwhelmed and anxious by how much needs doing.

its a Victorian 3 bed end of terrace which is structurally solid but as time evolves I’m finding lots of issues. I know that’s normal but my resilience is quite low and it’s all getting to me.
Exh was very practical and did most of jobs around the house.
I don’t have a huge support network nor huge savings so need to prioritise which I am struggling with. I also desperately need a new car.

please talk me down and help me think logically about how I approach this.

3 wooden sash windows need replacing (rotten frames and blown glass) at cost of £1800 each, replacing with plastic sash. I can’t afford nor want the upkeep of timber

some brick repointing needed and signs of minor damp in integral porch

Ancient Range cooker pretty much condemned. 5 of the six hob burners are damaged and dangerous. It’s a relatively small galley kitchen which is at least 25 years old and wooden counters all marked and water damaged around sink. Realistically am I looking at a new kitchen. I don't particularly want or need a range cooker but if I don’t replace like for like it won’t fit the gap.
will try and attach a photo

Raised decking in garden which is rotting in places and potentially dangerous

Timber soffits need painting

guttering needs attention

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Seaitoverthere · 26/10/2025 10:09

I can see @SeaAndStars has posted since I started writing my post and said about a good handyman/woman as well and is totally right about them having a good network. The people I use are mostly semi retired. I look after them really well, pay the second they ask and provide tea and food and they have become friends now and I know if I have an emergency they will be here and won’t rip me off.

Also agree about the porch actually. If you have a dehumidifier get that in there for now overnight and air during the day. If you don’t have one look on FB marketplace, I got one for a tenner recently.

Please do keep posting as said, we can help you through this and it maybe there are some others in a similar position who may like to jump on board.

GoodStuffAnnie · 26/10/2025 10:18

You have seven jobs (I have included car).

it’s a balance between cost/ ease / urgency.

for what it’s worth I think this is all manageable. You are just struggling to prioritise.

leave the decking. It’s fine.

the soffits and gutters could be done in one job. Could you get three quotes. I think that job might be quite cheap.

I would ditch the range asap and buy an efficient normal cooker and put a cupboard in the gap.

the pointing and the damp seem minor. Leave.

get three quotes for the windows.

the car - you need a car. How bad is it? I have just brought an excellent ford fiesta for 3,500.

in the nicest possible way I think you might need to lower your expectations a bit. You have come from a situation where xh did lots of work and you had lots of money.

it will all get done. But it might not get done as quickly or to the high standards you are used to. Patience and organisation is the key.

i think you are right to stay mortgage free, but dependent on your health and career /salary maybe a credit card 0% might be helpful.

Seaitoverthere · 26/10/2025 10:20

Here’s the worktop at the beginning and then during fitting to give an idea of what can be done with very little money .

Overwhelmed by first house post divorce
Overwhelmed by first house post divorce
PermanentTemporary · 26/10/2025 10:26

Congratulations on your house. That’s an absolutely beautiful garden, I hope you will have many years of happiness there.

I personally would stay mortgage-free - there is nothing like it for security. And I think @GoodStuffAnnie’s post about tackling the jobs is great.

Don’t rush too much. We have ended up redoing or eliminating a couple of the things we did too quickly.

itsgettingweird · 26/10/2025 10:28

What a beautiful garden.

I agree with mortgage if you can and it won’t overstretch you.

How about working in reverse and seeing what a 15yr mortgage at X (what’s easily affordable) amount is and then working out what you do from there?

for example I’ve worked out 30k over 15yrs is £220 (ish) a month.

Itwouldbesonice · 26/10/2025 10:30

I divorced ten years ago and bought a new house for me and dc. Difference is though, I have a tiny house and we are now finding the lack of space a problem. You have a lovely big garden and the house has lots of potential.

If I were you I would get the work done sooner rather than later. Not immediately if you don’t have the funds but make a plan for the next year or two. Don’t leave it as it will get put off and you will be getting older. I am ten years on and finding things generally harder after a period of illness whereas I have always had lots of energy and was good at organising things. I recently had a new kitchen fitted and it was a pain and expensive but I am so glad I did it as I know I couldn’t face the upheaval further down the line. Good luck!

justasking111 · 26/10/2025 10:36

There are grants available in Wales for the windows. Wherever you live you are going to need to do some research on this. I'd phone a local councillor in the first instance who can ask questions for you.

