Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Property/DIY

Join our Property forum for renovation, DIY, and house selling advice.

Original poster

Refusing permanent council housing

163 replies

UFK · 30/06/2023 00:52

I am staying in a temporary accommodation for 2 years given by the council and have just been offered a permanent flat by council on the 2nd floor.

I am a single mother of 3 daughters, all under the age of 7 and i do not have any family in UK. My ex partner is not giving me consent to take my girls abroad to visit my family, especially my elderly parents. My girls have never met my parents. I had made a court application to be allowed to take them for a visit without his consent but it was dismissed by the judge.

Now my elderly parents, both in their 70s and 80s have applied and received a 5 year visa to visit me and my girls in UK as we cannot visit them.

Both of them are incapable of walking up a flight of stairs and have to stay with me during their visits because of their advanced age and inability to speak English.

They will not be able visit me if I live on a 2nd floor. My girls and me will be isolated with no family in uk, no means to travel to them and for them not able to visit us either. I have on these grounds refused the 2nd floor property and requested for one with a lift or a ground floor one.

I have been warned that this is not a valid reason to refuse and the council could discharge me of the housing duty and I may get evicted.

What is the best way to deal with this if the council does indeed discharge me and I am evicted??

OP posts:
MykonosMaiden · 30/06/2023 10:04

treetwig · 30/06/2023 09:56

@PrincessofWellies this is what doesn't make sense to me, surely the parents affording return flights several times over as is implied by the 6 year visa would mean they have money.

Also no council property should be allocated on the basis of one adult and 3 dc only to then house 3 adults and 3 dc because OP is happy to overcrowd the place to accommodate her parents rather then them pay to meet in a Hague convention country. It's actually a sensible rule to ensure people can't take their dc to non Hague convention countries when there is nothing the non resident parent can really do if the other one does a runner and courts have deemed it a risk.

Obviously being a victim of DV suggests your ex is not nice but it doesn't automatically lead to the council somehow needing to house your extended family unfortunately and I do think it's entitled.

I thougyt they were going to stay here for 5 years.
Actually there can be 5 years visitor visas, sorry OP I got that part wrong.

A visitor visa allows a stay of up to 6 months. So much longer, low cost apart from flights if parents get free accomodation.

maddiemookins16mum · 30/06/2023 10:05

Parents in their 80’s ?? I don’t know anyone with parents in their 80’s who has such young children.

loislovesstewie · 30/06/2023 10:26

My gran was born in 1869,her son in 1916, I was born in 1956..Quite possible to be 80plus and have very young grandchildren.

Original poster
UFK · 30/06/2023 10:32

They get discounted tickets as my father worked for an airlines prior to his retirement. So they can just about pay for the tickets.

Let's not assume that flying internationally is only exclusive to rich people.

I know many people are judging and maybe rightly so. But being a single mother of 3 daughters in a country you did not grow up with a controlling and abusive ex and with zero family around does take a toll on your mental health. Not having seen my parents in 8 years and having them over with us regularly was the biggest blessing that we will still need to wait for.

Anyways, I will be very grateful if someone can advise how house swap works and do many people do it?

OP posts:
MykonosMaiden · 30/06/2023 10:37

UFK · 30/06/2023 10:32

They get discounted tickets as my father worked for an airlines prior to his retirement. So they can just about pay for the tickets.

Let's not assume that flying internationally is only exclusive to rich people.

I know many people are judging and maybe rightly so. But being a single mother of 3 daughters in a country you did not grow up with a controlling and abusive ex and with zero family around does take a toll on your mental health. Not having seen my parents in 8 years and having them over with us regularly was the biggest blessing that we will still need to wait for.

Anyways, I will be very grateful if someone can advise how house swap works and do many people do it?

Your local council website will have guidelines. But there are also house swap FB groups.
Once you contact the other person and they agree you can then apply to the council

Dreamstate · 30/06/2023 10:38

Maybe you should take some time to reflect on this and look to do better in terms of making better choices and decisions in the future. I am honestly stunned that you even thought to turn it down, to jeopardise your living situation for your children in such a manner. The consequences of them potentially been put into social care, I just cannot fathom how you could even consider making such a stupid decision quite frankly.

