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new purchase and terrible neighbours

52 replies

Messyhair321 · 25/10/2023 20:43

Apologies in advance for the length of this post!

We have moved into a new house 6 months ago, we lived in a small village previously but have moved to an equally small village in a slightly more remote area. We moved for semi retirement.

So all was good when we first moved in, its quite a small hamlet type place (add that we have never had issues with neighbours previously, in fact we were quite close to them and were a big part of the community).

When we first moved in we had 3 households popping in welcoming us, although they did emphasise that the neighbourhood was 'very close knit and supportive' we felt really welcomed, however it now feels like this was not genuine, because these 3 households have decided now that they don't like us and have all stopped speaking to us.

Background - We had a neighbour rudely tell DH to move a car from 'his spot', (car wasn't even DH's)- DH was in work gear and we think this neighbour thought he was working here, but he was really very rude. However we thought maybe he was just having a bad day, but then DH asked another neighbour politely to move their car a couple of feet so we could access our gate to the house. Neighbour called DH an idiot because he said DH should have known it was his car weeks ago (?!), not sure what the relevance was of this to be honest. DH is really chilled and didn't react but was quite upset by this. We both were.

We then had this other neighbour shouting at my DH to move our car (from outside of our house) because they said it was their neighbours 'place'. DH refused and the following day, we had a flurry of messages from this other neighbour, completely over the top telling us 'they've been there longer than us and therefore they have more right to park where this neighbour wants' & arguing that the door isn't even the entrance of the house(!), it started to feel like I was in another universe so we tried to keep it simple by just sending the DVLA guidance, they then blocked me and deleted their whole profile (the whole chat disappeared).

It now feels like 'everyone knows' & that everyone has been talking about us, we have not spoken to anyone ourselves or given our perspective. However these 3 households have stopped talking to us, so we say hello & they just ignore us, I should add that these people were not even involved in DH asking neighbour to shift car, & they don't even park on the road. Fortunately we don't usually have to park on the road either, only having to on that occasion because we were unloading & needed to access the gate (this gate is only ours it isn't shared).

I really feel quite threatened by these people, its making me feel quite anxious and worried about just going out of the door, for fear of what will happen next, have we moved into a neighbourhood of completely crazy people? Or have we moved into some sort of cult?! I don't know anyone who would react this way, and for other people to pile on when they know nothing about what we asked for and why feels unbelievably petty and childish. I just feel I am back at school, and that we made a huge mistake moving here, we were in a friendly community previously, had lived there for 20 years and never experienced anything like this, and I am not sure if I can live like this.

We have made an effort to get out there and be seen, because I really feel that these people are trying to make it as uncomfortable as possible for us, and we both feel that the worst thing we can do is hide away, I am just very glad I don't live alone. Interestingly, someone messaged me prior to exchange of contracts, who lives just outside of the area, she was saying that we 'shouldn't step on people's toes, that we need to be careful not to try to change things', wondering in retrospect if this was some sort of warning. I thought at the time I had met the local busybody, but not sure if this was some veiled warning.

Anyone else been in this position? How did you resolve it?

OP posts:
LindorDoubleChoc · 25/10/2023 20:47

Can you make it a bit shorter? You'd get more replies.

Parakeetamol · 25/10/2023 20:47

Having grown up in a small rural village I think you're just experiencing neighbours who are essentially bored and being hostile because it's something to do other than the ordinary.

Nitgel · 25/10/2023 20:50

They are all batshit crazy. You are better off ignoring them. Bonkers

KievLoverTwo · 25/10/2023 20:53

You have moved smack bang into the centre of a clique. They are also bullies.

Yes, that person was warning you.

If you want to try to make amends it sounds as though you too would have to behave like an arsehole from time to time.

Personally, I would just ignore them. Or, if shouted at 'that's Steve's space!' 'I would probably shout back 'yes yes, you told me that last week - are you having memories issues again.' But I am VERY comfortable with passive aggressive behaviour and I absolutely abhor bullies and have no issues with confrontation. So maybe just 'yes, yes' and walk away.

I don't think it will escalate to a threat to your safety.

As soon as the penny drops they can't get a rise out of you and you won't be intimated, it will stop, imo.

Messyhair321 · 25/10/2023 20:54

Parakeetamol · 25/10/2023 20:47

Having grown up in a small rural village I think you're just experiencing neighbours who are essentially bored and being hostile because it's something to do other than the ordinary.

This might be it, whole thing feels sad. Who has the time to deliberately upset people - or whatever it is they are aiming to do

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Messyhair321 · 25/10/2023 20:58

KievLoverTwo · 25/10/2023 20:53

You have moved smack bang into the centre of a clique. They are also bullies.

Yes, that person was warning you.

If you want to try to make amends it sounds as though you too would have to behave like an arsehole from time to time.

Personally, I would just ignore them. Or, if shouted at 'that's Steve's space!' 'I would probably shout back 'yes yes, you told me that last week - are you having memories issues again.' But I am VERY comfortable with passive aggressive behaviour and I absolutely abhor bullies and have no issues with confrontation. So maybe just 'yes, yes' and walk away.

I don't think it will escalate to a threat to your safety.

As soon as the penny drops they can't get a rise out of you and you won't be intimated, it will stop, imo.

Edited

Thank you that is reassuring, have to say I am not that thick skinned just pretending to be, by going out, washing windows etc, but very much feel bullied, that is the right word.
Plan is to just carry on and see how it goes, but still say hello even if they continue not speaking, i guess up to them, really really nasty behaviour. Clique is absolutely bang on!

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VWT5 · 25/10/2023 21:01

I would say just go about your business, look confident, don’t be intimidated, show positive body language, get involved with other people in the village and community, get to know other people, volunteer etc and over time other villagers will be onside with you, they will make their own judgement that you are actually ok people and it will all settle down.

Use your space, be seen in it and encourage old friends and visitors to your house.

Stand firm on your boundaries with the neighbours, don’t acquiesce.

TheUltima · 25/10/2023 21:07

KievLoverTwo · 25/10/2023 20:53

You have moved smack bang into the centre of a clique. They are also bullies.

Yes, that person was warning you.

If you want to try to make amends it sounds as though you too would have to behave like an arsehole from time to time.

Personally, I would just ignore them. Or, if shouted at 'that's Steve's space!' 'I would probably shout back 'yes yes, you told me that last week - are you having memories issues again.' But I am VERY comfortable with passive aggressive behaviour and I absolutely abhor bullies and have no issues with confrontation. So maybe just 'yes, yes' and walk away.

I don't think it will escalate to a threat to your safety.

As soon as the penny drops they can't get a rise out of you and you won't be intimated, it will stop, imo.

Edited

Someone tried to tell my mum that she was parked in Alan’s space “nope, these spaces are for everyone” “but Alan always parks there!” “Not today he doesn’t” as she walked off 😬

surreygirl1987 · 25/10/2023 21:08

They sound mental!

KievLoverTwo · 25/10/2023 21:08

TheUltima · 25/10/2023 21:07

Someone tried to tell my mum that she was parked in Alan’s space “nope, these spaces are for everyone” “but Alan always parks there!” “Not today he doesn’t” as she walked off 😬

We would get on well.

TheUltima · 25/10/2023 21:12

KievLoverTwo · 25/10/2023 21:08

We would get on well.

The two of you would probably be a force to be reckoned with!

KievLoverTwo · 25/10/2023 21:14

TheUltima · 25/10/2023 21:12

The two of you would probably be a force to be reckoned with!

Half of my massive family are madder than a box of frogs.

Alternative view: won't take any shit from anybody.

SquashPenguin · 25/10/2023 21:15

Definitely stand your ground and ignore them. They sound insane. I would almost pity them that they are choosing to spend their time getting wound up by this stuff!

