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Gone from not being homeowners, to owning a building site and a massive freezing house in 2023. Advice?

40 replies

pandabear99 · 13/12/2023 11:31

Hi everyone, just looking for a bit of advice from anyone who's been through it -

Background: I've got a small Victorian terrace which is currently having work done on the roof, internal insulation put in the living room, the external walls of both bedrooms and the loft as well as a heat pump installed. Have done a massive amount of work on it myself this year too - so we live in a building site with no hot water, Wi-Fi or heating. We spend our time at home in one room currently. Temperature falls to 8-10c in the house at the moment so it's rubbish, but whatever we do with the new house, we have somewhere to live.

We now have a huge, freezing, externally Edwardian, internally a 1970s time warp home on our hands. It needs extensive work.

Three double bedrooms, one single bedroom, two on the second floor two on the third floor. At maximum, only two of these rooms will actually end up bedrooms and they will likely be the ones on the second floor, as there is one family bathroom and that's on the second floor. Three hallways, two reception rooms, big cold kitchen. Both of our parents have called it 'ready to move in', which is true, you could live in it, but considering our ages and what we want going forward and when we'll want to TTC etc, I don't want to end up stressing about the state of the house and how expensive it is to keep it warm with a baby in the mix.

I'm of a get up and go, make the best of it, get a hammer and some gloves and absolutely rip it apart persuasion. If allowed, I would put an airbed up in the living room, then absolutely strip and gut everything except the bathroom and kitchen, going room by room until there's a bedroom sorted for me to sleep in, then start on everything else.

DP is very apprehensive. He's realised the work he needs to do and once he starts taking off wallpaper, ripping out cabinets etc he can't go back. He's also realised how expensive it is to heat, way more expensive than my tiny 2 up, 2 down bolthole, which I have grown to love.

Now, here's the issues:
Whole house needs rewiring and plumbing work, new radiators etc as the current ones are battered and horribly inefficient.
There's a massive kitchen out the back of the house which we want to put a wet room at the end of after ripping out the old kitchen and getting a new one.
We also want an outside tap, and to change the old school back boiler to a combi boiler.
Flooring needs replacing throughout as all the carpet has stains and wear, kitchen carpet is gross, bathroom lino is also pretty naff.
All walls need stripping, most need plastering or skimming too.
Bathroom is a full avocado suite but it battered, toilet feels like it's gonna fall off the wall when you sit on it, etc.
Third floor has polystyrene tiling on the ceiling in both bedrooms installed waaaay before it was required to be fire retardant, so lets just say I won't be sleeping on the second or third floor until that's gone because I'm pretty sure it would burn like billy-o.
Water tank is right up on the third floor and I think that's why the toilet is a nightmare to flush.
Also cosmetic stuff like stripping the layers and layers of yellowy gloss off the period features.

Those who've done it: Where would you start? Where did you start? How did you make not be so bloody freezing and have you made any changes that have made it cheaper to heat? What would you not do if you did it all over again?

Thanks in advance!!

OP posts:
Scampuss · 13/12/2023 11:48

So you have 2 houses, one is a Victorian in the process of renovating where you live in one cold room, and one is an Edwardian that is liveable but dated?

pandabear99 · 13/12/2023 11:53

Scampuss · 13/12/2023 11:48

So you have 2 houses, one is a Victorian in the process of renovating where you live in one cold room, and one is an Edwardian that is liveable but dated?

My home (the Victorian terrace) isn't so much in the process of a reno - it was fine, and then the boiler broke. Ended up going down the route of getting a heat pump, but to do that, I've ended up needing internal insulation, solar panels etc beforehand. It should be (fingers crossed) livable again in the next few days, even without heat and hot water.

Edwardian is livable, but completely empty. I fear if we just move in there, esp so close to Christmas, everything that needs to be done won't get done because it will play into DP's apprehension to start a project. Nothing will get done, we'll slowly settle into a house neither of us want to live in right now just because DP is scared to even start stripping wallpaper off the damp wall.

OP posts:
Scampuss · 13/12/2023 11:59

Do you need to live in the Edwardian while you do the works though? It is so much easier working on an empty house!

LastYearsChristmasStamps · 13/12/2023 11:59

Are you planning to keep both houses?

DollyDaydreamW · 13/12/2023 12:03

Finish the small one, sell them both, buy a third one which is middling in size and easy to heat. (Aka the holy grail 😂).