You're very lucky they have allowed to come back and reverse your decision.

jojo2202 · 30/06/2023 10:39

heartofglass23 · 30/06/2023 09:28

If your parents can afford 2 long haul flights they can afford to give you a deposit for a private let.

Who's going to be paying for the health care for an immobile 80 something and 70 something year old?

her parents. when applying for a visa you have to pay an nhs surcharge and it's not cheap

CellophaneFlower · 30/06/2023 11:06

I think a lot of people are being unfair here.

I don't see OP as being entitled at all - entitled would be expecting a larger property to house her parents. A ground floor property isn't a luxury, in fact they're often disliked for being less secure/noise issues. It's clear OP only wants one to enable her parents to visit. Obviously they are harder to obtain though through council housing due to medical needs etc.

I'm glad you've taken the flat OP and I hope you can make things work when your parents visit. Good luck!

yojojomomo · 30/06/2023 11:15

CellophaneFlower · 30/06/2023 11:06

I think a lot of people are being unfair here.

I don't see OP as being entitled at all - entitled would be expecting a larger property to house her parents. A ground floor property isn't a luxury, in fact they're often disliked for being less secure/noise issues. It's clear OP only wants one to enable her parents to visit. Obviously they are harder to obtain though through council housing due to medical needs etc.

I'm glad you've taken the flat OP and I hope you can make things work when your parents visit. Good luck!

The social housing is provided on the basis of her and her children. It is not a free retirement home for her parents. Her parents should be seeking their own accommodation over here which is suitable for their needs, I.e GF in which she can visit them. I'm surprised that they can get a visa at that stage of their lives when they won't be contributing economically to this country.

Pottyhelp · 30/06/2023 11:19

maddiemookins16mum · 30/06/2023 10:05

Parents in their 80’s ?? I don’t know anyone with parents in their 80’s who has such young children.

My father is in his 80s and I had a baby last year. People in their 40s having children is hardly unheard of.

loislovesstewie · 30/06/2023 11:19

Actually a lot of ground floor flats might well be adapted for someone with a disability. By that I mean the tenant or member of the tenant's family residing with them. Not a person who is visiting.

snackqueen12 · 30/06/2023 11:23

Doggydarling · 30/06/2023 01:12

Wow, you're actually considering rejecting a home for you and your children because it's not suitable for prospective guests?? I'm absolutely stunned at the entitlement of some people.

This!!
People are desperate for housing in this country and the council do not accomodate anyone other than the people who are on the application. Take the property OP!!

Notamum12345577 · 30/06/2023 11:24

UFK · 30/06/2023 00:52

I am staying in a temporary accommodation for 2 years given by the council and have just been offered a permanent flat by council on the 2nd floor.

I am a single mother of 3 daughters, all under the age of 7 and i do not have any family in UK. My ex partner is not giving me consent to take my girls abroad to visit my family, especially my elderly parents. My girls have never met my parents. I had made a court application to be allowed to take them for a visit without his consent but it was dismissed by the judge.

Now my elderly parents, both in their 70s and 80s have applied and received a 5 year visa to visit me and my girls in UK as we cannot visit them.

Both of them are incapable of walking up a flight of stairs and have to stay with me during their visits because of their advanced age and inability to speak English.

They will not be able visit me if I live on a 2nd floor. My girls and me will be isolated with no family in uk, no means to travel to them and for them not able to visit us either. I have on these grounds refused the 2nd floor property and requested for one with a lift or a ground floor one.

I have been warned that this is not a valid reason to refuse and the council could discharge me of the housing duty and I may get evicted.

What is the best way to deal with this if the council does indeed discharge me and I am evicted??

Do you work? Or are you a full time mum? If a full time mum (or low income) you could rent privately as you could get housing benefit (I believe now part of UC). Obviously once your kids grow up and you go back to full time work you will then be in an expensive private rental rather than have cheaper HA rent.

Notamum12345577 · 30/06/2023 11:29

jojo2202 · 30/06/2023 10:39

her parents. when applying for a visa you have to pay an nhs surcharge and it's not cheap

Show quote history

I went to the USA a couple of months ago, the combined cost of the 2 tickets was 790 pounds. That is nowhere near enough for a private rental deposit!

CellophaneFlower · 30/06/2023 11:41

yojojomomo · 30/06/2023 11:15

The social housing is provided on the basis of her and her children. It is not a free retirement home for her parents. Her parents should be seeking their own accommodation over here which is suitable for their needs, I.e GF in which she can visit them. I'm surprised that they can get a visa at that stage of their lives when they won't be contributing economically to this country.

Show quote history

Yes, I get this. I'm in no way saying the council should house her taking her parents into consideration, I'm just pointing out that I don't think the OP is a scumbag for having a wobble and wondering if there was anything she could do to help her situation.

Notamum12345577 · 30/06/2023 11:44

Notamum12345577 · 30/06/2023 11:29

I went to the USA a couple of months ago, the combined cost of the 2 tickets was 790 pounds. That is nowhere near enough for a private rental deposit!

Show quote history

Realised I replied to the quote being replied to, sorry!

MykonosMaiden · 30/06/2023 12:05

CellophaneFlower · 30/06/2023 11:41

Yes, I get this. I'm in no way saying the council should house her taking her parents into consideration, I'm just pointing out that I don't think the OP is a scumbag for having a wobble and wondering if there was anything she could do to help her situation.

Show quote history

Well the OP's update makes it clearer.
Unlike a lot of other people she's been put straight into a flat (which she didn't know was temporary!) And housed within 2 years.
That's extremely smooth, and quick by London standards.
What normally happens is entire families languish in BnBs.. or hotels... for much longer than that. But the OP has been living in relative comfort so far.

motheroreily · 30/06/2023 12:16

I'm really glad you accepted the flat. It's a horrible situation but the flat is the better long term solution.

Could you and your parents plan to meet in a Hague Convention country?

Exchange230316 · 30/06/2023 13:04

This thread is everything wrong with housing in UK. There are people stuck in airBNBs/Temporary accommodation for years!

heartofglass23 · 30/06/2023 13:30

Let's not assume that flying internationally is only exclusive to rich people

Says people who don't realise how well off they are.

I've met hundreds of people who will never be able to afford 2 long haul flights in their life.

Toddlerteaplease · 30/06/2023 13:59

Can't your parents rent somewhere near by and you visit then there?

TaraRhu · 30/06/2023 14:01

Would you have enough space for your parents to stay ? I doubt they are offering you a 3 or 4 bed, are they? 6 people in a flat is a lot.

The chances of you getting a ground floor flat are slim. TAke the flat.

Peanutlatte · 30/06/2023 14:16

UFK · 30/06/2023 09:39

Thank you for all your messages, Some harsh Some not. No it's not a wind up post, though I can see how it has everyone riled up.

  1. I can only take my girls, 6 year old twins and a 5 year old, without their dads consent to a hague convention country. My parents live in a non-hague. I need a courts permission in this case.
  1. The temporary accommodation is a 2 bedroom flat on a ground floor. The council moved me to this flat from a shelter. I was a victim of DV. My kids and I are well settled in this flat, my kids are going to school and we did not even know it was a temporary accommodation until the council informed me last month.
  1. My parents have received a 5 year visa where I have confirmed to the visa agency that they will staying with me and got the visa on the grounds that of them visiting their granddaughters who they have never seen.

I have gone back and accepted the property and may sign the contract today. Thank you for letting me know of the consequences.

I would definitely try the houseswap after a year. My parents are on a pension and can barely afford the tickets, and in this age they are making all this effort to bond with their granddaughters in their final years. I am being moved to Southall so hopefully someone would want to be willing to swap and I may still get a ground floor or an apartment with a lift.

wrong, you can't move to any country outside England without your ex partner permission, does not matter if it's an hague country.

Original poster
UFK · 30/06/2023 14:28

I am not looking to abduct my children to another country. I want my children to visit their mother's country of origin, know the heritage and the maternal family that resides there. In exchange I am taking undertakings, providing evidence, even borrowing money off family and submitting a cash bond confirming my return but my ex is not allowing it.

My application has been resubmitted and new set of hearings will start but it will be a while before the judge can make a decision.

OP posts:
JeandeServiette · 30/06/2023 14:43

MykonosMaiden · 30/06/2023 09:51

Isn't Southall in London?
Interesting that you've been able to get council housing after only 2 years. Unless one of your girls is disabled.
Also I didn't know that there was a visa allowing a 5 year visit, especially for older people. The U.K unlike other countries doesn't allow you to bring your parents over, and After 5 years one can apply for ILR...

DV

Swipe left for the next trending thread