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Original poster

Knowing that a house is the one

28 replies

ScaredSceptic · 12/10/2025 22:30

Viewed a house yesterday morning. On paper, it seemed to have most things we are looking for. It actually looked better in reality than the agents photos suggested. So many plus points, a couple of compromises. Lovely rooms, beautiful garden in a rural location but not far from amenities.

Yet neither me or my husband felt anything. No sense of excitement, no emotional reaction, no "feeling". We came away and both said, really nice, but can't see us living there. But neither of us could say why. I got an automated msg from the agent asking for feedback and I filled it in and selected that we weren't interested.

But today I can't stop thinking about that house! I can't understand why we had such a cold reaction to it. We were both really tired from a long week and didn't get a good night's sleep before the viewing. I'm now wondering if we were just not in the right frame of mind.

Has anyone else had this? Immediately ruled out a property and then started to regret it? I just compare it to a house we saw a few years back when we were looking in the height of the covid market frenzy. We both knew as soon as we stepped in the door that we loved the house (we didn't get it, it went to best and final offers).

I think I'm expecting to feel something like that again when it's the right house, even though I normally make decisions with my head, not my heart.

OP posts:
Newgirls · 12/10/2025 22:31

Maybe it’s self protection? So you don’t feel gutted again? Go and have another look on a sunny day and see what you think?

Arlanymor · 12/10/2025 22:34

Sit down together - write a list of pros and cons. If there are more pros than cons then it’s probably worth another look with your heads?

Original poster
ScaredSceptic · 12/10/2025 22:35

Newgirls · 12/10/2025 22:31

Maybe it’s self protection? So you don’t feel gutted again? Go and have another look on a sunny day and see what you think?

That's the thing. It was a lovely sunny day when we viewed it. Couldn't have been better really.

I don't think it's a self protection thing. The market is very different now, the house has been for sale for a few months - no bidding frenzy.

OP posts:
Original poster
ScaredSceptic · 12/10/2025 22:36

Arlanymor · 12/10/2025 22:34

Sit down together - write a list of pros and cons. If there are more pros than cons then it’s probably worth another look with your heads?

There are definitely more pros than cons. This is why I can't understand why we both felt so "flat" about it.

OP posts:
Arlanymor · 12/10/2025 22:40

ScaredSceptic · 12/10/2025 22:36

There are definitely more pros than cons. This is why I can't understand why we both felt so "flat" about it.

Show quote history

Well up to you. Either you feel it is worth a second visit (head) or if you don’t want to because you don’t get the feels (heart). I’m not being sarcastic by the way. If you think you need some kind of emotional connection then that’s fair enough.

Anonyone1 · 12/10/2025 22:44

I can’t really answer your question, but we’ve just bought a bit of a ‘heart over head’ house and I kind of wish that wasn’t the case. As in, we could maybe have stuck at our lower offer and saved a few (tens of) thousand.
But we’d looked at a few houses, seriously considered making offers, but felt as you say ‘flat’. Then we saw our new house and we both fell in love. We are here, and whilst it is a bit of a dream house, we could have got a better deal had we not been scared to lose it. And we have been left with some problems to deal with! 😔
I think with houses, head over heart is a good thing. Go for it!

KimHwn · 12/10/2025 22:44

I had this. The house was really lovely and I could imagine us living there. DP liked it. I just didn't. It wasn't even a bad vibe, I don't think, it was more a flat reaction of "this is not where I want to live."
I know that you're meant to buy a house with your head, not your heart, but my heart works hard and she deserves to be heard! We have found a property we love now and are crossing fingers that everything will work out...

KimHwn · 12/10/2025 22:45

Anonyone1 · 12/10/2025 22:44

I can’t really answer your question, but we’ve just bought a bit of a ‘heart over head’ house and I kind of wish that wasn’t the case. As in, we could maybe have stuck at our lower offer and saved a few (tens of) thousand.
But we’d looked at a few houses, seriously considered making offers, but felt as you say ‘flat’. Then we saw our new house and we both fell in love. We are here, and whilst it is a bit of a dream house, we could have got a better deal had we not been scared to lose it. And we have been left with some problems to deal with! 😔
I think with houses, head over heart is a good thing. Go for it!