Ibravedaflood · 25/10/2023 21:18

Ime it's great having the peace and quiet!
Just ignore and go about your day. Good neighbours are like dc. Best seen and not heard!!

nibblessquibbles · 25/10/2023 21:19

They sound mental but parking does seem to bring out the worst in people.
You have 2 choices either do as PP suggested and ignore them and get on with the rest of your lives.
You could smother them with reasonableness. So go and "apologise" and say look "I'm sorry we've got off on the wrong footing here. Can you please explain the parking situation so I understand", then let them explain and then go "OK great so my solicitor didn't explain any of those rights in the deeds, do you have a copy of the deeds that show the right of way/parking ... so I can go back and get our documents updated". Of course they won't have this! But do this smiling and nodding and saying that you must have misunderstood your solicitor and you're terribly sorry because there must be a mistake etc.
Of course there is NO mistake and you're right but by positioning yourself in this way they'll be forced to admit that there's no legitimate parking right.
Of course they may be bloody unreasonable and there's no rational convo to be had. I don't know. But sometimes I find people can be very disarmed if you apologise like this and end up being reasonable in the end.

Pinkpinkplonk · 25/10/2023 21:22

Messyhair321 · 25/10/2023 20:54

This might be it, whole thing feels sad. Who has the time to deliberately upset people - or whatever it is they are aiming to do

Oh people do have the time!! It’s sad but they do.
Don’t give them the satisfaction of knowing they’ve upset you. They’ll get bored eventually. Or the dynamic will change again( ie/ someone else may move, they may suddenly need you for something). Don’t let them make your life miserable

Busydayahead · 25/10/2023 21:39

I had the same when we first moved into our tiny village 15 years ago. Never had a problem where we used to live and got on well with everyone.
I was bullied but I ignored them and grew a pair of balls. I always said hi when we bumped into each other. I just didn't fit in and they took a dislike when not even trying to get on with me.
Gradually, it got better and I was far to busy with 3 tiny dc's to worry about them. They are batsh*t OP. Don't let them spoil your new home. They will move on when they realise you don't care.

luxuryinteriors · 25/10/2023 21:41

Sounds like you live in Royston Vasey.

2jacqi · 25/10/2023 22:11

first neighbour sounds like the bully leader of the gang! sadly village life is a bit cliquey! the village we live in, you are treated like a stranger for 20 years before you can say you are local. luckily for us my hubby has lived here for 60 years. if you can strong and just make them realise that you wont succumb to bullying by anyone and if push comes to shove, tell them that you had actually been previously warned about how immature the residents were in the village!!! they cannot claim parking spots anywhere on public roads and they know that, no matter how long they have lived there! just be strong x

Pinkpinkplonk · 25/10/2023 22:25

@2jacqi
I think we live in the same village!

ToffeeApplesandCandyfloss · 25/10/2023 22:26

Shame you don't know anyone with a car business, or anyone who owns the biggest eyesore of a truck/ caravan, park it up and ask " Problem? " when all hell breaks loose.
give them something to really moan about.

fairydust11 · 25/10/2023 22:57

luxuryinteriors · 25/10/2023 21:41

Sounds like you live in Royston Vasey.

I agree!

Op - I think that person was trying to warn you.

It all sounds very stressful and obviously not what you imagined - maybe give it a time limit and if you & your husband still feel the same way after that amount of time, move.

Life is too short to live among this craziness.

INeedAnotherName · 25/10/2023 23:30

who lives just outside of the area, she was saying that we 'shouldn't step on people's toes, that we need to be careful not to try to change things',
Yes that was a warning. I think one of their friends wanted the house but you bought it first so they are trying to get you to leave.

Smile and wave and wait a while until the other villagers see you are lovely Smile

Messyhair321 · 25/10/2023 23:50

Thank you everyone for your kind words, it's definitely going to be a challenge but we'll give it a go here. I've just never experienced this level of nastiness over a stupid parking spot. I'm sure none of them have considered the level of stress their actions are having on us. We'll carry on saying hello & waving & they'll get the message that we don't care about their petty little world.
@fairydust11 I think we're going to give it a bit of time maybe a year or so & see how things are. Not everyone has been unpleasant but it's hard to see the good people because the nasty ones are just so in our faces. Time to ignore the haters!

OP posts:
Messyhair321 · 25/10/2023 23:53

ToffeeApplesandCandyfloss · 25/10/2023 22:26

Shame you don't know anyone with a car business, or anyone who owns the biggest eyesore of a truck/ caravan, park it up and ask " Problem? " when all hell breaks loose.
give them something to really moan about.

Hmmm ideas! We do... might get them to visit..!

OP posts: