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What moment did you realise it was time to move out of London?

214 replies

Queeva · 12/06/2023 20:34

Did you have a particular moment where you realised you'd fallen out of love with the city?

OP posts:
pendleflyer · 13/06/2023 17:00

Izzabird · 13/06/2023 16:44

I never had that moment. I left for work, mourning all the way. I still adore spending time in London, though I haven't even lived in the UK for years. I still feel a Londoner -- it was a very elastic, inclusive identity.

what's an elastic identity?

MeltingPotter · 13/06/2023 17:08

I didn’t fall out of love with London, it’s a great city but I just never wanted to buy a house (couldn’t afford one anyway!) or bring up kids there. That was a big factor.

We visit a couple of times a year and I appreciate it much more as a tourist. 2 or 3 days then I’m ready to go back ‘up north’

AscensionToCheese · 13/06/2023 17:21

Seasonofthewitch83 · 13/06/2023 15:57

There was a study that indicated the most unhappy people were in suburbs as we generally are either city or country people. In the burbs you seem to just get the worst parts of both.....

That's me!
Now live in the 'burbs' (although people here will skin me alive, it's a 'town in it's own right' they say).
20 mins to the city centre, slightly longer in the other direction to the start of the Peak District. We have other local trails etc 10 mins away.
Perfect.

A 40 min train to London sounds great, until you realise how much time it takes door-to-door. People forget to factor in the travel from central station to final destination.

AscensionToCheese · 13/06/2023 17:25

Sunnydaysareahead · 13/06/2023 16:57

I know what you mean, some of my work colleagues in zone 1 think I live in the sticks 😂but I'm still on the tube which makes a difference to me (and feels less suburban) as it makes London more accessible for theatre, museums etc etc. Plus we have all the diversity of restaurants, cafes, people and conveniences so I don't feel it's the burbs!

When we lived in the suburbs it was zone 6 network rail and even though it was only 20 mins to Waterloo it felt a real effort to go into London plus locally we were limited to mostly pubs if we wanted to eat out.

Exactly my point!
say you wanted to go to the Barbican. 20 mins Waterloo, 20 mins (and two tubes), that's 40. Of course factoring in wait times, crowd etc it'll be more than 50.

Maybe if you're used to a different area, with nothing much around, going to great distances is still better than having nothing. But I couldn't cope with that myself.

If you look at the 'where to live' threads so many people recommended places (in the NW) that have one train an hour to the nearest major city as 'great public transport'. Either they never use it, or they're so used to 'one bus a day' that this is a massive improvement,

AscensionToCheese · 13/06/2023 17:26

*coule be more than 50, not will, obviously

foreverbasil · 13/06/2023 17:29

There was a study that indicated the most unhappy people were in suburbs as we generally are either city or country people. In the burbs you seem to just get the worst parts of both.....

Surely it depends on the suburb. Some are soulless dormitories. Others are characterful with a community and loads of independent businesses

gogohmm · 13/06/2023 17:31

We moved for work opportunities. Got paid the same but cost of living far lower

gogohmm · 13/06/2023 17:33

I've lived in other cities, overseas, hated village life though. I now live in a town close to a major city having the best of both worlds.

troubg · 13/06/2023 17:33

I know what you mean, some of my work colleagues in zone 1 think I live in the sticks 😂but I'm still on the tube which makes a difference to me (and feels less suburban)

Tube goes way out though so can't use that as a barometer! 😆

When we lived in the suburbs it was zone 6 network rail and even though it was only 20 mins to Waterloo it felt a real effort to go into London plus locally we were limited to mostly pubs if we wanted to eat out.

I allow 45mins at least door to door from my z3 house & tbf there are parts of z3/4 with not much on your doorstep & parts of z5/6 with loads.

gogohmm · 13/06/2023 17:33

I've lived in other cities, overseas, hated village life though. I now live in a town close to a major city having the best of both worlds.

caringcarer · 13/06/2023 17:36

I know my sister said enough is enough when her DH got stabbed. He was a London bus driver. It wasn't the first time he'd been assaulted but the previous times he was punched, and had his glasses taken and stamped on and both of these incidents were before they had children. They moved to Devon brought their children up there and love it there.

troubg · 13/06/2023 17:38

say you wanted to go to the Barbican. 20 mins Waterloo, 20 mins (and two tubes), that's 40. Of course factoring in wait times, crowd etc it'll be more than 50.

