I hate where we’ve moved

[IHate]

Finally bit the bullet last year and moved out of central London. Young family, needed more space/garden/access to decent schools/the usual.

Bought in Sutton. Our research made it seem we were buying in a ‘nice bit’, we got a decent house (£625K, as wanted to make the most of being first time buyers re stamp duty), lots of green spaces, the nearby primaries are good and the grammars look great.

We hate it, though. There’s no sense of community. Everything is a bit downmarket. It’s not diverse. There’s no ‘vibe’. I really don’t want my kids growing up here.

We really want to decamp somewhere. We love Wimbledon, but can’t afford anything decent there. And all the places further outside London might have the same issues we’re experiencing here. Also, we just bought, it was a super expensive process, and we’ve spent about £50K doing up the house. Moving again would be madness, right?

What would you do?

Give it 5 years and if still not happy move again

I don't know Sutton well at all despite only being one borough over - always interested in what you mean by "sense of community"? My experience has been that in some places you need to scratch a little deeper to find a really thriving and active community, some other places it's more "on show" and actively welcoming.

I would spend the necessary 5 or so years to find the community and build friendships in the area

We relocated 8 years ago because of my husbands job. I didn't settle for a while and felt quite lonely, didn't think the people were friendly. 7 years on and we adore living here and have so many hobbies and close friends.

As another poster has said, try to scratch beneath the surface. Join some clubs etc

I think it takes a while to find a community, certainly longer than you've been there if it's less than a year.

Are you children at school yet? I didn't feel much of a sense of community where we live until DS started school and I got to know parents/went to school events. I even volunteered to be one of the class reps so that I was more involved in the school (even though it's a PITA!). It doesn't help with the other issues, I grant you.

We started our married life in Sutton and I understand exactly where you're coming from. Carshalton was the only part that seemed to have a "community feel". Thankfully, I got a job in a small market town and we were able to relocate.

I'd agree with another poster that once kids hit school, the community suddenly appears. I'd spent years wanting to move from our area only to join the school and realise how great the community is. Now we've sold and are having real difficulties finding something to buy in the area.

Sutton must feel like a big change from central London though.

No harm in getting the property valued. Then you can make a more informed decision on the best way forward. An agent might even have a buyer lined up, but keep it off the internet as it's too soon after your purchase.

Central London to Sutton is always going to be a big adjustment.

Sometimes the gritty bits of central London seem acceptable, but the gritty bits of the suburbs just feel downmarket. You need to give it more time and throw yourself into the locality.

But at the same time it’s madness trying to compare Sutton to London and Wimbledon! We all love Wimbledon but you need deep pockets.

I think you need to be realistic about what led you there with your available budget and try and focus on the positives. If after another year it’s not for you then you will have to again evaluate where you can buy within the price point.

Epsom could be worth a look but you’re just doing a swap out. Not sure what’s available price wise Beckenham, Bromley, Sydenham or Penge. Otherwise it’s as you say further out and that’s got another set of issues if you want to remain close to London.

For 625k, you’ve done well. The community is there, you’ll find it once you start doing nursery end school things. It’s a shock, is all. But the weird thing is, after a year or two where you are, you’ll find when you visit centre of london, it’s too crowded and cramped!

When you say 'last year', that could be 7 days ago or a whole year ago - how long have you actually been there? It takes a while to find/ build a community in a new place and outside of the city it is always going to be a bit more work.

Not diverse in what way? Do you mean ethnically, culturally, architecturally or something else? What type and degree of diversity would suit you?

If you've only been there a year, you won't really have had time to build a community. That takes years, although you can short cut if you have kids at school or throw yourself into community life in some way.

Having said that, if you feel that it's a bit 'dead', some suburbs are like that. It might be that it isn't quite the right place for you (although finding somewhere better within commuting distance of London may not be possible without sacrificing space/garden).

I would give it more time (for example, another couple of years). In the meantime, you could give yourself a project of researching and visiting areas that might work better. In two years you'll either have bedded in or found somewhere you prefer.

Sutton the borough or the town centre? I know people in Cheam, Wallington, Carshalton Beeches, Worcester Park who all feel they have a good community around them. But it does take time.

I’m surprised about the lack of diversity as the grammars are very diverse.

Give it a bit longer - at least another year and then consider moving if you still dislike it. No point hankering after places you can't afford though.

Did you not visit before moving in? Sutton town centre is fairly grim.

You can't find a sense of community but have barrelled in labeling it 'downmarket', 'vibeless' and 'undiverse'. Your whole attitude is that its the best you could afford but not good enough, all very snobby and 'better than' attitude.

I wonder why the locals aren't flocking in droves to welcome the person looking down on them to the community.

Whereabouts are you? Have your children started school? We live between Sutton and Carshalton. We are friendly with our neighbours but the real sense of community comes from the kids school and groups we have joined e.g. I do a weekly Pilates class, kids do gymnastics. I agree there is less 'vibe' than say Wimbledon but Wimbledon is easy to get to at the weekend when we aren't busy with parties and activities.

There are also local community groups and venues that offer things in the holidays e.g. Sutton libraries, the Ecology Centre, Frost Fair etc. I also like some of the local pubs - we go to the Sun but others have their favourites. One local one was bought by locals to save it from closure. Maybe just give it more time and if it still isn't right for you then explore moving in a few years.

Aesthetically yes! But there are some useful shops, some community spaces/cafes and a regeneration plan. It's not a cute spot to go for coffee/brunch admittedly, but as you say, that is obvious from first visit!

I think it’s fairly hard to define! A sense that there is cohesion and that the people in the community know/like/help each other? ‘Stuff’ happening? I assumed there’d be much more of it about in the suburbs than in Zone 1, and thus hasn’t been the case.

Born and bred Londoner, I moved 10 years ago from central London to a town around 12 miles south outside of the M25.
It took me a long time to settle, a good 2/3 years really, maybe more.
I knew no one, but gradually as child started preschool then reception started to build my own community, and tapped in to the wonderful, local community resources.
I absolutely love where I live now, beautiful countryside just a walk away and good local facilities. I have a fantastic set of friends and neighbours but I still miss London life! Although I wouldn't move back.

I still work in South London, incidentally I know Sutton quite well and have many friends that live across the borough. I think you need to give it time, open yourself up to trying new things such as classes and clubs, if you have children, get them into activities too.

They aren’t in school, yet. Thing is, excellent though the schools are, it feels like we’ll be ‘stuck’ here once they start.

Then you get it. It’s a bit of an odd area.

We didn’t use up all our available lending at the time, DH has since had a pay rise and I’ve gone back to work. So, we’ve gone from a £120K income household to £230K household. So, our current budget is actually pretty decent.

I think everything you’ve said is spot on and really sensible. Thank you.