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Original poster

DH is a painter decorator

45 replies

schnoodle1357 · 06/12/2022 05:34

My DH is a painter decorator. Is it ok to ask him to do the decorating in our house?

And if yes, do you have any tips on how I can support him to do the jobs that need doing?

I've tried wallpapering myself, but DH has stripped most of it off again so we are back to bare walls 😂. And I know I should be able to plump in a toilet, fit a shower, lay flooring and maybe create a new ceiling , DH makes it sound straightforward, but I can't get my head round where to start 😟 Also, if I'm honest, I think these are skilled jobs and best done by someone with expertise.

I'm not great at DIY, but I'm ok at my job and my wage isn't too bad. So a couple of years ago I worked extra hours so I could pay all the household bills, kids stuff etc and DH could focus on our house for a few weeks without worrying about the bills ( I was still doing my share of the school runs and weekends off with the kids, I wasn't expecting him to do all that too). I did this for 18 months and only stopped when our youngest was born, but she is 3 next year, so I'll pick up more hours again once she is in school.

I offered to pay someone else to do the work so DH doesn't have to. But I realise that was insensitive and he was rightly upset.

In lockdown I made sure I was on top of the homeschooling, housework etc so DH could use some of his furlough time to get a few house jobs done. But that didn't really help either. 😆

Its hard because I don't want him missing out on time with the kids or missing out on seeing his friends or doing the things he loves because he is plumbing ot tiling for me. I'm not sure how to work it out. DH gets upset if I mention decorating.

OP posts:
Yoyooo · 06/12/2022 05:38

I honestly don't understand why he wouldn't do it? The money saved could go on something nice for the family like towards a holiday or extra special Christmas.

MrsTerryPratchett · 06/12/2022 05:39

Its hard because I don't want him missing out on time with the kids or missing out on seeing his friends or doing the things he loves because he is plumbing ot tiling for me.

How is it for you? Him and his children live there.

Findyourneutralspace · 06/12/2022 05:44

Why doesn’t he do it? Home maintenance is part of living there and if he has the skills then why not utilise them? I bet you don’t just do your job and come home. There’s always stuff to do.

Original poster
schnoodle1357 · 06/12/2022 05:49

I'm not sure. I think maybe he's got a better handle on what's important. We are all healthy, the kids are happy and we live in a lovely safe place with kind friends and family. In perspective, does it matter if we have bare plaster walls and a wierd open pipe where a toilet used to be! Not really. The kids don't care, it's just me awake at 5am thinking about it 😂 Perhaps I should just let it be.

OP posts:
Hillrunning · 06/12/2022 05:51

For you? Why is it for you? Doesn't he live with you? Also, what the hell is he doing ripping down wallpaper you have hung? Are you saying that for 18 months you covered all bills while he didn't make any progress on the house?

While I understand it can be hard for trades to work a busy week then have to do more work at home, this guys is being a right prat.

On another note, painter decorators aren't the right people to be doing plumbing. Get a real plumber for that.

MrsTerryPratchett · 06/12/2022 05:56

What did he do with his time while you were working, looking about the children and doing everything? And if it was pleasing himself, why aren't you angry? I'd be livid if DH watched my killing my self so he could fix the house and he acted like it was a big holiday.

Twice if I'n understanding correctly. When you did extra hours and furlough.

Volterra · 06/12/2022 05:57

This is a bit unusual, most people do painting etc at the weekends and evenings. It’s a few days and then sorted and I find It a bit strange that you having to thimk about it.

demotedreally · 06/12/2022 05:58

This is strange..should you be posting in relationships perhaps?

Twiglets1 · 06/12/2022 06:05

Why are you asking us if it’s ok to ask your own husband to do some work for the benefit of the family home? Is he asking people if it’s ok to ask you to do household chores? Your relationship sounds very unequal.

TimeForMeToF1y · 06/12/2022 06:09

I'm not a decoratoer but I can fit in painting rooms at the weekend or evenings in the summer. I really don't understand the problem

Have you asked him to do it and he's said no so you're trying yourself in knots to earn extra money?

That can't be normal behaviour for someone with a trade can it

username11122 · 06/12/2022 06:19

Most people do decorating on top of their day job, why wouldn't he.

pilates · 06/12/2022 06:26

Bizarre. Why wouldn’t he?
I wouldn’t attempt to decorate as I haven’t a clue and it would look rubbish. I wouldn’t waste time and money. You sound like you are frightened of him?

ZeroFuchsGiven · 06/12/2022 06:29

It sounds like you are talking about a stranger down the road Confused

Nothingbuttheglory · 06/12/2022 06:32

I know this is going to sound like a leap, given you posted about painting and decorating, but you sound petrified of "upsetting your painting & decorating dh by talking about painting and decorating". This isn't normal.

Have a look at the link and see if it sounds familiar.

www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/recognising-domestic-abuse/

Original poster
schnoodle1357 · 06/12/2022 06:39

Thank you for your messages. It is a bit odd, which is why it's easier to post than discuss with friends who know us both!

DH is great with the kids, funny, still hot! and he works hard, often weekends. I'm just struggling to reassure him that it's fine to take some time off to focus on our house or come up with a different solution. Thanks for the thoughts and suggestions. x

Good point about needing a plumber! That's another debate 😆

OP posts:
ZeroFuchsGiven · 06/12/2022 06:45

schnoodle1357 · 06/12/2022 06:39

Thank you for your messages. It is a bit odd, which is why it's easier to post than discuss with friends who know us both!

DH is great with the kids, funny, still hot! and he works hard, often weekends. I'm just struggling to reassure him that it's fine to take some time off to focus on our house or come up with a different solution. Thanks for the thoughts and suggestions. x

Good point about needing a plumber! That's another debate 😆

I really do not understand this.

Can you explain further?
Are you scared of him?
Is he refusing to decorate but also refusing to pay for a decorator or let you do it?
Why is a decorator doing plumbing?

ZeroFuchsGiven · 06/12/2022 06:56

I also dont understand how it would take so long, dp and I when decorating does take a while as we do it around work, bits over the weekend or evenings. I recently had my kitchen modernised and we got a professional decorator Ive never been so impressed and will never pick up a paintbrush again after seeing how quick they were, ceilings woodwork and walls (5 coats) all done in about 6/7 hours (just had to come back the next day to do another coat on the walls (because of the colour) and it looks amazing.

Are you sure he is a qualified P&D? With you mentioning plumbing and flooring is he actually a general handyman with no actual qualifications?

Of all the tradesmen I know they utilise their skills at home, my plumber has the best kitchen and bathroom, electrician has the best lighting,alarms,cameras etc.

Surely if P&D was your Dh's profession he must be mortified to live in bare plaster walls.

alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 · 06/12/2022 06:59

Your husband is a painter and you have bare walls in your house? That's a bit weird. My friend's husband is a decorator. They recently had a house built for them, he saved thousands by doing all the exterior and interior painting. He has also helped paint another friend's house (and got free haircuts for life in exchange from the hairdresser friend). He has painted a few bedrooms for us, in exchange he got beer and my husband helped him build a wall and a shed. Its a really useful skill (and we consider ourselves lucky to have such a good friend), I can't believe you are sitting with bare walls. I would get a plumber in to deal with the toilet though.

Original poster
schnoodle1357 · 06/12/2022 07:03

Thanks again for looking at all the possible angles, the link for support is always good to share.

No, I'm not scared of him, He doesn't get angry. He just can't say no to anyone else who asks him to do jobs for them and is poor at prioritising 😂

By upset I meant he gets down about himself. He's so keen to help out with everything at home when I'm at work ( laundry, school run, cooking etc) that he ends up doing these jobs instead of the ones he has the skills for but I don't. Which sort of makes me a bit of an idiot for also expecting him to decorate on top of sharing all the mundane stuff! He's certainly not sat on his bum all day.

I should probably just talk to him about it 😆 Thanks again. Hope you all have a good day x

OP posts:
Passthecake30 · 06/12/2022 07:05

Dp is a builder and he doesn’t really enjoy doing work at our house in his free time, and would always prioritise working for other people, as he is paid. He’d also not want to get anyone in to do the work that he can do (for free), and either I wouldn’t be capable of doing it, or do it to his standards. Generally things get done, when he is ready to do them - just a bit longer than I’d like, after 30 years I’ve got used to it. OP has he done any work in the house at all? Are your expectations on the house higher than his?

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 06/12/2022 07:35

I shudder to think what 'I should be able to plump in a toilet' means!

euff · 06/12/2022 08:19

Does the work actually need doing? Are you the kind of person who wants to redecorate or refresh quite often? If the first then it's a bit strange that he doesn't do it unless he can't afford to turn down paid work and is too tired after doing that. if the latter then I can understand why he might not want to do it as often as you might especially if he can't manage doing it for a living weekdays and weekends and then keeping up with home improvements. Do you know how you as a household are doing financially?

ZeroFuchsGiven · 06/12/2022 08:28

euff · 06/12/2022 08:19

Does the work actually need doing? Are you the kind of person who wants to redecorate or refresh quite often? If the first then it's a bit strange that he doesn't do it unless he can't afford to turn down paid work and is too tired after doing that. if the latter then I can understand why he might not want to do it as often as you might especially if he can't manage doing it for a living weekdays and weekends and then keeping up with home improvements. Do you know how you as a household are doing financially?

She has bare plaster walls and no toilet just the pipework for the toilet (I presume secondry).

peppapig79 · 06/12/2022 08:54

A lot of husbands/partners who are tradesman do other people's houses and their's is the last or never done! It's a known joke in the trade :)

euff · 06/12/2022 09:15

@ZeroFuchsGiven I completely missed that there was actually no toilet! That would get to me. I thought it was just redoing the bathroom rather than having something actually missing.

He shouldn't really have stripped the wallpaper if not in a position to remedy it unless he thought the bare plaster might push him to do it and it didn't work.