Page 2 | Previous marital home isn't selling and I don't know what to do

CinnamonSwirlLatte · 2025-07-03T17:49:41+00:00

So I left abusive exH 2 years ago - moved straight into a refuge with the children. We've since relocated into a rented house 3 hours away. ExH has been awful, applying to court at every turn and I now owe thousands in legal aid, which will come off the sale of the previous marital home. The house has been on the market for 10 months and hasn't had a single offer. I was pressured into agreeing to it going up for auction about six months ago, which reduced the price by 50k. There is hardly any equity left as it is, and now exH has taken it upon himself to move out, in with someone else and wants the house reduced by another 20-30k. This would leave me with nothing, but also I'd OWE money because legal aid want their fees back! He has now said that because he "is struggling financially" (in other words, paying for two houses because he's an impatient, abusive twat), he will have to have the house repossessed soon. I don't know if anyone has any words of wisdom, but I'm so sad that he can still blatantly control me and it's the children who suffer - that was supposed to get us into a much more secure position. Ugh :(

Original poster

CinnamonSwirlLatte · 04/07/2025 10:37

Wot23 · 04/07/2025 10:30

you do care otherwise you would not have started this thread

we don't know his side of the story but you admit there have been zero offers and it is he who is pushing for a further price drop when it is him who owns 70% and so will lose more from doing so.

It is not getting offers because it is overpriced for its location / condition. 10 months is always going to be price

You say you are not in a rush, but he is because of his double costs, so it appears you are the one being obstructive to a price reduction, and are doing that out nothing more than spite.

You have not answered what happened to the auction?

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I care about my children, yes. He won't lose more? He doesn't have legal aid to pay back, and also is clearly housed securely elsewhere.

No spite, don't worry. You sound as controlling as him! What happened at the auction? Nothing. It's an ongoing online one. Each week it restarts if there are no bids. Calm down and have a cup of tea x

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Wot23 · 04/07/2025 11:18

CinnamonSwirlLatte · 04/07/2025 10:37

I care about my children, yes. He won't lose more? He doesn't have legal aid to pay back, and also is clearly housed securely elsewhere.

No spite, don't worry. You sound as controlling as him! What happened at the auction? Nothing. It's an ongoing online one. Each week it restarts if there are no bids. Calm down and have a cup of tea x

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LOL, "controlling"? You post on here asking for help to do something, so you get opinions based on what you said as we have nothing more to go on (and the other side of the story is missing). Look at the wording of your posts, that is not driven by factual questing, it is driven by pure emotion from the fight you two are able to have over the property as that still connects you and enables you to hurt each other (spite).

if you don't like that then don't ask

Original poster

CinnamonSwirlLatte · 04/07/2025 11:35

Wot23 · 04/07/2025 11:18

LOL, "controlling"? You post on here asking for help to do something, so you get opinions based on what you said as we have nothing more to go on (and the other side of the story is missing). Look at the wording of your posts, that is not driven by factual questing, it is driven by pure emotion from the fight you two are able to have over the property as that still connects you and enables you to hurt each other (spite).

if you don't like that then don't ask

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Thanks for your input x

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Profpudding · 04/07/2025 12:02

Is the property in both your names sorry if you’ve said that I can’t find it in the post

Profpudding · 04/07/2025 12:04

If it’s only in his name, let it get repossessed. The only person it will hurt is him.
He won’t be able to get a mortgage for 12 years minimum and actually he probably won’t be able to get another mortgage at all. They have a shadow database that keeps track of these things and prevents people doing it twice

Original poster

CinnamonSwirlLatte · 04/07/2025 12:07

Profpudding · 04/07/2025 12:04

If it’s only in his name, let it get repossessed. The only person it will hurt is him.
He won’t be able to get a mortgage for 12 years minimum and actually he probably won’t be able to get another mortgage at all. They have a shadow database that keeps track of these things and prevents people doing it twice

This was what i thought but the fact that he is so confident about having it repossessed makes me think that he has already bought a new house, or perhaps moved into his new victim (sorry partner's) council house (she's a single mum). But again, how does this benefit the children? He's hoping to eventually have them overnight, once he's done a domestic abuse course. What if it doesn't work out with this person? And his credit rating is too wrecked to get himself a house? It's insane to me

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LittleOwl153 · 04/07/2025 12:24

I know nothing about these things but I smell a rat...

Could he have some kind of deal going on where a mate or family member buys it at the lowest possible price - by refusing any other offer/making viewings loom terrible- only for him to get it back/get a kick back once you are out of the picture? Thus he ensures you get nothing from 'his house'?

Can you make him a legal offer to walk away if he pays the legal aid bill and say £20k (an amount less than the court envisaged so that he sees it as getting g something over you) he won't like it but if he sees you are open to negotiation which gives him control of the property he might run with it? It's not ideal but if it releases you from it all it would be worth it.

Alternatively take it back to the solicitors/ court to reevaluate the financial settlement as he is refusing to play ball.

Original poster

CinnamonSwirlLatte · 04/07/2025 12:50

LittleOwl153 · 04/07/2025 12:24

I know nothing about these things but I smell a rat...

Could he have some kind of deal going on where a mate or family member buys it at the lowest possible price - by refusing any other offer/making viewings loom terrible- only for him to get it back/get a kick back once you are out of the picture? Thus he ensures you get nothing from 'his house'?

Can you make him a legal offer to walk away if he pays the legal aid bill and say £20k (an amount less than the court envisaged so that he sees it as getting g something over you) he won't like it but if he sees you are open to negotiation which gives him control of the property he might run with it? It's not ideal but if it releases you from it all it would be worth it.

