Advice please - will a big renovation project ruin our lives?

[SherbertLem]

Hello everyone. This is my first thread on mumsnet 👋

I’m in a dilemma and would be so grateful for some advice. My DH and I have had an offer accepted on a beautiful Victorian house but it’s in need of ALOT of renovation work - we have been so excited.

However, my parents have given us slightly cold feet about the renovation work - telling us it’ll ruin our lives, won’t be finished for at least 5 years, ongoing maintenance costs will be loads, the renovation work will take up every spare moment we have, we won’t be able to do anything to enjoy our lives… hopefully you get the picture.

The work required is certainly no mean feat - we haven’t had a survey yet but we’re expecting to need to sort plumbing, electrics, roof, windows, there’s definitely some damp, the garden is very over grown, it’ll need a new kitchen and bathrooms, a complete redecorate.

We have budgeted to use builders, we know we cannot do most of this ourselves and we are hoping not to live on-site while the bulk of the work goes on. We also both have full time jobs.

I would love to hear if anyone here has been through something similar and can let us know what life is like?

Just to add we have in the past 4 years:

Had the roof fixed
New boiler put in and relocated
Re-wired
Wall taken down
New downstairs wc
Bedrooms all replastered /decorated
Upstairs bathroom fully done
Front garden wall re-built snd concrete broken up

Amongst other things!

Yes, we did this but both project managers that could bring relevant oversight to the project.

I will say there was another project we rejected as too risky for us. So being honest about your skills is essential.

out project cost several hundred thousand and was completed in less than 18 months. (House purchase to moving in).

it might be controversial here, but the best value for money was the architect.

We have just finished renovating a large, 1930's property that had been empty/derelict for 10yrs. Its taken 2 yrs for the structural work, BUT, we started during covid, many trades go on holidays in Aug and just waiting for trades to be available took time. Ours was also a MASSIVE project. Just some of the things we had done:

• Cleared the overgrown garden
• New roof and guttering
• Removed the lath and plaster and replaced with insulation/plaster boards
• Removed 2 walls and had steels installed
• Replaced nearly all the upstairs flooring joists
• Rebuilt an entire corner of the house
• Replaced 38 windows and added 2 bifolds
• Complete new kitchen and bathrooms
• New plumbing and wiring
• Put underfloor heating in down stairs and changed the flooring upstairs
• New drainage outside
• Added an underground water tank which takes water from the roof to use in the garden

This is just some of the works which have been done. Its been a slog, but its worth it. We lived in a small, static van onsite, and both work full time from home! It was great to be onsite to answer questions, accept deliveries and discuss things with the builders in real time- rather than via calls/texts etc. DH project managed it. We did some works ourselves, but the vast majority we got trades in. Would there be space to have a caravan in the garden? Even areas supposedly protected from the dust- still got filthy- so if you can avoid living inside the house, I would. if your property had been empty 2yrs+, there is a lesser known scheme to reduce the VAT paid on goods to get it back to a livable home. Happy to answer any questions you have.

We’re about 80% through a £400k+ back to brick renovation on our Edwardian property - kitchen, attic and side extensions as well as full rewire, entirely new plumbing, underfloor heating, every window replaced.

Builders were on site for 10 months - we’ve done second fix electrics and all carpentry, decorating, tiling and plumbing from first fix. This was due to costs.

I honestly wouldn’t do it again OP - as previous ousters have said it’s pushed us to the point of significant marital strife. This was partly due to the bulk of the build being done during end of pregnancy/newborn days in the post-Covid days of supply issues and rampant cost increases.

We have a lovely home but to be honest I’m not sure it’s been worth the significant stress it’s put on our family. It feels like we’ve talked about nothing else for the last two years.

We’re coming to the end of a one year renovation - basically a complete gut, new kitchen, bathrooms, some windows needed replacing, a little bit of structural work. We got an estimate expensive and supposedly comprehensive survey - and it was pretty useless. Several major and expensive issues arose - the windows, roof needed redoing, floors needed levelling. The builders massively under quoted and add on the additional work it’s cost about twice what we planned. We also had to change builders midway through. It’s been a total nightmare tbh. It’s good to see it coming to an end, but there are a lot of compromises that we’ve had to make due to budget and I don’t think either of us would have taken it on if we knew what was involved! It’s really put a lot of stress on us as a couple, finances, and both our jobs have suffered. I would think twice!!

If you want to do this and it sounds like you do, ask the builder for a schedule of works so you can be ahead of the game - get what you need and make the decisions -

Also, if you are doing everything - then you should be repair free for a good number of years - do look at cost savings where you can like insulation/wood burners/heat pumps etc for long term benefit/

The builders massively under quoted and add on the additional work it’s cost about twice what we planned. We also had to change builders midway through.

