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Original poster

Well this is a nightmare!

55 replies

Housenightmare · 26/08/2023 08:09

Basically just want sympathy!

name changed in case the vendors are on here 😂

Buying a house with my partner.

Both selling our houses (no mortgage) equal contributions etc. Getting married next year.

For context we both have children with ASD.

My son is more severe and has a full EHCP. Have spent months finding the right school and have found what appears to be the perfect one - starts on the 5th. All good.

due to exchange yesterday - completion date 4th September - this has been going on for months but have finally narrowed it down - yesterday it turns out that the bottom of the change (cash buyer) hasn’t got the funds ready yet (how can that even happen?!) and now the completion date has been moved to the 22nd.

my buyers will pull out if it’s delayed again PLUS we live 2 hours away from the new house.

Estate agents idea is for me and my son to stay in a hotel for the 20 days 🤦🏼‍♀️

Son will absolutley not cope with 2 moves in 2 weeks and starting a new school, he needs his things around him and the impact to his mental health will mean that he won’t cope at the new school and it will all go to shit!

So I’ve pulled out. Partner is devastated, son is livid ‘why can’t we just go?’ and I’m the bad guy 😭

OP posts:
MrsBlondie · 26/08/2023 10:46

Sorry but I think you're making a huge mistake. Read all the replies saying the same.
If you want it to work it will. Its worth it. If you want to move and live together this could happen next time. You've lost money if you pull out now and you've cost the others in your chain to lose money too.
Go for it it can work.

Twiglets1 · 26/08/2023 10:48

Clefable · 26/08/2023 10:34

And now he can't go to his perfect school for the sake of two weeks?

That is the main bit that doesn’t make sense to me.

Peony654 · 26/08/2023 10:49

I don’t know why you’ve pulled out. Just have him start school a bit later and stay in Airbnb, put stuff in storage, put dogs in kennels. Not ideal - but if it’s the right house and area worth it. And if you’re buying mortgage freee I am assuming you have money to solve these minor issues.

Lucyboat · 26/08/2023 10:49

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MarmiteLover101 · 26/08/2023 10:51

This time last year our move date was also put back to the 22nd September. Our eldest is AS and has an EHCP and requires 1:2:1 support. I’m not sure how old your children are but my son was starting yr 6 primary. Honestly, it was fine, certainly not worth pulling out of the perfect school over. We kept our son at his old school for 2 weeks then he transferred when we moved. Not ideal but these things happen. The Air bnb option sounds stressful and there may be further delays.

LegendsBeyond · 26/08/2023 10:53

All sounds very dramatic. I wouldn’t have pulled out. There’s always a solution to these things.

ClematisBlue49 · 26/08/2023 10:57

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I think it's a case of the OP being incredibly stressed out by the situation and making an emotionally-driven decision. I've often ended up at the point of sabotaging my own plans because I'm simply not thinking straight - a negative development that could be overcome turns into a disastrous deal-breaker.

I hope these responses prompt a rethink.

Zippedydoodahday · 26/08/2023 10:58

Have you actually asked your buyers if they would rather not have it at all than wait two weeks? Because if it is that or the whole thing is off they may wait. Then you can just stay put for the fortnight.

I think you need to find a way to make it work. Selling two housed to buy one is always going to be hard, especially with the way the market is now, so if you try again it could be far worse next time.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 26/08/2023 10:59

I am presuming that you haven’t actually exchanged? So the completion date has been moved, but that is only the date currently being suggested. If you had exchanged , you would be looking at a financial penalty if you negated the signed contract.

Until you have exchanged, you haven’t got a definite sale or purchase , so you are just basically assessing the probability of the transaction going forward. If this has been ‘going on for months’ why should you ( or anyone else) believe that it is suddenly going to proceed this time.

if the reason for delay is the non existence of funds , someone or several people ( including an agent) has been telling porkies. It is the agent and the solicitor’s responsibility to ensure funds are legitimate and present.

No way would I move into a hotel ( or anywhere) on so shaky a footing.

I’m sorry, OP, it’s rubbish for you.

Thisweeksname · 26/08/2023 11:04

I don’t blame you for pulling out, sounds like they are messing around. Nothing is certain until exchange.

