Moving after 30 years in my house

[Mxflamingnoravera]

After 30 years in my lovely Victorian terrace I've decided to downsize to a two bed new build flat.
I've had back surgery which was not entirely successful and other aches and pains which makes my house too much for me.
I'm 15 years divorced and my son left home 10 years ago, it's time for a new family to love this house and garden.
....
But I'm lost, heartbroken, excited, don't know quite how to get the house sale ready. Can't clean because of my back, and can't garden for the same reason.

I've got a blitzer coming for the garden on Wednesday, and a decorator to paint over old water stains on my ceiling.

But how do I go from all this to an apartment? My son's room is pretty much the way it was when he left for university. His childhood books and toys are still here. I'm overwhelmed by the enormity of my decision.

I've seen an agent, I know what the house is worth. That's not the problem, it's the 30 years of STUFF that feels so overwhelming. Where do I start? Help!

It’s certainly a very stressful, draining process. I think Friday is very unlikely to happen for Exchange if your buyers have not yet got their new mortgage offer. I would phone your removals company and explain the date is not definite. I know you’re all in a hurry in the chain but it may take a bit longer than you would like.

It feels like you are not in control of this process at all. Your solicitor should be acting in your interests and should be checking with the other solicitor that everything is in place and they are "proceedable" before putting you in a position where you are committing removal costs. I think you need to get quite shirty and firm now that you have received this new via the estate agent. Your solicitor works for you.

If you don't want to exchange and complete on the same day then tell them so. If you only want to move house on a Tuesday, then tell them so. Especially since your buyers have been little sh*ts. Speak to your buyers, what would work for them best and be demanding between you all.

In your shoes I would get quite arsey. Put it in writing that it is clear that they are not in a position to proceed at present. Suggest a target completion date of X, provided that exchange has taken place at least X days beforehand. Give yourself some wriggle room to deal with last minute problems. Please stop asking how high, every time they say jump. You'll be quite unwell by the end of it.

Omg. Buyers solicitors today informed mine that buyers have paid rent on their rental to 5 Sept so completion after 6 Sept.

There's a whole chain, ready to exchange and complete by next Friday. Yet my buyers want to max out on a few hundred pounds of overlap because they've paid their rent. My vendor and her vendor are livid. I'm stuck in the middle. How can it be that the bottom of the chain can have so much power?

I wish I could just turn back the clock and stop all of this. But I said goodbye to sets of Victorian sets of drawers, my other spare bed and a load of bits today. My house is a hollow shell and I'm rattling round half empty rooms. And the entitlement of these buyers has left me dumbfounded.

I had a little weep this afternoon. I thought we were all go for next week then this. It's shite.

It doesn't seem to matter what I say or do. The buyers come back with some other crap. I've tried putting my foot down it made zero difference.

OP - please try to hold your nerve. I know it's stressful but six months from now when you're settled into your new home this will be a distant memory.

When we last moved, our buyers and our vendors messed us around for months. It was worth it for the beautiful home we have been happy in for the past 15 years.

I agree with @BeaQuiet you need to hold your nerve and I totally sympathise as it is very hard to be in the middle of a process like this with buyers like yours.

If they have paid rent up until September 5th they need to be out before September 5th and that is less than a month away. Maybe they will agree to move out by the end of August and that is not long. It sounds like the chain is not ready to Exchange contracts yet anyway if your buyers are still waiting for their mortgage offer.

Keep your nerve @Mxflamingnoravera and it will work out in the end.

Hang on in there. Buying and selling homes is so very stressful, and rarely straightforward. It feels awful at the time, but as PP have said, it very quickly fades into a distant memory once it's all done. None of this is personal, it's a business transaction unfortunately, and everyone involved is out to get the best for themselves.

Also, when you move into your new home it will probably feel very weird and you may not like it at first. But again, you get used to it over time and it gradually becomes home.

Urgh, they are absolutely taking the piss and I'm sorry for you and the stress it's causing. Yes, it's unfair that the bottom of the chain can behave like this. I hope they get their mortgage offer asap and are then strongly encouraged to move due to the chain above by their solicitor. I'd get a strongly worded letter from yours sent to them!

Presumably they paid another month's rent because they hadn't got their mortgage offer after all? They are probably shxxxing themselves even more than you and the other people in the chain.
But as pp have said once you have moved and settled in this will all be a distant memory.

It appears the buyers have not given their notice at all. Today their solicitors said they'd be ready to move mid September or early October. That caused one hell of a stink. The lawyers seem to be the ones causing the problems.

The buyers have had a mortgage offer, it was the new revised (lower) offer they needed. It's sorted. But the solicitor (theirs) fee earner is now on holiday so the file cannot be signed off.

The buyers were told clearly that their offer was accepted subject to moving swiftly but their solicitors are saying it was "made clear" the buyers would need to serve notice. Ffs. They can serve notice and still move.

It's all up in the air again. My seller is threatening to walk away. She thinks I've not done enough to move the buyers along.

I've no idea if or even when I'll move now. Which is a pain because I have v little furniture left in the house.

I don't understand why they are insisting on staying put until the end of their notice period. Do they know that your seller is threatening to pull out as a result, thereby risking the collapse of the chain?

What is the EA doing? They should be pushing hard to get the sale over the line.

I also don't understand why someone else can't sign the forms in the fee earner's absence.

