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Original poster

Received unmarked cash envelope for exact amount for our roof repair

91 replies

Vernatts123 · 02/02/2023 17:23

We are a young couple with a 1 year old on a relatively good income but little savings due to maternity leave and buying our first house the other year which needed repairs.

Recently our roof needed fixing and we had several other issues with the house come up at once. A few friends and family asked how much it was going to cost for the roof repair (we thought because they needed similar work on theirs or general interest).

Today we received an anonymous envelope with exact amount in cash for the roof repair. No sign who it is from but doesn’t have a stamp so must have been in driving distance.

My thoughts are it is our neighbours who we are friends with through Church and have been guides through difficult times recently.

My personal view is that we can afford the roof (I paid them today) and this money is an extra blessing that we should keep to give out to others as needed. Alternatively we put it in savings for our daughters future.

What would you do?

TLDR; someone unknown put a cash envelope through our door for the exact amount our roof repair has costed. Unsure on what to do next.

OP posts:
NeverDropYourMooncup · 03/02/2023 01:12

Vernatts123 · 02/02/2023 17:46

If the gifter is who I think it is, then they may be including this amount in the 10% disposable income the church encourages us to give to charity or support local community. Very much doubt anterior motives.

Show quote history

And if it isn't them and it's your family who has scraped together cash between them, it's pretty crappy to give it to the church rather than use it as they intended.

changeme4this · 03/02/2023 01:39

Don’t give it away. Whoever has gifted this to you feels you are in a position of need. Put it aside for another rainy day.

FormerGossip · 03/02/2023 01:55

Accept it in the spirit with which it was given, with love. Make it work for you. The giver is obviously fond of you and genuinely wants to see you flourish. Do that.

DesertRose64 · 03/02/2023 02:00

Op, just keep the help people have given you. What goes around comes around and I’m pretty sure you will have given plenty in the past and will continue to do so in the future. And it doesn’t even have to be money that you’ve given. Just being yourself is enough to help the world go round. You’re obviously well thought of and you should not feel guilty at all about the donation.

DesertRose64 · 03/02/2023 02:00

FormerGossip · 03/02/2023 01:55

Accept it in the spirit with which it was given, with love. Make it work for you. The giver is obviously fond of you and genuinely wants to see you flourish. Do that.

Spot on.

DesertRose64 · 03/02/2023 02:07

Vernatts123 · 02/02/2023 17:46

If the gifter is who I think it is, then they may be including this amount in the 10% disposable income the church encourages us to give to charity or support local community. Very much doubt anterior motives.

Show quote history

I live in a society where everyone has to give a certain percentage of their excess income to charity every year but people are told to give to their family and friends who are in need before giving it to the wider community. It’s a system that works very well and people are often asked by others if they are aware of anyone in need.

Its the same when people have some good fortune or a baby is born etc. People give Zakat and they will ask others if they have anyone who needs some help.

Intrepidescape · 03/02/2023 03:33

Put the money into your bank account and sit on it. It’s doubtful it was someone from church. It’s more likely to be from family.

Don’t spend it - don’t give it away. Just leave it sitting in your account. You will need it for an emergency.

sashh · 03/02/2023 04:51

Orangetapemeasure · 02/02/2023 17:29

I would pass it on. If you go to church they are always collecting for something.

what I’m really interested is how it made you feel? I would like to give a friend some money for house renovations (essential work, but it’s going to be expensive). Around £10k. I posted on MN about it (diff user name) specifically how to give the money. The general consensus was if I offered her the money she’d be embarrassed and it would ruin the friendship and if I dropped £10k through her door in cash she’d freak out. No one could make a good suggestion. So, how do you feel having been given an anonymous amount of money?

Could you but something like a second hand coat that you thought would be perfect for her and when she is trying it on go - oh look, there is something in the lining.

OP

Someone in your life really cares about you. That's lovely.

Could you set up a credit union or hardship fund via your church? Or linked to food bank? I know that would be a long term commitment but would be really useful to a lot of people. People like refugees can struggle to open bank accounts. Not just refugees though, people leaving prison, immigrants and other groups.

Sling · 03/02/2023 05:15

I think to give it all away would be rude to whoever it was who wanted you to have it. But assuming you're a member of the same church, then the principle of "10% of disposable income given away" would suggest a good route would be to give 10% to someone who needs it (ideally in the same manner, discretely and in the church community) then save the rest. You have the funds for the roof but presumably there are other projects on the house you could use the funds for.

sorcerersapprentice · 03/02/2023 05:31

I wouldn't give it away. I don't think that's what the grifter wants you to do with it. I think giving it away is a bit rude as if to say that the gift wasn't well received. Someone has chosen to make a 'random act of kindness' gesture towards you and doesn't want anything in return (hence the anonymity). I would put it in savings for your daughter or for something she needs now or in the future

Beautiful3 · 03/02/2023 05:47

If I gave you the money, I'd want you to keep it. Put it in your bank account in case something else needs fixing with the house. It would be silly to give away. Donating some food to homeless people would be nice.

Tuilpmouse · 03/02/2023 06:02

PrinnyPree · 03/02/2023 00:16

I would try to discreetly find out who gave it to me then explain how incredibly kind a gesture it was but you don't need the money and feel it should go to someone in need and give it back.

I'd feel sheepish everytime I went out with a new coat or booked a holiday away and potentially have someone get their back up. If I needed it that would be a different story or if the giver was a close relative (like a parent) that didn't care how the money was spent that'd be fine, but a church going friend who thought they were doing a charitable deed wouldn't sit right with me.

Do you do this for every Christmas and birthday gift you have?.... which presumably many of which you don't actually need, and could have bought.

Someone bought me cake into work the other day for my birthday. I could have easily afforded the cake, but obviously I didn't refuse the cake or insist that I reimburse the person who got it.

I think the OP should just accept the gift with grace as she would any other. The giver wanted the gift to be a blessing to you; she should let it be a blessing! It would be churlish to do otherwise. Unless the OP is exceedingly rich, that money will always be of use for something, especially with a 1 year old daughter. And if she is "only"'putting away £100 per month, she's not exceedingly rich.

Tuilpmouse · 03/02/2023 06:04

Sorry, getting my persons mixed up. I meant "The giver wanted the gift to be a blessing to her; she should let it be a blessing!"

Tuilpmouse · 03/02/2023 06:06

Intrepidescape · 03/02/2023 03:33

Put the money into your bank account and sit on it. It’s doubtful it was someone from church. It’s more likely to be from family.

Don’t spend it - don’t give it away. Just leave it sitting in your account. You will need it for an emergency.

Having been to a church years ago, this was exactly the kind of thing they did quite often. I even did it myself...

Copperoliverbear · 03/02/2023 06:06

That's wonderful I'd take it as a blessing x

Cranky2 · 03/02/2023 06:09

The people gave you the money OP because they wanted you to have it. Use it for your family and when the time is right pass on what you can. Remember this can be service as much as anything else

Please don't believe all these people would donate the money on here. They are the same people who can make a roast chicken last a week.

chocolateisavegetable · 03/02/2023 06:41

Personally I think you should keep it but remember it and one day “pay it forward.” That won’t mean you have to spend the same amount of money, but one day you’ll be in a position to help someone out who needs some help

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 03/02/2023 06:45

I would absolutely LOATHE getting money anonymously like that.

Personally, I'd make it clear to people that I had received some money anonymously and was embarrassed by it and had NO intention of keeping it, and if they were the giver then they had better let me know to get it back or else I would donate it to a charity. (And if I suspected someone I would choose a charity that they wouldn't want to give it to to force the issue.)

Maybe I'm too proud. I have accepted help from people I care about who have offered the help honestly and generously. But there are people who I would refuse to accept help from and I'll be damned if I let them get away with it by pulling this sort of crap.

LittleBlueBrioTrain · 03/02/2023 06:56

Orangetapemeasure · 02/02/2023 17:29

I would pass it on. If you go to church they are always collecting for something.

what I’m really interested is how it made you feel? I would like to give a friend some money for house renovations (essential work, but it’s going to be expensive). Around £10k. I posted on MN about it (diff user name) specifically how to give the money. The general consensus was if I offered her the money she’d be embarrassed and it would ruin the friendship and if I dropped £10k through her door in cash she’d freak out. No one could make a good suggestion. So, how do you feel having been given an anonymous amount of money?

Ive done this before witha large vets bill. I called and paid the vets direct and just didn't give any details, asked to remain anonymous.

kateandme · 03/02/2023 07:12

Don't give it away.or have them see that! They gave it to YOU. Noones that good that they give money to this amount thinkingvtge person will do anything but use it.
They aren't sitting in the bushes waiting ti see if op needs it,uses it,or actually does what they wanted her tonprove herself to do and give it back or away.and if they are they are nobs.
They've kindly given you the money and that is so lovely.
Take it with no guilt.its not like you say your wealthy and it's pocket change.youve struggling enough for them to note it.
Plus it's then not Loike this money in current climate won't be a godsend soon!

I might ask if you can give a special prayer.or word of thanks for the kindness of communities or strangers in church next time though.next time you are all there so they no without knowing how thankful you are.

Bluebellknoll2 · 03/02/2023 07:24

Wow how lovely! I don't think you should give it away I think that would be an insult to the givers. I would stash it for you all / your daughter and have some comfort that comes with savings.

BTW this thread is slightly freaking me out because yesterday my mum and dad put some money into my account for some roof repairs. I felt blessed tbh! I do always give a fair bit to charity anyway. But on this occasion will be saving any extra given due to having a cushion atm.

Animatorbum · 03/02/2023 07:58

Tuilpmouse · 03/02/2023 06:02

Do you do this for every Christmas and birthday gift you have?.... which presumably many of which you don't actually need, and could have bought.

Someone bought me cake into work the other day for my birthday. I could have easily afforded the cake, but obviously I didn't refuse the cake or insist that I reimburse the person who got it.

I think the OP should just accept the gift with grace as she would any other. The giver wanted the gift to be a blessing to you; she should let it be a blessing! It would be churlish to do otherwise. Unless the OP is exceedingly rich, that money will always be of use for something, especially with a 1 year old daughter. And if she is "only"'putting away £100 per month, she's not exceedingly rich.

Show quote history

No I don't for every gift, but the amount she was given was obviously for her roof so the person who gave it may have been under the impression she couldn't afford it, it wasn't random it was obviously for a charitable purpose. I'd at least try to find my benefactor to let them know how kindly it was received but that I didn't need it so they could help benefit a family in need if that was their intention.

As I said if it was a close family member then I'm sure they wouldn't care how the money was spent but a churchgoing friend who has given their disposable income to me for an urgent house repair and I just get to use it as my disposable income wouldn't feel right. No harm in trying to let them know, they may say "just say pop it in your childs bank account, I've money to burn." But I'd want them to know the money wasn't needed for that purpose.

gettingolderbutcooler · 03/02/2023 08:05

Put a big sign in your window saying THANK YOU

Quitelikeacatslife · 03/02/2023 08:17

Keep it to take away financial worries and maybe have a holiday in summer , they obviously care about you and think you are a nice family. When your children are grown and if you are comfortable financially you might choose to help someone too.

Choconut · 03/02/2023 08:28

Split the money half for your daughter and half put away for a rainy day. Then do some small charitable things yourself like buying a few bits every week to donate to the local foodbank as you know you don't have to worry so much about money as you have this sum in the bank.