Selling house with elderly/disabled person living in it

[Cheepcheepcheep]

Any ideas gratefully received..

My dad has recently had a severe escalation in his disability and is now completely immobile. He lives with my mum in a 2 storey detached house and is currently sleeping in what was the dining room. He is doubly incontinent and has carers 4 times a day who get him out of bed, move him via hoist into the living room into his chair and back again at bedtime. Rest of the house is completely inaccessible for him. Mum is currently not in the best of health but will recover. Both have full capacity although my dad is a cantankerous old bloke who has absolutely no filter and can be a bit - tricky. I have an active POA for finances and property.

They desperately need to move into a bungalow wide enough for my dad to be able to move around in a wheelchair. Ideally they would have done this in the last 10 years when it was entirely foreseeable this would happen, but never mind…

We’ve had a couple of valuations but what I cannot get my head around is how we sell the house. The place is full to the brim with disability aids, its constantly cluttered with all the stuff he needs and there’s no way we can get him out of the house for photos, let alone actual viewings (of which I imagine there will need to be many given the current market).

I’ve looked to see if there’s any way they could move into somewhere new and then we could sell their house as vacant possession but the interest on bridging loans is eye watering and I don’t think they could afford it, ditto renting somewhere (and tbh I’m not sure dad could cope with the upheaval of 2 moves).

Has anyone done this before and have any tips or can offer some reassurance? I’ve bought and sold at profit 3 times in the last 10 years but that’s with staging etc and in a much better market.

Paying for a live-in carer, or possibly 2 part-timers, may seem expensive, but it would be considerably more expensive to pay for residential care for two.

Having been though the challenges of caring for my own parents I think it's worth giving serious consideration to keeping them in their current home. My father died while we were making arrangements for them to move. In fact nothing went smoothly in their or our plans for their care. I have every sympathy for you OP. I'm now trying to get my DH to think about our future needs as well in plenty of time.

@EnfysPreseli yes that was exactly why it worked for my grandparents, it worked out cheaper than a care home for two of them. And they would not have agreed to go to a care home anyway. Events do tend to overtake you when trying to make these arrangements.

I’ve recently seen houses advertised on Rightmove where the Estate agent has photo shopped out the current decor and shown a virtual staging with neutral walls and modern sofas. They were open about the virtual staging and it was really effective

Care homes won't take residents unless there is proof of funds (usually at least 2-3 years fees). More if the person is younger/healthier. A house to sell is usually enough evidence.

The majority of care homes provide excellent care, people do really well there and there is some evidence they live longer. So if they both live 5 years at £2k a month each (and that's a conservative estimate) then you are looking at £50k per year, so £250k.
Obviously increasing to £500k for 10years.
Most people don't last 10years in a care home but if for instance, your parents are 78 and relatively healthy, it's feasible.

That said, his current situation of 4x per day, care visits isn't going to be cheap either.

Think about what happens if the money runs out? Please don't bank on social services picking up the tab. The threshold for funded care is very high indeed and they will do everything they can to avoid paying his care costs.

In his situation I'd look at if there's any way to adapt his current home to improve accessibility? Would widening doorways allow him access into the other ground floor rooms? What an electric wheelchair be suitable then he could get outside? Would a through floor lift allow him to get upstairs?

Have they thought about a live in carer? That way they get 24 hour care at home and it's often surprisingly cost effective?

Whatever you do please keep records of all their financial records from now on as if they need social services help further down the line and the proceeds of the house sale aren't there, they can (and increasingly do) prosecute for deprivation of assets.

Open day maybe OP, with your parents (if willing and physically able) perhaps going to your house for the time involved?

Really unhelpful comment, it’s a perfectly sensible suggestion. My grandmother moved into a care home on a temporary respite basis in her late 80s whilst some emergency work was done in her flat and then happily moved back and spent the next 4 years at home before her death.

I wouldn't do that, OP. The area where I live is full of empty retirement flats on which the owner or their heirs are having to pay hefty service charges. These flats are getting harder and harder to sell when a move is needed or capital needs to be released. Also they don't always deliver what they offer when it comes to support and company, and when the lift needs replacing, they all
get an extra large bill.

It could still be the right decision if the circumstances are right. Of course, if the beneficiaries/heirs are only bothered about their inheritance, then they will be worried about ongoing fees and potential loss on sale, but that doesn't negate the fact that it may be the right place for the parent(s). As long as people go into these places with their eyes open and are aware of the costs/risks etc as well as the benefits, then if it's right for them, whilst they're alive, then they should go for it and not be bothered about the inheritances of their beneficiaries once they're dead!

OP here, sorry for not updating. As it was he’s sort of taken matters out of my hands and is now in septic shock in hospital since Thursday afternoon, so everything is on hold for a bit while we work out if he’s coming out or not. Reading and absorbing all of this for potential future but I hate when people start threads and then go quiet so just wanted to explain. Thank you everyone for the thoughts, it’s all a bit of a headfuck.

Oh lord. Sorry to hear. Sending you strength.

Sorry and should also have said - both mum and dad have been open since dad’s first recent hospital stay to a move. Mum in generally good health (recently broke a bone hence the immobility but mid 60s, still working albeit not right now!) Dad has been very keen about achieving the ‘right’ (to his mind) price to secure a good place for mum going forward, very much not me giving a damn about price - fully aware inheritance is unlikely - tbh I have been since he was diagnosed 20 years ago when I was 17! They just don’t know where to start and neither do I.

Anyway, at the moment he doesn’t seem to know who I am and he’s not aware he’s even in a hospital so like I say all on hold. Just didn’t want to sound like a horrible grabby daughter who wants to sell their house from under them!

Thank you. x

Sorry to hear that OP. I wish you all the best for your dad x

It's not just the heirs who have a problem if the owner of the flat needs to pay for residential care but can't release the money tied up in their flat. And many people in the last stages of life are very keen not to leave their heirs with a huge admin/financial headache - I certainly would hate to do that.

@Cheepcheepcheep So sorry about your Dad, OP. This is very hard for all of you. x

Oh, bless you. Horrible thing to be coping with.

Have you thought through what will happen when it sells and they need to move out? Are you trusting that the bungalow purchase will go smoothly and there will be a seamless transition from house to bungalow? What will happen if this doesn't happen?

Some sheltered housing / Extracare / Village accommodation makes the process much easier. Usually flats but sometimes bungalows. Worth condidering

Just so you know, my mum had sepsis (routed in her spinal cord) it was horrific, but mostly the infection just messes with their head so much. She was on death’s door, we had to call family down to say their goodbyes, and four days later she was suddenly back in the room. She just suddenly knew who everyone was and where she was, like she’d never been ill really! Of course the recovery in her spine was long, but at least she was back in the room mentally. Best of luck OP, it’s the hardest thing to watch.