Previous marital home isn't selling and I don't know what to do

CinnamonSwirlLatte · 2025-07-03T17:49:41+00:00

So I left abusive exH 2 years ago - moved straight into a refuge with the children. We've since relocated into a rented house 3 hours away. ExH has been awful, applying to court at every turn and I now owe thousands in legal aid, which will come off the sale of the previous marital home. The house has been on the market for 10 months and hasn't had a single offer. I was pressured into agreeing to it going up for auction about six months ago, which reduced the price by 50k. There is hardly any equity left as it is, and now exH has taken it upon himself to move out, in with someone else and wants the house reduced by another 20-30k. This would leave me with nothing, but also I'd OWE money because legal aid want their fees back! He has now said that because he "is struggling financially" (in other words, paying for two houses because he's an impatient, abusive twat), he will have to have the house repossessed soon. I don't know if anyone has any words of wisdom, but I'm so sad that he can still blatantly control me and it's the children who suffer - that was supposed to get us into a much more secure position. Ugh :(

Meadowfinch · 03/07/2025 18:56

Can you move back in, or get a family member to move in?

Houses look better when they are lived in, kept up to scratch, clean and welcoming.

Look again at the estate agent entry, photos, description etc. What can you do quickly and cheaply to make it look more appealing - deep clean carpets, walls and windows. Remove rubbish from garden, keep lawns cut and flowerbeds neat. I assume it is now empty, with no chain, which is always appealing.

It may be worth spending some weekends working on it, then then having it relisted. If your ex is an awkward arse, I doubt he did much to encourage potential buyers.

Original poster

CinnamonSwirlLatte · 03/07/2025 19:01

Meadowfinch · 03/07/2025 18:56

Can you move back in, or get a family member to move in?

Houses look better when they are lived in, kept up to scratch, clean and welcoming.

Look again at the estate agent entry, photos, description etc. What can you do quickly and cheaply to make it look more appealing - deep clean carpets, walls and windows. Remove rubbish from garden, keep lawns cut and flowerbeds neat. I assume it is now empty, with no chain, which is always appealing.

It may be worth spending some weekends working on it, then then having it relisted. If your ex is an awkward arse, I doubt he did much to encourage potential buyers.

I'd love to (well, not live in it but sort it out), but I now live 3.5 hours away, work and obviously have the children with me full time too x

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FakingItEasy · 03/07/2025 19:02

Who's paying the bills at the moment? Could you afford to live there with the kids in the meantime?

If the house is equally yours, then he can only make executive decisions if you let him. If you don't want it to go via auction, can you not say this (via a trusted 3rd party, if you're unable to speak to him directly)?

Original poster

CinnamonSwirlLatte · 03/07/2025 19:06

FakingItEasy · 03/07/2025 19:02

Who's paying the bills at the moment? Could you afford to live there with the kids in the meantime?

If the house is equally yours, then he can only make executive decisions if you let him. If you don't want it to go via auction, can you not say this (via a trusted 3rd party, if you're unable to speak to him directly)?

Edited

He is paying the bills (I think?). We bought the house together but it has only ever been in his name. Court awarded a 70/30 equity split - there are six children involved. I never speak to him directly, but unfortunately it has already gone to auction. I was put under a lot of pressure from him and the auction company. Apparently he now wants it to go back on the live market, but at a ridiculously low price.

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Original poster

CinnamonSwirlLatte · 03/07/2025 19:07

I definitely couldn't live there - they're settled in their new schools etc, and I don't want to live locally to him

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caringcarer · 03/07/2025 19:09

Ring a local EA and get it valued properly. Tell them you want a realistic price. If you don't want to sell via an auction then don't agree to do so. You don't have to do what your exh wants anymore. He has no more power over you. List with EA for realistic price. If he's left it in a mess could you organise a cleaner to go in remotely and a garden tidy if necessary. You could deduct these from sale price.

Wot23 · 03/07/2025 19:10

so do you have a legally documented financial settlement? How is the house shared in it both in terms of sales proceeds and ongoing running costs?
(Are you also progressing the legal divorce?)

