Left London for Surrey/elsewhere - regrets??

[desperatelyseekingnoone]

Hi all, so me and hubby are starting to have doubts about leaving london for good. currently renting as we property search.

I haven't found a property to buy yet although still looking. I grew up in london, love the city and miss it, but also feel it isn't the safest, congested, expensive and because it's expensive, I can't enjoy it as much as before. however, there are generally good schools in most places (we want to start a family soon), there's sooo much to do for all age groups.

but we are leaving mainly because of the safety factor. I know some places are much safer and nicer than others, but we've had some personal bad experiences which I don't want to go into.

we started looking in Surrey and St Albans in recent months, which seems so much nicer. We prefer Surrey to St Albans (just feels better and greener, not sure why, maybe it's just me) We also are very blessed and can work pretty remote/hybrid that works for us a lot. Main thing is we need to be near ish a station, but not at it's doorstep at all.

Yet, I feel so... cold feet-y about it now. I guess because we've found a couple of properties we like in Surrey now, it's starting to feel a bit real. Btw the house we want to buy is the forever home type.

Has anyone moved from London to elsewhere like we want to? Any regrets? Anything you learnt a long the way?

I really do miss London, but not sure if it's just nostalgia and this feeling of leaving a great city that just isn't want we need deep down, it just makes me sad.

thank you to anyone reading this.

I know a few people who have moved out of London and decided to come back. I think it depends where specifically you are thinking of going, and what sort of lifestyle you want.

We live in zone 6 and really like it. Quick trains into London and still feels like we're 'in' London, but surrounded by green space. We do have to drive everywhere though which is a bit of a pain.

Not a second really. But we already had a child, I wouldn't have gone before then. We made a lot of friends through the children. I think without I would have felt a bit isolated.

We loved from London to a large market town in W Sussex with very good schools, and a nice mix of lots of things to do/good town centre/rural stuff not too far/good transport connections/lots of restaurants and cultural stuff to be closer to ILs.

It's early days so far, but no regrets as yet. I lived in London for 22 years (and not too far for the 18 before) and did wonder whether it would be too much of a culture shock. However, it's been relatively smooth so far, and we love having a bigger garden and more space.

We have a child, though, and a lot always flows from that as a previous poster said. We also both work remotely most of the time.

Depends what you mean by safety. We’ve had our car stolen in London, but so have my parents in a quiet culdy sac in an upmarket market town in Surrey.

I think you are going to have to accept that there will probably be downsides to moving out. Nowhere can quite compete with London in terms of sheer number of events. All major concerts will go to London, and most smaller ones will have a stop there too.

I used to live in the centre of a city, about 30 - 40mins walk from a large stadium hosting major pop artists like Madonna. The library was literally around the corner, coffee shops close-by, a fab Greek place, a small supermarket was only 2 mins walk down the road, followed by another about 10mins further on. It was a concrete jungle and very convenient.

Now I live in a rural and beautiful area and can see the sea out of my window in the distance. It's about 4hrs train ride to London or more if you factor driving time to the station.

I'd say I'm a bit happier but not significantly so. I've adjusted well because I grew up here, and just know that unless you have lots of money, there will be a price to pay no matter where you choose to live. Very few people have it all.

We moved from South London to W Sussex when DS was 6 months. Absolutely love it. But we both hated London and couldn't wait to leave which sounds quite different to how you feel. I've made lots of mum friends through baby groups, DH is taking a lot longer but is gradually meeting people through sports. We know most of our neighbours well already after 8 months.

Life here is a million times better and especially for our DS. Our street in London had a brothel, a half way house and multiple HMOs. They were car jackings and fires, police there at least once a week. Men pissing in the street. Rubbish I had to push my DS's pram through when i left the house. I honestly felt like I escaped a prison when I left London. People here are so friendly, chatty, helpful. If you don't have things you hate about London though I guess you'd find it harder. My friend is a London type and moved when pregnant to Kent. She thought it was so boring before having her baby. Depends who you are as a person and what you want from the move. I love our detached house, our big garden, being close to the train station and town centre but also literally 5 mins from countryside. I love driving here, the scenery is stunning. What do you want to get from a new place?