27pilates · 26/10/2025 10:39

Just wanted to say your garden is very uplifting, so get out there as much as possible x

Wot23 · 26/10/2025 10:41

shizgigz · 26/10/2025 08:26

I do work FT but on a very modest salary.
Mortgage free but thinking I should take one out.

still have 2 teen DC so need the space, also no way I could face moving again (already had to do it twice in last 12 months)

then you do not need a new kitchen,

you need to accept the fact that you are now self sufficient and have to learn to live within your means. Get a cooker, not a kitchen.

LibertyLily · 26/10/2025 10:49

@shizgigz It looks like a lovely house if the garden is any indication 😁 I can see why you're overwhelmed, but agree that finding a good handyman/woman is a great starting point - hopefully you'll find a recommended one on a neighbourhood group. Agree too that teenagers are a godsend for stuff like ripping up the decking!

A small (30k) mortgage would make all the difference to what you are able to achieve, but only if it's totally manageable for you, obviously. We are mortgage-free (same age) and bought our current downsize cottage with a budget set aside to do most of the work, but as the place hasn't been touched for 50+ years, it's costing more than we planned - despite DIYing as much as we can - so are having to save for some stuff.

We 'inherited' a 1960s kitchen from the previous owner and to see us through last winter I gave it a glow up with paint, fabric and new handles whilst DH was at work (renovating for other people 😉). Turned out the cupboards were solidly made so worth keeping. This spring we decided to swap kitchen and living room over and salvaged what we could of the old kitchen, buying some painted oak cabinets on eBay for £300+ to supplement them. I'm now on the hunt for second hand worktops.

I'll add a couple of before and after pics (although the kitchen has since been taken out and relocated) to hopefully inspire you. The whole room was tiled - apart from a small area of pegboard - and I'd intended to paint the tiles (and replace the vinyl flooring!) if our plans hadn't changed.

Please keep us updated as we're all invested in your project now and be kind to yourself 💐

Overwhelmed by first house post divorce
Overwhelmed by first house post divorce
Itsrainingloadshere · 26/10/2025 10:53

I’d agree to break it down into chunks and prioritise. Teen friends can help with the decking.

Your garden is such a great space, it looks lovely.

I’ve recently started over at 50 too and things can feel overwhelming but you have got so far already so massive well done! Who cares what your ex thinks, how lovely that you have your own place and can make it to be just how you like.

I recently did a 6 week basic home diy evening class at a local college - for smaller jobs and to feel more knowledgeable maybe look out for similar locally? I wouldn’t tackle anything big on my own and would ask around locally for good tradespeople but being able to do a few things by myself is great and has made me feel more capable.

I bet loads of others on mumsnet have done up older houses so post on here for advice!

PigletJohn · 26/10/2025 12:06

guttering first

it is quite a small job and fixing it will prevent damp damage. there are gutter specialists but roofers also do it.

repointing is a very simple job, but tedious and fiddly, a bricklayer can do it but may give the job to his apprentice or labourer. A scaffold or tower makes it much quicker so I had mine done while the roof was being done.

try to get recommendations for local building trades from local people you know and whose opinion is likely to be valid. for some reason parish magazines are a good source of local traders who have been in business for some years and are trustworthy. members of the congregation will tell each other if they are no good.

avoid the websites that people pay to be listed on, and can remove unfavourable reviews. Even if they claim the trades are checked or rated. You have no way of knowing which reviews were written by the traders mates or his mum.

Keep an eye out for neighbours and other local people having work done. Make a note of the address and the company phone number and name on the van. Look out for signs such as turning up every day and not spinning out the job or leaving the site untidy with heaps of rubble, tools or bags of cement left in the rain. Working at height off ladders is not as impressive as a person who has a scaffold because a reputable company will have insurance and the policy will say it is not covered.

After it has been finished for a few months, walk past and see if it still looks good. If you are affable you can engage the homeowner in conversation and they may boast about what a good job it was, or moan about how terrible. Only use people who are local and have an address. Anybody can hide behind a burner phone and a fake website.

if you can find a few good local people, they will know others in different trades. Good plumbers hang around with good plasterers who know good brickies. they will not want to ruin their reputation by recommending disreputable people.

crooks and chancers also hang around together, because nobody else wants to mix with them.

When I retired to the seaside I was surprised at how difficult it was to find good people because I no longer had a position in the community and a network of contacts. I have a friend in a local voluntary group whose husband is a roofer, so he does my roof and gutters, and knows other builders and plasterers.

when you need somebody with training and a qualification, look at, for example the boiler manufacturers lists of approved installers (and check them as gas safe registered) and for electricians, I use NICEIC, there are several others.

It is true that a registration is not a guarantee of quality, but IMO it is like getting into a licenced taxi. You wouldn't choose a driver who hadn't got a driving licence.

