I think I hate my new house

[NewHomeRegret]

DH and I have just got the keys for our new home yesterday and went round after work to have a first nosey. We haven’t seen it since our rushed, ten minute viewing back in April. When I opened the door last night my heart sank, so much more needs doing than we originally noticed. The biggest things are the bathroom and kitchen both looked much more outdated and tired than I had previously spotted and I just want to rip them both out immediately. Also the front door is old and wooden, and needs replacing. The smaller things are that we suddenly noticed that we hate the colour of the living room carpet and the walls (both neutral, but bleugh). The blinds and curtains at all windows are a bit manky. The windows look very old and someone has obviously repainted the frames and got brown paint on the edges of the windows and a few electrical switches need replacing. I didn’t tell DH at the time but I couldn’t wait to go back ‘home’ to our smaller rented property. I got to work this morning and cried thinking WTF have I done. Maybe it’s because we went round last night in the dark, and although the lights work the house felt dark and cold with nothing in it?
I’m trying to think of the positives which are obviously we are now homeowners and not at the mercy of a landlord anymore, we have 3 bedrooms not two, we have a downstairs loo and a garage. We also have space for a proper dining table and chairs. The kitchen is also a bit bigger than my current one.

I should get my rental deposit back which I think was about £1000 which I want to spend on a new front door so at least entering the house itself will be more pleasant. Doing other things though will take time to save up for and I feel panicky at waiting ages to get the house right.

Has anyone else felt like this, please someone tell me it gets better? Any ideas of what I can do to help this house feel better while I wait to improve it?

@Littlemelody Thank you for replying. Like you, we can't afford a whole load of fees & stamp duty again, so we will have to stick it out - otherwise I think I'd try and remarket tomorrow!
I really hope and I'm sure that 12 months down the line it will look very different to now, I just hope my feelings shift with it! I feel so disappointed by it all right now.. it wasn't our first house purchase but it's definitely taught us that in future we need to go in looking at more than we did this time around!

@ItsRosieMay i started a similiar thread and people on here told me the same things I told you. I honestly didn’t take any of it in because I was living in what felt like a total dump and couldn’t believe I’d left my small but perfectly clean and functional old house to buy our current house, and honestly believed it would never get better. I said I would give it 6 months and then it would be on the market - well that 6 months has been and gone! We won’t stay here forever, but it’s home like I said. Agree with what you said about future purchases, I feel I learnt a big lesson with this and it will help the next time we look for a house (can’t even comfort myself that we got a bargain because we offered in the ridiculous bidding wars so paid well over asking 🙃).
One thing that really did help was things like house plants, pictures and things that made it more about the people living here than a house. It made it a tad more bearable until I could finally see the progress we had made. I also made a list of house jobs I stuck on the fridge, ticking each of those off gave me an enormous sense of satisfaction and felt like I was removing all trace of the previous (filthy) owners.

@ItsRosieMay I’m sorry to hear you are in a similar situation to where I was last November. It’s weird reading my old OP because I feel so much better now. We’ve been here five months and we have achieved a lot - some expensive like new windows and doors and boiler, and some cheaper fixes like changing light fittings and painting. Once we started making decisions and seeing the changes, I felt more in control. We’ve got a lot still to do (upcoming bank holidays will be spent doing yet more painting!) and a lot I still don’t like but can’t change yet. The house has a lovely homely feel now with our stamp on it.

Take photos of what it looks like now so you can compare once you’ve had work done, it’s so satisfying. I hope you also feel better in a bit more time 💐

@ItsRosieMay tag fail!

@NewHomeRegret So glad to hear this! And thanks for your positive vibes, it's been so comforting to see I'm not the only one who's felt like this! It's been a lonely place to be these last few months but I'm glad that both you and @Littlemelody have ended up feeling better about where you are. Thanks both🤗 💐

I feel like this - like the actual house now, but really dislike the location and just wish I could move it back to my old town. We’ve been here nearly 10 months and I just hate how inconvenient everything is. You have to get in the car and drive for ages to do anything. I want to be within a 10 minute walk of a train station again, and within a 5 minute drive of the M6.

I'm so glad you are felling better about things. And it's a great idea abut the photos. I photo'd all the work on this doer-upper, with pics of us doing all sorts from digging to moving a shed by putting it on fence posts and rolling it a la Stonehenge, and gradually made a sort of book of it all with text, originally to pass to my elderly parents under lockdown, because they had planned to visit and watch the work. I gave them a few pages every week when we dropped off their shopping, and they kept adding it to a ring binder. It kept Dad, who had dementia, remembering we now lived close and where, and reminded him what the house looked like so it would feel familiar and secure to him when they could finally visit, and it gave them something to read and, at times, laugh at. Looking back through it recently when I happend to be feeling a bit swamped by having rooms in chaos yet again for more work, I realised how far we had come, and it really cheered me up.

We’ve done up 4 houses now, and I get this every single time!

I find smells really offputting so usually get rid of flooring / curtains (if left), do a quick / cheap paint job on the walls, lamps on in winter, pictures up and house plants. Doesn’t hide all the issues but does help.

I would spend the £1k on new curtains/ blinds, paint and rugs/ cushions/ new bedding. It will go a lot further. Congratulations and give it a bit of time. You are now owners and can work towards another house in time if you want. Be kind to yourself it's OK to be disappointed but doesn't mean it was a massive mistake. Really hard to get property together and most places need work. Hopefully you will feel better soon

Feeling like this too. 7 months doing it up and it looks like someone’s dream house (not mine though! I just prefer my starter home cul-de-sac lined with wonderful trees and can see the sun setting every night) even if it is too small for us. Should have got an extension instead of moving to a street with no trees and drab driveways full of cars and vans and no sunlight. But hey! We have a errr… fireplace and a tiny extra room.

I just don’t want to move there at all and am having so much anxiety as the place is getting finished and it’s getting closer to the time we move in.

@PicnicBunny I think we might have moved out of and into the same roads 😂 I feel this so much! We are 8 months on! Sending hugs x

@PicnicBunny and @ItsRosieMay I’m sorry you both feel like this! I’m not massively keen on our road either and prefer a cul de sac but it is what it is and I can’t change it. I keep in mind we probably won’t be here forever and next time I’ll def go back to quiet cul de sac.

Most people feel a bit like that, don't they - you're leaving your previous house that you'd put a lot of effort into looking how you want it, to going to another house that you've had zero input in. The contrast is just so huge (unless you're buying a new build that you can choose finishes, etc) from your cosy old home to the starkly un-you new one.

So glad you feel better about it now, it will be worth it in the end and then you'll sell it and have to start all over again

Hi
l have just moved house. Something I thought I wanted. Bigger, better area, all the good things you would move for, but honestly since we moved in only 2 days ago I’ve cried non stop.
I sold my own home that I brought my 2 kids up in and really struggled leaving it after 17 years but my partner and I decided to make a change as he wasn’t the owner of the previous property and buy one together.
At face value the new house looked great but now that we’ve moved in it’s dark and needs a lot of updating.
I just want to go back to my old house where I felt safe and secure. I feel really uneasy and unsettled here and we’re only in couple days! Crying every day, anxiety and panic attacks are all encompassing.
Please tell me this will pass??😓

@jenncass The chances are, this will feel better in time and it will pass. The first few days/weeks are weird and uncomfortable but you will slowly settle in. Have you got much of your own stuff up around the house yet? That really helps make it feel yours. If it feels dark, can you get a few cheap table lamps or change the bulbs in ceiling lights? This is such a crap time of year to move as well. Our house felt really dark and dingy last year when we moved in, but this year it feels cosy and warm. You will get there too!

You always feel like this when you buy a new home ! They never look good without furniture and you see all the marks and bits. Honestly once you move in you'll be fine in a few weeks !

