Buyers Remorse - help 😢

[Punkyskullyy]

I’m looking for words of wisdom to help me see sense and stop feeling this way.. I need to know this feeling will go, or is to be expected?

We exchanged on a 1970s semi last week, got the keys Monday and we move in this coming Monday. We left a week as we’re in a rental and had a plumber/elec visiting, and I wanted to paint the bedrooms.

I have been happy literally until Monday when we got the keys. I’m having huge anxiety as reality has set in and this now feels very real. I’ve never dealt with transition too well, I remember feeling like this when moving up a year in school, when as a child we were looking at moving house. I’ve had PND and severe anxiety after having both children.
We currently rent on a 15yr old estate, we live on a through road with a tiny 3bed semi. We’ve bought in a quiet culdesac with the majority of owners being old.

I’m feeling really overwhelmed now I’ve seen the property empty and can look at finer details of what needs doing to bring it up to our spec. We have a huge garden (we can fit around 7 of the size we have in rental) that I know my 2 DC will love, but it needs a lot of work.

I knew all of this when we offered/exchanged, so why am I feeling like this now? I’ve been painting at the new house this week and I’ve just been full of anxiety, questioning whether we’ve done the right thing. I come back to our rental, and although it’s small, it’s my comfort zone and I see it as my home.

I’m really embarrassed about how I feel and I don’t want to mention to my DH as he and our 2 DC are excited for the move. My excitement and happiness is gone, when I think deep down, do I want to move, I feel like I don’t. I wish I had felt like this sooner, this is why it has come as a shock to me 😔
I feel like this is very permanent now, it’s an overwhelming pressure and I feel like this is it. I’m stuck longterm in a house I’ve started feeling anxious about but did see potential during viewings.

Please help 😢

Totally normal feeling. Remember you’ve had 7 years to make your current house feel like home. It’s day 1 for your new house.

re the garden - just leave it! We moved into a house earlier this year and a gardeners advice was to leave the garden for a year. Get to know it, see what grows; see what comes up, see how you use it and the kids use it and then make a plan in a year. There’s no one coming to check on your work or your progress. Go at your own pace.

Totally understand where you are coming from. I moved from a tiny flat (which I really wanted to leave) to a house and for the first few months felt stressed and down. I'm fine now but without wanting to sound like an arse it was having space that made me anxious.

I think at the moment it's hard to see this house as a home. Once you're settled in, it will become your home and you will feel happier. An empty house always feels daunting. A house with 2 excited children running around is much nicer!

Hang in there, OP

OP, moving houses is said to be one of top 3 most stressful events in someone’s life (along with changing jobs and change in relationships). So what you are going through is absolutely normal. Your feelings are valid; but they are not permanent. Give yourself some slack, and some time. The new house will become your home.

I felt this way about our house. 12 years and 2 children later, we have painted, polished, scrubbed, dug, mowed, dusted and papered every inch and it is definitely home.

It took me nine months to complete on my house, I was so excited. The first night I slept there I bawled my eyes out thinking I’d made a mistake, so much needed doing and I hated the place. That didn’t last long though, I just had to get used to it and put my stamp on it. One thing that really helped was cleaning the wooden floors and changing the carpets as the smell of the previous people just wouldn’t leave, once it smelled like my home (or of nothing really I guess), I felt safe and comfortable

Thank you so much for your reassuring messages/experiences. They’re really helping 🙏🏼 😢

Bump - any other experiences?

This was me a few weeks ago! Got the keys, went round the empty house and PANICKED!
Felt like I was making a huge mistake and wondered how soon I could put it back on the market etc etc. I still had my rental for a couple of weeks and I didn't even want to come back over to the house much ahead of moving in.

I am feeling much better now that I live here and remember all the reasons I chose this house and area. Yes there is a lot to do but I keep telling myself I will do it slowly and in a year's time the house and garden will look totally different.

Good luck with the move.

Maybe this is just who you are and how you feel? Maybe you don’t cope with big change as well as other people do. That’s fine, it’s an emotion but I imagine like most emotions it will pass. I think wait until the initial dauntless of it has passed and the house has your furniture in, then see how you feel, go from there. The property and location sound better than the one you was in. Give it two years…your big garden won’t fee so big anymore, it becomes normal.

This is exactly how I’m feeling. I’ve been painting this week and every day I can’t wait to leave to return to our rental. I walk in and it’s so daunting and scary. Everything that I knew needled work just sticks out like a sore thumb.

I feel ashamed that I feel like I don’t want to live there; and I’m already thinking about how many years until we can resell. How awful is that?

Thank you for sharing your experience, it’s so nice to see that many people feel like this.. I’m just hoping it passes for me too.