PigletJohn · 26/10/2025 12:15

itsgettingweird · 26/10/2025 10:28

What a beautiful garden.

I agree with mortgage if you can and it won’t overstretch you.

How about working in reverse and seeing what a 15yr mortgage at X (what’s easily affordable) amount is and then working out what you do from there?

for example I’ve worked out 30k over 15yrs is £220 (ish) a month.

Edited

if you can afford £200 a month on a mortgage, you can also afford £200 into a saving scheme instead, which IMO is greatly preferable. I keep a cash buffer in premium bonds, where wins are tax free and don't need to be declared. If that matters to you. It is not cash burning a hole in your pocket.

And you are under no obligation to pay it if you are having a hard month, or something goes wrong.

HRchatter · 26/10/2025 12:16

I would take out a little Mortgage to just get this done
I put down too much as a deposit for my house thinking that I would just be able to save up 15 grand for a kitchen guess what? It’s not happened four years later.
We are living like we’re in a Victorian period drama

housethatbuiltme · 26/10/2025 12:18

Take care of anything that will cause on going damage, so ask will the gutters cause penetrating damp? etc...

Cosmetic stuff like worktops can wait.

For what its worth we spent a decade an a half in a rental with a standard 60cm oven in the space of a large range that had been removed, was never an issue. We used the extra gap as storage, over the years kept a bin their, mops and a shoe rack and it was no different to any break in a work top.

shizgigz · 26/10/2025 12:45

Thank you, I am really grateful for all the advice and will definitely just get a make do basic cooker in the first instance. I am short of space as it is in the kitchen so the gap would come in useful. The previous owner also left behind wood oil for the worktops so I could give them a go if not too tricky.

i also did look into basic diy courses but none near me. It did occur that maybe I should approach a local handyman and see if he/she would be willing to demonstrate some basic jobs and if anyone locally would be interested in coming along to also learn. Would be more than happy for my home to be the guinea pig!!

I did get someone round a while ago to quote for a few other jobs but I didn’t get a reassuring vibe (think he saw lone woman who didn’t know what she doing) and after prevaricating I never heard from him again!

In hindsight I overstretched myself and should have left a much bigger buffer (I have about £15k in savings) but it’s done now and I have to decide what I need to get done now (potentially with a mortgage) and what I can realistically save for.

OP posts:
shizgigz · 26/10/2025 12:46

a couple of gutters seem to have end caps missing (?) and rain water drips out. They could probably also do with a clean out.

OP posts:
Ratsinthefloorboards · 26/10/2025 12:47

What a lovely encouraging thread this is 👍

Good luck op!

PigletJohn · 26/10/2025 12:49

B&Q (used to?) do short teaching sessions on things like tiling and plumbing.

AFAIK the concept of evening classes run by local authorities or in schools and colleges has pretty well disappeared.

PrincessofWells · 26/10/2025 12:50

Hi Op, just use the winter to plan what to do. Things like the decking and repainting should be fairly easy. These are jobs you can do yourself with minimal skill. YouTube is full of information and ideas and how to do this type of thing. Stuff like the kitchen needn't cost a lot. IKEA do great kitchens and a local carpenter could do the fitting.

ACynicalDad · 26/10/2025 12:53

Look for a sash window repair firm, not one that also sells new ones. You can repair ones in awful condition.

Buy a new range on ebay, for now at least.

Together that will save a good amount.

ACynicalDad · 26/10/2025 12:54

For my worktops i used a credit card scraper then bought a sander with a dust sack to get the old off, was very easy to do then repaint varnish.

shizgigz · 26/10/2025 13:00

Just checked B&Q unfortunately no diy classes anymore

OP posts:
Twiglets1 · 26/10/2025 13:07

shizgigz · 26/10/2025 08:59

Thank you. I think I’m feeling low and anxious in general. I just feel like I’ve bitten off more than I can chew and can almost hear ExH scoffing at me.

Screw him.

You haven't bitten off more than you can chew, but you will need to do things in stages not all at once.

I would prioritise the windows and damp.

I wouldn't waste money on a new range cooker but next year think about getting a new kitchen including new oven. Some companies offer 0% interest so maybe think about taking out one of those deals as you are still working so can pay it off over time. Or explore taking out a small mortgage.

The decking I would worry that doing anything would create new problems. I would probably just leave that for now and tell people going outside to be careful! You can't do everything all at once and the house is more important than the garden.

harriethoyle · 26/10/2025 13:08

Wren kitchens do interest free credit including appliances. Have a look and see what they offer.

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