Starting to doubt house purchase is right

[NeedSleepNow]

I'm selling my home as I'm in the middle of a divorce. I've been looking for a new house for months for myself and my 3 children. Unfortunately prices are high here and I'm trying not to move too far away from the children's school/my work but have been struggling to find anything suitable. I found a house a few weeks ago that seemed a good match, the house is lovely but the garden is not to my taste at all (it is beautifully finished but is all hard landscaping & a small bit of astroturf, no real plants), it is a big compromise for me as I love gardening. I was getting desperate as I need to leave my current house this month (I can stay with family for a while inbetween) so put in an offer which after a few days was aceepted.

Fast forward two weeks and I'm really starting to doubt my decision. The offer was the absolute top of my budget so I would have no money left, I'd actually have to borrow a bit from family to buy it. I think it's now that the plants are all starting to come out in my own garden and it looks so lovely that I'm worrying about looking out onto nothing but grey fences, patio, sheds etc. It would cost a lot to change and I would have no money to do it. I'm also a bit worried about the house layout, that it won't work that well for us.

Would you go ahead with the purchase worrying you'll always hate the garden and that the house may not quite work for you? Or would you stick with it because of the fear that nothing better would come along? I'm naturally a people pleaser so hate the idea of pulling out and letting the seller down but know that this is the biggest purchase I'll ever make and need to make sure it is right for me and my children.

I'd be more worried about finding a house for my children that was where it needed to be than about the garden. It's a luxury
That you may need to compromise on.

you need a house and that should be priority , couldn't you save up the money to re-do it next year or year after?

Just buy some raised planters & pots, you might even be able to get them second hand or free.

I mean I know you said you maxxed the budget but even new something like this for £40:

https://www.diy.com/departments/large-wooden-garden-planter-decking-tub-tan-trough-120-cm-4ft/5060863620796_BQ.prd?&&&&gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQiAlbW-BhCMARIsADnwasq-kSQO6nd6qImLdhcVB-iqOXCL2Wo9ZkhFnKoDmvoYxSRzW7V-3PUaAl6NEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds

It sounds like the garden is sortable in time and as a keen gardener you have the skills and knowledge to make that transformation, when funds allow.

If living with the hard landscaping for a few years is the only downside to the property, I think you should go for it. Pulling up the astro, and putting down grass seed shouldn't cost very much. And some pots full of plants can be done for not a massive outlay.

Unless the hard landscaping is concrete couldn’t you take it all up yourself? Most pavers are just put down on sand so you could take it up and plant stuff yourself on a budget. You could also paint the fences/sheds fairly cheaply.

Agree with the other posters. A garden is a luxury, a house that in all other ways ticks your boxes and provides security to you and your children is a no-brainer to me.
The garden can be put to something you like longer terms and short term solutions like raised beds etc. You can also get your gardening fix elsewhere if you need. There must be local horticultural colleges or gardens you can visit or volunteer at, or do a course.

I’m going to put this down to your feelings about the divorce. The thing is, your life will have to change when you divorce. This is the way of things. But in terms of how it’s changing, you can still afford to house you and your 3 children so you’re already in a much more privileged position than so many people following a divorce.

I think you need to start counting your blessings. Or what’s the alternative? Stay with your ex….?

If you're already having serious doubts, especially about finances and the house’s suitability, it might be best to reconsider. A home is a long-term commitment, and if you feel it won’t work for your family, it’s okay to back out. Staying with family for a while could give you more time to find a better fit. Don’t let fear of letting the seller down pressure you into a decision you may regret.

But this is a fixable problem.
There are compromises in life - this is a small one

You'll always find a reason not to buy a house. I'm guessing that you really don't want to leave your current garden. You make it your own over time.

Location sounds as if it most important and layout and garden can be changed. Maybe you can lift a few paving slabs, get hole cut in decking etc and get some fast growing climbers in , and planters and pots for a while until you can change more of it. Pretty much all houses have compromises and buyer’s nerves are common. You could paint the grey fences and sheds some different greens, doesn’t cost much and is easy to do yourself. Add some trellis and the climbers and you could green it up quickly, cheaper than removing a patio is breaking it up a bit with drainage holes and putting raiisedbed on top, you’d have to grow shallow rooted things, but some plants would be fine. Astro turf is not hard to remove and seeding a lawn is cheap, turf for a small area is not a lot and is easy to lay. But only you know if it is good enough or if you will be able to find and afford something better.

I agree with this.

Unless you are a multi-millionaire you will have to compromise on something.

Thank you all for your replies. I think the problem is that I fell in love with a couple of other houses (but someone else outbid me slightly each time) with lovely gardens, in much nicer roads, better layout, more storage and I'm panicking a bit now incase I get such a big decision wrong.

Unfortunately I am far from being a millionaire

What's wrong with the house layout? I'd be more concerned with that tbh.
Agree with pp, a few plants in pots to start with will brighten up the garden - the rest can come later.

The layout is quite open plan downstairs which I'm not sure will work that well for us. I'm finding as the children are getting a bit older we are wanting seperate spaces more. The kitchen is beautifully done but in reality I don't think it has many cupboards and the fridge/freezer isn't in the actual kitchen as there isn't enough space. I'm not too sure where all are stuff will go as there's isn't a lot of storage - I've already filled a skip, donated or sold lots but can't see where the rest of the stuff will go.

More houses will start to come on the market I imagine now . Maybe start looking again . You’re already going through a hard time with the divorce , be kind to yourself . Maybe you’re struggling to make a decision due to everything else going on but unless you’re 100% sure I would take a breather if the garden is so important to you , you will never be 100% content there and it’s a lot of money to spend to not be totally sure .

You need to write a list of priorities and non negotiables

Eg need
Location:Close to school / work
3 bedrooms
2 bathrooms
Detached / semi / three storey
Under £x000
It has Parking
It has a garden

Wants

Everything else!!

Ohhhhh those are lovely!!

OP - the house and location take priority over a garden. You can rip up the fake grass and buy a couple of boxes of grass seed for next to nothing. Tesco, Asda, Lidl and Aldi always have cheap plants. Your garden will come eventually.

I'm in the same position as you and the new garden is unloved. I can't wait to get my hands on it 😂

Giving the garden a makeover is the last of your worries.
Removing all the things you hate (AstroTurf, slabs etc) costs nothing and of you put it on FB you may find that people will take it away for free.
Likewise establishing a "new" garden. You can often pick up topsoil, turf, plants etc from your local FB groups FOC which means you can make a start on establishing a living garden and add plants of your choice later when funds allow.

That's a good idea about listing it on Facebook. The patio tiles are very good quality so I expect someone would take those, I really like them but they cover almost the whole garden at the moment and it is too much. My youngest loves football so will be desperate for some grass and a small football goal instead.

You can pot up lots of your existing plants and take them with you. This is a perfect time to divide the perennials.
with regards to open plan- in the short term you can zone the areas using furniture layout and rugs. In the long term you can save up and put back in a stud wall/ bookshelf divider.
if you’ve been looking for a while and location is priority it feels like the compromises are all changeable in the future.
As others have said. Be kind to yourself. It’s a huge loss and change to accept but hopefully this will be the start of a new adventure.

Thank you, you're absolutely right stud walls or room dividers could work. Where I am now we added a wall back in (previous owners had knocked the living room and dining room together) and it made such a difference to how we use the space. I wonder how much it costs to get a builder to put up a stud wall, my ex always did work like that to current house and I'm completely clueless about DIY or building work!

I'd continue with the purchase, you and your kids need somewhere to live. If you are green fingered you will be able to sort the garden, and if you really find in 18 months you still dont like it you can list it for sale take your time and present it well and take your time. Hopefully presenting the house better you can claw back enough to cover your stamp duty and moving costs.

Thanks, I don't think I'd be able to add any value easily unfortunately. The house and garden are presented beautifully it's just that the garden isn't my style at all. They've obviously spent a lot of money on the paving, a pergola and summer house and then there's a small square of astro in the middle of the garden. I would have preferred it all grass with some flower beds and trees. The garden's smaller than my current one too but I expect with planning it could be made to feel bigger (it's about 30ft long & 35 ft wide). I think it feels smaller than it is because the pergola and summer house take up so much space.