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Original poster

DH is a painter decorator

45 replies

schnoodle1357 · 06/12/2022 05:34

My DH is a painter decorator. Is it ok to ask him to do the decorating in our house?

And if yes, do you have any tips on how I can support him to do the jobs that need doing?

I've tried wallpapering myself, but DH has stripped most of it off again so we are back to bare walls 😂. And I know I should be able to plump in a toilet, fit a shower, lay flooring and maybe create a new ceiling , DH makes it sound straightforward, but I can't get my head round where to start 😟 Also, if I'm honest, I think these are skilled jobs and best done by someone with expertise.

I'm not great at DIY, but I'm ok at my job and my wage isn't too bad. So a couple of years ago I worked extra hours so I could pay all the household bills, kids stuff etc and DH could focus on our house for a few weeks without worrying about the bills ( I was still doing my share of the school runs and weekends off with the kids, I wasn't expecting him to do all that too). I did this for 18 months and only stopped when our youngest was born, but she is 3 next year, so I'll pick up more hours again once she is in school.

I offered to pay someone else to do the work so DH doesn't have to. But I realise that was insensitive and he was rightly upset.

In lockdown I made sure I was on top of the homeschooling, housework etc so DH could use some of his furlough time to get a few house jobs done. But that didn't really help either. 😆

Its hard because I don't want him missing out on time with the kids or missing out on seeing his friends or doing the things he loves because he is plumbing ot tiling for me. I'm not sure how to work it out. DH gets upset if I mention decorating.

OP posts:

MassiveSalad22 · 06/12/2022 09:19

TBH I’d find it surprising if a painter decorator had an unpainted and undecorated house. Like he’s not a fan of his own work. He should get it done!

Mosaic123 · 06/12/2022 09:23

There's a very old saying which goes something like

The cobbler's children are the worst shod.

This means that the profession you get paid for is not one you prioritise at home.

How are the DC? You could suggest he teaches them how to do painting and decorating by showing them, and letting them help, at home.

Mosaic123 · 06/12/2022 09:23

How OLD are the DC

Onegingerhead · 06/12/2022 09:31

DH is a tradesman and he saves our family tons of money. He does it evenings/weekends and there is no way I d pay him ££££. After all, it’s his home, too

Dodecaheidyin · 06/12/2022 09:41

He just can't say no to anyone else who asks him to do jobs for them and is poor at prioritising 😂

He has time enough to do things for other people. And to undo the work YOU have done. Don't laugh this off, it's really not funny.

Is he off work for a couple of weeks at Christmas and New Year? He could do it then. See what excuses he comes up with if not ...

reallyworriedjobhunter · 06/12/2022 09:43

I work a busy FT week and still do jobs at home every day and on the weekend. Doesn't everyone?

superdupernova · 06/12/2022 09:56

We bought our house from a painter and decorator. It was immaculate. We've redecorated a few rooms and it just doesn't look as crisp as his work.

I don't think your priorities are wrong. I wouldn't live in a house with unfinished plasterboard walls and no plan to decorate or a bathroom without a ceiling, tiles and toilet (which it sounds like you have?). I can't see why you can't paint yourself but set a deadline for the other bits like tiling and if they aren't done, get a tradesman to come in and do it for you.

DinosaurOfFire · 06/12/2022 10:07

Bare plastered walls and an open pipe where a toilet used to be ARE problems. The bare minimum for a house is walls with appropriate wall coverings and without open (sewage?) pipes around. Bare plaster isn't as easy to keep clean, and open pipes can let vermin into the house.

My DH is a very hands on dad. He loves spending time with the kids, he pulls his weight with household jobs like laundry etc. He also works full time while I am a SAHM/ carer.

He has taught himself the DIY skills to plumb in a bathroom, tile, concrete, plaster, lay flooring and I take over the household jobs while he does that- we see it as being a fair division of labour in general, rather than "you do 50% of every individual job". He takes holiday from work to do the bigger jobs in the house. IMO, its either- you and your DH do the work, or you pay someone to do it. It's not "for you" it's for everyone who lives in the house.

parietal · 06/12/2022 10:13

it sounds like there are jobs that need to be done around the house - fix the toilet, paper the walls etc. Does your DH agree that these jobs NEED to be done?

If yes, the next practical issue is to decide how to get them done. Either DH does them (within a reasonable time) or you do them or you pay someone else to do them. Ask him which he prefers. But the focus should be on getting the jobs done so that the whole family has a clean safe house to live in.

