Advice please - will a big renovation project ruin our lives?

[SherbertLem]

Hello everyone. This is my first thread on mumsnet 👋

I’m in a dilemma and would be so grateful for some advice. My DH and I have had an offer accepted on a beautiful Victorian house but it’s in need of ALOT of renovation work - we have been so excited.

However, my parents have given us slightly cold feet about the renovation work - telling us it’ll ruin our lives, won’t be finished for at least 5 years, ongoing maintenance costs will be loads, the renovation work will take up every spare moment we have, we won’t be able to do anything to enjoy our lives… hopefully you get the picture.

The work required is certainly no mean feat - we haven’t had a survey yet but we’re expecting to need to sort plumbing, electrics, roof, windows, there’s definitely some damp, the garden is very over grown, it’ll need a new kitchen and bathrooms, a complete redecorate.

We have budgeted to use builders, we know we cannot do most of this ourselves and we are hoping not to live on-site while the bulk of the work goes on. We also both have full time jobs.

I would love to hear if anyone here has been through something similar and can let us know what life is like?

We did kitchen and bathrooms renovations and it took 3-4 months. A few delays were due to wrong parts or parts discontinued between plans and works and they had to be shipped from elsewhere. UK to UK, but you’d have thought they’d use a courier, not a 2 week delay.

@Nclktnntt thank you so much for your detailed response - it’s really helpful to hear how you’ve found it.

To your question - yes my parents have done a couple of big reno’s but they’ve never been great at being able to make decisions on time (e.g. designing the kitchen, choosing the units etc.) so things have dragged and I think they are projecting their bad experiences.

Myself and my DH are quite different - a bit like you, I’ve never been one to shy away from a challenge and I think as long as we can still find some time to do the things we enjoy around the reno work then it could be worth it.

I took on a Victorian house in 2011. It needed a lot of work including replacing all exterior doors and windows, demolishing and rebuilding an extension, knocking through & installing a new kitchen, relining and slating roof, new bathrooms and redecorating throughout.
It's a marathon, not a sprint. Builders have to be engaged, often the decent ones have waiting lists, building supplies can be in short supply, if in a conservation area materials must be matched, planning departments can be very slow etc.
Expect the work to take at least a year, possibly more.

Don't expect to move into a finished house because you'll b waiting probably another year.
On the positive side, I now have a beautiful warm spacious house. Only one bathroom to go 😀

Just lean into it instead :-)

My dad has done up lots of old and beautiful houses. Our approach was to live in it and tinker. His is to think it all through and be sure about what the final house will look like. He then goes right back to the beginning and it takes as long as it takes, but he never does work twice and he doesn't waste money.

Better to spend £15k on extra insulation while the walls are bare than to finish the house and then decide you could have done more...

Thank you very much everyone for your responses - it has been so helpful to hear about your experiences and I’ve got a little more faith that we can do this… provided we have the funds (+contingency!) and we’re organised about decision making.

Next steps are to get the most detailed survey possible and speak to some builders to get a more accurate picture of the project.

We’ve done serious house work twice (once with a toddler and newborn) and yes, it is bloody hard.

You may be waiting a while for a good builder to have space.

By far and away my biggest concern would be budget. Prices are insane right now - there was an article in the FT this week saying that building work is generally costing at least 50% more than it did pre pandemic, if not 100%. If you’re stretching yourselves, be prepared for it to be very, very tight - and that it may impact on TTC or ability to pay for nursery.

Why not post the RM link and the MN experts can already tell you what needs doing and ball park prices.

I would take any building estimates and add 100% contingency to it for the purposes of deciding on affordability. More if you know your tastes are expensive (hand made kitchens and parquet floors and so on)

Have done two, one minor and one major and the latter was stressful with a toddler underfoot and no2 on the way. We lived on site as couldn't afford a mortgage, a build and rent at the same time.

It won't remotely ruin your lives if you have plenty of cash and find very reliable good quality tradespeople who are rarely cheap.

Budget carefully and get the big stuff done first. Insulation, re wiring and plastering, new plumbing and heating, roof and windows. All the boring stuff you can't see but is horrendously expensive to do once the house is nicely decorated.

We've done it twice with parental opposition(!). Work relocation meant having to do it with a second house. Which turned out to be more to do with them thinking they'd get less of our time if we were doing a reno(!) or we'd ask them to bail us out when we ran out of money(!). This didn't happen...