@jenncass I'm so sorry you're feeling how many of us on this thread have felt when we've moved house.

My move in January of this year triggered a period of depression and it might seem crazy to some, but I ended up having almost 6 months of counselling to process all of the feelings I was struggling with - regret, insecurity (I also sold my own house and bought with my partner), loss of independence and the biggest one, which I didn't realise until my counsellor raised it, is grief.

You'll be grieving your old house, your old life/circumstances etc and you'll ride the grief wave during this process. Whilst you might never get to a point where you feel like this house is for you, my experience is that I feel much more able to manage my feelings than I did in the early days.

I'm glad you came here as lots of us have felt the same way and hopefully we can give you some hope that these big feelings should pass. Big hugs x

Hi🥹yes I’ve most of my things out now at this stage, a professional carpet cleaner booked in for tomorrow and also my partner has said to go ahead an book decorating team (house has a weird off putting smell) even he wants that fixed lol.
I went out a walk with the dog today and cried the 30mins it took me to get back. I was getting some strange looks from fellow dog walkers 😪
I found this thread today and honestly you’ve no idea how much it helps me knowing I’m not the only one who has felt this way xx

Thank you to everyone who replied to my message. It REALLY means a lot!!

Totally normal Op, it will get better, it’s just empty rooms at the moment, once you move your things in, start to decorate etc, it will become home.

It will pass @jenncass . I just wanted to add that at this time of year, the whole world feels bleak and dark, especially in the grey soggy weather we have been having. If you are anything like me, you need the bright comfort of a familiar indoor space to cope with these dismal dark days, and of course the indoor space that you have now isn't one that you have psychologically 'bedded down' into, so it can't immediately offer the primitive comfort that we crave at this time of year.
It will, though. Over time you will paint it with all the memories of comfort that allow it to become a refuge from the gloom outside.
If you had moved in during the summer or spring, you might not have felt this lurching sadness. Think about next spring, next summer, their light bursting in to your new home.

Hi! We moved last year and I cried everyday for months! You might be able to find my thread. We’ve been here a year and I still don’t love it but the anxiety and panic has stopped. I think new houses are just horrible and stressful and made worse by everyone talking about it as if it’s supposed to be a great positive thing all the time.

Yeah I know what you mean. Everyone is wondering why I’m feeling this way. Very hard to pinpoint one reason as I have many!
But, I am feeling less alone now in my feelings after finding this community on here that feels/felt the same.
I cleared more boxes today and I do feel slightly better having my stuff around me and also having carpet cleaners and painters coming in I’m hoping I will feel at ease soon

I hope you do, and I think there is a very good chance you will. All the best to you.
Re the smell thing mentioned in many posts- I think that the There's a Funny Smell thing may be more of a 'thing' than some people realise. Smell is a very deep basic instinct with humans- I can recall exactly how I felt at one school I went to if I just smell the whiff of the disinfectant it used, and that's over 40 years ago. A house has a smell that's down to its occupants- what they cook, their hobbies ( horsey people know the smell of saddle leather goes everywhere they go) football boots, the lot.

Normally the smell of the previous occupants goes fairly fast when you move in, your own scents take over, and I think that helps reassure us at a deep level that it's Our Place Now. But doer-uppers or houses that have been empty a while like probate ones, often smell damp at first, and then later of the unfamiliar smells of work being done, like paint, and plaster. I do wonder if that's one reason they can sometimes be harder to settle into- something we feel but don't identify, making it difficult to do anything about.

Ours had a damp whiff in the kitchen for about 2 years, as it retreated gradually from the rest of the house, partly because it was (and still is a bit) open to the underfloor in places, and that took a while to dry out too. You'd get used to the smell while you were in the house, and stop noticing it, but then as you came in to the house through the kitchen, every time we came in it felt like, oh no, That Smell's still not gone yet. It just reminded me of how much we had still to do too. And I think women may be more sensitive to smells than men. In this house that's true, anyway.