Left London for Surrey/elsewhere - regrets??

[desperatelyseekingnoone]

Hi all, so me and hubby are starting to have doubts about leaving london for good. currently renting as we property search.

I haven't found a property to buy yet although still looking. I grew up in london, love the city and miss it, but also feel it isn't the safest, congested, expensive and because it's expensive, I can't enjoy it as much as before. however, there are generally good schools in most places (we want to start a family soon), there's sooo much to do for all age groups.

but we are leaving mainly because of the safety factor. I know some places are much safer and nicer than others, but we've had some personal bad experiences which I don't want to go into.

we started looking in Surrey and St Albans in recent months, which seems so much nicer. We prefer Surrey to St Albans (just feels better and greener, not sure why, maybe it's just me) We also are very blessed and can work pretty remote/hybrid that works for us a lot. Main thing is we need to be near ish a station, but not at it's doorstep at all.

Yet, I feel so... cold feet-y about it now. I guess because we've found a couple of properties we like in Surrey now, it's starting to feel a bit real. Btw the house we want to buy is the forever home type.

Has anyone moved from London to elsewhere like we want to? Any regrets? Anything you learnt a long the way?

I really do miss London, but not sure if it's just nostalgia and this feeling of leaving a great city that just isn't want we need deep down, it just makes me sad.

thank you to anyone reading this.

Walton on Thames is no ice and 20 minutes to Clapham Junction

Dh has just been working in Reading - and in no way does it qualify for a London substitute. It's not the number of people it's the vibe and Reading doesn't have it. I'm thinking more of cities that you wouldn't commute from every day but once a week is tolerable.

We did this two years ago. We miss London horribly and are hoping to move back next year.

Look really hard at the length and cost of the commute, and try and stay for a few days in the area you're thinking of to get a realistic idea of the vibe. We did a few country walks and a little potter down the high street and it was absolutely not enough.

Dh has just been working in Reading - and in no way does it qualify for a London substitute. It's not the number of people it's the vibe and Reading doesn't have it. I'm thinking more of cities that you wouldn't commute from every day but once a week is tolerable.

It's multicultural, has an excellent venue that is on mainstream national tours (the Hexagon), museums, a university, a major NHS hospital, private hospitals, frequent and varied festivals in the centre of town, a large music festival, neighbourhoods and suburbs with very different vibes, grammar, state and private schools, and is an easy commute from London.

Personally, if I wanted to live in a city I would have stayed in London, but if someone wants to leave London but still be in a city with easy access to London, I think Reading fits the bill.

I moved to Bath and regret it! I agree with @wfcats that you don't really know how it'll be from visiting a few times.

Presumably it depends where outside of London (e.g. Oxford and Cambridge are outliers) but yep, there are 0.3 cars per adult in London (and in inner London they mostly won't go at more than 20mph).

But my point was more- people often misassess risk. You're much much more likely to be in a car accident than to be a victim of knife crime. I grew up in the proper countryside. It wasn't safer. Both when we were younger (playing unsupervised on farms, guns!) and older (drink driving, loads of drugs, nothing to do). My brother lost 2 friends in their teens to crashing their cars. It might have felt safe to our parents, I've never asked. But our part (not very fancy) of London feels safer in some ways- everyone knows everyone, great transport so no hanging about, lots to do.

People do the same with schools- assume London schools are awful when they're brilliant compared as a whole to the rest of the country.

So it was really just a plea to the OP to think about 'safe' and what that means really, and also think about having teens and not little kids and as you say, how much dull you can cope with!

I lived in Reading for a bit for work. It was OK. It's very definitely not London though, the Hexagon current bill includes 'The Boyband Party show'. The arts scene suffers a bit from being so close to London and they lost WOMAD I think?

I can think of a lot of other cities I'd choose first. It's also mugging central in the city centre at night (or it used to be). Also the commute is expensive and packed, though perhaps the Lizzie line has improved that.

Growing up in the countryside I also knew countless people who tragically died in car accidents. But not many in the commuting town we brought our kids up in. They are very different locations. My dc’s friends have cars but the boy racer thing doesn’t really exist. The kids around here study hard and leave for Uni, coming back when they want kids themselves. The worst thing I’d say is that they are a bit sheltered.

I just want to reiterate the secondary school
thing for Surrey….. if you’re going to go state then secondary school should be almost
number 1 on your priority list, or you’re prepared to move when they are in yr 4 or thereabouts. I know you don’t have kids yet but assuming it all happens in a reasonable time frame then before you know it you will
be making a decision about where to apply to secondary school, and it’s probably the biggest and most important decision in your child’s entire childhood. So make sure there
is a secondary school nearby you would be happy to send your child to.

@friendlycat

I come from a place of bias (North) but the reason we crossed the line (train line) in our search was just that, we viewed several houses and every time we got clobbered by the level crossing and had to wait, and that was before they added the Farnham (well Alton) to Guildford line.

On the north side, we have beautiful Farnham Park, miles and miles of army ranges on which to walk, access to Guildford via the Hogs Back, which used to be a dream of a road before they introduced the speed cameras. We also have access to the M25 and the M3 without having to listen to the noise from it.

We also have David Lloyd and let’s not forget the rugby club, best firework display for miles around. Decent sized JS and a meh Waitrose.