I left SW London 5 years ago for a market town that’s vibrant and busy. I had lived in SW London for 32 years and it’s been a big change.

If you like lots of the buzz about London I would recommend that you pick a town and not a village. Surrey is nice. Whereabouts are you looking? Places like Farnham have that buzz with great links access wise. Guildford is a popular choice for ex Londoners.

Just make sure it’s definitely what you want as the transition is big, or I found it to be anyway. Public transport is important as well with good train links. Surrey is a big place and there’s lots of Surrey that’s really London boroughs or Surrey further out. It’s important to visit in detail every place you may be interested in and spend time in each at different times as Saturday timescales are very different to midweek etc.

I am still very nostalgic about inner London and sometimes feel in limbo as I haven’t completely settled here but I also know that if a magic genie in a bottle transported me back to SW London (with same size house I have here that’s obviously unaffordable in SW London!) I would also feel slightly out of place now back there because I’m used to a gentler way of life.

Like everything there’s pros and cons and you have to weigh them up. I’m older and can accept the status quo but I would have utterly hated living here in my 30s 40s and early 50s. I moved mid 50s but still miss the connectivity and convenience of London even though I chose to move away.

But there’s other things that are great with easy access to beaches, pretty pubs with great food, less noise, less crime, open spaces, slower speed of life.
And definitely less congestion and traffic.

Oh... we left London and came back two years later. At the time we weren't sure it was right for us, and it was a bit of an experiment. And it was a bad idea. Mainly because of the people. There are a lot of people outside London who are genuinely very dull, and even if you find your tribe, it will be small.

So if you do move out, do it in a way that's reversible, and don't commit to anything you can't undo.

Also. Unless you're on a fixed income and love cars, I'm not convinced living within commuting distance of London works out cheaper. Most of the south-east is still very expensive apart from the awful bits.

You do have to really love cars.

Agree with the car point! When I stay at my parents in Surrey I really notice the amount we use our cars. In London we rarely do. (To caveat - I love living in London so you won’t get any non biased comment from me though🤣)

We moved out of London for much the same reasons - safety and schools - although the schools improved after we left. Where we live is very desirable = expensive, kids had good schooling and I met good friends - but the town itself is so dull, the locals can be quite insular, I've wanted to leave for years - the kids are now at Uni and they really hate their home town, it has nothing for young people. We will move to a smaller city close to London, I don't want to live in London anymore, I find it too exhausting but I want something more interesting/fresher than where we are!

Moved to surrey - hate it - boring. Should have stayed in London. I drive absolutely everywhere - can’t walk to a corner shop. Unless you’re going into private schools some state are absolutely terrible …. Pick very carefully where you live to a school unless you’re catholic / prepared to lie to be catholic for 3 months to get your child into a catholic school (loads of people do that once in got an education up to gcse) (Mine are in private but they wouldn’t go into the state round here it’s bad I would move)

You are all so so helpful, thank you so much for taking the time to respond. I relate so much to every comment. I just feel pulled in both directions. I know these are first world problems though (for me anyway), at the same time, a sense of home and belonging is actually a universal concept and need. Gosh, so much on my mind, clearly!

I think I need to just decide on which direction, stick with it, and give it my best whichever place I end up in.

Which part of Surrey.

I'm looking in the Guildford / Godalming areas right now.

I would also look at the south side of Farnham as well.

Reigate and Dorking as well.

Guildford (and I presume Godalming to a reasonably similar extent) is packed full of people who have moved from London (typically SW London) in search of more space and better school choices.

Guildford has a pretty decent selection of state infant/primary schools, gets slightly tougher selection for secondary, which comes down to catchment areas being a little tight.

I feel very much like you do about London. Moved about 30 miles away nearly 20y ago.