PhillySub · 06/12/2022 10:21

You haven't got a partnership, you are just keeping the man of the house happy

Snoken · 06/12/2022 10:31

This does sound odd, and that you are just tiptoeing around him, petrified of possibly saying something that could be misconstrued as criticism. You can't live like that, just have a direct conversation and make lists of what needs doing and how you should split the work, including the regular housework. Set aside time for it and get it done.

Justlovedogs · 06/12/2022 10:41

To all those saying it's odd, it really isn't when you live with someone in the building trade. I live in a permanent state of part build. DH is great, but when he's got work, he hasn't got the time/inclination and when he hasn't had work, we've not had enough money to do jobs. It is also an insult to get someone else in as they won't do it right (i.e. as he would do it).
Sorry, OP, not much help or advice here, I'm afraid. I've just got used to it, I think!

Heronwatcher · 06/12/2022 12:31

This seems very odd. Most families spend time with the kids and have fun, but don’t live with bare plaster walls and toilet pipes. When I do decorating/ DIY/ gardening, I either do it in the evenings or a few hours at the weekend, spending time with the kids around those tasks. I think you need to have a very honest conversation with him and agree some times/ priorities, or to pay someone else to do it. Living like that would shatter my mental health.

Fragrantandfoolish · 06/12/2022 12:37

What do you mean you took 18 months of paying the bills etc so he could do the house, cid he not do it?

it all sounds very odd and yes it does matter, well it matters to me, my home environment is important to me, as it is to many people. Or we’d all be living in a dump on purpose

Heronwatcher · 06/12/2022 12:37

Also, beware, there was a horribly sad thread on here I read where a couple had agreed to buy a project house, the husband was meant to be doing the work while the wife worked, he ended up demolishing the place but then not finishing (can’t remember exactly why but I wasn’t convinced) she ended up working all hours coming back to a house without a working kitchen which she couldn’t sell as by that stage it was unmortgageable, so she couldn’t leave him either. Sounds like you’re a way from this but if you don’t keep on top of DIY things can get bad quite quickly.

Justthisonce12 · 06/12/2022 15:20

Tradie’s houses in my opinion are always the worst. I’ve got a friend who is married to a builder who came home one day to discover that he had taken out the staircase and then of course he got a phone call for a big job so he went off to quote on that and everybody was stuck downstairs for 72 hours until he got the moment to rebuild it.

He absolutely does not need to take any time off to finish decorating your home. He needs to do it any spare time like everybody else does and get on with it because at the end of the day your house is he’s calling card and a reflection of his professionalism. I don’t think I would use the services of Decorator who is own home Looked like a dump.

NotMeNoNo · 06/12/2022 15:30

It is a sensitive matter - DH is in the audiovisual installation business and we don't have a TV aerial connected for 5 years (thank goodness for smart TV). It's very common for people's work to be the last thing they do at home.

I'd suggest agree between yourselves what needs doing and he books a 5 day week to do it like it was a paying job. Miserable to come home to more painting at weekends.

The issue is if you are freelance or self employed it's hard to turn down or delay paying jobs, they might not come back.

QueenBeex · 06/12/2022 15:41

My partner used to be a painter (does building now). Whenever we decorate we do it together, I normally use the roller for the big bits you can't mess up and that's all I do, he does all the cutting in, hard to reach places and goes around things that i would mess up (not got a steady hand). Although if I told him I didn't fancy helping I'm sure he'd get round to doing it on his own, I think doing it together just makes it quicker and gets it out the way with.

Just speak with your dh, tell him you're happy to take the children out whilst he does it etc if that's an issue.

superdupernova · 06/12/2022 17:56

Heronwatcher · 06/12/2022 12:37

Oh god. I remember that thread! I felt awful for the OP. It really was a horrible story.

FictionalCharacter · 06/12/2022 18:53

Why on earth has he stripped off wallpaper you put up, and left the walls bare? Why is he ok with having a disconnected pipe where the toilet should be?
Your oddly breezy replies to people suggest this is all more of a problem than you’re admitting, OP. He won’t do it himself and he won’t let you get someone else in to do it. It’s completely unreasonable to expect you to do plumbing.
You’re keen to defend him, say he’s a great guy and call yourself an idiot, but this is no way to live.

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