Only a large pot of money can insulate one in this position, as I already stated. Either to spend on expensive architects and foolproof estimates from builders (also you needing a lot of time to spend on this process) or if going in head first, to remedy the faults of misquotation, replacement of builders half way.

I was single when I did my minor one- but I recall saying to myself that if divorce was as stressful as 'moving house', I would not want to experience a divorce. I was just stressed out by the mess.

Therefore, as others who were married when they did major renovations have said, do consider the strength of your marriage before embarking on major renovations. Not many couples would survive it let alone an unexpected pressure on finances due to last minute needs, and effects that might have on other parts of your life.

We're halfway through our 6th year of this.
We had a tiny budget (for the scale of the job) so only possible by doing all the work ourselves (hence the time). Both work, 2 young kids.
We live on site but not in the build that works well though I'll be glad not to in time as it's small, like camping and never going home!
Because we have never lost the vision and know where we're going clearly in our minds eye we've never lost motivation so we're still happy doing it.
We've hugely increased our skills and I now work in the field supporting people doing similar.
We are solution seekers and firm up under pressure so the pp who said if you buckle and run don't do it is right, we've had quite a lot of unexpected problems (except you should always expect them so they're not unexpected in that sense).
We actually communicate and work better as a team now, but that's cos we take and listen to this each other, no touchy egos allowed, so constructive feedback all the way had made is grow as a couple.
We have two kids, they've spent half their life watching us build the house. That has been fine, it's their normal. My son could drive a funnier truck when he was 8 😁
But, everything else takes a backseat, so it is a massive priority for ages... But our low cost DIY approach is the extreme end of that.

I wouldn't plan to start a family until after the big works at least were done and the house was livable-in for an infant/toddler. Because schedules always slip, and sometimes by a lot.

....and if it's clearly needing all that work and it's such an obvious doer-upper as the OP seems to think, expect the vendor to point that out to you, quite possibly in Anglo-Saxon, if you try to negotiate on the basis of a survey which is only pointing out the bleedin' obvious.

Hmm we are thinking of buying a regency mansion that's been gutted by squatters, mostly bare floor, may have a damp problem in one corner, is grade 2 listed and has no kitchen. Twice the value of our current house and we could only fund the work by keeping back some of the sale proceeds from our current house. I think it's be 300k and we'd be fucked if it was more. It could be so beautiful though...

This is good advice.

Amd so is this from another PP: don't do it on a tight budget

TBF we aren’t great as a couple under stress but during living in renovation we only lost it with each other twice in a year….once about the position of the sink…needed to know so the pipes could go under the floor in new extension and hadn’t even ordered the kitchen (oops) and once at the very end about the colour to paint the hall. Not egg yolk yellow DH.

but what really helped was the healthy contingency. And like PP said thinking that stuff we got done well would save us in the long run.

I second all of that- expecially contingency funding and doing things 'right' to avoid having to do them twice. We tend to discuss things for ages when planning, and during and before doing them- to an extent that would drive most people insane, but it works for us. We don't do anything until we have discussed it to the point we both agree on what to do and how.
You do have to be realistic about the relationship you have and how it works if you're taking a big thing on. For me, closely allied aims and good communication is the key. Get that right, and by and large you can usually cope with the 'slings and arrows of outrageous fortune'. If one of you sulks and doesn't utter when they don't get their own way, or you have very different standards about how pernickerty you are about standards of finish, or similar, you're doomed.

OP- I realise I didn't actually answer your question about whether renovations will ruin your lives. How long have you and your partner been together? Have you coped with other stressful events together?

When we started the renovations, we'd been together 20yrs. We'd previously spent 4mths travelling alone together in remote locations, then had 13yrs of TTC (3 losses and multiple rounds of IVF). We'd also faced several other challenges along the way. Our builders were surprised how we didn't appear to stress and just go on with things.

Take time out when you can- walk around the local area, go for a meal, have a night away etc and try not to think about the built. There were times we had workmen here 7days a week and any time away was choosing flooring, handles, kitchens etc etc. I wish we'd take a few more days away and doing non-renovation things.

Haven’t read other comments but we’ve done the same! Bought the house in November, lived in it for 6 months then moved out whilst we renovate. We’re doing a side return extension, as well as full renovation internally as it wasn’t in good nick. It’s has been very stressful (actually easier now the building work has started), and my DH took a while to learn how to work together in that way without getting irritated with each other. My DH also gets very anxious about whether we are doing the right thing pouring money into it. To top it all off we have our first baby due September! House hopefully ready by end October. Anyway, despite the stress, I don’t regret it at all. I think a year or so of stress is well worth it for the decades in a good home. I know it’s a financial thing as you need the money upfront but I think the shorter you can make the renovation period last for, the better. I think we would struggle a lot more without the knowledge that this will all be over by the end of the year!