This is true for many parts of z3 though & lots of people live 20 mins from a station.

caringcarer · 13/06/2023 17:38

JeandeServiette · 12/06/2023 22:38

Gosh. I'm so sorry. That's indescribably cruel.

How terrible. Poor puss.

Grumpyfroghats · 13/06/2023 17:53

troubg · 13/06/2023 17:38

say you wanted to go to the Barbican. 20 mins Waterloo, 20 mins (and two tubes), that's 40. Of course factoring in wait times, crowd etc it'll be more than 50.

This is true for many parts of z3 though & lots of people live 20 mins from a station.

Yes and you're never going to live close to everything - it's a big city. We are in z3, we are close to some things (e.g. we have two fringe/off West End theatres within walking distance that we go to regularly) but quite far from, say, the Barbican as it's the wrong side of London for us.

We have thought about leaving London but the two things that really put us off are:

Our jobs are London based and so even with hybrid working we would be stuck with some lengthy and expensive commuting

Even with young children we still enjoy lots of what the city has to offer and we are happy getting the odd weekend in the countryside. Of course some people are the other way round and would rather live in a small town/countryside and occasionally visit a big city.

(I am aware there are non London cities but these aren't a realistic option for us because our jobs are London based and we don't have family support so we need to keep our commutes short enough to do pick ups and drop offs)

Filthycop · 13/06/2023 17:54

Phos · 13/06/2023 15:02

@Filthycop OK now I'm gonna bite - I was referring to Catford. We lived in Beckenham.

oh no - Catford is posh! we're scummier than that! we're not far from Beckenham but another borough in another direction.

Filthycop · 13/06/2023 17:57

AscensionToCheese · 13/06/2023 15:48

'Affordable'? How much is a two bed terrace? Three bed semi?
The OP didn't give me that impression at all, it was clearly for people who had left. But we all have our own biases.

Just looked up Beckenham.
https://www.rightmove.co.uk/house-prices/beckenham.html?propertyType=TERRACED&soldIn=1&page=1

https://www.rightmove.co.uk/house-prices/catford.html?propertyType=TERRACED&soldIn=1&page=1

375K for a one bed terrace - insane!500K for a 2 bed.

Of course, when you stretch the meaning of the word, people have 'options', but what does the word mean?

A 4 bed house with large garden is a luxury, if you moved you probably value space and quiet. Fair enough. But a 3 bed terrace isn't!

FWIW I grew up in a tiny house in a developing country. I wouldn't mind flats, but the regulations r.e management companies etc in the UK are so dire that I wouldn't touch one unless I had no choice. Mainly because they are still not seen as long-term homes, except in London but legislation hasn't caught up.

I do feel sorry for Londoners though. People in other places tend to bang on about tourists, second home owners etc in places like Cornwall but it's London that has a major problem. it's just nicely obscured by the massive disparity in wealth.

I'm not in Beckenham or Catford - both of those would be out of our price range.

It is also contextual - we could afford a 4 bedroom house in Cumbria - but the commute would be a pig.

Crikeyalmighty · 13/06/2023 17:59

Got to be honest we liked living in London but once our son got to 2 we really needed more space and H only liked the posh areas like Richmond, kingston, Wimbledon, highgate and Hampstead so we heft but still go in a few times a month for work stuff. We've lived all over and for past 8 years have been in Bath with 20 months in Copenhagen. I like it here as though not cheap it's not London money if you need somewhere bigger and yet still has lots going on plus lovely countryside on doorstep

AscensionToCheese · 13/06/2023 18:06

Filthycop · 13/06/2023 17:57

I'm not in Beckenham or Catford - both of those would be out of our price range.

It is also contextual - we could afford a 4 bedroom house in Cumbria - but the commute would be a pig.

So a quick search of Rightmove within a 15 mile radius of Beckenham ... I don't see any 2 beds for under 300K that aren't shared ownership/auction/in need of modernisation (greatly!).
Of course the borough might just be large.
I mean you can give the name of your borough... that's not going to identify you.

Justputitdown · 13/06/2023 18:25

TempsPerdu · 12/06/2023 23:15

I'm 36 and grew up in London. It was different there as a kid in the 90's, now there are just too many people, the houses are too small and it's way too expensive. What did it for me was having my daughter 5 years ago, we decided we didn't want to bring her up in a city.