Here endeth the promotion for the north side of town. 😂

I’m glad I stumbled upon this post. I'm currently in the same situation as you. We're torn between St Albans and Guildford. If you've already moved, I'd be very happy if you could share your thoughts with me.

@Sdfplt It's a well trodden path for good reason! Would you like to expand with your questions?
Personally, I don't regret it but I do miss it. But now I have DC, I miss a lot about my old life and that's as much to do with parenthood as to where I live. I miss meeting with friends quickly and easily, I miss impromptu drinks after work and so on. But that's not because of where I live, IYSWIM.

Through having DC we're building a good network of friends, many of whom have made the move like us. I know it's not for everyone, but for us it's the right place to bring up a family and still commute into London for work.

I think whether you have children or not can make a difference especially how many you want and the lifestyle changes that will bring. Once you have small children will you realistically be able to do "all the things" you think you will do or miss?
A calmer lifestyle can really decrease stress with kids. The pollution in London is pretty appalling, when you drive around the M25 on a sunny day you can physically see the smog and poor air quality.
It was only when I moved out of London that I realized I was living with Brain Fog the entire time. My health improved a lot, and I was only in my 20s!

Thank you for your reply. You mentioned significant points about calmer lifestyle. I am actually chasing this. We don’t have a child yet, but we are planning for the future. We are making this decision with our future child in mind. In London, house rents and grocery prices have increased significantly over the past two years. Finding a good school is also a concern. Through my research, I’ve found that there are many good schools in the Surrey/Guildford area. I acknowledge that my priorities will change, and I believe I will be okay with this adjustment. However, one of my hesitations is transportation. My husband works at the M&S headquarters and will need to commute to the office three days a week. For now, I will be working from home.

Whenever you move to try and find an area where public amenities such as shops, parks, schools, GPs, hospitals, gyms etc are a short distance from home, the more within walking distance the better. I appreciate you also need good transport connections for your DH's work.

This may seem obvious and it's probably hard to find, but once you have kids that can make a big difference to your quality of life.
The traffic in London is another nightmare, so if you stay in the city think about all the tasks you would need to do with 1 or 2 kids. If you would have to do them in a car what is the traffic like where you are looking and would you get traffic charges? Is parking available and is it expensive. Would you be OK with doing everything with your kids on public transport?

Once you have kids you have an automatic connection to loads of people in your community through them, so you will make friends and also your priorities change from "is there a great wine bar near here?" to "how can I get a decent amount of sleep?"

I am a born and bred Londoner, love London and Londoners but don't miss living there.

If you are in Guilford it's not as if you can't take trips in whenever you want.

What is your budget to buy a house?

To be fair which areas of London are you comparing to?

We did and initially I was missing the feeling of living in a big city, the plethora of restaurants, take away options, coffee shops, etc. but little by little I started to appreciate more and more the greener surroundings, cleaner air, hearing the birds chirping in my garden in the morning, the safe walk home by myself at night, and to be fair 8 years down the line I am still near the big city and can go out and do things, but going back to the peace and quiet is something that I look forward to now.

"There are a lot of people outside London who are genuinely very dull, "

LOL, nobody in London just goes to work and watches the telly of course. Can`t think of anything more dull than commuting through London everyday to pay a big mortgage for a basic house in a shit neighbourhood.

Born and raised sw Londoner. Left a year ago.
I'm in a good position as have property and family in London so I can always go back - def a different feeling to have a safety net like this.

Left a year ago, haven't looked back.

London isn't the London I grew up in. I walked the streets at night at 14, begging bacardi breezers in corner shops.
Now as a grown ass woman I don't feel safe walking home before midnight 😂even daylight had some youths circling me asking me what the time is, aka get my phone out and get robbed.

I moved as I have kids. If I didn't have them I wouldn't have moved. They deserve a better life, out of London.

Cons though OMG I MISS A GOOD TAKEAWAY and all kinds of takeaway available.

All I can say is as long as you're moving to a nicer area and safe etc - great. If you're moving to another area that has high crime rate etc, might as well stay with what you know.

Just a heads-up - there are no tubes in Surrey. Some posters seem to have been taken by surprise by this fact. I go into London for the evening no problem.

I moved from SW London to Surrey to buy (as a single person). Never looked back.

There are a lot of people outside London who are genuinely very dull, and even if you find your tribe, it will be small.

Well that's a huge generalisation...

I live in London, and I love it and have loads of wonderful friends here. But my one big criticism of many of the people here is just how much they live in a bubble. When I tell them which county I'm from, they've often never heard of it, and it's well-known and not even that far away. They really seem to think that beyond London is just wilderness... If they leave the city, it's only to go abroad, as they think there is nothing else to see in the UK. Recently I mentioned Southampton to someone and they said "oh, that's a Borough in SE London isn't it?" And this was a bright law student. Genuinely never met such close-minded, out-of-touch people as Londoners (not all obviously).

Eh? It’s silly to assume you have to drive everywhere, of course you don’t!

@HesterFields you absolutely do have to drive everywhere from where I live (somewhere mentioned above more than once). There isn't even a footpath on the roads nearby.

Where you live

I can walk five minutes into town from my house in Surrey.