Much of the UK's house stock is completely unsuited to navigating the path towards net zero, and a world in which energy costs will be durably far higher than in the prior few decades...

I now wouldn't touch any house of heritage construction (~ pre-1920) with a bargepole, as the money and skill levels required to effectively retrofit these type of buildings for the changed energy future we face is enormous - an extremely difficult task for anyone to pull-off, even with the best professional help, because it's such an inherently difficult thing to do correctly.

Construction technology has moved on hugely in the 100 years since these relics were the state of the art. Rather than the mammoth uphill challenge of renovating and maintaining a museum piece, I'd suggest finding, or building, a modern home that meets your needs.

I don't think the penny has fully dropped yet with prospective house buyers that net zero means that once-desirable historic houses, unless of exceptional interest for some reason or other (eg. location, history), are on a slow but sure trajectory from being "assets" to "liabilities". Nice to visit, or holiday in, these places if someone else is curating the museum-piece, but a changed world means the appeal of owning them has and will continue to diminish.

I sold a 200 year old house last summer, that I once thought I'd never let go, but the world changed.

I agree that older houses are in many ways unsuited to modern life and are extremely difficult to renovate and maintain. Also the tradesmen who can do this are much fewer than needed. There are likely to be many hidden issues. Currently renovating an older home and don't regret it to the stage that I would rather not havr done it but it is massively stressful and all consuming, you have to really really want it. In reality until you are finished there is a large section of risk that people or materials will change or unexpected jobs emerge. Doing a renovation will make your life much harder, it will take up all the spare time you have, I would never do it again but it was the only way to get what we want. That is going to be lovely but expensive. You don't need your parents permission to do this but they are likely trying to warn you that for most people renovation ruins their life for a while before things get better. Do you have the time for this as well as the money? Being around and making decisions takes up a lot of time

We've completed a few builds and renovations, and I'm with your parents on this. We're very organised and very experienced. We have great contacts in the industry from suppliers to contractors. But it's still a slog. It will take longer and be much more expensive than you think especially since you have no surveys as yet. Specifications around planning, building and restoration change all the time. The only constant is that any change will add more expense.

Your parents have your best interest at heart. I know sometimes they can be very annoying and treat us like small children, my mum certainly does but she knows me better than anyone else.

we have just kind of finished a huge renovation project costing near 1m in a period house in london prime. When we originally bought it, ten years ago it needed cosmetic work and demolition of existing kitchen extension to redo it properly. At the time we didn’t have the funds and decided to live in the house while thinking/planing properly and starting consulting architects and builders. Everyone comes with more suggestions ex; what about the attic? , you could do a first floor extension, and a second floor and this and that and the other thing…and somehow you have the idea planted in your head that once you start you might aswell do everything possible, after all you are adding value right? And everyone in the posh neighbourhood has done it right?
let me tell you this has been the worst decision of my live, it has left me emotionally shattered and feeling inadequate. I was advised against it by friends and family but I didn’t listen,and now I am full of regret. The end result is objectively good but it’s not the home that we were so happy to live in. It’s very expensive looking but it has lost all the caracter, it’s too big to keep warm and clean and so uncomfortable to live in. And I hate it.

i feel I lost my home and this stupid project has dominated my live during a time that I should have been enjoying and caring for my three beautiful kids.
and my husband has been super supportive and it’s not fair on him, he works very long ours and our spare time should have been better used.

I know this might sound spoiled but my regret it’s not even about the money but about the time consumed with architects, surveyors and shark Contractors taking over my life.

we did this just because we could not because we need it and this has changed me from a trusting positive person to someone incapable of taking decision related to he house out of fear of getting it wrong again.

i dream about going but in time and listen to people who cares about me. Insight is such a thing!

Evangelinemore

Well written. It’s something I’ve often thought about. I know we ‘could’ build an extension, or we ‘could’ make the loft space into an office, so many neighbours are painting their houses and redoing driveways etc and I often wonder if we extend if we will price out buyers of standard families wanting homes. We have 4 bedrooms, we could easily have 6 - but very few people have 5 or more children, and want a 6 bed house. So I can see a huge downside to a lot of these projects becoming a real issue on the future housing market, like you say people want cosy - keep one room warm which is easier in a smaller living room. The cost of living making house purchases harder.

Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.

What did you decide, OP?