Page 2 | AIBU - Lodger wants to have multiple guests over

questionandanswerplease · 2024-07-09T14:25:57+00:00

Potential lodger looking to rent a room in my home. They have asked to be able to have friends visit them, and also to be able to have two relatives visit and stay overnight at a time. They are renting a double bedroom. So, ideally 3 can't sleep in there at once. Also, I live a quiet life and would like to keep it so. I'm uncomfortable with people coming to socialise in my home. How do people on MN approach these kinds of requests from their lodgers?

Beeinalily · 09/07/2024 16:15

Ooh no. Blimey.

KreedKafer · 09/07/2024 16:16

ActualChips · 09/07/2024 15:28

Just reply that the room has been taken, wait for a different applicant.

Why would you do that?!

The OP just needs to say that no, overnight guests won't be allowed so if the potential applicant wants that, they'll need to look elsewhere.

PossumintheHouse · 09/07/2024 16:16

questionandanswerplease · 09/07/2024 16:15

2 bathrooms. I have mine, they have theirs, although it's to be shared with the 3rd room but I've purposely left the 3rd room empty to avoid crowding the home.
Thanks for the awakening. I could easily get outnumbered. I never have visitors. I meet my friends outside. So, could see how the outnumbering could become the norm.

Show quote history

Did you tell the potential lodger about the empty third room? Because if so, it sounds like they were hoping to take advantage of that. A parade of flags.

gardenmusic · 09/07/2024 16:18

They are confused between a lodger and a tenancy.
If you are taking lodgers, and you sound a bit of a push over so be careful, your default position should be 'No'.
No to guests, no to visitors, no to locks, or anything else. You can assess further along the line if you choose and they are decent.
If they want the run of the house, or to invite people in they need a tenancy, and that is not what you are offering.

Original poster

questionandanswerplease · 09/07/2024 16:20

@KievLoverTwo I agree as they seem nice but perhaps they are trying to protect themselves. It seems unreasonable considering that I've tried to be flexible and give kind gestures wherever possible. So, they are ok with their parents staying in my room when I'm away but they want locks on their door? It made me realise that I needed to protect myself as well,

OP posts:

krustykittens · 09/07/2024 16:21

Wanting two guests very night?! It sounds like they are moving in two more people by stealth! No bloody way!

DinnaeFashYersel · 09/07/2024 16:22

He's right to ask if this important to him.

You are right to say no if you don't want this.

KievLoverTwo · 09/07/2024 16:24

questionandanswerplease · 09/07/2024 16:20

@KievLoverTwo I agree as they seem nice but perhaps they are trying to protect themselves. It seems unreasonable considering that I've tried to be flexible and give kind gestures wherever possible. So, they are ok with their parents staying in my room when I'm away but they want locks on their door? It made me realise that I needed to protect myself as well,

There has to be a balance. I don't really think it's okay for a lodger to ask for their parents to come and stay - that's not something I ever would have dreamed of asking. But locks on their doors - yes. You might be as straight as they come but people who enter your home might not be. They should be able to protect their possessions and sleep well at night if they feel they sleep more soundly behind a locked door. This sort of setup is probably more common in HMOs than a straight up two people in the same house scenario though.

My (stalker) LL had a key to my door - he was never so bad as to let himself in when I was physically in there. But at least I could lock the door when I was away, which was the level of comfort I needed.

IsadoraQuagmire · 09/07/2024 16:25

Seriously, don't be "kind", be businesslike. A lot of people will try to take advantage, no matter how nice they seem. Keep your boundaries! x

gardenmusic · 09/07/2024 16:27

For goodness sake!
You will be over run, out numbered and find yourself in real trouble here.
A lodger is a lodger, not a tenant, it's not a house share.
I am becoming worried for you.

Likewhatever · 09/07/2024 16:27

Your house, your rules.

Think about how you feel about boyfriends/girlfriends staying over. You don’t want to find yourself sharing with a couple. Put a limit on the number of nights a partner can stay over, and only one night at the weekend.

Cornflakelover · 09/07/2024 16:33

first of all watch Single White Female with Bridgette Fonda - you may decide fuck it rather be broke than have a lodger

If name starts with a J avoid. 😂. He was verging on being like the lodger in the film SWF

If your getting a lodger these are my tips

get a ring doorbell if you don’t have one already
get a lock on your own bedroom door so you can lock it if your away

Use the spare room lodgers agreement

take a deposit ( for lodgers they don’t have to be protected )

with the spare room contract you can specify how much notice you will give if you want them to leave

keep it as business
don’t be overly friendly as in going out with them as friends

reply to this pisstaker that your home wouldn’t be suitable as it’s a lodgers contract not as AST contract

My son has a lodger
his house rules are something along the line off
They can have one over night guest twice a month and just to text my son or his partner so they are aware someone is staying over that night .

if they have guests they aren’t allowed to leave them in the house on there own .

no locks on lodgers bedroom door

to shut the bedroom window if they aren’t in / going out

to use/ set the alarm when they leave the house

to clean up after themselves

no loud music after 9pm

No smoking vaping or candles in the bedroom

smoking only in the garden / outside

TemuSpecialBuy · 09/07/2024 16:36

I put 2 overnights per month in the contract.