You’re completely right. I find change/transition difficult. My anxiety is building up and up. I see my DH and DC excited for the move and I’m just filled with dread.

It is helping a little, thinking about a timeframe to wait and see how I feel. It’s not as daunting as “the rest of my life”, which is how I feel now. Thank you.

I sympathise - I moved from a quiet country cottage to a suburban very nice house but I missed the quiet.
My sympathy is a bit muted by the fact that you singled out the neighbours being 'old' as part of the problem before you have even moved in,

We currently rent on a 15yr old estate, we live on a through road with a tiny 3bed semi. We’ve bought in a quiet culdesac with the majority of owners being old.

I meant no disrespect, apologies if it seems that way. They are not a problem, I was simply comparing to where we rent. It’s so quiet because of that fact, and it’s been daunting as I’m not used to it being so quiet (as much as that is something that I wanted).

To quote Fanny Button:

"Everything changes, so home is not the walls or the gardens.
Home is the souls within those walls.

Home is the memories made on this spot"

And just to add, that my heart sank when I walked into our new house after 20 years in the family home where my children had grown up. But as soon as our furniture and belongings were unpacked, it started to feel ok. And now that we've made new memories there it definitely feels like home.

Right now you're there mostly on your own, in an empty house. No wonder it feels strange but once you're there with you're family I think you'll be fine

We bought our house 14 years ago. It was like retirement alley. We had no kids at the time so it was fine. Then when we had kids, houses on our road started going up for sale and younger people moved in. Some of the older people looked after the grandchildren as well so my kids always had kids to play with. Also with people who are retired they are mostly home during the day time so they keep an eye on the house and take in deliveries for us. They also help us out with diy. Old people aren't as bad as people make them out to be 😜

I was in the same boat as you OP! We bought a flat which we knew needed some cosmetic touching up but once we were in, we kept finding things that we hadn't picked up in our viewings! Faulty wiring, mouldy carpets and walls, leaking shower tray etc. I felt physically sick with remorse... 2 months later we have two gorgeously refurbished bedrooms, a bath instead of a shower, and we're just about to start on the living room and hallway. It feels like a lot but bit by bit, you'll get there and it'll be the home of your dreams! :)

Thanks everyone, these experiences are really helping.
I’m feeling much worse today, but re-reading the thread helps. I feel the dread and anxiety is really heightened. Any little thing is making me cry and I’m struggling to bring myself to pack up our belongings. I’m hoping once we move in and as you’ve all said, surround myself with my family and furniture, I’ll feel better. 😢

I get like this, bought the most amazing car and hated and regretted it for a few weeks after. Made no sense to anyone!!

I was like it with my house purchases too, hang in there keep reminding yourself why you did it and you will settle x

I cannot help as my DH and I went from a room in a shared house to a 3 bed terraced with nought but a coffee maker .
And we haven’t moved .

In 3 months imagine how you’d feel if someone else got your house.
It would be The One That Got Away

Your rented house is your home. You shut the door and shut the outside world out. All the things you love are there. There are years of memories there.
The new house is just a house. There is no connection, no special things and no memories. BUT there will be. You need to give yourself time. You need to give the house time. I hate change so can understand how anxious you feel but just take it one day at a time for the moment.

This is totally normal, seeing it empty and knowing it's yours. Do you have the option to rent for a bit longer and do more painting, cleaning etc? It will be different honestly once you move in and put your stuff out.

Aw there’s a good reason why you feel anxious and it doesn’t feel like home, it’s because it isn’t! Yet…

There’s nothing tattier and more depressing than an empty house, even ones that looked smart on the viewings.

When your own belongings and knick knacks, cosy lights, kids toys etc are in you will feel a whole lot better as you’ll have familiar things everywhere.

I totally understand your anxiety and being safe in your comfort zone. I have just had my living room decorated after twenty years and although it was tatty it was my space and I felt nice and safe there. Now it’s all different and it made me anxious for days, I know, I know it’s silly but that’s how some of us are.

As soon as I brought my own things back in, photos and things, I started to feel a bit better.

Thinking logically rather than emotionally this move is wonderful for your kids and it’s great they’re excited! Think of their own rooms and that nice big garden come spring. It’s your loved ones that will turn it into a home once you start making your memories there.

All the best for Monday, it will feel like home soon! X

We’ve already booked the removal company, but I know if I leave it any longer this feeling will just keep manifesting. I’ve painted all 3 bedrooms so we have fresh rooms to sleep in, and we have a cleaner coming in tomorrow to deep clean and clean the carpets as they had pets.

I’m trying to focus on the positives and picture our first few evenings together in the living room, giving the kids a bath etc, but this overwhelming dread and anxiety keeps flooding back.