10 months and no offers means it is way, way, way, overpriced for that area. You cannot put any other spin on it after such a long period.

why is it overpriced?
You seem to regard it as a nest egg of money rather than a millstone to be shot of asap. If you take a loss, then fine, you can move on with life.

Original poster

CinnamonSwirlLatte · 03/07/2025 19:13

caringcarer · 03/07/2025 19:09

Ring a local EA and get it valued properly. Tell them you want a realistic price. If you don't want to sell via an auction then don't agree to do so. You don't have to do what your exh wants anymore. He has no more power over you. List with EA for realistic price. If he's left it in a mess could you organise a cleaner to go in remotely and a garden tidy if necessary. You could deduct these from sale price.

This was done last year (and if he wants it relisting again, it'll have to be done again). The garden will be a state. He has so much power over me, I hate it.

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Original poster

CinnamonSwirlLatte · 03/07/2025 19:15

Wot23 · 03/07/2025 19:10

so do you have a legally documented financial settlement? How is the house shared in it both in terms of sales proceeds and ongoing running costs?
(Are you also progressing the legal divorce?)

10 months and no offers means it is way, way, way, overpriced for that area. You cannot put any other spin on it after such a long period.

why is it overpriced?
You seem to regard it as a nest egg of money rather than a millstone to be shot of asap. If you take a loss, then fine, you can move on with life.

The house is in his name and he was living in it so it's his responsibility. It's really not overpriced, 165k for a 5 bed semi in a lovely village. Smaller houses on the same street are selling for more...

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Original poster

CinnamonSwirlLatte · 03/07/2025 19:15

And yes all legal stuff done and divorce finalised a year ago

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Wot23 · 03/07/2025 19:22

CinnamonSwirlLatte · 03/07/2025 19:15

The house is in his name and he was living in it so it's his responsibility. It's really not overpriced, 165k for a 5 bed semi in a lovely village. Smaller houses on the same street are selling for more...

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then this thread has nothing to do with property since you have no say in it as you are not an owner of it and can neither accept nor refuse any offers on it.

Yes marriage means you have an entitlement to a share of the martial assets, but you don't have a say in the sale of the property asset. So focus on progressing taking control of the division of the assets, not the sale of the property.

what has your solicitor done regarding progressing the financial settlement????

Money and property when you divorce or separate: Getting a financial agreement - GOV.UK

Financial Settlements on Divorce. 2. Step by Step Process - Men's Advice Line

Financial Settlement In A Divorce: All You Need To Know! 🏠💔

Money and property when you divorce or separate

How to work out splitting up money, property and possessions when you divorce or dissolve a civil partnership - including mediation.

https://www.gov.uk/money-property-when-relationship-ends

Original poster

CinnamonSwirlLatte · 03/07/2025 19:31

I don't "have no say in it". Every decision regarding the sale must be a joint decision, as per the court order. The financial settlement was completed a year ago, as I've already stated...

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Wot23 · 03/07/2025 19:48

CinnamonSwirlLatte · 03/07/2025 19:31

I don't "have no say in it". Every decision regarding the sale must be a joint decision, as per the court order. The financial settlement was completed a year ago, as I've already stated...

I was typing when you posted that
so go back to court and force the sale then, he has no more control than you do if the court has already set the split.

Original poster

CinnamonSwirlLatte · 03/07/2025 19:54

The sale is forced, just no one wants to buy it yet. I'm not in a rush, but he is!

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CanOfMangoTango · 03/07/2025 20:22

Why do you owe money for legal aid? This might be a daft question but I thought the point of legal aid was that you didn't have to pay....

Original poster

CinnamonSwirlLatte · 03/07/2025 20:26

CanOfMangoTango · 03/07/2025 20:22

Why do you owe money for legal aid? This might be a daft question but I thought the point of legal aid was that you didn't have to pay....

You have to pay it back if there's a marital home to be sold :(

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CanOfMangoTango · 03/07/2025 20:54

CinnamonSwirlLatte · 03/07/2025 20:26

You have to pay it back if there's a marital home to be sold :(

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Oh no :( I didn't realise that.