This…

When we were paying (high) London rent but not really enjoying London proper - because we had two small children and hardly ever travelled into central London.

… and this.

We haven’t actually left London yet; still clinging on in the outer suburbs near where I grew up. But a move out is on the cards for the next couple of years. It’s been a slow burn for us, rather than a massive change, but the push factors are steadily accumulating!

Post-Brexit and covid and mid-cost of living crisis London no longer feels like the buzzy, edgy, thrilling, optimistic city I grew up in. My friends’ teenagers who’ve also grown up here no longer use the city in the same way we used to, sometimes barely venturing into central London at all. It’s become much harder to get around anyway, as it’s a drive to the nearest Tube and trains from our local overground stations were dramatically reduced during the pandemic and have never returned to normal. Increasingly we feel like we’re stuck in our suburb paying London prices but without being able to experience ‘London proper’.

Quite a lot of the cultural stuff we used to love has gone, especially the child-centred stuff. There seems to be a conscious drive to move things out of London and focus more on the regions which has affected the breadth of what’s on offer. Much of what’s left seems to be either depressingly commercial or ridiculously obscure and esoteric - we cancelled our Barbican membership for eg when we could no longer make head nor tail of the write ups in the ‘What’s On’ catalogue!

Everywhere feels more and more overcrowded and there’s a vague sense of people being frazzled and on edge, as we’re all competing for the same limited resources. We recently spent some time in another, smaller city and there was a marked difference in how relaxed and friendly people seemed, and how everyone related to each other - everyone just seemed happier and less tightly wound.

But, as with so many families, the biggest push factor for us is the schools. Our local ones are all tough zero tolerance academies or super-selective grammars, and we just want a nice local comp with decent results and good pastoral care.

DD is 5 now and our plan is to be on the move by the time she’s heading into KS2. It’s a well-trodden path as many of our London friends have left or are planning to leave too.

We sound in a similar boat. Where do you think you'll go to?

rockethear · 13/06/2023 19:47

I love the part of south east london we live in but the summer always makes me long for county or coastal living. However I know realistically I'd find living in the countryside very boring and need a happy medium of a smaller city. If we had more money and could afford a house with a garden rather than the flat we are in I don't think i's consider leaving London. Saying that I do get fed up or how grubby it is! I hear that @Justputitdown the Suburbs just seem like the worse of both rather than best of both with the amount of time spent in the car. I've found so many lovely likeminded mum friends in London. Maybe the diverse and transient nature of the city makes people quite open. I do wonder if I'd find it as easy to make friends elsewhere.

Phos · 13/06/2023 19:53

Filthycop · 13/06/2023 17:54

oh no - Catford is posh! we're scummier than that! we're not far from Beckenham but another borough in another direction.

Not all of Catford is posh I promise! We lived first in Hither Green then Catford then Beckenham. Tour de South East London :)

Maybe South Norwood then?

Filthycop · 13/06/2023 20:04

Phos · 13/06/2023 19:53

Not all of Catford is posh I promise! We lived first in Hither Green then Catford then Beckenham. Tour de South East London :)

Maybe South Norwood then?

I can neither confirm nor deny the accusation.

I have friends in Catford - always seems pretty posh to me :)

Phos · 13/06/2023 20:13

Filthycop · 13/06/2023 20:04

I can neither confirm nor deny the accusation.

I have friends in Catford - always seems pretty posh to me :)

The bit round Bellingham and down towards Lower Sydenham is dicey.

rockethear · 13/06/2023 21:35

There's a posh bit of Catford!? I don't live that far away and have yet to find it

TempsPerdu · 14/06/2023 23:09

@Justputitdown We’re a bit limited by having two sets of elderly parents plus other relatives who we need to stay relatively close to. So we need to stay on our current ‘side’ of London really (we’re north). So far we’ve been looking at Cambridge, Hertford and Saffron Walden. Cambridge wouldn’t really solve our space issue though, as housing wise it’s more expensive than where we are now ! DD is only 5 at the moment but we’re going to look a bit more seriously next year and visit some secondaries in the areas we’re interested in.

We were in Winchester over the Half Term break and absolutely loved it, so that or another university city would probably be the ideal.