Reading the list of what needs to be done made me tired. So tired. It's never just wallpaper off, is it?! It spirals. I am so sick of old houses (well, my own one). Good luck!

pandabear99 · 13/12/2023 12:26

LastYearsChristmasStamps · 13/12/2023 11:59

Are you planning to keep both houses?

Yep, my work's patchy so having my own home is pretty important

OP posts:
pandabear99 · 13/12/2023 12:36

Scampuss · 13/12/2023 11:59

Do you need to live in the Edwardian while you do the works though? It is so much easier working on an empty house!

True, but DP absolutely resents having to pay the bills for an empty house and wants to get in there.

He wants to move in so he's not paying bills 'for nothing', but he's going to be absolutely miserable because all the work hasn't been done, and it won't get done because once we're in, he'll just deal with it. Simply because he can't bare the thought of paying to keep the temperature above freezing in the house while it's empty, paying for council tax, etc.

If we move in now to avoid having to deal what's going on in my house in the run up to Christmas, I see me in 10 years time crying about the damp while dealing with a child/children.

He's terrified of starting things. I thrive on it and embrace the chaos when it comes to slumming it. It's coming down to 'shit or get off the pot' in my mind!

Don't know how to say "Grit your teeth, bed down in our home, start the bloody reno because the quicker we start, the less time you're going to be paying bills 'for nothing'"

OP posts:
Jandob · 13/12/2023 12:47

I lived in a building site house for a long time. It's stressful and hellish with a baby, even worse when toddling. You need working laundry and heating plus safe to live in. Sounds a massive job. You might want to consider a builder.

pandabear99 · 13/12/2023 12:53

Jandob · 13/12/2023 12:47

I lived in a building site house for a long time. It's stressful and hellish with a baby, even worse when toddling. You need working laundry and heating plus safe to live in. Sounds a massive job. You might want to consider a builder.

I'm just hoping I can encourage him to do it soon. The sooner work starts, the sooner it finishes, the sooner we can get on with our lives and I don't have to have the shadow of building work over me when it does come time to try.

I think my personality type is just way better suited to this kind of lifestyle than his, I just want to get in there, rip everything apart, slum it, hire the right people, boom, reno done within a year, move in before we're both thirty, then have some kids.

OP posts:
A1b2c3d4e5f6g7 · 13/12/2023 12:57

Okay, we bought a very badly rundown 1920s house. We did the electrics and plumbing and radiators first before moving in (and the asbestos survey and professional removal). This was all so so messy, and once this was completed, we could clear out as much dust and rubbish as possible. We also had to remove some walls and reposition our stairs as they weren't up to regs, so we did all of that before as well. The dust was unbelievable and I don't think we'd have gotten it out of soft furnishings or flooring if we'd have moved our things in.

Personally, we then worked on our bedroom and my sons bedroom - stripped them, replaced flooring, insulated the bay windows, skimmed or lining papered what we could etc and painted. Once we had those as really nice rooms, everything felt better. We also put in one nice bathroom before moving in. The ones we had weren't really safe - tiles falling off walls, filthy, not working.

Downstairs we have boarded off half the house which has all the equipment, materials, dust, and since made one nice lounge for us to sit in. After moving in we have been gradually doing other bits and pieces, bedrooms, cleaning, stripping etc. It's still not ideal, but it feels lovable enough with a dog and a toddler.

I'd recommend getting all of the really grim work done before you move in. You can then move in after this and spend time stripping wallpaper, flooring, skimming or lining paper, doing the bathroom etc. It's easier for the builders if your possessions aren't there also - every trade we spoke too were happy we weren't going to be there and the place was empty

lesdeluges · 13/12/2023 13:03

What will you do with your own smaller house if you move into the icebox while renovating?

To me it's a no brainer. Live in your house in relative comfort while your project family home is being renovated. There is absolutely no way I would live in a house for a YEAR while it's being gutted and rebuilt (more or less). Are you mad even considering this, given that you have a perfectly good house to live in in the meantime?

I had three months work done here. I live alone, but I moved out for the duration. It was contracted, and the builder did say that it would have taken a lot longer had I lived there. When I went on twice weekly inspection visits I knew I would not have been able to live there until it was finished. NO WAY!

LastYearsChristmasStamps · 13/12/2023 13:08

pandabear99 · 13/12/2023 12:26

Yep, my work's patchy so having my own home is pretty important

Can you explain a bit more about this and about who owns the other house (you and DP jointly?) Imagine a future when both houses are done- which one are you living in and what are you doing with the other one?