All the other stuff / extra asks (garage etc) are just showing you they are going to be difficult and demanding and tells you they are a no.
The locks are just a hard no. You need a level of respect and trust in your home. Its not a bedsit or hmo.

Lodging charges significantly under rental rates for a reason.
Your house, your rules.

I was generally fairly chilled and relaxed as the home owner but i only let my spare room to sensible respectful people who i thought werent going to do anything weird.

LumpyandBumps · 09/07/2024 16:36

I would be very worried about this person.
It may, of course, be that they genuinely don’t want to break any terms of the agreement, which is why they are pushing for everything to be documented. You don’t sound happy with what they want and now is the time to say no.
At least this has all occurred before they moved in.
I would be particularly concerned about the requested lock on their bedroom door. I can’t remember the exact position but unrestricted access to their room is one of the things which distinguishes a lodger from a sub tenant.

AzureAnt · 09/07/2024 16:39

Oh christ no way . Throw this one back in the pond and never, but never offer your room to strangers!!

IdLikeToBeAFraser · 09/07/2024 16:39

As a side point, I would never ever suggest letting a lodger use your room for any reason. You need at least one space in your house that is completely lodger free.

definitely swerve this one. it doesn't sound like you're compatible at all.

Cornflakelover · 09/07/2024 16:41

Also I think ( not sure ) that as a live in landlord / lodger agreement you aren’t “allowed “ to have locks on the lodgers bedroom door

part of being lodger is that the landlord has unrestricted access to every room in his house

or something along these lines
I’m sure I’ve read this somewhere

AGodawfulsmallaffair · 09/07/2024 16:43

questionandanswerplease · 09/07/2024 15:44

Thanks everyone. I think I'll pass on them.
I offered one overnight twice a month. Out of consideration, I said if parents were visiting, I'd be happy for them to stay in my room if I'm away.
My thinking was that most parents wouldn't visit so often especially in someone else's home. But the potential lodger has now requested the contract to be amended to max 2 guest per night to cover their parents and friends. They also want locks on their door, 3 days notice before inspecting their room, and also want other kind gestures such as using my garage that they are not ideally entitled to to be written into the contract.

Hell no! Cheeky fuckers!

greenpolarbear · 09/07/2024 16:47

questionandanswerplease · 09/07/2024 16:20

@KievLoverTwo I agree as they seem nice but perhaps they are trying to protect themselves. It seems unreasonable considering that I've tried to be flexible and give kind gestures wherever possible. So, they are ok with their parents staying in my room when I'm away but they want locks on their door? It made me realise that I needed to protect myself as well,

Why would their parents by staying in your room when you said you have 3 bedrooms and the third one is free?

And yes you should have a lock on your own bedroom door if you have lodgers.

IsEveryUserNameBloodyTaken · 09/07/2024 16:50

questionandanswerplease · 09/07/2024 15:44

Thanks everyone. I think I'll pass on them.
I offered one overnight twice a month. Out of consideration, I said if parents were visiting, I'd be happy for them to stay in my room if I'm away.
My thinking was that most parents wouldn't visit so often especially in someone else's home. But the potential lodger has now requested the contract to be amended to max 2 guest per night to cover their parents and friends. They also want locks on their door, 3 days notice before inspecting their room, and also want other kind gestures such as using my garage that they are not ideally entitled to to be written into the contract.

No chance.Move on to the next applicant.

StarvingMarvin222 · 09/07/2024 16:58

They sound overbearing and they haven't even moved in yet.

Id tell them no they're not moving in.
And have a list of rules for the house.

Original poster

questionandanswerplease · 09/07/2024 16:59

@greenpolarbear the 3rd room is temporarily turned into an office for home-working. They know that because they have been around for a viewing.

OP posts:

Original poster

questionandanswerplease · 09/07/2024 17:01

Thank you very much to everyone. 2 heads are indeed better than one. And all the feedback about personal boundaries, rules for lodgers and being business-like - I'm listening and will certainly continue to work on the self. Thank you.

OP posts:

GreigeO · 09/07/2024 17:04

I can't believe you offered your bed to their family! Are you sure you're really cut out for this?

tosleeptodream · 09/07/2024 17:21

They also want locks on their door, 3 days notice before inspecting their room, and also want other kind gestures such as using my garage that they are not ideally entitled to to be written into the contract.

Don't do any of this. Locks especially changes the nature of the contract from a lodger agreement with almost no rights to a tenancy with rights.