Ha I cross posted with you and we couldn't have given more different replies! Good luck with your house, I hope it works out well for you.

cornbunting · 12/10/2025 22:54

When buying our first house, DH and I both found it exciting, emotional, maybe even romantic. We looked at a lot of houses and picked one that felt right. We lived there for ten years and loved the house and the village.

Our second house, it was stressful. We had a young baby and nowhere near enough space, not enough nearby amenities, families, or schools. So, we were needing to move with a great deal more time pressure than for house #1. We found our current house, it ticked way more boxes than we'd expected to be able to afford, and we jumped at it for that reason. We didn't feel excited or emotional, just wanted to crack on. We've been here ten years, still can't believe our luck, still don't really have an emotional attachment to this house. Sure it has its issues, but we couldn't then (and can't now) afford anything that wouldn't have much the same problems.

TL:DR - sometimes "the feeling" is more about novelty and youth than anything else. You don't have to have an emotional reaction to find the perfect place for you, now.

Anonyone1 · 12/10/2025 22:57

KimHwn · 12/10/2025 22:45

Ha I cross posted with you and we couldn't have given more different replies! Good luck with your house, I hope it works out well for you.

Show quote history

There no rhyme or reason is there?! Good luck to you too!

Original poster
ScaredSceptic · 12/10/2025 23:16

cornbunting · 12/10/2025 22:54

When buying our first house, DH and I both found it exciting, emotional, maybe even romantic. We looked at a lot of houses and picked one that felt right. We lived there for ten years and loved the house and the village.

Our second house, it was stressful. We had a young baby and nowhere near enough space, not enough nearby amenities, families, or schools. So, we were needing to move with a great deal more time pressure than for house #1. We found our current house, it ticked way more boxes than we'd expected to be able to afford, and we jumped at it for that reason. We didn't feel excited or emotional, just wanted to crack on. We've been here ten years, still can't believe our luck, still don't really have an emotional attachment to this house. Sure it has its issues, but we couldn't then (and can't now) afford anything that wouldn't have much the same problems.

TL:DR - sometimes "the feeling" is more about novelty and youth than anything else. You don't have to have an emotional reaction to find the perfect place for you, now.

Thank you, that's exactly what I'm wrestling with. It's such a big decision, it's hard not to think you should feel excited and emotional about it, because it will be your home, rather than it being a purely logical decision.

But what you are saying makes sense!

OP posts:
Aparecium · 12/10/2025 23:42

The first home I bought was like that. After one viewing I discounted it. It ticked all the boxes, but had no character, triggered no emotional reaction in me. I viewed so many places that I liked better, that I could easily visualise living in. Plus it needed work doing and was over budget. But I had a gut feeling that I would return to it. And I did. Twice. Eventually I bought it and lived there for 10y. I was very happy living there. I doubt I would ever have moved, had I not married a man who hated living in a big city.

TheBaneOfLife · 13/10/2025 00:10

We felt like that with the 1st house we offered on- it was the best choice of what was available and we weren't excited about it any which way, it would 'do', not really what we wanted but ticked enough boxes in our mind we could overlook the cons

Our EA convinced us to look at another one of the houses on his books (1st one wasnt with him) as it had just been reduced and we fell in love with it the second we walked in the door and we knew straight away, it ticked every box with no compromises and withdrew our offer for the 1st one the same day. We were both buzzing with excitment over it and realised we had just settled with the 1st one because there was nothing else and we rushed it.

We completed a week ago and it was the best choice we ever made

Kattley · 13/10/2025 04:53

a difficult one. I bought with the heart and no regrets. I found if I bought with the heart then I was more than happy to spend money on it!

SilkAndSparklesForParties · 13/10/2025 08:31

Difficult. I would say, that every house I/we have bought has been bought with the heart and was not what we wanted specifically:

Flat: wanted a bit of character and two bedrooms, a fireplace was a big want. Saw: two double bed 60s build, painted 60s colours. The space and light and price won me over.

House 1: wanted Victoria/Edwardian, all originanl features - three bed terrace. Got exactly what I wanted. The only house I didn't make much money on.

House 2: wanted a bigger Edwardian/Victorian Terrace or 30s. Saw a late VIct semi - renovated in an area being renovated. It was like a building site all round it. We couldn't afford it and nothing else matched. The builders went bust and back it came. We stretched further than planned and had the happiest 20 years there.