Both times we prioritised safety and security alongside what we could afford. Both times we lived in rental whilst the work took place. It makes it a lot quicker but it is expensive. The first house took 3 months, the second 5 months.

We prioritised roof work, rewiring, decent plumbing/heating, windows/doors. It's a lot easier to do rewiring, replumbing in one go in an empty house rather than later on or in bits. We've made sure there is a useable kitchen both times (first time didn't do it for several years, second time did it in first phase) and bathroom (but otherwise delayed things like second loo or bathroom). Outside work like driveways both times wasn't done in the first batch.

We have zero DIY skills so it was all done by builders. Both times we found great ones who managed the projects for us. You will need to be on site regularly to check on progress and answer questions (we aimed for 2-3 times per week).

Once you get the survey results use it to renegotiate. Or if money is not a problem, and you accept that what you spend may not be reflected in the eventual value, then crack on and enjoy the project.

We did a whole house (1960s) renovation. New everything (apart from brick walls and roof) We spent 200k but could have done it cheaper (the workmen's time was the most expensive cost so we didn't scrimp on white goods or other finishings etc). We moved out for 6 months and visited almost every day (that is important).

At the time I said I'd never do it again. I would. It would be much more expensive now though.

I’ve raised two young children in an ongoing renovation. We’re 5 years in and half way (that was the planned length).

It’s dusty, it’s dirty, children have to live by weird rules but I’ve loved it. The 11 months using a camping stove in the lounge were some of my fondest memories and the feeling of when a room is finished is amazing.

You have to go in knowing that life will not be easy though.

I assume the 12-18 months is not just the actual builders on site.
By the time you bought a house then appointed a designer, got through planning and building regs, got a builder and a start date you could be a year in easily. Then once the builder starts it could take a while depending if you get a small team on a few jobs (cheaper) or a dedicated on site team 6 days a week.

We are on the tail end of an almost complete renovation. New electrics, new ceilings and plastering, new kitchen/bathroom, full redecorate and new flooring throughout. No damp and no major building work though. We had to have all the walls stripped and carpets removed before we moved in as they were so rank, and we moved into bare walls and floors with barely functioning kitchen and bathroom. We did this with a 3 month old. I wouldn’t recommend that.

Fast forward two years and all that’s left is the downstairs loo and the front and back garden. We got the kitchen/bathroom done and obvs electrics and plastering, but did all the redecorating, flooring, new doors etc ourselves and will be doing the rest ourselves. We had no experience at all before we did it.

It was mega stressful especially when bub was little, but we’ve added so much value to the house especially doing a lot ourselves. We would have tackled even more ourselves without our little one I think.

Yes it will be mega stressful, and you do need to work very well together as a team, but I say go for it. Be aware though tradesmen costs and materials are through the roof at the moment, so be prepared for that!! And don’t have a baby before it’s mostly finished 🤣

@SherbertLem

What range are you looking at? 75K, 100K, 200K or 300K? That's key as your risk will be related to that.

Second: It is all about money. How much extra money can you afford to through at this money tip- don't do it on a tight budget. Be prepared for one quote to be completely messed up that you may need someone completely new to redo it. So a sub job for 15k may end up being paid twice due to inefficiency, unreliability etc etc

Avoid builders who are your mates. I read in newspapers where this went wrong- this was garden landscaping by a friend. Court costs went up to £250k.

I have done it once on the first property as that's all I could afford, but nothing major. I will not do it again. I made sure I paid proper money for next place requiring no works.

We had a trusted architectural technician and a friendly builder look at all our projected costs. Before we completed on the house. Everything including new hot water tank, flooring, extension, new kitchen, putting the garden back, curtains, decorating, new doors. There were still surprises but they came from the contingency….

it wasn’t that bad and we were living in it for the year it took (covid didn’t help with timescales) but I was glad to see the back of the builders portaloo in the back garden.

We're part way through a major renovation, every room bar the kitchen and a small (new) bathroom is unusable - we've living on site with our six dogs and it's mayhem, to put it mildly. Luckily we have a separate barn and caravan for sleeping and working, although once the house is finished the barn roof is to be replaced so everything that's stacked up in here will have to be shuffled back. The plus side is that it's been a great opportunity to declutter and my cleaning standards (never high to begin with) are now lost amongst the dust and rubble.