Sorry you are going through this - house buying and selling is awful.

I really feel for you @Mxflamingnoravera

But I very much doubt your seller will walk away, she is just throwing her toys out of the pram. If she did walk away she would be back to square one and I doubt that would be preferable to waiting a bit longer for this chain to close.

I do think the EA needs to talk honestly to your buyers though and explain that by trying to get everything their own way they are jeopardising the whole chain.

@Twiglets1 @ClematisBlue49 Yes, thanks, it's all been appallingly badly managed by the lawyers and the EA, too many messages and nuances getting lost in translation I think. So very stressful.

I can only wait now. In my empty house.

They are definitely being unreasonable. I’ve moved from rented to bought twice and on the first occasion was a FTB with minimal money. Both times I’ve had a couple of weeks overlap where I had the rental and the new property. That’s how it works moving out of rented due to notice periods etc!

I hope it all works out for you, OP.

I'd be inclined to call their bluff as I would seriously be having doubts about their commitment to this purchase.

I would be tempted to send them a written message saying that as you only accepted their offer subject to a quick completion and as they have delayed the sale by several weeks by not having their mortgage offer in place at the time of their offer, not having given notice on their rental and now using the excuse of their solicitor being on holiday as a reason not to exchange, that this has made you and the rest of the chain think they are not serious about proceeding with the purchase of your property. Tell them that the whole chain has threatened to pull out unless they can exchange by close of business on Wednesday of next week, and that you will then be forced to put your house back on the market.

Sometimes you have to play hardball to focus the mind, especially in the case of first time buyers who don't seem to take the whole process seriously enough, in my experience anyway.

I've drafted an email for the estate agent to forward on to my seller and another to my buyers. One is apologetic and the other hard as fucking nails!

Fingers crossed this has some impact.

Well done @Mxflamingnoravera.
Keeping my fingers crossed for you.
The whole process is so incredibly stressful. I hope that you have plenty of 🍷 or gin available, for medicinal purposes, obviously.

Trying to get exchange settled has been two of the most stressful weeks of my life. We were supposed to exchange today. But the fee earner at my buyers solicitors went home early (3:30pm) and did not delegate or notify anyone in the practice that exchange was due to happen, she also sent out more enquiries about stupid things before she left.

The whole chain is holding its breath for completion on Friday.

Question: I'm taking down pictures, what, if anything do I do about the little holes left by the nails (picture hanger nails)? I have paint but no filler.

And frozen food. I've not been able to use up my frozen goods. I suppose I'm going to need to borrow or buy a cold box? I need to defrost Thursday and so I need to get it all out and keep the big expensive bits (a leg of lamb) frozen.

I'm using a packing service. Any bits of advice?

Re the little holes left by nails, I have always just left those behind (and found them left behind in the houses I've moved into also).

Frozen food is tricky and your packing service can't help with that. I've just run it down as much as possible in the past & then asked friends or neighbours if I could put a small amount of stuff into their freezers and then picked it up a day or so after the move.

Agree with PP, you don't do anything about the little holes or small things like that. Every house I've ever moved into has had holes where things used to be on walls.

Freezer food you just have to try and use up, or hope someone will store for you. A cool box completely filled with bags of ice or ice packs may work for a short while but not long.

Good luck for Friday!

I agree with the previous posters re the picture holes, I've never bothered to fill unless really big and I certainly would not do any making good for your buyers, they don't deserve it after all their shenanigans.

Re the frozen goods, do you have a friend or neighbour that would store your frozen food for you until you are ready to collect? If not, do you know anyone who could lend you a cool box, perhaps somebody who goes camping, I've got an electric cool box and it worked fantastically well when my fridge gave up the ghost. Non electric cool boxes, just ram them with frozen water bottles, milk cartons and leave them in the coolest place in the house.

We have exchanged! Friday is MDay!

My neighbours have been super kind the last few days. I'm so going to miss over the wall garden chats and lending of garden tools.

But I won't miss staring at my garden and feeling guilty that I've not done anything.

Removers arrive at 08:45 tomorrow and I'm no where near ready. But they are doing a full pack.

I just need to sort out my bag for the first night.

I just spoke a friend who has moved loads, she said mug, plate, glass, kettle, tea. Plus sheets, pillowcases towels, toiletries, loo roll and a change of clothing.

Anything I've forgotten?

Fab news OP, so pleased for you.

Dont forget your jimjams in your bag.

YEEESS, congratulations! The end is in sight. Make sure you pack tea, coffee, milk, sugar and biscuits for you and the movers. The most important thing my Mum taught me after many moves is to make sure your bed is put together early on and then make the bed straight away. Trust me on this, because you will reach a point when you can do no more unpacking, are exhausted and all you want to do is fall into bed. At that stage the last thing you will feel like doing is making up the bed. I'm so pleased for you.

Congratulations.

I've moved lots of times and totally endorse getting your bed ready the very first thing you do, with all your toiletries laid out too. You will absolutely reach a point where you need to collapse into bed and sleep like a baby.

Remember, whatever happens, it will be worth it.

If you can get the packers to colour code the boxes as to which room they should go in and also number 1-3 for priority unpacking and ensure there's a clue on the outside for essentials like towels and kitchen equipment, that'll help, but I would say unpack as soon as you can because boxes left tend to get left.

Best of Luck.