Overcrowding/Sleeping in Living Room Suggestions

[BoyMum2023]

Hello,

I'm after some suggestions/tips/practical advice, as we are not able to change our living arrangements at the moment.

My family and I have been lucky enough to live in social housing since 2014. My now husband moved in with us in 2017. Together we share 7 children; 4 are mine, all boys, 3 are his, all girls. My boys are all above 12 but under 18 years old.

Very very long story short, due to a relationship breakdown and mental health between the mother of his children and his eldest daughter, (13) his daughter was placed with us by the police for the protection of the mother, and then enforced by social services for the protection of the child.

Now, the house is a 3 bedroom (one of which is a box room) with a parlour downstairs. DHs DD has been here since late October last year, sleeping in the living room. We got a sofa bed for her as soon as we knew it was a permanent arrangement, and we hung a curtain track so she can shut herself away once she decides to go to bed.

This cannot be a long term arrangement. She isn't currently in school, but that's imminently changing, so it's even more pressing that she will need her own space in order to have a better sleep pattern etc

The house layout is difficult. There is one bathroom upstairs.

There is a box room (only big enough for 1 person, and can't fit a double bed anyway) and 2 double rooms upstairs. The double rooms only have 1 window, squarely in the middle of the exterior walls in each. The downstairs parlour room is big enough for two to share, but would render spending time in there not sleeping, almost impossible.

Our living room is long, not square and is the way into the kitchen and the garden.

We have found that we are unable to split either of the larger rooms to accommodate the additional child.

Autism and MH are a factor in some of the children, so space to be alone is vital. But so is family time.

I have come to the conclusion that we will have to move out of our bedroom and sleep downstairs to ensure my stepchild can have a bedroom to sleep in.

I'm looking for tips on the best way to do this?

How do I make a living room a workable space as a family room for 7, and a bedroom for 2 adults at night?

Could you private rent somewhere with more bedrooms? Just thinking when you moved there it was just you but with two adults could you afford this now?

This is a completely out of the box solution op and does depend on finances, but is the garden big enough to have a garden cabin built? If it's properly built and insulated it could be used as a bedroom for one of the children.

Dd in the boxroom, 16 and 17yos in one bedroom, the other two boys in the other bedroom. You and dh take the small reception room.

I think this is the best option until either older kids go to Uni or you get a larger house.

Actually, using the garden is a great idea!

Can you private rent a larger house instead?

What are your plans for the future?

UC will cover some of the rent for private sector, and all of the rent for shared ownership, depending on individual circumstances of course.

Don't give up social housing whatever you do.

If social services are involved can they help with a push to rehouse?

Otherwise you don't have a choice but to sleep in the living room. Put your DHs daughter in one of the double rooms upstairs and use kallax to partition off a bit of the room to keep your clothing and stuff so it keeps it separate from her stuff.

Would this set up with the bunkbed splitting one (or both) of the double rooms help?
Are you able to rent a storage unit so that you can free up space in hallways or corridors and put a wardrobe in there? Or do you have friends who would let you keep out if season clothes in their attic, maybe in exchange for a babysit or clean once a month? We are currently in a quite tight space housing wise but are lucky enough to be able to store stuff out of the flat and it's surprising how little you actually need 'on site'.

Wall bed

we looked over a split with a bunkbed, but the worry is that there wouldn't be much light, as the door to the room is opposite the window, of which there is only one.

Summerhouse is a great idea. Does anyone know the rules on these as bedrooms? I have neighbours who would snitch...

I've never seen these, I'll Google it

You would need to declare it as a living space, as far as I am aware. Might be worth asking a local builder what the rules and regulations are for having a live-in room in your garden.

you have to adhere to building regs for fire safety, insulation ect. However if you build it as a chill out room for one of the kids that is for 'occasionally' sleeping in you don't need planning permission.

Have you looked whether you would be eligible for a disabled facilities grant?

If you wanted something in the garden you would need to ask permission from the housing association. It is not normal for housing associations or councils to permit this. Mine even requires permission for a wooden shed and it needs to be removed when you leave. They won't allow permission for structures such as summer houses or garden offices, so I think highly unlikely they'd allow a structure someone would be sleeping on. If you did it without asking it would be seen as a tenancy breach which could affect you being offered a move.

Assuming this needs to be a fairly long term solution, is there no way the two older boys can share? I assume they will hate it and would perhaps turn that anger towards your DH daughter, but you are a family and everyone has to compromise when they live in a family home.

Then:
Double 1 : 2 older DS
Double 2 : 2 younger DS
Single: DD
Downstairs room: Parents bedroom & quiet/study/hobby zone for children to get some time out during the day/evening. As pp suggested this could be timetabled so there was a fair routine for the DS's.
Sitting Room: As is.

You could look into different types of room dividers for the double bedrooms upstairs. There are some great ideas that would work around the window.

Alternatively you can install a wallbed in your living room for yourselves.

What a difficult situation! I only have an impractical solution - you need sleep pods! So no one gets a whole room to themselves, just their own sleep pod. There has to be shared space in a family that size, so everyone needs a wardrobe, but they can't have stuff that doesn't fit outside of that. Basically you need a very simplified structure at home so everyone is tripping over one another.

Like this!

The rules aren't worth shit if there isn't an alternative. What are they going to do? Kick you out? Report you to social services?

Just have the boys share and stop making excuses.

I am in Social Housing and have got both my housing officers permission and then planning permission for a very small garden office.

I had to get the housing officers theoretical permission first. This was granted on the basis that I would get planning permission but also that the room would be certain size, a certain height and a certain distance from other properties and from the road. There must be no overnight sleeping in it, it must not be used as a bedroom. It can be used as an admin room only. The permission is mine alone as the tenant so if I leave or die (!) the structure must come down.

Then I had to get planning permission. Once I had this I showed it to the Social Housing Officer who formalised the agreement in writing.

Once it was built I’ve had several unannounced visits from various departments, including council tax, to make sure it is not being used for a bedroom.

I don't know how big your doubles are but would it be possible to have three boys in one with a bunk and a single, then oldest stays downstairs in parlour room, DD has boxroom and you keep your bedroom? That would mean living room was free for boys to have social time away from each other as well

@BoyMum2023 I was in a colleagues house recently and they had a wall bed which also had storage. I didn’t know it was a bed til they pointed it out but it was fantastic it had storage either side which they kept the duvet, pillows and fresh bedding plus laundry basket. Looked similar to this which might be good since a long room you can “zone areas” during the day it’s a normal room but at night bedroom

Also to note it was a king sized bed and they got the comfiest mattress so no compromise on a good nights sleep

Although HA May not normally give permission for a garden room, perhaps they might under your circumstances?

I have slept downstairs for 4 years, to give DS15 and DD17 (current ages) their own rooms. However I am a SP.

If you do this I recommend a bed from sofabedbarn.com, with storage drawer and memory foam mattress. In winter duvet season I can't fit my pillows in it though, they hide behind an armchair.

You also need space for your clothes etc. mine are mainly in a built in wardrobe in DS's room. He's quite tolerant of me nipping in and out but it's not ideal.

If sleeping downstairs you may need blackout blinds at the windows as I have.

(I crave my own space and can't wait til we move to a 3 bed, which is definitely within sight!)

Hope you work something out. I would have thought you'd be near the top of the housing list in your situation.