Alternatively take it back to the solicitors/ court to reevaluate the financial settlement as he is refusing to play ball.

I didn't think of this! The chances are slim but who knows?!

I have also tried making a similar offer - that he rents it out, buys me out and then does what he likes with it, but he said absolutely not.

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rainingsnoring · 04/07/2025 14:36

CinnamonSwirlLatte · 04/07/2025 08:11

I have no doubt whatsoever that he'll do whatever he can to punish me for leaving. I mean repossession would destroy his credit rating (which he always took very seriously) but would have no effect on me. It's insane. Apparently he moved out of the house earlier this year, I'm not sure when. I expect he moved out whilst love bombing someone new. When I met him, we were viewing houses almost immediately

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His behaviour doesn't appear to make any sense. Even a nasty, abusive man wouldn't normally want to cause more harm to himself. Why isn't the house selling at auction? Is he involved with the viewings or something?
Is there any chance of you paying a cleaner/gardener or having a relative present during the viewings to try to assist a sale?
If he goes down the repossession route, you will obviously end up with debt only.

LibertyLily · 04/07/2025 15:14

Is it a 'Modern Method' of auction or just a regular - albeit online - one?

Many potential buyers are put off by modern method style auctions. Although a friend in a similar situation with an abusive ex husband who remained living there whilst it was marketed by the modern method of auction, succeeded in selling despite him trashing the house/filling it from floor to ceiling with hoarder quantities of crap. He didn't want to sell/her to have her half of the proceeds and deliberately went out of his way to discourage buyers, yet it actually sold above the guide price!

Otoh, a neighbour in our last location repeatedly tried selling their vast grade 2* mansion via an online auction and had no takers. They're still at it now, three years on, although they've dropped the price multiple times.

In 2017 we attempted to sell our lovely, characterful - but in need of renovating - house via traditional auction and it failed to get a single bid, despite the guide price being roughly half what similar 4 bed detached houses were selling for. We eventually sold for higher than the guide via the normal method.

We were told that some properties are just not auction material - ie, most auction buyers where we were selling were landlords looking for smaller houses/flats to let out.

But otherwise it's always price!

Profpudding · 04/07/2025 15:35

CinnamonSwirlLatte · 04/07/2025 12:07

This was what i thought but the fact that he is so confident about having it repossessed makes me think that he has already bought a new house, or perhaps moved into his new victim (sorry partner's) council house (she's a single mum). But again, how does this benefit the children? He's hoping to eventually have them overnight, once he's done a domestic abuse course. What if it doesn't work out with this person? And his credit rating is too wrecked to get himself a house? It's insane to me

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That was pretty much what my ex did pissed away 50 grand in equity if he couldn’t have it he was gonna make sure that I didn’t.

Original poster

CinnamonSwirlLatte · 04/07/2025 17:10

LibertyLily · 04/07/2025 15:14

Is it a 'Modern Method' of auction or just a regular - albeit online - one?

Many potential buyers are put off by modern method style auctions. Although a friend in a similar situation with an abusive ex husband who remained living there whilst it was marketed by the modern method of auction, succeeded in selling despite him trashing the house/filling it from floor to ceiling with hoarder quantities of crap. He didn't want to sell/her to have her half of the proceeds and deliberately went out of his way to discourage buyers, yet it actually sold above the guide price!

Otoh, a neighbour in our last location repeatedly tried selling their vast grade 2* mansion via an online auction and had no takers. They're still at it now, three years on, although they've dropped the price multiple times.

In 2017 we attempted to sell our lovely, characterful - but in need of renovating - house via traditional auction and it failed to get a single bid, despite the guide price being roughly half what similar 4 bed detached houses were selling for. We eventually sold for higher than the guide via the normal method.

We were told that some properties are just not auction material - ie, most auction buyers where we were selling were landlords looking for smaller houses/flats to let out.

But otherwise it's always price!

Edited

Yes, I do wonder if it's not right for an auction! It's the "modern method", online.

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Original poster

CinnamonSwirlLatte · 04/07/2025 17:13

Profpudding · 04/07/2025 15:35

That was pretty much what my ex did pissed away 50 grand in equity if he couldn’t have it he was gonna make sure that I didn’t.

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That's exactly it. He was adamant we had to share the equity 50/50 until a judge told him that that would not be happening, since a single mother of six has far greater needs than a single man on a good wage! He's then abandoned the house and pissed about with child maintenance. He gives me the ick more than ever before 🤢

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rainingsnoring · 04/07/2025 17:19

CinnamonSwirlLatte · 04/07/2025 17:13

That's exactly it. He was adamant we had to share the equity 50/50 until a judge told him that that would not be happening, since a single mother of six has far greater needs than a single man on a good wage! He's then abandoned the house and pissed about with child maintenance. He gives me the ick more than ever before 🤢

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That explains it! I thought the split was 70/30 in his favour because you didn't make it clear in the earlier post! In that case, it does sound as if he is being obstructive to spite you. What a bastard. You need to try to take control of the process here. Get in touch with your solicitor and the agent as soon as you can.

Original poster

CinnamonSwirlLatte · 04/07/2025 19:51

rainingsnoring · 04/07/2025 17:19

That explains it! I thought the split was 70/30 in his favour because you didn't make it clear in the earlier post! In that case, it does sound as if he is being obstructive to spite you. What a bastard. You need to try to take control of the process here. Get in touch with your solicitor and the agent as soon as you can.

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The agent is awful, proper hounding me to reduce the price again because they just want their cut. My solicitor has emailed him with suggestions but he doesn't care x

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