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Gone from not being homeowners, to owning a building site and a massive freezing house in 2023. Advice?

40 replies

pandabear99 · 13/12/2023 11:31

Hi everyone, just looking for a bit of advice from anyone who's been through it -

Background: I've got a small Victorian terrace which is currently having work done on the roof, internal insulation put in the living room, the external walls of both bedrooms and the loft as well as a heat pump installed. Have done a massive amount of work on it myself this year too - so we live in a building site with no hot water, Wi-Fi or heating. We spend our time at home in one room currently. Temperature falls to 8-10c in the house at the moment so it's rubbish, but whatever we do with the new house, we have somewhere to live.

We now have a huge, freezing, externally Edwardian, internally a 1970s time warp home on our hands. It needs extensive work.

Three double bedrooms, one single bedroom, two on the second floor two on the third floor. At maximum, only two of these rooms will actually end up bedrooms and they will likely be the ones on the second floor, as there is one family bathroom and that's on the second floor. Three hallways, two reception rooms, big cold kitchen. Both of our parents have called it 'ready to move in', which is true, you could live in it, but considering our ages and what we want going forward and when we'll want to TTC etc, I don't want to end up stressing about the state of the house and how expensive it is to keep it warm with a baby in the mix.

I'm of a get up and go, make the best of it, get a hammer and some gloves and absolutely rip it apart persuasion. If allowed, I would put an airbed up in the living room, then absolutely strip and gut everything except the bathroom and kitchen, going room by room until there's a bedroom sorted for me to sleep in, then start on everything else.

DP is very apprehensive. He's realised the work he needs to do and once he starts taking off wallpaper, ripping out cabinets etc he can't go back. He's also realised how expensive it is to heat, way more expensive than my tiny 2 up, 2 down bolthole, which I have grown to love.

Now, here's the issues:
Whole house needs rewiring and plumbing work, new radiators etc as the current ones are battered and horribly inefficient.
There's a massive kitchen out the back of the house which we want to put a wet room at the end of after ripping out the old kitchen and getting a new one.
We also want an outside tap, and to change the old school back boiler to a combi boiler.
Flooring needs replacing throughout as all the carpet has stains and wear, kitchen carpet is gross, bathroom lino is also pretty naff.
All walls need stripping, most need plastering or skimming too.
Bathroom is a full avocado suite but it battered, toilet feels like it's gonna fall off the wall when you sit on it, etc.
Third floor has polystyrene tiling on the ceiling in both bedrooms installed waaaay before it was required to be fire retardant, so lets just say I won't be sleeping on the second or third floor until that's gone because I'm pretty sure it would burn like billy-o.
Water tank is right up on the third floor and I think that's why the toilet is a nightmare to flush.
Also cosmetic stuff like stripping the layers and layers of yellowy gloss off the period features.

Those who've done it: Where would you start? Where did you start? How did you make not be so bloody freezing and have you made any changes that have made it cheaper to heat? What would you not do if you did it all over again?

Thanks in advance!!

OP posts:
JustWimpy · 13/12/2023 14:13

Definitely don't move into your DP's house as it is. I know his type as you describe it. He wouldn't want to do the work if it meant living in chaotic surroundings and you'd be stuck in a tip that he was afraid to make 'worse'. To be honest, if he didn't want to start stripping the walls this weekend and getting quotes, I'd write off the house as ever being somewhere you're going to live in.

prettygreenteacup · 13/12/2023 14:22

Very confused as to why your DP would buy such a house when he has no motivation or desire to renovate, and also why you're so invested in it if it isn't even your property? If you aren't married none of it makes sense? It's his problem if he won't get his arse into gear?

WallaceinAnderland · 13/12/2023 14:27

What did he intend to do with the house when he bought it?

AwkwardPaws27 · 13/12/2023 14:36

Right, so he's bought it cash so clearly earns well? Another option could be live at yours for a year, save like hell & then pay a professional to do the bulk of the work to a plaster finish. Then DH can do the nicer easier parts like painting etc without having to tackle the more daunting parts of a reno (which aren't for everyone).

pandabear99 · 13/12/2023 14:41

prettygreenteacup · 13/12/2023 14:22

Very confused as to why your DP would buy such a house when he has no motivation or desire to renovate, and also why you're so invested in it if it isn't even your property? If you aren't married none of it makes sense? It's his problem if he won't get his arse into gear?

I'm invested mostly because he bought it (without telling me) for us to live in together. He was like "why do you think I bought it, to live in on my own????"

I'm also heavily invested because I'm the one who spent an entire day emailing and unpicking his financials with the solicitor because he couldn't/wouldn't do it himself, days after the initial completion date.

I know, I'm nuts.

OP posts:
pandabear99 · 13/12/2023 14:44

JustWimpy · 13/12/2023 14:13

Definitely don't move into your DP's house as it is. I know his type as you describe it. He wouldn't want to do the work if it meant living in chaotic surroundings and you'd be stuck in a tip that he was afraid to make 'worse'. To be honest, if he didn't want to start stripping the walls this weekend and getting quotes, I'd write off the house as ever being somewhere you're going to live in.