How long until the smaller house has heating?

User562377 · 13/12/2023 13:11

Is your plan for the smaller house to rent it out? If so I'd get that sorted so you can get some income then move into the new one and renovate while living there.

As for reluctant dp, mine is a bit the same. I tend to discuss things with him, get a sort of agreement that we'll do xyz then make a start on it one day when he's out at work. Once it's started he usually gets on board but it's the starting that holds him back. In your shoes, if we didn't live in the reno project house he would just pretend it didn't exist and nothing would ever get done

pandabear99 · 13/12/2023 13:35

A1b2c3d4e5f6g7 · 13/12/2023 12:57

Okay, we bought a very badly rundown 1920s house. We did the electrics and plumbing and radiators first before moving in (and the asbestos survey and professional removal). This was all so so messy, and once this was completed, we could clear out as much dust and rubbish as possible. We also had to remove some walls and reposition our stairs as they weren't up to regs, so we did all of that before as well. The dust was unbelievable and I don't think we'd have gotten it out of soft furnishings or flooring if we'd have moved our things in.

Personally, we then worked on our bedroom and my sons bedroom - stripped them, replaced flooring, insulated the bay windows, skimmed or lining papered what we could etc and painted. Once we had those as really nice rooms, everything felt better. We also put in one nice bathroom before moving in. The ones we had weren't really safe - tiles falling off walls, filthy, not working.

Downstairs we have boarded off half the house which has all the equipment, materials, dust, and since made one nice lounge for us to sit in. After moving in we have been gradually doing other bits and pieces, bedrooms, cleaning, stripping etc. It's still not ideal, but it feels lovable enough with a dog and a toddler.

I'd recommend getting all of the really grim work done before you move in. You can then move in after this and spend time stripping wallpaper, flooring, skimming or lining paper, doing the bathroom etc. It's easier for the builders if your possessions aren't there also - every trade we spoke too were happy we weren't going to be there and the place was empty

I think I'm going to have to use very strong words then - the grim work isn't going to get started, because he doesn't want to do that to the house, he doesn't want to start it, see it, deal with it, oversee it, pay for it etc.

But if it doesn't get started, we're effed and will be stuck with a house that's neither use nor ornament!

OP posts:
Geneticsbunny · 13/12/2023 13:37

I would get all the really messy and disruptive stuff done before you move in, so plumbing, heating and electrics and any moving of walls. Then get at least one room plastered and painter and made nice so that you have somewhere to rest and then move in.

In terms of heat I would insulate the walls internally upstairs as you do each room and make sure the loft is topped up to current standards. Are the windows double glazed?

Be cautious about insulating ground room floor because it can cause damp issues if you don't use the right products.

We have put underfloor heating on our ground floor and have zoned heating. It is relatively cheap to run and we rarely need the upstairs radiators on.

pandabear99 · 13/12/2023 13:38

lesdeluges · 13/12/2023 13:03

What will you do with your own smaller house if you move into the icebox while renovating?

To me it's a no brainer. Live in your house in relative comfort while your project family home is being renovated. There is absolutely no way I would live in a house for a YEAR while it's being gutted and rebuilt (more or less). Are you mad even considering this, given that you have a perfectly good house to live in in the meantime?

I had three months work done here. I live alone, but I moved out for the duration. It was contracted, and the builder did say that it would have taken a lot longer had I lived there. When I went on twice weekly inspection visits I knew I would not have been able to live there until it was finished. NO WAY!

It's just my personality, I don't think it will ever get done if we just keep it boxed off in the back of our minds. But if we move in, it won't get done anyway. It's such a catch 22, I think I'm gonna have to deal some home truths and tell him reno needs to start now, even if it's just us stripping the upstairs walls, otherwise it's never going to.

All we have to do of an evening right now in my house while the work goes on, is sit in one of the upstairs bedrooms in my house with a couple of electric heaters using our phones hotspots for internet, we can't have warm baths, we can't sit or eat downstairs etc.

At least if we spend our evenings at the new house and actually start the project, we can put the heating on, have nice baths, etc. It feels like the perfect opportunity to make a start before Christmas - esp since he's off next week.

