Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Property/DIY

Join our Property forum for renovation, DIY, and house selling advice.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Received unmarked cash envelope for exact amount for our roof repair

91 replies

Vernatts123 · 02/02/2023 17:23

We are a young couple with a 1 year old on a relatively good income but little savings due to maternity leave and buying our first house the other year which needed repairs.

Recently our roof needed fixing and we had several other issues with the house come up at once. A few friends and family asked how much it was going to cost for the roof repair (we thought because they needed similar work on theirs or general interest).

Today we received an anonymous envelope with exact amount in cash for the roof repair. No sign who it is from but doesn’t have a stamp so must have been in driving distance.

My thoughts are it is our neighbours who we are friends with through Church and have been guides through difficult times recently.

My personal view is that we can afford the roof (I paid them today) and this money is an extra blessing that we should keep to give out to others as needed. Alternatively we put it in savings for our daughters future.

What would you do?

TLDR; someone unknown put a cash envelope through our door for the exact amount our roof repair has costed. Unsure on what to do next.

OP posts:

picklemewalnuts · 02/02/2023 18:09

I've done similar with smaller amounts to cover a vet bill, for example.

I'd prayerfully accept it and feel more able to be more generous in the future- whether with charitable collections or an opportunity to pay it forward yourself. Maybe a young couple will need a pram, or something.

picklemewalnuts · 02/02/2023 18:10

I don't think you can assume it's who you think- relatives could have clubbed together, for example.

Crabbity · 02/02/2023 18:37

Honestly, if I had done this for a relative or friend and then they have it away without using it for intended purpose I would be apoplectic. The intent is made clear by the amount. Absolutely put some away for your daughter and pay it forward in some way when you can but for God’s sake don’t just give it away.

determinedtomakethiswork · 02/02/2023 18:41

I would keep it and use it as a safety net so you're not in the same position again.

Maray1967 · 02/02/2023 20:37

Vernatts123 · 02/02/2023 17:46

If the gifter is who I think it is, then they may be including this amount in the 10% disposable income the church encourages us to give to charity or support local community. Very much doubt anterior motives.

Show quote history

If the people follow Dave Ramsey, the US get out of debt advisor, they might be following his advice which is to give generously and anonymously if you can when you’re financially stable.
Or they might just be very kind people who don’t want you to feel beholden to them.

I would tell all those you suspect about this kind act without asking whether it was their act.

SwedishEdith · 02/02/2023 20:43

Why did they think you needed it? What gave them that perception?

GettingItOutThere · 02/02/2023 21:43

i think you would be rude to send it back/deny the money. Accept the gift gracefully and make it known how grateful you are.

Put it away for your daughter! it was meant for your family

Beamur · 02/02/2023 21:47

That's a generous gift and presumably given with love and kindness.
Use it to pay for the roof.

drpet49 · 02/02/2023 21:52

Teafor1please · 02/02/2023 17:42

I don't think you should give it away. Someone has chosen to give it to you for the roof and I think you should honour that gift. Don't offer it back. Take it, use it, and enjoy how that person has made you feel..how kind.

This

parietal · 02/02/2023 21:58

why not give 10% away (like a tithe) and keep the rest for your daughter.

FeinCuroxiVooz · 02/02/2023 22:08

accept the gift as given in love at a particularly difficult time. hang on to it for now, as your depleted savings mean that if something difficult happens in the next 12 months then you may not have what you need to deal with it. but once you've been back at work for a bit and have had a chance to build your savings back up, consider it a pot for "paying it forward" - keep your ears open for friends, family, church members and neighbours who are experiencing difficulties and give them a helping hand with a lump sum from this pot.

caringcarer · 02/02/2023 22:20

You have friends who love you and wanted to do this lovely thing for you. That means you must be lovely people or they would not have done this. Accept it graciously. Tell all the people who you told about your roof that you have received as wonderful gift enabling you to have the work done and are so grateful.

MrsFrugal · 02/02/2023 22:26

OP, what a lovely thing for someone to do anonymously, personally I would pay it forward to a cause more in need if you don't need it. Restores faith in humanity 🙏

caringcarer · 02/02/2023 22:29

Posted top soon. Use it to get roof fixed. Keep your own money for helping your dd or other little emergencies that pop up. When your dd all grown up you will be better off and could pay a gift forward then. I know when our DC were little we were scrimping and scaping by every month but now they are grown up we can afford to be generous with gifting.

CymruChris · 02/02/2023 22:31

I would be absolutely chuffed that someone gifted that to me, how kind and thoughtful! I'd keep it, if they wanted to give it to charity or someone else, they would have, but they didn't, they gave it to you. Putting it in savings for your daughter is a nice thought, think of the gift as allowing you to do that.

Salome61 · 02/02/2023 22:34

When I was widowed I was very open (too open) on a widow forum about my lack of money. I was amazed to get a cheque in the post from someone I'd been talking to on there, for £250. I wrote and thanked her and said I'd never cash it, but would frame it. It was the nicest thing I'd ever experienced, a generous act of kindness without any expectation of a return.

saraclara · 02/02/2023 22:50

Teafor1please · 02/02/2023 17:42

That. If I gave a gift of money in order to help someone, I'd be very sad if they didn't keep it. If I'd wanted to give it to someone else/someone I didn't know/a charity, then that's what I'd have done.

This person wants to help YOU, so please respect that. You can pay it forward at another point in your life. Maybe in a few years, when you are financially stronger, and you come across someone who's struggling. But for now you accept it, as the donor wanted you to.

melchim · 02/02/2023 22:59

Don't give it away!!

Accept the gift with grace. Someone wanted to bless you and you can feel free to accept and enjoy that blessing.

Put the money back into the account wherever you took the roof payment from and use it as if you hadn't needed to pay the bill in the first place.

It would be even more gracious if you made it known somehow through the community how pleased and thankful you were for the gift so that they find out and know it was helpful.

Then when you're in a strong position financially yourself, pay it forward and help someone else in a difficult situation.

WishingMyLifeAway · 02/02/2023 23:00

You need to keep it, not pass it on. The gift was given to you. I would be upset had I given a gift like this to someone and they'd given it away. They may be causes that the gift giver would not have wanted to support like this. Be grateful for the gift and put it to good use for you and your family.

OnTheBoardwalk · 02/02/2023 23:04

Keep the money it was meant for you and your family. They might be upset if you give their money to someone else

i once got £1k back from someone who I wasn’t expecting it back from. I paid this forward as this was my cash to begin with

you don’t know what sacrifices the person who gave you this cash had gone through to give YOU the cash

Kalpatra · 02/02/2023 23:06

The gift is personal to your family from someone who’s sad that your roof leaked and wanted to help. It would be disrespectful to them to reject the gift by giving it away to someone else. Accept it with grace and keep it for your daughter.

GlowedGreenBurnt · 02/02/2023 23:08

Teafor1please · 02/02/2023 17:42

Don’t give the money away, you should save it, there will be something else that needs repairing soon enough.
Honestly, if someone has gone to the considerable effort to give you the money to help, don’t throw it away, no matter how kindly you mean, by giving it away.

PrinnyPree · 03/02/2023 00:16

I would try to discreetly find out who gave it to me then explain how incredibly kind a gesture it was but you don't need the money and feel it should go to someone in need and give it back.

I'd feel sheepish everytime I went out with a new coat or booked a holiday away and potentially have someone get their back up. If I needed it that would be a different story or if the giver was a close relative (like a parent) that didn't care how the money was spent that'd be fine, but a church going friend who thought they were doing a charitable deed wouldn't sit right with me.

saraclara · 03/02/2023 00:26

I would try to discreetly find out who gave it to me then explain how incredibly kind a gesture it was'..

If they'd wanted you to know who gave it, they'd have told you. Respect their wish to be anonymous.

...but you don't need the money and feel it should go to someone in need and give it back.

That's a rejection that would hurt them. They don't deserve that. They wanted to do something nice for you. You don't throw that back at them any more than you reject a Christmas or birthday gift.

MrsMikeDrop · 03/02/2023 00:45

That's lovely. You could keep half for your daughter and pay the rest forward.

Flip

1 2 3 4