Overcrowding/Sleeping in Living Room Suggestions

[BoyMum2023]

Hello,

I'm after some suggestions/tips/practical advice, as we are not able to change our living arrangements at the moment.

My family and I have been lucky enough to live in social housing since 2014. My now husband moved in with us in 2017. Together we share 7 children; 4 are mine, all boys, 3 are his, all girls. My boys are all above 12 but under 18 years old.

Very very long story short, due to a relationship breakdown and mental health between the mother of his children and his eldest daughter, (13) his daughter was placed with us by the police for the protection of the mother, and then enforced by social services for the protection of the child.

Now, the house is a 3 bedroom (one of which is a box room) with a parlour downstairs. DHs DD has been here since late October last year, sleeping in the living room. We got a sofa bed for her as soon as we knew it was a permanent arrangement, and we hung a curtain track so she can shut herself away once she decides to go to bed.

This cannot be a long term arrangement. She isn't currently in school, but that's imminently changing, so it's even more pressing that she will need her own space in order to have a better sleep pattern etc

The house layout is difficult. There is one bathroom upstairs.

There is a box room (only big enough for 1 person, and can't fit a double bed anyway) and 2 double rooms upstairs. The double rooms only have 1 window, squarely in the middle of the exterior walls in each. The downstairs parlour room is big enough for two to share, but would render spending time in there not sleeping, almost impossible.

Our living room is long, not square and is the way into the kitchen and the garden.

We have found that we are unable to split either of the larger rooms to accommodate the additional child.

Autism and MH are a factor in some of the children, so space to be alone is vital. But so is family time.

I have come to the conclusion that we will have to move out of our bedroom and sleep downstairs to ensure my stepchild can have a bedroom to sleep in.

I'm looking for tips on the best way to do this?

How do I make a living room a workable space as a family room for 7, and a bedroom for 2 adults at night?

Do you have two living rooms?

could you post a diagram of both floors?

It would take a bit of faffing but could you do:

upstairs double 1 - two boys
upstairs double 2 - two boys
upstairs box room - 13 y o girl

Then, have two beds in the downstairs parlour. This is the other two girls bedroom when they stay and yours when they don’t.

Sofa bed in the lounge for you to use on the nights they stay.

Bunk bed in single room

Could you go up into the attic

What's a parlour room and why can't people be in there during the day?

Just checking, are the parlour and the living room the same room or 2 different ones?

2 boys can't share as they are 16 and over and it is against HA rules. Not just that, they have autism so require seperate rooms for emotional regulation reasons. They are also very different - one is a Guitarist and gamer, one is into quiet hobbies.

parlour room is just a small room. it is used a 4th bedroom for DS17

different. parlour room is used a bedroom for DS17. Living room is just the living room/DDs temporary bedroom.

attic isn't usable space, unfortunately.

Any room in the garden where you could put a caravan or summerhouse type structure?

We have a very similar house. We have had to split one bedroom using IKEA kalax units and a curtain for two girls. Also ASD and desperately need their own space but it is what it is. Our box room is only big enough to fit a bed in one direction, and has the window, so couldn't take a bunk.

Have you asked SS for support re. Housing?

Where do his other daughters sleep during his parenting time?

they don't stay overnight as their mother won't allow it/we don't have space anyway!

we have tried to ask for support but apparently there isn't any. we are already on the housing register, swaps, etc. the ultimate solution of course, is to move, but until that time, we need to make it work, and DD sleeping on the sofa doesn't seem fair now it's been 6 months

Can the kids all share the 3 beds upstairs (girl in box room, boys sharing doubles with kallax or similar as room divider if needed), and you use the downstairs room as your bedroom? Seems like the lesser of all evils so to speak, given that you think your chances of rehousing are low.

I think the best solution is for some of your children to share. They could have 'slots' where they can go into the bedroom alone and do their hobbies, etc. And keep the living room as a family room so you can all be together sometimes too as this is really important.

I know you've mentioned autism and emotional regulation so I do get that sharing isn't ideal but personally I wouldn't want to sacrifice the main living area. If the bedrooms upstairs are doubles, two people can sleep in one.

2 boys can't share as they are 16 and over and it is against HA rules

Don't be silly. Assign your bedrooms as you see fit, HA's have better things to do than come and check who's in what bed!

Turning our living room into a bedroom for us will not hamper the living soace being shared during the day, as we wouldnt go to bed until after 10pm.

I'm not really sold on the idea of 17 Yr old and 16 Yr old sharing when they've not shared a room since they were 8/9ish. The other two boys share, and have always done.

I shall await for someone to share how they make it work in terms of practical application/utilisation of furniture etc.., I know there are families out there who have little choice.

it is more than the rules anyway. sharing wouldn't work as they haven't for years now.

It sounds like the best solution is for the two grown ups to sleep on a sofa bed in the living room. I know it’s a pain but just get into the routine of folding it away each day once the second person gets up. Put all the bedding behind the sofa, assuming it is against a wall. Then the living space is available to all until bed time. When the grown ups want to go to bed everybody else has to go to their rooms.

yes, this is what we want to do. I'm just wondering how to incorporate bedroom storage type stuff into the living area without it dominating it.

So with the two double rooms and single upstairs and a single room downstairs, you have 4 bedrooms ? So you could swap for the 13 year old girl to have your room and you sleep downstairs - but you would need to keep some storage in that room.

This ^

My DH has five siblings - three sisters (including his twin) and two brothers, so a family of eight. There's ten years between the eldest and youngest sibling.

The family home was a local authority semi-detached house (which his parents eventually purchased) with two doubles and one single bedroom. His parents had the single whilst the three girls shared one double and the three boys had the other. They shared like this till the eldest son left home at twenty - DH (the youngest boy) was then ten. It wasn't ideal and he said there were a few arguments, but they coped.

hmm. entitlement. sure. that's what it is. nothing to do with the ss involvement ofc. could you go somewhere else and share your rather limited opinions.