House 3: I thought it had potential, DH dismissed it. I arranged a visit anyway. It was the 6th house on a busy day of viewings and we were both knackered. Pulled into the road, pulled up outside the house. Before we set foot on the drive, DH reached for my hand. It's a fabulous house but was sa probate sale and we had to completely renovate.

So, for me, it's heart hands down as long as there are enough bedrooms, no significant structural problems, and it's within a ten minute walk of the station.

minipie · 13/10/2025 08:35

Just go and see it again.

indoorplantqueen · 13/10/2025 08:40

I knew as soon as I walked into my current house that I wanted it. Tbh it was quite similar to the house I was living in though had a few additional plus points (bigger garden and long drive). I offered and bought it and dh didn’t see it until we got the keys.

what stood out was that you lost a house you loved and you’re probably comparing it.
location and privacy have always been my priority. The rest I think you can work with.

canyon2000 · 13/10/2025 10:17

We complete on our house on Thursday. We only looked at it as it was very close to another house we thought would be the one! As it turns out we both fell for it before we even stepped inside as it was it such a nice location. I'm so happy we will be living in it😀

MaJoady · 13/10/2025 10:22

I find that the houses I buy (and enjoy living in) are the ones that make me feel calm. I don't get an exciting "falling in love" feeling or butterflies. It's just a quiet calmness as though living there is an inevitability.

Crikeyalmighty · 13/10/2025 10:48

I would have a really big think OP whether it was something small that put you off - we’ve lived in more houses ( we rent) in 31 years than I care to admit but my H gets put off by some things that bother me less ( although it’s different with rented as you can’t change) . Stuff like cold on viewing , messy, small main bedroom, unattractive house at end of garden or next door , strange impractical layout, no curb appeal, rubbish parking options, very scratched paintwork, have a think about what didn’t feel right - you will probably find something!! And then think about whether you can change that

bilbodog · 13/10/2025 10:55

Do a second viewing - you will probably notice things you didnt first time round and find you have mis-remembered some things too.

MrsFantastic · 13/10/2025 11:23

We looked at a house and decided against it. It was exactly in the area we wanted and the estate agent suggested a few weeks later that we have another look. We felt differently this time and bought it. We've been here for 18 years and love the house (after lots of work) and the area. Maybe have another look.

AllJoyAndNoFun · 13/10/2025 11:31

Argh it’s so hard isn’t it? We initially offered on a real heart house. First offer was rejected but then my head took over re road noise, a few layout issues that would be hard to fix and a very slopey garden and we didn’t raise but I was still kind of gutted ( even though I know if I was living there now that all those things would be annoying me.)

The one we’re in now looks like a heart house tbh as needs a lot of modernisation but was actually a head house because of its potential and basically ticked all boxes other than “requires total renovation”. I like it but I don’t love it but once we’re done with it I feel like I will. At the moment I just have major refurb anxiety!!

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 13/10/2025 11:38

When did you last move, OP? Could it be that it's the experience of moving that's holding you back a bit? Every time I, or any of my kids, move house we swear it's going to be the last time as it's such a horrible experience; are you feeling enthusiastic and happy about any houses, or is it the dread of packing up again that's stopping you?

When I walked into the house I currently live in I only got to see it once, at night, in the middle of winter but I loved it immediately (and still do). It's like a hug in brick form. When you know, you know.

Original poster
ScaredSceptic · 13/10/2025 14:01

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 13/10/2025 11:38

When did you last move, OP? Could it be that it's the experience of moving that's holding you back a bit? Every time I, or any of my kids, move house we swear it's going to be the last time as it's such a horrible experience; are you feeling enthusiastic and happy about any houses, or is it the dread of packing up again that's stopping you?

When I walked into the house I currently live in I only got to see it once, at night, in the middle of winter but I loved it immediately (and still do). It's like a hug in brick form. When you know, you know.

We've been wanting to move for years. We stopped looking during the COVID market frenzy as we didn't want to be fighting with multiple buyers and getting into bidding wars.

Then life just got in the way with parents being ill, bereavements etc.

Now we are ready and very keen to move but I guess it's been in our minds so long (and we now have some inheritance that we are conscious of wanting to spend wisely), it feels like such a huge thing.

OP posts: