What moment did you realise it was time to move out of London?

[Queeva]

Did you have a particular moment where you realised you'd fallen out of love with the city?

When I saw how much happier my friends who’d moved away were - bigger houses and nice gardens, low or no mortgages, fresher air, more green space, better schooling, simpler lifestyle, fewer people, less crime… and that London certainly isn’t the only city with history, culture and plenty of things to do. I love visiting but would never in a million years move back and certainly wouldn’t raise kids there these days. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be and our life is so much better now.

Mum dying. I no longer had ties to the South East. We have been going increasingly North ever since, and increasingly rural. The PITA journeys to get anything done are beginning to get a bit trying after a few years, but perhaps that's because we live in a rental that we don't want to be in and in a county we had no desire to move to. The effort feels less worth it than if you are returning to your own wonderful home in a place you love.

Next move we may aim to have better access to a city. I miss the food choices and museums. Mostly, I miss the V&A.

Luckily, our friends are scattered all across the UK so there's usually someone near where we may end up, which makes random moves a bit less intimidating.

I got fed up with the gulf between rich and poor. London is so polarised in this. I could only afford to live in really dodgy places where I was fed up of neighbour noise and mess. There was so much crime but also also a specific incident very nearby that made me feel very unsafe.
I had a great time, lots of cultural engagement, lovely friends but that didn't outweigh other needs. I'm happier now with less cultural engagement and a secure home in a good area. When I go back to visit ( every 8-10 weeks), I catch up on exhibitions, visit friends and am grateful I don't have to live with the noise, queues and dirt.

When we realised to afford to start a family we would have to still both be working 12 hr days with commute still ontop, so we wouldn’t see child really anyway ( and we lived edge zone 1-2)

Because of such long working hours, we hardly did all these things available anyway as either worked or was too tired. Theatre trips were maybe once a year max due to timing and cost, which we can still do now on annual trip back.

We moved to Central Europe. Living Semi rural now. Moved pre brexit so no issues that way. We love the space, the outdoor lifestyle, the community. We can just drive easily to various other countries or cities for city vibe and different cultures. Dh and I now both work part time form home, Ds only spends 3hrs a day at nursery, and we have a much better work life balance

can you clarify?

Not quite sure what you mean by that, but what I meant is that London natives don't ever have to actively choose London in the first place. We either stay or we leave. Also our childhoods, families etc are (or were) here. So it's a different calculation. Not better or worse. Just different.

Incomers to London have actively chosen it but don't have childhood roots there. It's a different balance of motivations and ties.

This is true. We only really stay because of family & not knowing anything different.

We moved to the suburbs when we had kids. But I find myself drawn back there and I'm spending more time in London meeting friends or wandering round with the kids.

I've been looking at flats in Marylebone (I used to live in the less nice end) and it's really tempting. But they're expensive, I'd have to downsize massively and you really need money to enjoy a lot of London (if you like eating out and the theatre). Which might be more of a squeeze in retirement than it is now.

When it took me 1.5 hours to drive from West Hampstead to Finchley Road! (We had to drive as the double buggy was under repair). We'd planned to move anyway though as needed more living space with three children and also the lack of parking was irritating me more and more.

Plus the school issue

It was 5.30am and I was stuck on a train. It was during the Olympics. After work - there was crowd control required on the platform and I was stuck, nose to nose with thousands of people. I had my first ever panic attack....

BUT I have regretted that decision daily for 9 years. I moved to the SW (home) and priced myself out of the SE.

I'll never be able to move back now

Are you me? We also cancelled the Barbican sub last year after attending yet another performance where the audience was aggravating (late arrivals, constant beer/toilet runs, chatting), the toilets backed up yet again, broken lights still not fixed from the last time we were there (exit lights, really obvious in a darkened theatre), etc. I used to love love love going to performances there (and we like obscure electronic acts) but that night broke us. We haven't been back since.

The city vibe has changed completely - it was on the turn in 2019 but post Covid forget it. Go in to central for the office once in a while and its total tourist chaos. We live in a suburb area which is fine, but we've found we don't really use the city anymore either. Partly its due to my developing some mobility problems, but also what/where are we going to go? You can only see so many Donatello exhibits, the street food markets/shopping areas are corporatised, and everything is set up for tourist Instagram shots. Im just... bored? There used to be a feeling of authenticity and never knowing who you may meet at the office, the pub, some weekend hobby event but now the city just seems a shell of what made it great 10, 15, 20 years ago. Im sure to someone in their mid 20s just arriving its great for them and worth the price they pay, but needs change in life.

