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Original poster

Buying with partner? Yes or no

27 replies

blogvlog · 18/06/2023 10:23

if I have the deposit and he can’t go on the mortgage should we really be buying together?
I have approx £25000 deposit and will have more to cover the fees etc when we buy.
he has no deposit and has over £20000 of debt and most of it is defaulted.
he will not be approved to go on a mortgage.
hos debt is all from before we met, while I knew he had debts, I didn’t realise the extent until we moved in together.
my solicitor has a advised that if I (we) buy a house, as I am paying the full deposit and will be the sole person responsible for paying it, that I have a cohabitation agreement drawn up to ring fence the house, absolving him of any claim on the property. I would of course have to be solely paying the mortgage and not take any money from him for the house. I will be solely responsible for repairs and improvement though we will split the cost of the household bills.
I don’t think if we split up that he would make a claim on the house but I guess you never really know unless you break up, I want to protect the children’s home.
some advice would be greatly received.

OP posts:
flagpie · 18/06/2023 10:25

Do not do it.

StJulian2023 · 18/06/2023 10:27

No way would I live with him

annahay · 18/06/2023 10:29

What is your partner doing to deal with the debt? Are they in an IVA or some sort of payment plan? I'd get advise from someone like step change.

Dotcheck · 18/06/2023 10:30

I agree with your solicitor ( if you have to move in with him). However, I wouldn’t move in with him until he’s learned why he overspends, and developed healthy spending habits

RandomMess · 18/06/2023 10:33

You need to follow your solicitors advice. I wouldn't have children with him until he's sorted himself out and changed his financial ways massively.

Hummusanddipdip · 18/06/2023 10:37

I wouldn't, however if you really want to buy a house and live with him follow your solicitors advice to the letter.

Could you just buy a house for yourself and assuming he is chipping away at the debt, he stays occasionally rather than lives with you until he's sorted it?

GrazingSheep · 18/06/2023 10:39

I want to protect the children’s home.

Are they his children?

Original poster
blogvlog · 18/06/2023 11:03

annahay · 18/06/2023 10:29

What is your partner doing to deal with the debt? Are they in an IVA or some sort of payment plan? I'd get advise from someone like step change.

He is currently paying £100 a month via debt collection agencies

OP posts:
Original poster
blogvlog · 18/06/2023 11:04

RandomMess · 18/06/2023 10:33

You need to follow your solicitors advice. I wouldn't have children with him until he's sorted himself out and changed his financial ways massively.

We already have children together.

OP posts:
Original poster
blogvlog · 18/06/2023 11:04

GrazingSheep · 18/06/2023 10:39

I want to protect the children’s home.

Are they his children?

2 yes, 2 no

OP posts:
RandomMess · 18/06/2023 11:20

Be very very careful that he doesn't drag you down financially if he has changed his reckless ways.

Has he actually changed his behaviour around money?

Certainly don't get married.

annahay · 18/06/2023 11:27

@blogvlog has he done much research lately to be sure that's the best option? That sounds like it would take a very long time. There are options where you pay for a fixed period and the rest is written off. Worth a look.

Flustercuckoo · 18/06/2023 11:30

So he gets to live rent/mortgage free?

Fuck that. I just wouldn't live with him.

Original poster
blogvlog · 18/06/2023 12:14

annahay · 18/06/2023 11:27

@blogvlog has he done much research lately to be sure that's the best option? That sounds like it would take a very long time. There are options where you pay for a fixed period and the rest is written off. Worth a look.

I have said he should go through stepchang for an insolvency of some sort, which he did do but then never followed it up.

OP posts:
flagpie · 18/06/2023 12:17

I wouldn't even be in a relationship let alone live with this man. What you are proposing is he lives rent free and just. contributes towards bills whilst paying a token amount towards his debts each month. He isn't willing to make an effort at all.

Toooldtoworry · 18/06/2023 12:20

Please follow your solicitors advice. Do NOT get married and make sure you have a will drawn up to ensure the children inherit the property, not your partner. You can give him a lifetime interest so he can stay living in the property.

Any life insurance - make sure it's in trust, the kids are a beneficiary and the trustee is someone good with money.

Before anyone says, I'd give the same advice the other way round.

Your DP also needs to sort his debt out with step change.

catsnhats11 · 18/06/2023 12:26

Flustercuckoo · 18/06/2023 11:30

So he gets to live rent/mortgage free?

Fuck that. I just wouldn't live with him.

If he contributes rent /mortgage payments he may have (rightfully) a claim on the house should they split.