Pros:
Can afford a house with a garden and off-road parking.
Good schools.
Good access to countryside, transport routes and London.
Vastly lower crime rates.
Better air quality.

Cons:
Lacks diversity.
Distant from family.
Missing London's vibrancy and culture.

Overall, the move was worthwhile. I do not regret it.

What do you mean by 'safety'? Road deaths are the biggest external cause of death for people under 35 and you're going to be driving your car a lot more outside of London...

Have a think about whether the things you are moving for are really a worry, statistically. MN hates London so you won't get an unbiased view here!

Totally agree with Rustiered - we’re in the same position. But what small cities close to London are there!!

You think there's a lower density of cars in London? I work in London and I do not feel safer as a pedestrian there compared to the town we live in - far from it! As for feeling safe, the town we moved to has a very low crime rate, everyone knows everyone. it feels like your children are in a safer environment (and feeling safe matters regardless of statistics) - I had to let my kids go out and about alone, that's part of growing up and if you feel your environment is safer that's a lot easier to do. But the down side is that it is dull - we decided the dullness was a price worth paying but now we're done, kids are at Uni, it's time to move somewhere more interesting.

We're in Guildford. Left London in 2020 after having lived SW and SE London, but we needed more space after having our first DC and the only places we could afford a nice house in London weren't the sort of areas we were keen to live with children.

We first moved out to Leatherhead and I did find it a bit of a culture shock - I remember the first night we moved in and decided to order a Chinese to discover there was only one open on a Friday night on Deliveroo/Just Eat/Uber Eats! But we loved the space, the walks, the pace and obviously having a house rather than a flat was a massive bonus.

We did decide to move after a couple of years when DC2 came along slightly sooner than planned and we decided to go for Guildford as we'd found Leatherhead just a bit too sleepy. Full disclosure, I grew up in Guildford but we left when I was 14 so it was 20 years since I'd lived there and we were on a different side (grew up East Guildford and now living West). It's 100% been the right decision for us. We're walking distance to the station and the fast trains make a big difference for us (not a factor for commuting if you're remote but still nice to get into town to see friends/go out).

Because we're at home with two small children most evenings we're not missing the lack of buzziness per se but it's fab to be able to walk into town and be on a gorgeous high street in minutes. People moan on the local Facebook groups about the decline in shops etc but I've had that happen everywhere I've lived! We're just looking at schools for our eldest at the moment and love that we have a few really community focused options which are all really good, we're spoilt for choice on that front tbh.

Basically, no regrets for me. It's a lifestyle change but tbh a much smaller one than starting a family! Priorities for me now are green space, good schools, safety, places I can take young kids that they'll enjoy and just enough nightlife for DH + me to have a nice dinner and a couple of drinks when we beg some babysitting!

Feel free to PM me if you want any more info - good luck with the move if you go for it!

Oh and to add, we don't use our car loads at the moment actually - nursery, nearest shop, centre of town and the station are all walking distance, and there's a fairly regular bus if we're in a rush for any reason. But I imagine that's fairly rare, being in central Guildford is the best of both worlds imo.

We tend to use our car on the weekends to take the kids swimming, visit family, go to farms etc - but I reckon 75% of those trips are ones that we would have needed the car for even if we'd stayed in London. It's one thing being on a good transport network but that only helps if the places you want to go are as well, and now I'm spending my weekend at National Trust places and soft plays rather than bottomless brunches and Westfield it doesn't make much of a difference!

Reading. May not technically be a city, but it might as well be one.

One of the big things that keeps us in London is that we both want to continue working in London.

Commutes become really difficult when you have kids - managing pick ups and drop offs is hard enough without a train commute. I know there will be people along to say that places that are half an hour by rail are exactly the same as commuting within London but they aren't. From where I am in zone 3, I can choose between bus, train or tube and if there's a major problem, taxi.

I have a colleague who commutes from Brighton and she has sometimes had to call in a favour to get her son picked up from nursery because if the trains aren't running, you're just stuffed.

This won't apply of course if one or both of you won't need to commute