We are likely leaving next year for many reasons, but it helped to realise that we could live somewhere else and just rent an Air BnB and 'work' remotely in London for 4-6 weeks at a stretch if we really really wanted to do the city thing for a bit. Far better value!

Having children. Wanted bigger house, garden, good schools, community where kids could go out and I wouldn't have to worry. Left and haven't looked back.

Of course it mostly depends on your financial situation. London can be incredibly depressing if you pay loads for substandard housing and a hike from where you work or you can only afford a tiny place on two wages and see houses on other places that you could afford.

For us - we've been here 20 years. DH is from abroad and I grew up an hour by train from London so knew it well as often came up here as a teen.

We are incredibly fortunate to have a large period detached house in SE London. DH can cycle into the City, where he works and out kids go to private school. So our experience is a world away from others. Teens love getting around themselves and as they become adults they have London and it's job opportunities on their doorstep so we wouldn't move.

Once we want to downsize we've decided we will move closer to central London rather than out. Then we can have everything on our doorstep and really wouldn't need a car. Mind you that's some way off so we may change our mind. But we are extremely fortunate to have that choice.

The exact moment for me was when I was with my baby daughter and she wanted to press the button at the pedestrian crossing. I had to say no because it was absolutely encrusted with filth, chewing gum etc. I wanted to live somewhere I didn’t have to worry about the level of grot everywhere. Also I realised she would grow up somewhere that this would be her everyday experience and although I had been liking the urban grittiness, it wasn’t healthy for a young child to not have access to clean air and nature. We moved to a very leafy and cultural small city and it’s less than an hour from London, so suits us perfectly (albeit still expensive).

I'm a native Londoner. Luckily, I have never had any housing challenges. I am one of the ones who does go out and enjoy the best of it all on a regular basis. HOWEVER, I have become increasingly disillusioned over the past couple of years to the point where I mostly feel negatively about it rather than positively.

During the pandemic, I became cut off from 'friends' and the schoolgate parents . It went from feeling unbearable to rather nice. Now that everybody seems to be WFH for most of the week, the buzz which set London apart from the rest of the UK has almost muted to a distant hum and doesn't seem to matter anymore.

We have had seriously dodgy neighbours a few times. People with values and expectations so different from your own that it is actually impossible to identify anything in common at a human level as a basis for getting along. Now that the property market is weakening, I really despair that I never went before.

on average the state schools in London always outperform the rest of the country...

plus did you know that London has the highest life expectancy in the UK? Access to healthcare on the doorstep and exposure to young people daily help keep people live longer.

I would happily visit many parts of the UK for holiday, sometimes staying for months with family, but to live long term it's still London.

Life expectancy is very closely tied to wealth. There are far more wealthy people in London than the rest of the UK.

As I said, I moved to another country, in Europe. The fact that schools in London are on average less bad than the rest of the UK is not reason enough to stay.
As a PP said, the thing about London is the divide between the rich and the poor. To get an acceptable state school you must live in a very expensive place. Loved London before I had kids, but think it's an unfriendly place for families if you're not rich enough.

As a PP said, the thing about London is the divide between the rich and the poor.

Yes

I did not think that living for too long is perceived as a desirable thing these days.
However, I do agree that I have not found a place elsewhere in the country where I think I would feel any more positively about living there. When i go abroad, I feel relieved to return so there is still a spark. I think that in my case, I am fed up of my neighbourhood rather than the city. I have always enjoyed the nice bits but now I dread the local life.

@Themsthebrakes I don't really have the time to enjoy everything London has to offer due to
small dc. I feel that the buzz has gone a bit but thought it was because i've lost my buzz

There used to be a feeling of authenticity and never knowing who you may meet at the office, the pub, some weekend hobby event but now the city just seems a shell of what made it great 10, 15, 20 years ago. Im sure to someone in their mid 20s just arriving its great for them and worth the price they pay, but needs change in life.

I feel this, but thought it was because i was getting old!

Apparently Manchester is the hip place to be now for the youngsters

It is probably a combination of those things and more. I have found that there seem to be a lot more openly aggressive and rude people around (younger men in particular). If I never used public transport or walked everywhere then I wouldn't notice it at all. I am sure that people in the suburbs who drive between school, home, friends' homes may feel more positively because they rarely see anything.

That was being said as far back as the nineties.