Sensible for him to contribute to bills/ food / children's costs only.

Neetsie · 18/06/2023 12:34

Aside from the legal practicalities I would think carefully about how this financial imbalance will affect the emotional dynamics of your relationship. As your assets grow the distance between your respective positions will increase. You could both end up feeling huge resentment to the other.
I speak from bitter experience as I was in a very similar situation. We are no longer together and it was a highly acrimonious split with children involved.
It sounds like you have very different attitudes to money which does not bode well. He sounds immature and irresponsible with his head stuck firmly in the sand. He will hold you back. If you want to purchase a property that's great but personally I would ditch him first and save yourself a whole load of heartache and angst.

Stratocumulus · 18/06/2023 12:39

Do not do it!
My friend lived with a bloke in HER mortgaged house. They later married. He came to her with absolutely nothing and loads of debt. He cheated on her.
They divorced after 8 years.
He walked away with one of her pension funds she’d been paying in to since 18 and £50 thousand cash.
Listen to your legal adviser.

Original poster
blogvlog · 18/06/2023 12:41

Flustercuckoo · 18/06/2023 11:30

So he gets to live rent/mortgage free?

Fuck that. I just wouldn't live with him.

If he contributes towards the mortgage or house directly then he would have the ability to challenge the cohabitation agreement. He would have to be able to prove that he has contributed directly to the house. The solicitor suggested that he has some of the bills in his name, then he is not directly paying for the house in anyway but is contributing to the ‘household’ .

OP posts:
Original poster
blogvlog · 18/06/2023 12:44

Toooldtoworry · 18/06/2023 12:20

Please follow your solicitors advice. Do NOT get married and make sure you have a will drawn up to ensure the children inherit the property, not your partner. You can give him a lifetime interest so he can stay living in the property.

Any life insurance - make sure it's in trust, the kids are a beneficiary and the trustee is someone good with money.

Before anyone says, I'd give the same advice the other way round.

Your DP also needs to sort his debt out with step change.

My will and my will gives everything to my kids and my life insurance is already in trust to them, my mum is executor of my will and I have a clause that any property remains as ‘estate’ until my youngest child turns 18 and it then gets divided by the children.
we are not married and I’m not planning to get married.

OP posts:
n4mech4nge · 18/06/2023 12:46

I've name changed for this because some people IRL know my username but not my situation!

You described almost my situation- but in reverse. DP bought house last year (using money from his sold house and deposit). We have done exactly what your solicitor has recommended, and kept a diary of all big expenses so far.

I had just paid of my Debt Management Plan a couple of months before the sale, but obviously very poor credit (Credit score is now 'very good'!). We are looking to have me put on once the 5yrs are up, and everything DP paid has been ring fenced.

I pay most of the bills while he pays the mortgage and a few bits.

I would say a big difference is that I was paying £300+ per month to pay it all off as quickly as possible, and I definitely sacrificed A LOT to do that (nobody to blame but myself, though!).

Original poster
blogvlog · 18/06/2023 12:51

n4mech4nge · 18/06/2023 12:46

I've name changed for this because some people IRL know my username but not my situation!

You described almost my situation- but in reverse. DP bought house last year (using money from his sold house and deposit). We have done exactly what your solicitor has recommended, and kept a diary of all big expenses so far.

I had just paid of my Debt Management Plan a couple of months before the sale, but obviously very poor credit (Credit score is now 'very good'!). We are looking to have me put on once the 5yrs are up, and everything DP paid has been ring fenced.

I pay most of the bills while he pays the mortgage and a few bits.

I would say a big difference is that I was paying £300+ per month to pay it all off as quickly as possible, and I definitely sacrificed A LOT to do that (nobody to blame but myself, though!).

Thankyou for your candid reply. This is what I feel about the situation.
if he is not paying rent/mortgage he should be able to clear his debt by throwing as much as possible at it, then once 5 years is up and he has some savings etc, he could hop on the mortgage too but with my money ring fenced like you say.

OP posts:
Usernamesarenoteasy · 18/06/2023 13:13

If you are paying the deposit, and the mortgage, you're not buying anything WITH him, are you? You are buying yourself a house, and then allowing him to live rent free.
Consider your options very very carefully. Do not marry him.

LegendsBeyond · 18/06/2023 13:17

No, that’s not a situation I’d enter into. You need to think about yourself & your children first. He’s been hugely irresponsible with money & you’re now letting him live rent/mortgage free. He’s winning at life isn’t he?