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Still hate my new home after 16 months

91 replies

Mumof52 · 21/07/2024 15:36

I moved 16 months ago and the day I moved I regretted it! I hate the street hate the larger mortgage hate the fact lots still needs doing. I’m not sure I’ll ever settle here anyone else felt like this?

OP posts:
Mumof52 · 07/08/2024 12:55

RunningThroughMyHead · 25/07/2024 10:03

Also, I'll be giving my house a clean when we move but only to an extent; a quick hoover and dust. I have 3 kids and my priority in the days leading up will be packing and sorting the family out. I'm saving my effort and annual leave to clean my new house.

Why did you spend days cleaning your old house?

Oh as I would like to think someone would be able to put their stuff away with nice clean shelves a defrosted fridge freezer ect! I even made my husband reseal my en-suite shower where it was a bit grubby! I thought if I left it immaculate karma would pay it forward clearly not! 🥹

OP posts:
Mumof52 · 07/08/2024 12:57

RK800 · 27/07/2024 13:30

I’m still cross with ourselves for buying our house nearly seven years later. We had a lovely 2 bed flat which we could have realistically stayed in a lot longer after DD2 was born.

I can spend weeks deciding on a new moisturiser for my face but a house we were like yeah that will do after two viewings! 😂

This is so true! We did 2 viewings and definitely take longer to pick other things!

OP posts:
LeakyRad · 07/08/2024 22:14

If you are sure you hate the house, OP, get out sooner rather than later.

My sad (long) story from nearly 10 years ago:

We were moving cities for work, so needed to find somewhere to buy.
Husband spotted this house on Rightmove and showed me, said he liked it.
I didn't like it, just from the Rightmove listing alone.
Husband travelled up by himself to do the first viewing (I was busy), came back talking about how great it was, lots of potential, blah blah.
Eventually we both went to view it again together. My initial dislike became a strong dislike upon viewing. I spotted various problems that DH with his rose-tinted glasses hadn't, but he insisted that I was just being nitpicky, biased, fussy, etc.
To husband's displeasure I refused to offer on it, instead desperately trawled the market for literally anything else. But market conditions at that specific time were really weird, hardly anything on the market, and anything halfway decent got snapped up at wayyyyy over the asking price.
Eventually, as yet another house purchase fell through, husband begged me to reconsider his "dream" house and we put in a low offer. It wasn't a surprise to me when the offer was accepted, because I'd noticed the house had been on the market with various agents for over a year.
Survey highlighted more issues that I hadn't spotted on my single, disdainful, viewing. We discussed pulling out and renting. Husband persuaded me that we could just reduce our offer. Which, unsurprisingly, was also accepted (with a bit of give-and-take).
Husband said "Don't worry, we'll make this house a home."
The day we moved in, my strong dislike turned to utter loathing. And it quickly became obvious that the survey had missed yet more issues. By this time, husband had become completely fixated on "his" house and couldn't take any criticism of it from me, seeing it as a personal attack.

So - Living in the house caused me such severe mental health problems that I had to give up my career, and nearly destroyed my marriage. We've had to have marriage counselling. Money has been so tight - we have scraped together enough, every few years, to fix some of the things, but I don't even enjoy the bits of the house that we have done because all I can see is the towering stack of issues and all the sadness it has brought to my life. I resent every £ we've had to spend on the house and every bit of cleaning, repair, maintenance that I have to do on it - made worse because often husband is in denial about any possibility of issues or repairs being needed.

And it'll always be there in all my precious memories of my DCs growing up Sad

Twiglets1 · 08/08/2024 06:58

Wow all you people who hate your houses - surely it’s better to put them up for sale even if you take a financial hit, than to keep living somewhere you despise? Your mental health is important.

standardmum · 08/08/2024 07:53

Twiglets1 · 08/08/2024 06:58

Wow all you people who hate your houses - surely it’s better to put them up for sale even if you take a financial hit, than to keep living somewhere you despise? Your mental health is important.

I agree. Better to cut your losses ASAP if at all possible as otherwise you stand to waste time, energy and money trying to make changes or just in general day to day maintenance on a property you don't even like.

LeakyRad · 08/08/2024 08:13

Well, for my part it was a combination of things.

Being utterly exhausted by the whole selling/buying/moving cities, jobs and schools thing, most of which I had had to manage.
Having spent almost all our spare money on the above.
Hoping (as is often suggested on these threads) that it was a temporary buyer's remorse all-in-my-head thing, related to the being exhausted thing above, and that I would get over it with time.
Not helped by husband being utterly committed to this being a wonderful home bursting with potential and fighting me tooth-and-nail any time I even ventured a criticism, thus adding to my all-in-my-head thought, and I was just being nitpicky/fussy.
Going along with the idea that a spot of repainting and titivating a few spots in the house would make me see husband was right about the wonderful home.
After I'd given it enough titivating and months/years to realise it wasn't just me being a cow, and that I really wasn't ever going to get over it, resenting every thought of having to spend money/effort getting house on the market, trying to find a buyer stupid enough to take it on, and finding another house to buy - knowing I'd have to do it all myself because husband wouldn't be supportive.

Finally - On the bright side, husband was right about the street and neighbourhood being great. We love the area. DC love the area. So that is the thing that keeps us in this house.

RunningThroughMyHead · 09/08/2024 19:21

Mumof52 · 07/08/2024 12:55

Oh as I would like to think someone would be able to put their stuff away with nice clean shelves a defrosted fridge freezer ect! I even made my husband reseal my en-suite shower where it was a bit grubby! I thought if I left it immaculate karma would pay it forward clearly not! 🥹

Well it shows what a lovely person you are to think of others 🥰

Mumof52 · 12/08/2024 21:53

RunningThroughMyHead · 09/08/2024 19:21

Well it shows what a lovely person you are to think of others 🥰

Not that nice though as I would like to move my neighbours grubby car 🤣

OP posts:
Mumof52 · 12/08/2024 21:58

standardmum · 08/08/2024 07:53

I agree. Better to cut your losses ASAP if at all possible as otherwise you stand to waste time, energy and money trying to make changes or just in general day to day maintenance on a property you don't even like.

Yes agreed as I feel like I am desperately waiting for the time to pass and not enjoying the present!

OP posts:
Mumof52 · 12/08/2024 22:01

LeakyRad · 08/08/2024 08:13

Well, for my part it was a combination of things.

Being utterly exhausted by the whole selling/buying/moving cities, jobs and schools thing, most of which I had had to manage.
Having spent almost all our spare money on the above.
Hoping (as is often suggested on these threads) that it was a temporary buyer's remorse all-in-my-head thing, related to the being exhausted thing above, and that I would get over it with time.
Not helped by husband being utterly committed to this being a wonderful home bursting with potential and fighting me tooth-and-nail any time I even ventured a criticism, thus adding to my all-in-my-head thought, and I was just being nitpicky/fussy.
Going along with the idea that a spot of repainting and titivating a few spots in the house would make me see husband was right about the wonderful home.
After I'd given it enough titivating and months/years to realise it wasn't just me being a cow, and that I really wasn't ever going to get over it, resenting every thought of having to spend money/effort getting house on the market, trying to find a buyer stupid enough to take it on, and finding another house to buy - knowing I'd have to do it all myself because husband wouldn't be supportive.

Finally - On the bright side, husband was right about the street and neighbourhood being great. We love the area. DC love the area. So that is the thing that keeps us in this house.

Oh my goodness this makes me so sad for you 🥹 I understand your situation as my husband likes it here and gets fed up when I say for the 3rd time in a week how much I dislike the road/grotty neighbours car that has been declared off road since 2019! I feel like I’m just desperately waiting to move not really enjoying the moment.

OP posts:
Expectperspect · 31/12/2024 23:45

I don't like mine. Been here over 8 years. It's spacious but old and bloody hard work. Don't know where else to go due to schools, very low supply out in potential areas, very much more expensive for less space elsewhere etc. Stamp duty is expensive too. Tried putting on market once and no takers. And we weren't motivated enough to take a financial loss. So not as easy to just uproot.

Probably have to wait till DC move out...

Watchingyouwatchingme · 01/01/2025 00:11

Just one thought @Mumof52

Is it worth investigating the situation with the car opposite. Could it be that it is dumped on the drive and declared off road because the owner can’t afford to get it removed? Are they elderly, unwell, short of money, or why is it there?

In that scenario and I know it would be cheeky, I would be offering to get it disposed of for them.

Bluevelvetsofa · 01/01/2025 21:33

We bought ten years ago and it was the house I really wanted. It was a new area and I hadn’t realised how close it was to a town I really didn’t like. There wasn’t any need to go there and the city in the other direction was much more pleasant.

Over time, the town encroached more, the city deteriorated and our quiet road became a rat run to the main road and anti social behaviour increased.

In the end, as well as needing to downsize, I couldn’t stand living there any more. If we had to go into town, it was full of smokers and vapers and just really unpleasant.

It took nine months, but we downsized to a quiet village. Fewer facilities, but there is a small supermarket, chemist, post office, within easy walking distance. This house is much easier to maintain and the best thing is, it’s not the horrid town.

Mumof52 · 02/01/2025 15:37

Watchingyouwatchingme · 01/01/2025 00:11

Just one thought @Mumof52

Is it worth investigating the situation with the car opposite. Could it be that it is dumped on the drive and declared off road because the owner can’t afford to get it removed? Are they elderly, unwell, short of money, or why is it there?

In that scenario and I know it would be cheeky, I would be offering to get it disposed of for them.

its a 3 generation family the car has been there (SORN ) since 2019 I think as I checked! The husband and wife are 50 ish and fully able bodied! My husband was cleaning our car and driveway and offered to lend our jet washer! 🤣 They sadly have not taken us up on it! Honestly it’s awful!

OP posts:
Mumof52 · 02/01/2025 15:41

Bluevelvetsofa · 01/01/2025 21:33

We bought ten years ago and it was the house I really wanted. It was a new area and I hadn’t realised how close it was to a town I really didn’t like. There wasn’t any need to go there and the city in the other direction was much more pleasant.

Over time, the town encroached more, the city deteriorated and our quiet road became a rat run to the main road and anti social behaviour increased.

In the end, as well as needing to downsize, I couldn’t stand living there any more. If we had to go into town, it was full of smokers and vapers and just really unpleasant.

It took nine months, but we downsized to a quiet village. Fewer facilities, but there is a small supermarket, chemist, post office, within easy walking distance. This house is much easier to maintain and the best thing is, it’s not the horrid town.

Oh I’m sorry that you were there so long but glad there is a happy ending. It’s rubbish when you move and don’t like it. I’ve settled a bit more but this is definitely not our forever home 🤣 hoping to move in the next 2 years once my youngest has passed his test which will give us more scope.

OP posts:
Newgirls · 02/01/2025 15:53

Hmmm I relate. We have a nice house but some scruffy neighbours. What helped was a neighbourhood WhatsApp group. When we got to know each other it started to get better - people were more considerate. Might be worth getting to know them and even asking about the car? A tricky conversation but might be worth it. Plus invest in fences and shutters/blinds!!

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