I'm beginning to come round to that mindset if I'm honest.
Originally I wanted no part in it since he was living in my home yet failed to tell me he'd dropped six figures cash on a house.
Then I got on board, got enthusiastic with him, started trying to help him plan.
Now he hasn't even so much as organised the rewire, the first job he wanted to do - he's had the keys for about 2/3 weeks almost. I'm thinking of taking a step back from the house and focusing completely on myself if this carries on.

OP posts:
pandabear99 · 13/12/2023 14:47

AwkwardPaws27 · 13/12/2023 14:36

Right, so he's bought it cash so clearly earns well? Another option could be live at yours for a year, save like hell & then pay a professional to do the bulk of the work to a plaster finish. Then DH can do the nicer easier parts like painting etc without having to tackle the more daunting parts of a reno (which aren't for everyone).

It's a shame, because I was genuinely excited to get down to business. I love that stuff, and he helped me with the heavy lifting while I was doing work on my own home but I guess it's different when it's your own place. I think it'll end up being something we're not hands on with, and I'll probably end up doing the decorating at the end.

One of his friends just bought a house, and has been in there every night this week taking a hammer to everything and completely gutting it. The most we (me) did in his was throw away a bath mat and use a box of Oven Pride.

OP posts:
Scampuss · 13/12/2023 14:49

Aah right, that's all helpful info. As he bought without even consulting you, I'd be minded to leave him to it. You clearly love your own house, and there's no real benefit for you in putting hours/weeks/months of graft into his house.

ClematisBlue49 · 13/12/2023 14:52

For different reasons, I've ended up owning two properties for the last year or so. One, my future home is being renovated and is uninhabitable for anyone without serious experience of roughing it (no windows or doors at the back). I took the decision to stay put in my current home and swallow the financial cost of two sets of bills. You mention that your DP doesn't want to pay bills on both houses, so I think if you were to stay put, that would be your leverage to get him to progress the works - i.e. in order to minimise the amount of time you're double-paying, with the added advantage that you'll be much more comfortable.

Best of luck - the new house sounds great. Your DP may have acted on impulse, but he was probably right to grab the opportunity.

LastYearsChristmasStamps · 13/12/2023 15:00

This feels more like a Relationships thread than a Property one.

I think you should focus on your own house and getting everything as you want it. It won’t take long. Buy a few electric heaters to carry you through until the heating is on. Don’t invest time and money in a house that isn’t yours, that was bought without consulting you and that your partner doesn’t seem to have thought through.

Twiglets1 · 13/12/2023 15:19

LastYearsChristmasStamps · 13/12/2023 15:00

This feels more like a Relationships thread than a Property one.

I think you should focus on your own house and getting everything as you want it. It won’t take long. Buy a few electric heaters to carry you through until the heating is on. Don’t invest time and money in a house that isn’t yours, that was bought without consulting you and that your partner doesn’t seem to have thought through.

Agreed - I would be concentrating on my own house and let him worry about his impulse buy.

SerpentEndBench · 13/12/2023 15:52

Agreed, do not waste time or money on a property you have no formal interest in. Step back, let your boyfriend drive his project at his pace.

pandabear99 · 13/12/2023 16:21

Realised there is a lot of identifying info in here, even if I scraped it back to it's bare bones. If anyone fancies reporting for me (I'm reporting too) it would be really appreciated. I've had my dose of reality so thanks so much to everyone who commented, but I've realised anyone who knows me or my partner will definitely know this is me.

OP posts:
CountryCob · 13/12/2023 17:38

Hello, I have lived in a few renovations, the major one which we are in now for most of it apart from 4months when there were no drains. Its quite big although not massive which helped us have our own space during that time. It is a phenominal amount of work that is being described. Expensive and time consuming. I would say if you don't both want to do it it would be best not to start as you reach the point of no return if you turn it into a building site without making a significant loss usually if its not for you. Heated blankets and hot water bottles helped us plus loads of layers. With an average of 5 builders/trades a day in terms of manpower it took over a year - that is 2 winters! It sounds unrealistic to do this extent of work yourself but project managing it is possible if you are knowledgable and have good people working for you. If you do that much I found decorating, keeping the place tidy and choosing tiles etc plus liaising with builders took up all the time there was. A baby would be ok I think but the toddler stage could get a bit dangerous when they grab everything and toddle about. Others may love it but the dirt, lack of proper facilities and your stuff in storeage, lack of privacy and time and money pressure drove me mad at times. You can't have anyone round ever, trades and work can be unpredictable. The house is really nice now and we are going to be here for decades otherwise it wouldn't be worth it and I would never do it again. A major advantage of living on site is that you can keep an eye on what is happening and quality control if you know what to look for, get sockets etc where you want them and discuss the way you want things to be approached. You are around to let the trades in and take deliveries. Things turn into less of a pit in terms of abandoned food etc. My main thought is if you are relying on someone to do an huge amount of work and they don't want to start/ are unsure that is a bad beginning. I wouldn't move my family into a situation where I wasn't confident it would work out well and was achievable. Others may be more positive but those are my thoughts.

JustWimpy · 13/12/2023 19:40

The fact that he bought it without talking to you is odd if you're a couple. I wouldn't be jumping in to organise the renovation for him in that case.

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