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Original poster

Well this is a nightmare!

55 replies

Housenightmare · 26/08/2023 08:09

Basically just want sympathy!

name changed in case the vendors are on here 😂

Buying a house with my partner.

Both selling our houses (no mortgage) equal contributions etc. Getting married next year.

For context we both have children with ASD.

My son is more severe and has a full EHCP. Have spent months finding the right school and have found what appears to be the perfect one - starts on the 5th. All good.

due to exchange yesterday - completion date 4th September - this has been going on for months but have finally narrowed it down - yesterday it turns out that the bottom of the change (cash buyer) hasn’t got the funds ready yet (how can that even happen?!) and now the completion date has been moved to the 22nd.

my buyers will pull out if it’s delayed again PLUS we live 2 hours away from the new house.

Estate agents idea is for me and my son to stay in a hotel for the 20 days 🤦🏼‍♀️

Son will absolutley not cope with 2 moves in 2 weeks and starting a new school, he needs his things around him and the impact to his mental health will mean that he won’t cope at the new school and it will all go to shit!

So I’ve pulled out. Partner is devastated, son is livid ‘why can’t we just go?’ and I’m the bad guy 😭

OP posts:
MrsBlondie · 26/08/2023 08:11

I don't think I'd have pulled out TBH. I'm sure there must be some solution it's only 20 days. An air b&b?

Merrow · 26/08/2023 08:13

I admit I don't understand why you've pulled out? I think you're going to airways struggle to get the perfect alignments on dates. If the school is perfect won't they support him and understand that he's had more than a normal amount of upheaval?

Puravida23 · 26/08/2023 08:16

What!! I can’t believe you have pulled out . What now? Will you stay where you are? What about schools does your son still have a place in your home town ?. Why the move 2 hours away is that where your partner is? What about your relationship? Could you not have stayed with him?
so many questions!
I think you may have just jumped out of the frying pan into the fire!

Lucyboat · 26/08/2023 08:16

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YouHoooo · 26/08/2023 08:18

Don’t pull out!!! That’s crazy. Hisar have your son miss 2 weeks of school.

Twiglets1 · 26/08/2023 08:21

I'm sorry but I don't think you should have been so hasty to pull out. Maybe it's not too late to resolve the situation? I would talk to the EA this morning (or get partner to do it) and see if they can get the chain back on track. It's in everyone's interests to do that.

If your buyers really aren't prepared to wait another 20 days (not long compared to what they are facing now with the chain collapsed and everyone back to square one) then ask what is the latest date they are prepared to exchange on, and agree to that. I would move into an Airbnb for 20 days or less. Appreciate it will be hard for your son but it is in his long term interests re the school.

CarSeatNeeded · 26/08/2023 08:45

Is the problem your side of the chain or your partners?

is a bridging loan an option?

Original poster
Housenightmare · 26/08/2023 09:49

its my partners side of the chain. My side is fine.

it’s not as easy as staying in a air b and b for 20 days, I have 3 dogs for a start and all my stuff - plus my son will not cope - we aren’t talking about a stereotypical kid here. We are talking about a child with severe anxiety who cannot cope with change. The affect on his mental health will be massive which will then wreck the placement anyway.

OP posts:
Original poster
Housenightmare · 26/08/2023 09:50

Oh and the two hours is equal. He is also moving 1:30

OP posts:
Lucyboat · 26/08/2023 09:51

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frozencarlotta · 26/08/2023 09:51

So keep him off school till you move? Might be better for him to go after the first flurry. We used to keep ds (autism) home on the first day of terms

Original poster
Housenightmare · 26/08/2023 10:00

@Lucyboat I am not sure what the distance has to do with it tbh? We were meant to be moving to an area that was a huge improvement on where both of us currently live.

OP posts:
Original poster
Housenightmare · 26/08/2023 10:01

frozencarlotta · 26/08/2023 09:51

So keep him off school till you move? Might be better for him to go after the first flurry. We used to keep ds (autism) home on the first day of terms

Unfortunately that won’t work either, in the time that it will take to complete the move friendship groups etc will be formed and he will stick out like a sore thumb!

OP posts:
Nix32 · 26/08/2023 10:05

@Housenightmare Reception teacher here - starting later really wouldn't be a problem. It takes a long time for friendships to develop and children love having new friends join their class. He really wouldn't stick out.

Lucyboat · 26/08/2023 10:06

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Lucyboat · 26/08/2023 10:08

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Original poster
Housenightmare · 26/08/2023 10:24

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thats a bit judgemental! You have no idea how old the children are that are involved and what we have done to make them comfortable.

OP posts:
ClematisBlue49 · 26/08/2023 10:25

@CarSeatNeeded 's suggestion of a bridging loan is a good one. Could the dogs go into kennels temporarily?

In all honesty, if you want to make this move at all, you're going to be dealing with chaos and change at some point, as will your son. You've come this far and it would be such a shame if your plans fall apart at this late stage. I hope you find a solution that enables you to stick with it.

Having said all that, it does seem odd that a cash buyer suddenly can't access their cash for another 3 weeks. Possibly some pressure could be applied on them to speed things up?

DisforDarkChocolate · 26/08/2023 10:28

Could you go ahead with his half being a mortgage?

I can't believe you pulled out.

DisforDarkChocolate · 26/08/2023 10:28

Could you go ahead with his half being a mortgage?

I can't believe you pulled out.

Frenchfancy · 26/08/2023 10:30

Talk to your bank. If you have no mortgage you should be able to arrange a bridging loan. Much less hassle than pulling out.

An Airbnb for a few weeks wouldn't be the end of the world either. There are a lot of changes going on in your DSs life there is no way to keep his life normal. Are you sure this isn't you panicking about the changes?

Clefable · 26/08/2023 10:33

I think this is a prime example of short term pain for long term gain. Yes it will be a shit two weeks but the long-term effects of pulling out will be much more shit! So you've got no new house now or what?

Clefable · 26/08/2023 10:34

And now he can't go to his perfect school for the sake of two weeks?

friskybivalves · 26/08/2023 10:34

Do you still have the school place for your DS at his old school? Or did you give that up when you found the new one?

Chris002 · 26/08/2023 10:46

Just speak to the school and explain the situation - are you worried about losing his place ? I am sure they will be happy to keep his place until the 22nd it's only a couple of weeks.

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