EeyoreNeedsABalloon · 26/08/2023 11:17

I don’t really know why you’ve pulled out OP?
if your son has a place at a named school in the place you’d planned to move to, how is pulling out and staying where you are two hours away going to help him? Because presumably he will now have no school he can actually attend?
knowing what an effing nightmare it is to get any school place, especially a specialist place, for a child with an EHCP (at least in our area), I can’t see why a few weeks of temp living is any worse or more chaotic for your child than pulling out and having total uncertainty regarding school.
I presume you felt overwhelmed and panicked, OP, but I think it’s going to be far worse and more unsettled for your son now.

forgotmyusername1 · 26/08/2023 11:20

Why doesn't everyone stay where they are until completion and then he starts new school when you get there. If it can exchange now with a 22nd completion that isn't the end of the world

Original poster
Housenightmare · 26/08/2023 11:21

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 26/08/2023 10:59

I am presuming that you haven’t actually exchanged? So the completion date has been moved, but that is only the date currently being suggested. If you had exchanged , you would be looking at a financial penalty if you negated the signed contract.

Until you have exchanged, you haven’t got a definite sale or purchase , so you are just basically assessing the probability of the transaction going forward. If this has been ‘going on for months’ why should you ( or anyone else) believe that it is suddenly going to proceed this time.

if the reason for delay is the non existence of funds , someone or several people ( including an agent) has been telling porkies. It is the agent and the solicitor’s responsibility to ensure funds are legitimate and present.

No way would I move into a hotel ( or anywhere) on so shaky a footing.

I’m sorry, OP, it’s rubbish for you.

We were due to exchange yesterday when it all came out

OP posts:
knobkopf · 26/08/2023 12:14

Really don't understand why you have pulled out.
Why couldn't you just stay where you are until the 22nd and son starts school after the move??
But you've done it now, so that's it.

Wonder if you've either consciously or subconsciously got cold feet about moving in with DP and family and moving to the new area and to the new school for DS so you've jumped at the first excuse to get out of it...
I just feel that if someone really wanted to make that move they would have tried to find solutions to cover the time until the new completion date of the 22nd.

winteriscoming2022 · 26/08/2023 12:38

my buyers will pull out if it’s delayed again
Lots of buyers threaten this, I've threatened it myself when delays have happened. I've not done it though, I've just felt incredibly stressed, once when living in a van between houses and another lock down was imminent meaning the campsite would close.......
OP you've reacted to a highly stressful situation
Do you feel you could say you've made a mistake and, if all in agreement, get the houses bought sold asap?
Or have you realised this isn't what you actually want in the long term?
I can't make sense of the school situation, sorry

winteriscoming2022 · 26/08/2023 12:39

I'm now waiting for a post from some heartbroken person saying they were all ready to exchange yesterday but the sellers pulled out last minute

OvertakenByLego · 26/08/2023 12:41

Is the new school named in the current EHCP?

Are you aware when you move LA the new LA will review and potentially amend, reassess or even cease to maintain? However, unlikely you think that is there is no guarantee the new LA will name the school you want, although, of course, you will be able to appeal.

CardiganBardigan · 26/08/2023 21:28

Very little of this scenario makes sense to me

It makes sense if you consider that OP subconsciously doesn't want to do this move (for reasons PP have highlighted) and is looking for a way to back out.

Lucyboat · 27/08/2023 06:59

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MarshyMcMarshFace · 27/08/2023 08:25

Sounds incredibly stressful, OP.

Young people are very fluid and flexible around friendship groups and I think it might have worked to have stayed put until you did eventually complete. You do seem to have pre-emoted a bigger long term all-round problem.

Take a deep breath and see if it can all be put back together?

KnickerlessParsons · 27/08/2023 09:43

The affect on his mental health will be massive which will then wreck the placement

I get that, but surely worth the short term inconvenience for the longer term gain. And if the "placement" is as good as you say it is, they will be able to cope.

Hairly · 27/08/2023 10:12

Did your partner get a say in the sale being cancelled, sort of sounds like he didn’t!!

dibly · 27/08/2023 10:38

So sorry, this sounds incredibly stressful. My daughter is adopted so I get the extra stress tha t temporary accommodation would sort. There’s been some good suggestions above on how you could get this back on track (although v little empathy), hope you can make it work.

Lucyboat · 27/08/2023 11:30

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Original poster
Housenightmare · 27/08/2023 20:15

update:

after several long chats with numerous estate agents etc and me explaining my position - the chain has agreed to split -all very long and drawn out but basically the one who couldn’t move is going into rental (paid for by us) and so it’s back on! Exchanging contracts on Tuesday with the original moving date!

OP posts: