Homesick for Yorkshire of Past - North-South Divide After Losses

[rubyankleshoes]

(Re-posting in case I put it in the wrong section. Fairly new user.)

I would appreciate anyone's insights on this please, particularly as my family and friends aren't capable of giving input that isn't in one way or another biased towards what THEY want.

Firstly, I have felt homesick all my adult life. Grew up in Yorkshire with a large, extended family who all lived nearby and shared so much - in and out of each other's homes, at school with siblings and cousins, grandparents who picked us up when parents couldn't etc.. Left to go to Uni and never returned.

A few caveats that folk from other regions will surely be able to relate to: Yorkshire’s had its heart stripped out in terms of loss of vast chunks of its native industry. This blasted my family to all ends of the Earth. Add into the mix the fact that London has been allowed to become like a separate Nation State of its own that gives little pretence to actually levelling up other than hot airing about it.

Have now lived in several places including abroad and the SE- have never settled. Have not married yet or had kiddos (really want to before it's too late) .

Since Covid have lost x 3 grandparents in close succession. Heartbroken on levels I was expecting but worse than could even have dreamt. Always thought I would end up living near them and my darling grandparents would meet my offspring etc.

Am now compulsively collecting stuff that reminds me of them or invokes what our family used to be like/ utterly preoccupied with working out where on earth I can rebuild some semblance of what was smashed apart all those years ago in the name of (I would say simply 'survival' as it’s obviously part of it but also - a lot of Boomer over-ambition and Greed Is Good stuff from the 80s which drove some of our parents / aunts / uncles’ generations).

Just cannot figure out if there could even conceivably be enough opportunities left in Yorkshire to even survive happily there (just a simple job search on Indeed.com revealed 9 suitable job posts last month in the entire 3 Yorkshire counties against - and I am NOT joking 600+ posts commutable to London in my sector).

Yet, I can't help wonder if I could possibly reconnect on the level I am dreaming of / whilst also knowing full well it wouldn’t be the same. Would involve almost entirely new cast of characters so would involve starting again.

Mostly just the culture and stone houses etc and the 'look' of what my grandparents aspired to for us would be there - that's what would feel familiar. Plus, dialect and cultural comfort, laughing in pubs, (some though not all) people being somewhat less materialistic that the SE and more commonsensical / practical (apologies in advance to Southerners but Yorkshire had vaccinated its entire population before most other counties had bumbled through their clinically vulnerable and elders ;-) there’s a legacy there of mass-organisation that goes to levels of practically I have yet to witness down South).

And yet - I also love the South - the sun, the gentility, the opportunities, the progress for women and other groups. But it’s extortionate and can’t afford much better than Assisted Buy or a Shoe Box down there.

Is anyone else feeling this way AND how did any of you resolve it? Did anyone return to a 'homeland' and acually rebuild what they needed? Is a sheltered, safe(ish), dignified, kinder, homey, slower culture still possible? I see such a mix of experiences here including those who regret never leaving depressed areas and those who left the SE for better quality of life and now regret it. How to resolve this (and soon as don’t want to leave it too late for DC / marriage etc). Thanks in advance.

God, some people are being mean! OP, you write beautifully and you describe well the yearning that we can have for our past.

It sounds to me like an itch that you’ll always have unless you scratch it and make the move. You just need to be practical and honest with yourself about what you want. If you go into it sensibly and recognise that it’s not physically possible to recreate much of what you had, then you might stand a chance of weaving yourself a new life in surroundings that you feel comfortable in. Good luck.

See I get what OP is saying in a very long winded way. I was born and grew up outside Leeds. My family have lived in North and East Yorkshire for generations (proved by my Ancestry dna result 😂). Moved away permanently across the Pennines in my early 20s. Parents are dead and essentially I have no family or friends over there but I still feel like a stranger here in Lancashire despite my kids, partner, friends etc Sadly my part of Leeds has changed beyond recognition too and I have no real connection with it either. Even my old secondary school was demolished last year ! School friends have moved on. I toyed with moving back when I retire but instead we bought a caravan in the Dales. No connection with the place on paper but funnily enough it does feel like home…

@JayAlfredPrufrock @Tulipblank hth

how many counties in Yorkshire.

OP, putting it succinctly, I think you are hankering after a time, not a place.

Yorkshire is a huge place. I grew up there in a suburb of Leeds. My brother now lives on the border of South Yorks/Derbyshire and the two places couldn’t be more different. In the place that my brother lives many of the people have, quite frankly, a bad attitude and are racist and xenophobic. You couldn’t pay me enough to live there.

I’ve lived in the South for over 20 years. DH and I plan to move to York once our DCs have grown up as it’s the perfect size city for us. I would happy move back to Leeds with the DCs to live in one of the villages in the “golden triangle” between Leeds, York and Harrogate but my oldest DC is at one of the top performing state grammars in the country and I can’t replicate his education in Leeds without paying a lot of money. As we wouldn’t be getting cheaper housing due to the location we would want to live in, we would actually be worse off.

Both DH and I work from home so could live anywhere in the country but none of my friends from school (ordinary state comp) have had any problem securing work in Yorkshire.

I’m from the Isle of Wight but like yourself just didn’t go back.

I hanker after a certain time but that time doesn’t exist anymore.

The women in my family would meet up once a week for coffee or lunch. My Aunt died about 8 years ago followed closely by my Mother, my Father died a decade ago. Only one sister still lives on the island.

So I still have one sister, three nieces and nephews, two great nieces and two friends from school and a few others, a decent network. I can’t imagine moving back I content myself with a couple of week long stays a year there, being an island it has some real issues.

I lived in London when very young and I really didn’t like the thought of settling there. It was a time of clubbing, Notting Hill carnival and Camden on Sundays. Drinking off of Oxford High St near my friends office. I now know live up North and much prefer it here. I was fully accepted by locals.

I think your main issue is the bereavements and the fact you haven’t settled and had kids and it’s something you want. That’s feeling would be the same anywhere.

How do you think people in Yorkshire manage to get jobs? Dh is employed, Ds is employed, both dss are employed…..

Im not sure it the fault of ‘Boomers’ 🤔Thatcher destroyed the north not random people over 60. Yorkshire is full of old people. Maybe keep your ‘Boomer’ comment in London?

I grew up in Yorkshire and live in London. I often miss Yorkshire but you are romanticising it. Beautiful, yes, friendly, yes on the surface, but you seem to have forgotten the bloody-minded self-righteous stubbornness that pervades it's very peat soil. And you have been spoiled by London's open mindedness too if you don't think you'll miss it.

I love Yorkshire but if you are thinking of anywhere as a 'goody' to somewhere else's 'baddie' you are not thinking practically. As a Yorkshirewoman, that is beneath you.

'And yet - I also love the South - the sun, the gentility, the opportunities, the progress for women and other groups.'

My bit of Yorkshire has all that. Maybe not the sun, but the rest. We’re not all backwards up north.

My mum had brought up her brothers and sisters and was very much the matriarch of the family . I left Yorkshire for work but didn’t go too far so took over her role of organising family get togethers . Gradually the older generation have died but I still meet cousins/nieces etc. I love going “home” but never moved back as my children only know my new home. I have fond memories of growing up there but it’s very different now and my friends from those days have moved away . Would you still have a support network if you moved back ? It’s nice to have friends around when you have young children. Take an extended visit and see how you feel . I always feel revitalised after a trip home but I have a new home now . I never called it home until my mum died .Yorkshire was home. I stayed in Yorkshire for a few days after the funeral and relatives asked me to stay but I needed to go home to my new home and children and spend some time recovering .

Rent out your london home. Rent somewhere in Y after finding a job. Give it a good few months/years.

I went back after 12 years in the south and took my southern husband with me! He loves it as do I.
I really thought he might struggle to settle but he joined the “northern” branch of his football team supporters club and the local cricket club on the end of our street.
It’s not the same as when I was a child, people die and move out but if you make the effort with your neighbours and the community you can build a new set of friends.
We’ve not had any issues with jobs, especially now you can work from home. We live in a lovely detached house, countryside on our doorstep and my mum and dad in the next village. I feel very lucky to live here.

Meant to add we moved here to have our family and they are in an outstanding school now, they play for the cricket team, play on the street with their mates and there is an army of “aunts” available for school drop offs/second opinions/babysitting. Would not have got that where we were before.

You're talking about Yorkshire as though it's this olde worlde place. It's a huge conurbation housing millions of people who somehow manage to live and work there fine. 9 jobs?! In the whole of Yorkshire?!

I have never lived elsewhere except Yorkshire so can't speak for the rest of the country but I think everywhere is pretty similar in terms of people/friendliness etc. I don't know why you seem to imagine Yorkshire being this this halcyon place. It's nice enough but not THAT special.

Hi Guys, thanks for all this. I can’t respond to all just yet as only just getting on with my day. Seriously? I now have to justify to strangers on an anonymous thread how Yorkshire I am? I am actually Yorkshire for generations?!! What are you honestly expecting that I have some sort of White Rose embellished passport that I need to screenshot in order to verify the thread? How did you expect me to respond to the question “are you really from Yorkshire”? And do people actually do that? Log on and pretend to be from somewhere they’re not? I can’t even believe I have to worry about this on here it’s just not cool. I was sharing my grief as I lost grandparents to Covid then for another reason. Maybe others could tone it down just a tad? Thanks in advance.

Hiya can I just add: my family were in textiles for literally hundreds of years. So yes - whilst there are lots of privileged people who didn’t have everything they’d ever been trained in stripped off them and outsourced to the East of the Globe - there are other people’s families who were literally forced to leave. Just as happened to people in Scottish Steel and Miners in the NE etc. What is literally UP with the MN lack of empathy?! Bad stuff happens in the U.K. not everyone has an Aga and people educated to professional level in each and every nuclear unit of a family enabling them to default afford to remain living comfortably in depressed areas. Even Mackintoshes has sent yet another branch of its production to Poland. I actually can’t believe that people permanently IN Yorkshire aren’t prepared to admit that it’s GDP is not even remotely near what it was. Anyone who knows anything about Yorkshire history knows that?! Maybe not everyone on this thread is actually from Yorkshire but am going to ignore any
more comments suggesting I am not thanks for being kinder.

Hi all,
Just a reminder that we have not relaxed our rules about trollhunting and have no intention of doing so.

I just cannot believe that I am being attached by strangers for sharing my grief and nostalgia.

Its actually astonishing how mean some of you are prepared to be.

Further this:

And yet - I also love the South - the sun, the gentility, the opportunities, the progress for women and other groups.'

Jesus wept.

I wasn’t trying to offend those who are there. I know many women - including in textiles / teaching / engineering/ NHS etc who have succeeded well in Yorkshire.

However, being realistic, Woman’s Hour did a study recently of best places to live as a woman across the U.K. and ranked areas from best to worst. Most parts of Yorkshire we’re not so highly ranked. Ditto on the recent prosperity index. They were pretty granular actually in terms of data so I don’t think anyone can actually accuse me of making them up.

Happy to admit Yorkshire is a big place and diverse in all sorts of ways.

But I will reiterate - that’s not why I started the thread so maybe those who want to weigh in on all that can start their own thread.

Just touching on the job thing - OP I work in the design industry and there's a wealth of opportunity here. I live in Bradford (shock horror) and the City of Culture has already given me and my network a huge amount of work. Obviously it may depend on what type of work you do - you may not find many opportunities in fashion (although I have friends who work in roles over in Manchester and commute) but there's a big creative community here.

Here in Saltaire we have terraced houses, creative opportunities AND a great sense of community. I think you'd like it.

@Dibblydoodahdah why Harrogate Leeds or York ? Ah yes not really like the north and cheaper than south (though only just) 😂

Thanks Snoopy - I DO love Saltaire I have friends who live there. Adore the Hockney gallery and all the cool stuff that goes on there. Am well aware that Bradford even isn’t exactly as portrayed. How could a place that’s famous technological inventiveness sparked a higher GPD for the North than London up to 100 years ago not be full of creativity, eh?

I am grateful for all the kind responses here. I regret not feeling capable of responding adequately to all of them.

Maybe part of what I am getting at is an erosion of community and the trend of people moving for work. And YES Boomers were indeed told that Greed Was Good - which led to some of them over-reaching for the wrong things (depending upon your definition of right and wrong that is).

There ARE still some great communities in the U.K. but it’s so different isn’t it? We are in the main much less earthed. So that’s a whole other issue. And yes, to most Northerners the SE can have its challenges. Having to give a fortnight’s notice for a cuppa with a neighbour being one of them. But I digress… oooh Betty’s 💜. Must do some work for a while now. Feel free to talk amongst yourselves.

@Charlotteowensdodgydad because I grew up between Leeds and York, went to University in York and my dad’s family are North Yorkshire born and bred. That’s my area of Yorkshire. As I said, it’s a big place. It may not be your idea of the North but it is mine.