Original poster

CinnamonSwirlLatte · 03/07/2025 21:12

CanOfMangoTango · 03/07/2025 20:54

Oh no :( I didn't realise that.

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Yeh 😢

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Snoken · 03/07/2025 21:15

CinnamonSwirlLatte · 03/07/2025 19:54

The sale is forced, just no one wants to buy it yet. I'm not in a rush, but he is!

I would imagine that he would be in less of a rush if you were the one covering the running costs of the house too.

After this long I think you have to accept that it isn't worth what you have been told it is. 10 months and zero offers tells you that. Are you sure you have to pay back for the legal aid if there is no equity left to split once it's sold? I am not so sure that is the case. If so, you might as well try and sell it at a lower price and just be done with it and your ex.

rainingsnoring · 03/07/2025 21:57

Unfortunately, it sounds as if there is a very limited amount that you can do from a distance. Why do you think your ex doesn't want to secure a good offer on the house? It doesn't make sense for him to not want this as it is his asset too. Why is he paying for two homes if he is living in the marital home?
Unfortunately, if the house hasn't sold, it is either over priced. Did it even fail to sell at auction? Or, he is being deliberately obstructive in some way. Would he do that just to get back at you, even though he is injuring himself too?

Keepingittogetherstepbystep · 03/07/2025 22:02

Have you considered he might be sabotaging viewings. Some men are just plain spiteful without thinking things through.

Original poster

CinnamonSwirlLatte · 04/07/2025 08:08

Snoken · 03/07/2025 21:15

I would imagine that he would be in less of a rush if you were the one covering the running costs of the house too.

After this long I think you have to accept that it isn't worth what you have been told it is. 10 months and zero offers tells you that. Are you sure you have to pay back for the legal aid if there is no equity left to split once it's sold? I am not so sure that is the case. If so, you might as well try and sell it at a lower price and just be done with it and your ex.

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Yeh it's already been reduced substantially. And I completely understand that, but everyone has to cover their own living costs? 🤔 I don't expect him to pay towards my rent and bills lol

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Original poster

CinnamonSwirlLatte · 04/07/2025 08:11

rainingsnoring · 03/07/2025 21:57

Unfortunately, it sounds as if there is a very limited amount that you can do from a distance. Why do you think your ex doesn't want to secure a good offer on the house? It doesn't make sense for him to not want this as it is his asset too. Why is he paying for two homes if he is living in the marital home?
Unfortunately, if the house hasn't sold, it is either over priced. Did it even fail to sell at auction? Or, he is being deliberately obstructive in some way. Would he do that just to get back at you, even though he is injuring himself too?

I have no doubt whatsoever that he'll do whatever he can to punish me for leaving. I mean repossession would destroy his credit rating (which he always took very seriously) but would have no effect on me. It's insane. Apparently he moved out of the house earlier this year, I'm not sure when. I expect he moved out whilst love bombing someone new. When I met him, we were viewing houses almost immediately

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Original poster

CinnamonSwirlLatte · 04/07/2025 08:12

Keepingittogetherstepbystep · 03/07/2025 22:02

Have you considered he might be sabotaging viewings. Some men are just plain spiteful without thinking things through.

Well, he left a bathroom leak to go on for months until the kitchen ceiling fell through, and then didn't have it fixed for 5 months, despite viewings going ahead in that time. He just doesn't care at all... and neither do I, except for the children

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Wot23 · 04/07/2025 10:30

CinnamonSwirlLatte · 04/07/2025 08:12

Well, he left a bathroom leak to go on for months until the kitchen ceiling fell through, and then didn't have it fixed for 5 months, despite viewings going ahead in that time. He just doesn't care at all... and neither do I, except for the children

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you do care otherwise you would not have started this thread

we don't know his side of the story but you admit there have been zero offers and it is he who is pushing for a further price drop when it is him who owns 70% and so will lose more from doing so.

It is not getting offers because it is overpriced for its location / condition. 10 months is always going to be price

You say you are not in a rush, but he is because of his double costs, so it appears you are the one being obstructive to a price reduction, and are doing that out nothing more than spite.

You have not answered what happened to the auction?