OP posts:
Geneticsbunny · 13/12/2023 13:38

Also, it's worth chatting to your husband about what he could manage living with i.e. does he need a nice bathroom and kitchen or just usable ones and could he cope for 6 months or 2 years with crap bathroom and kitchen?

pandabear99 · 13/12/2023 13:51

LastYearsChristmasStamps · 13/12/2023 13:08

Can you explain a bit more about this and about who owns the other house (you and DP jointly?) Imagine a future when both houses are done- which one are you living in and what are you doing with the other one?

How long until the smaller house has heating?

Small Victorian terrace is living inheritance from my mother and stepfather, and DP owns the large Edwardian (no mortgage) - when we move into a 'forever' family home, mine would be rented out.

My house will never be jointly owned. DP's earning power, savings and proposed inheritance completely dwarf mine so want to make sure I have that asset.

The heating could either be before Christmas or after, we simply don't know.

So I'm in a position where I can't just walk into the house and start pulling wallpaper (breaking ground, I guess), but I know if we move in, it's never gonna get sorted. If we don't start, it'll never get started.

OP posts:
Twiglets1 · 13/12/2023 13:51

I’m confused - why have you got 2 houses?

pandabear99 · 13/12/2023 13:52

Twiglets1 · 13/12/2023 13:51

I’m confused - why have you got 2 houses?

I have my own home, partner has his own home - mine's almost finished, his reno hasn't begun yet.

OP posts:
Pepper12345 · 13/12/2023 13:58

Always start with the stuff behind the scenes and structural bits other wise you'll end up pulling up new work to get to them.

Start with anything structural
Then plumbing/boiler. Get the pipes positioned where new rads will go. The pipes can be capped off and rads added later after you've plastered.

Then electrics, to rewire they'll make a mess of the plaster and have to pull up floorboards. Add new sockets everywhere which will mean chasing out the walls. Add spotlights if you want them, or new lighting points in walls and ceilings.

At this point you'll have had to pull up and floor coverings, half the wallpaper will be off the walls and the house will be a total mess.

You really don't want to live there during this bit, and neither do the trades want you there as working around you will take them twice as long. Given how difficult it can be to get trades right now your job will be much more appealing if it's for a whole big easy job.

Only after all that is done can you consider moving in and living around it as you finish it off room by room. Personally I'd get the whole place replastered before you move in too as realistically with all the holes from chasing and likely crumbling horrors hidden behind wallpaper mean it's usually just easier and often cheaper to do it all properly rather than try and patch it.

Then it's just fitting bathrooms and kitchens, floor coverings, decorating etc.

WallaceinAnderland · 13/12/2023 13:58

Why did your DP buy a house that he doesn't want to work on/live in?

pandabear99 · 13/12/2023 14:00

User562377 · 13/12/2023 13:11

Is your plan for the smaller house to rent it out? If so I'd get that sorted so you can get some income then move into the new one and renovate while living there.

As for reluctant dp, mine is a bit the same. I tend to discuss things with him, get a sort of agreement that we'll do xyz then make a start on it one day when he's out at work. Once it's started he usually gets on board but it's the starting that holds him back. In your shoes, if we didn't live in the reno project house he would just pretend it didn't exist and nothing would ever get done

When the reno's done on DP's house and we move in, yep my house will end up tenanted.

I totally get you. Yeah, I'm in a position where if I don't start it, it'll never get started. If it doesn't start while we live there, it'll never progress. But if we move in, it also might never get started and I'll end up in a house we're both miserable in years down the line, I'm going to have to bite the bullet and be like hey, I'm going up to the house today, can I start stripping walls

OP posts:
pandabear99 · 13/12/2023 14:03

WallaceinAnderland · 13/12/2023 13:58

Why did your DP buy a house that he doesn't want to work on/live in?

The house came up on a very desirable street in our town, the kind of street where if you tell people where you live they go 'oooooooh posh'.
You get gaggles of people in high vis jackets jogging round the green there. Where I live, we don't do that - we walk to the corner shop in our PJs (and I like it that way!)

All of his family have houses on that street, it was the right price for him to buy cash, and he didn't want to waste the chance - I've decorated, done work on houses before etc so I know how it goes, he hasn't so I think he's just extremely overwhelmed.

OP posts:
Twiglets1 · 13/12/2023 14:03

pandabear99 · 13/12/2023 13:52

I have my own home, partner has his own home - mine's almost finished, his reno hasn't begun yet.

It’s all so chaotic.

Why don’t you both live in your house and get it finished before moving onto working on his house? Get one thing done before starting the next project?