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Please help me dissuade DH of his daft idea (re knocking through rooms)

30 replies

15cm · 10/06/2024 13:09

Less than six months ago, we spent nearly £10k on redoing our dining room. It looks amazing now, with high quality furniture and flooring, it’s fab. DH led the design and declaration options and while it might not have been my first choice, I can’t deny it looks great and it’s a fabulous entertaining space that is now in keeping with the era of the property, with some original features restored along the way.

Fast forward a few months and yesterday DH said he’s been thinking and wouldn’t it actually be great if we knocked through the dining room and kitchen to make it open plan?!

Err… well no, it’s not happening. And I’m a bit pissed off that the dining room renovation was his idea which I went along with and now he’s not happy. But I can’t just say an outright ‘no’ to him, so I am going to let him down gently on the basis on cost and the fact there’s no way we can afford it.

Quite apart from the 10k already spent (and will be paying off the loan for another 24 months)… how much does it cost to knock down a load bearing wall these days? I imagine the wall will be thick as there’s a chimney stack with a fireplace on either side. Then you have a new kitchen, flooring, replastering it all, re-decoration…

I know it’s how long is a piece of string but any guesstimates please?!

OP posts:
TowelTerror · 10/06/2024 16:46

Just say “I really like it as it is and it will be great to be able to shut the door on all the baby stuff in the kitchen when we’re having friends for dinner” or whatever. Why all the rigmarole and drama?

haddockfortea · 10/06/2024 16:48

15cm · 10/06/2024 13:09

Less than six months ago, we spent nearly £10k on redoing our dining room. It looks amazing now, with high quality furniture and flooring, it’s fab. DH led the design and declaration options and while it might not have been my first choice, I can’t deny it looks great and it’s a fabulous entertaining space that is now in keeping with the era of the property, with some original features restored along the way.

Fast forward a few months and yesterday DH said he’s been thinking and wouldn’t it actually be great if we knocked through the dining room and kitchen to make it open plan?!

Err… well no, it’s not happening. And I’m a bit pissed off that the dining room renovation was his idea which I went along with and now he’s not happy. But I can’t just say an outright ‘no’ to him, so I am going to let him down gently on the basis on cost and the fact there’s no way we can afford it.

Quite apart from the 10k already spent (and will be paying off the loan for another 24 months)… how much does it cost to knock down a load bearing wall these days? I imagine the wall will be thick as there’s a chimney stack with a fireplace on either side. Then you have a new kitchen, flooring, replastering it all, re-decoration…

I know it’s how long is a piece of string but any guesstimates please?!

I imagine the wall will be thick as there's a chimney stack with a fireplace on either side.

That's not just any old load-bearing wall, that's holding the entire ruddy house up!! Tell him it is a crazy idea.

bellocchild · 10/06/2024 18:14

”But we agreed 'no' to open plan!"

TheCultureHusks · 10/06/2024 18:23

I would have no hesitation in EXPLODING with a very outright ‘no’ !!!

You did all this and went with HIS first choices

It cost a fortune.

It’s only just been done.

You’ve discussed in the past that open plan kitchen dining is not what you want and that’s still the case.

Flat NO.

Honestly I would say that he’s beginning to sound as if he has issues, needing to be doing or changing something all the time, like a displacement activity. I’d be really annoyed at this coming up and I’d tell him that very plainly.

If you’re always slightly pussyfooting around him, maybe that’s why he has no problem with throwing his weight around with outlandish ideas?? Maybe he very much needs a quite pissed off NO.

HateThese4Leggedbeasts · 10/06/2024 18:28

15cm · 10/06/2024 13:20

I can’t just say no because I feel like it would come across as me being the ‘boss’ or not letting him have ideas/opinions etc. This is a madcap idea, but I feel I have to wait for him to work that conclusion out by himself!

I don't think it is about you saying no. Its rather than major expenses and financial decisions like loans need both to agree. You couldn't decide by your self either.

Either way it's madness to get new loans when old loans for the same room aren't paid off so I agree with you.

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