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What would you do in our situation?

49 replies

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 08/05/2023 09:48

We've been in our current house for over ten years now. It's a small 3 bed Victorian terrace - was about 750 sq ft when we bought it; we did a kitchen extension a few years ago which means we might now be approaching 800 sq ft (I haven't checked) but it's still not big!

There's a lot to love about our house - it's cosy and easy and (relatively) cheap to heat; lovely period features (we even have a blue plaque outside); takes no time to clean, and it's in a very central location. Town centre, schools and train station (DH commutes into London 2-3 times a week, me less frequently) are all within walking distance, but so are lovely parks and countryside for walks etc.

Best of all, it's affordable. We over pay the mortgage every month, and pay off a big chuck every year when DH gets his annual bonus. If things continue as they are, we could be mortgage free in ten years or less, by which time I'll be mid-50s, DH late 50s, and the DC 21 and 18/19.

However, there are major downsides. The DC (DD and DS) have their own rooms, but they're small - 10ft by 6ft for DD, 8ft by 6ft for DS (approximately). DS's room in particular is an awkward layout, making it hard to maximise space. They're not really suitable for teenage hangouts or sleepovers.

DH and I lack bedroom storage space, and there's no office space for DH, who works from home 2-3 days a week. He's either in our bedroom or the kitchen, neither of which is ideal.

The front door opens straight on to the living room, so in the winter we're constantly hoovering up the muck that gets in no matter how careful we are. We have only on street parking, although to be honest we're used to that and it isn't a major problem as we're able to walk to most places.

To get a substantially bigger house we'd need to move to the suburbs, which we're definitely not prepared to do. It would make everyone's life harder and unhappier. If we stay in this area, we could get something a bit bigger - maybe a home office, or slightly bigger bedrooms, or a second bathroom, or a drive, but not all or even most of those things.

Our loft is small, but we could possibly extend up into it. We do use it for storage though, so god knows what we'd do with the stuff we keep up there - no garage, and no room in the (tiny) garden for a shed. To do a full dormer extension we'd probably have to lose DS's bedroom for the stairs, so it wouldn't gain us much extra space. A semi-conversion, in which we'd put in velux windows, heating and power, and one of those pull-down staircases, so it could be used as an office/teen hangout space, might be more practical, and we could keep some storage space up there. But we'd need to extend our mortgage to do so, which means paying it off for longer.

My current thinking is that if we just put up with what we have and concentrate on paying off the mortgage, we'll be in a position to help the DC more when they leave home. Yes, our current home will not be one they'll be keen to come back to as adults (you can just about fit a double bed in DD's room, but I don't think you could in DS's), but if we're mortgage-free by the time DD graduates, we'd be better placed to help her get on the property ladder, and then DS later as well, and wouldn't that be better than having to go back to live with mum and dad anyway?

In the meantime home working is tricky for DH, but he does have the option to go into the office more. And yes, there's not much space for teen hangouts, but my memory of my own teen years is that we all crammed into my tiny bedroom, or that of another friend's, because we lived centrally and we could use it as a base to meet up or go out from. No one wanted to hang out in more rural friends' much bigger houses! Plus DD is autistic and very introverted, so may not even want to have friends round - and isn't that another argument for putting ourselves in a position to help her buy a little flat of her own, rather than condemning her to flat shares that would make her miserable?

Once the DC have left home, this house would be a perfectly decent size for DH and I. And actually, I do love it. I didn't at first - it was only meant to be a starter home - but I do now, and I'd be sad to leave it. If we could afford a dream house in a dream location, maybe I wouldn't mind leaving it, but we can't.

Well congratulations if you got through that long ramble!! I'd love to know what you think - I'm very much leaning towards concentrating on paying off the mortgage above all else, but I'm open to other POVs. Who knows, there may be some other brilliant solution I've overlooked.

OP posts:
MrsBlondie · 08/05/2023 10:09

I'd move. DH here too wfh and at the kitchen table. I've had enough and that's one reason we are moving.
We have older kids and teenagers need room for studying.

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 08/05/2023 10:10

There's room for desks in the kids' room. DD has hers set up already.

OP posts:
MrsBlondie · 08/05/2023 10:14

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 08/05/2023 10:10

There's room for desks in the kids' room. DD has hers set up already.

Sounds like you've already made your mind up to stay!

Lcb123 · 08/05/2023 10:19

I’d stay. Location is key. I was a teen in a town centre and very grateful for the freedom it allowed. Do what you can with the existing space, look at the options. Being mortgage free would just give you so many options for you and your kids

Lcb123 · 08/05/2023 10:20

Or I’d definitely look into the ‘semi conversion’ option even if means borrowing a bit more. Still cheaper than moving and you keep a house you clearly enjoy

hoodieorhoody · 08/05/2023 10:20

How do DH and kids feel? Its a family decision so I'd be guided by how they are all doing. If the cramped conditions are making your kids miserable and/or you and DH are heading for divorce then I'd move. If everyone is happy you don't need too.
We did move and although our mortgage is v high we can downsize to the size of our former London home (something the size of your house) if we want to in the future. As it stands our current house has gone up in value way more than our old smaller home so we could choose to move back. Obviously nothing's guaranteed though.

Pinkdelight3 · 08/05/2023 10:22

I agree with your plan. With DC being so old already, I wouldn't be moving to give them more space. They'll likely be gone before you know it and having double rooms for them to occasionally return to is not a moving-level priority. When they're gone, all your storage/space issues will be solved anyway. Paying off your mortgage and enjoying the freedom of that is incomparable, especially as your home/lifestyle sounds very nice as it is and you've got through the teen years already. Save the money and go on amazing family holidays and rent cool Air bnbs for the kids when they visit if it's a squeeze.

LividHouse · 08/05/2023 10:25

Stay.

All the reasons you said.

Sheepsheepeverywhere · 08/05/2023 10:25

Why is keep dc cramped now to give them help as adults? Better childhood and they can get a job and buy their own homes!!

Nannyfannybanny · 08/05/2023 10:40

I would stay. Study/occasional stay over room in the loft.I'm not the usual average MNer. I had 4 DKs,2 of each,a tiny 3 bed 1930s cottage. We had a cat slide roof, only extending we did was a conservatory as a dining room. (First married,lived in a caravan,I like small spaces,and am a master of neat and practical) The DKs have their own rooms,are they likely to be off to college/uni soon? Again,fully aware MN believes every child should have their own room, which must be kept for them coming back home,at all costs. As soon as they'd all left,we downsized, 2 bed bungalow. Guess what my youngest DD moved 10 minutes down the road!! At various points, relationship/employment breakdown they have returned, with animals and been welcomed back into the fold. We made things work. Watch GEORGE CLARK amazing spaces. After living in a caravan,you wouldn't believe how huge my open plan bungalow seems.

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 08/05/2023 10:41

Pinkdelight3 · 08/05/2023 10:22

I agree with your plan. With DC being so old already, I wouldn't be moving to give them more space. They'll likely be gone before you know it and having double rooms for them to occasionally return to is not a moving-level priority. When they're gone, all your storage/space issues will be solved anyway. Paying off your mortgage and enjoying the freedom of that is incomparable, especially as your home/lifestyle sounds very nice as it is and you've got through the teen years already. Save the money and go on amazing family holidays and rent cool Air bnbs for the kids when they visit if it's a squeeze.

The kids are currently 11 and 8.

Fooksticks · 08/05/2023 10:42

So your DC are currently 11 and 8? About the same as mine.

It's hard to make this decision. We are mortgage free, 3 bed detached with a garden office. But we want more space so have sold and now looking for our next house.

It has taken me time to do this as I'm risk adverse but our new mortgage will be for 5-8 years and I feel it will be worth it.

In your shoes I would (am!) moving, but only you can make this decision.

Pinkdelight3 · 08/05/2023 10:44

Ah sorry, missed the tense. Still, mine are mid-teens and don't have sleepovers or hangouts. They mostly live online so are fine with a desk and headphones in a small dark pit. 😂

Sheepsheepeverywhere · 08/05/2023 10:46

Gazebo? Small summer house? Shed? Kids find fun anywhere adults are out of earshot!

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 08/05/2023 10:46

I would stay because I think location trumps space. As your kids enter their teens, they will be so grateful for the freedom of being able to go into town by themselves, instead of having to be driven everywhere. And you will avoid being a taxi service all weekend.

However, I would extend into the loft. You will increase the value of the house, so the extra mortgage payments will be an investment. I would also store anything you don't use regularly in a storage unit, to free up as much space as possible in the house.

Leftoverssandwich · 08/05/2023 10:47

I’d stay, and explore the semi conversion. You clearly love your house and it more or less works for you, with a tweak possible.

Lots of teenagers are perfectly happy with small spaces. In reality, many of them just have them anyway, as those are the houses they live in and they have no choice. My own teenager was definitely an online type with only very occasional visitors, and had the smallest bedroom without it being an issue at all. If they do turn out to be social monsters, you can figure something out. Maybe they hang out in your kitchen when they’re round? It’s all manageable.

Isheabastard · 08/05/2023 11:02

It sounds like you need more space but don’t know which compromise to make. I think you need one extra room that can double up as an office and spare room for future visits by married children. It could even be used in the evenings as a hangout teenage space.

I would explore all your loft/extension options first. Get or make plans of how the loft/stairs would work exactly, without losing tiny bedroom to stairs. Are there options for extending kitchen further? I’m sure you are right but when we did a loft extension in our Victorian terrace we had a huge space. There was plenty of space in the walls for storage as cupboards could be built in. You might just need to declutter as well.

I agree with others that your location looks ideal for you both and the teenagers. I agree that they can make do with a tiny bedroom each.

Can you look for a similar Victorian terrace in the same area that is a little big bigger or has more potential to expand, that would solve all your problems.

Its lovely that you are overpaying your mortgage, but I think you would be better spending the money now and paying it off for longer.

It’s also lovely that you are thinking ahead about helping your children. But that is a long way away and you would be making your life worse in the present for some possible future gain.

So I would concentrate either on making more space in your current home, and go as big as you can, or move into something slightly bigger but same location.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 08/05/2023 11:07

I don't get it, your kids are old enough to leave home now. Presumably the oldest has finished or almost finished education and the youngest will be at uni soon? Plenty of kids don't move home indefinitely after uni. If you are close to London it's a realistic prospect but lots are relocating to other cities for cheaper housing and well paid jobs asap.

If your DD will need long term support/cannot live independently then that's different. You need to plan now for what that looks like and the retirement options it gives you.

I would not bodge a loft conversion, it will devalue your home and try to imagine scrambling up a ladder to work in your early 60's. Many people are spending more time in the office for just this reason, and resetting the home/work divide more effectively.

If you lose the smallest bedroom to create an en suite bathroom and a decent size bedroom in the loft it will be worth it but if it's just another bedroom and you remain 3 bedrooms sharing a family bathroom then it's not worth the investment I think. You could put a DC and partner up in a local hotel once in a while when they come to visit, much cheaper than a remortgage.

Leftoverssandwich · 08/05/2023 11:07

The OP’s children are 8 and 11.

Birdington · 08/05/2023 11:11

Do the loft conversion and tell your DH to work in there.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 08/05/2023 11:12

Could you add a porch? It wouldn’t have to be huge, but totally enclosed ; it would mean that you were not opening the door directly into the living room and have somewhere to change into house shoes etc.

we had a cottage with a direct door and adding the porch made a huge difference to the convenience ( and the heat loss.)

YourUserNameMustBeAtLeast3Characters · 08/05/2023 11:12

If you were younger I’d say move. But through overpaying you say you are currently set to pay off the mortgage when your DH is late 50s. If you move and have a bigger mortgage then what age would you be paying it off? Into mid 60s and it’s risky.

Obviously you can get a mortgage to 67, and for many there’s no choice (we’ve had that but knowing we could pay it down quicker). So in your shoes I’d go for a small additional mortgage to make the house work better for you. Office in half the loft that doubles as a teenage hangout in the evenings? Not an official bedroom so could have ladder type space saving stairs.

What furniture to maximise bedroom space? If you managed when the children were tiny but with huge toys you can manage with big teenagers and small gadgets.

The location sounds great by the way, you’d lose a lot by moving to the suburbs. It also sounds like you really love the house.

midgemadgemodge · 08/05/2023 11:16

It's clearly big enough and when the children leave home it will seem vast

Getting some more usable space in the loft doesn't sound a bad idea in the meantime - and less hassle than trying to move

titchy · 08/05/2023 11:18

Do some research into a lift conversion. It may be possible to have proper stairs to it that don't lose floor space in the underneath room. That could become the teen hangout (or ds' bedroom if he's the only one likely to need a teen hangout) and the box room becomes dh's office. Have a small internal lobby to keep front door from being directly into living room.

chipsandpeas · 08/05/2023 11:19

what about adding something like a garden office which your DH can use during the day then DC at night

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