This was, and will be again, our living/dining room 😀

@Nclktnntt , When you say you done the majority of the work yourselves, does that include things like plumbing and wiring etc? V impressive.

I am absolutely loving doing our current renovation which is different to before as we aren’t living in it and have no small children. I have a great team of guys working on it which helps hugely.

I think you also have the remember the head space it takes up too. That is everything from layouts, to locations of sockets (don't forget outside ones too and Christmas tree location) flooring, wall colours, bathroom items right down to shaver sockets, cabinets, mirrors, taps, the sink etc. It depends if you are decisive and can make decisions fast.

When we had our extension built I was the decision maker, Dh was consulted but usually couldn't decide but we had an agreement beforehand that if he couldn't decide I had the final say. My role is narrow down the tile choice to say 3 or 4 different ones and Dh chooses from my shortlist. But we have been together 27 years and this was our 5th house, so been there, done that and I know what he doesn't like which makes it easier.

There are lots of Victorian renovations on Youtube/Instagram that show the reality of living it in whilst you strip it back to bare brick. I say go for it.

I think your parents are right to make you think about it. Are you good at making decisions together?

I've done 2 renovations (biggish but not huge) and both times we have reached the brink of divorce quite honestly. The tiniest decision seems to take on massive symbolic proportions for us as a couple. We won't do another one that's for sure! Otherwise we bumble along through the everyday stuff (Inc children, parental bereavement etc) perfectly well together.

Also keep a tight eye on the budget as we have had great builders but they do seem to assume our pockets are bottomless.

Are you and/or DH an organized person and I dont mean can get yourself to a party on time. I mean do you thrive with spreadsheets, lists, thinking ahead and making order out of disorder

Are you level headed. In a crisis do you take a breath and problem solve, or do you panic and shut down or make stress induced wild decisions

Do you have a strong sense of what you like and dont like from a house design perspective (so like blues and greens up to like mid century modern estheic). Does DH, do you agree on this and if not can you workout a compromise.

Do you and DH work well together as a team and learn on each other when the going gets tough or do either of you go quiet/shouty/blamy

Do you have enough spare time that you can carve out at least an hour a day and 1 full day every weekend to devote to just this project for the next 12 /18 months without the wheels coming off your work life/home life/emotional balance

Are you both in a good place mentally and emotionally right now both individually and as a couple

Do you both thrive on a challenge, or do you prefer a calm, chilled life

This is the important stuff for doing a massive house renovation.

DH and I have done 2 self builds and many manor renovations. After the can we afford it question, its the personal and emotional stuff that is the important stuff if you are trying to decide whether to take it on or not

Be careful on things like damp- don't get a free damp survey as they will find it and want to inject (it doesn't work). Find the cause.

Similarly, factor in costs for traditional materials too - lime plaster etc. if the windows are original, consider repair and draft striping to improve their thermal performance. Much cheaper!

Yes thats what happened here. On peeling all the layers back I found woodworm, rotting joists, you name it I found it.
Everything has to go when doing a big renovations project - all flooring, skirting boards, floor boards will need to come up and you have no idea what you are getting until you've done that.
Even a full survey won't spot everything as they won't take anything up.
We ended up having to gut the entire place to re-do everything even though it looked in good nick to start with.
Cost was twice what we were quoted in the end, it was a disaster.
Ended up getting divorced and selling at the end of the 2nd one.

We have/are still living in a renovation project 4 years on and counting.

Big Edwardian 4 bed that was in a very neglected state when we bought it.

Had very little money initially for renovations (£20kish), so have done the majority ourselves.

It's an incredibly slow and frustrating process at times. OH is very handy and can/ has turned his hand to most things: plumbing/ building etc and I've done a lit of decorating/ stripping fireplaces etc. We ran out of money ages ago so the big ticket items that still need doing: kitchen/dining room will have to wait indefinitely.

I get down about it at times, but then I'm reminded that we live in a beautiful 4 bed period house in one of our preferred streets in our part of London . We could never ever have afforded this any other way.

It is tough though.. kids are now 12 and 9 but that much younger when we moved in and OH and I both work full time.

It's worth it on balance though ( I think!)