I think I hate my new house

[NewHomeRegret]

DH and I have just got the keys for our new home yesterday and went round after work to have a first nosey. We haven’t seen it since our rushed, ten minute viewing back in April. When I opened the door last night my heart sank, so much more needs doing than we originally noticed. The biggest things are the bathroom and kitchen both looked much more outdated and tired than I had previously spotted and I just want to rip them both out immediately. Also the front door is old and wooden, and needs replacing. The smaller things are that we suddenly noticed that we hate the colour of the living room carpet and the walls (both neutral, but bleugh). The blinds and curtains at all windows are a bit manky. The windows look very old and someone has obviously repainted the frames and got brown paint on the edges of the windows and a few electrical switches need replacing. I didn’t tell DH at the time but I couldn’t wait to go back ‘home’ to our smaller rented property. I got to work this morning and cried thinking WTF have I done. Maybe it’s because we went round last night in the dark, and although the lights work the house felt dark and cold with nothing in it?
I’m trying to think of the positives which are obviously we are now homeowners and not at the mercy of a landlord anymore, we have 3 bedrooms not two, we have a downstairs loo and a garage. We also have space for a proper dining table and chairs. The kitchen is also a bit bigger than my current one.

I should get my rental deposit back which I think was about £1000 which I want to spend on a new front door so at least entering the house itself will be more pleasant. Doing other things though will take time to save up for and I feel panicky at waiting ages to get the house right.

Has anyone else felt like this, please someone tell me it gets better? Any ideas of what I can do to help this house feel better while I wait to improve it?

I had this when we moved into our current house, I ended up having a huge panic attack and cried my eyes out for days, everything was a state, the boiler didn’t work, the integrated microwave and oven were broken, the back doors let a flood of water in when it rained, there was paint sloshed all over the glass doors that wasn’t there when we viewed. All things that wouldn’t have been picked up by a survey so it didnt help that everyone’s go to reaction seemed to be “didn’t you get a survey?!” (We did!). The sellers had done a great job at covering up loads and loads of flaws. Anyway two years later and I’m still not happy there BUT down to completely different issues, the actual house itself feels much more homely and nice inside; it just took a while to get used to it, fix the broken bits and a coat of paint, fresh carpet etc. just do it gradually and give yourself time, hopefully it’ll feel more like home after a while!

I felt like this and some days still do, the brown hall carpet and horrible kitchen worktop really annoy me. But I’m slowly working my way round and it’s definitely my home now.
If the front door is solid and secure could you paint it instead? I sanded, primed and painted mine for about £60 - farrow and ball estate is a bit of a pain but do fantastic colours, and would mean you’d have more money towards other bits.

Our new flat had a front door that was paper thin. Look on the bright side - previous owners obviously weren't worried about security!

I felt exactly the same with my first house purchase OP. The night we moved in I was desperate to go back to my new build rental, I’d noticed all the work that needed doing and was depressed. We ended up just decorating and 2 years later sold it, for quite a decent profit.

Don’t despair, first houses are rarely forever homes for most people.

I felt very similar moving to my new home a few months ago. It was beautiful, however, the previous owners left it in a bit of a state. The outside office was heaving with rat and mice droppings, they left enough rubbish to fill a skip including a 10 seater teak table which we expressly said we didn't want them to leave. It also turned out the woman was really slovenly which I just couldn't tell from the viewing. She played a good game of being a bit of a Hyacinth though and regaling us with tales of the golf club and how to make the perfect scones in the Aga.

On the surface it looked clean but when you dug down a bit further it was actually quite rank. The utility room had never been hoovered in about 10 years and there was so much dust on the floor behind the door it looked like someone had emptied the hoover on to the floor. The loo was not secured to the floor causing a leak and the shower didn't work. When you lifted the lid on the toilet seats the underneath was encrusted in dried urine and dust. It was revolting.

Also, like you there was paint daubed on all the windows where they had not been painted by a professional who would have masked the glass. There was paint daubed on all the shower screens and sanitary ware in both bathrooms. You could tell the DIY had been done (badly) by the couple who lived here. It was stuff I hadn't noticed and we bought this house on the premise there was "nothing to do" and we could just walk in and put our bags down.

I was so upset. I know that sounds very spoilt of me but I left both my homes (the one I sold and the one I rented before moving here) absolutely immaculate. The new owner keeps messaging me to say how beautiful it was and our landlord from the rental said he had never seen it looking like that! We shampooed the carpets, got the windows cleaned, oven professionally cleaned etc.

A few months on though and masses of bleach and elbow grease later it is my dream home. A tip for you, you can get paint off any surface using a copper cloth. You can buy them on amazon. You wet them and can scrub glass/ceramic etc without scratching the surface. I got all the tiny splodges of paint off a glass shower screen and all the windows. It will always look sad/cold and lonely without your stuff in it, but a good clean and wash the curtains etc it will feel much better.

If money is tight (and isn't it for most of us) I would get the carpets cleaned as a priority, even if you don't like the colour once they are cleaned it will make you feel better.

I felt like this after we sold our large and beautiful 150+ year old house and bought a 400 year old, much smaller repossession. Although in theory, being older it should have more character, it had all been removed over the years. Whilst we were obviously aware at the time of viewing that it was a repo that hadn't been cared for in years - plus it was already empty so nowhere to hide those issues - I had huge plans for restoring its character and imagined that in stripping back the layers of ugliness we'd reveal all kinds of interesting features.

On completion day I cried at the mistake we'd made in buying it (our reason had been to move from a village on the edge of a not particularly nice city to somewhere more rural with land) and wanted to go 'home' which obviously wasn't possible. Although it hadn't been trashed like some repos, it needed far more than a lick of paint (for example there was no water supply to the property!), but as we've renovated quite a few project housed that others would run from, that wasn't the issue. It just wasn't home.

All our stuff was in storage too and much of it would remain there till we'd got the worst of the building work underway, so we couldn't just hang a few pics to make it feel 'ours'! I regularly burst into tears and actually kept a diary of how regretful I felt. We considered selling as soon as we could but DH who could see the potential more than me, persuaded me it was a bad idea. He was right 😉

It's actually taken 4+ years to feel like our home, but I think we're probably the exception as the house did require a vast amount of work and we have done most of it ourselves, so no quick fixes. We have reconfigured the whole layout so that internally it's unrecognisable. We're still not finished - another year probably - but I no longer feel tearful when I come home and open the front door (which, btw @NewHomeRegret was the worst case of peeling paint and rotten timber I've ever seen - I stripped back the many different colours and layers and DH did some repairs, added new hardware etc so it's now good as new. I'd always try to keep original features if at all feasible 😁)

Good luck with making your new house your home 🙂

Ah this is normal. When we moved into ours, the first drawer I opened in the kitchen the front came off in my hands! I wanted to replace the kitchen there and then but I dream of extending and having a bigger and better kitchen so for now, I just painted the doors and a few extra screws here and there, it is holding, just.

We also decorated our bedroom and changed the floor, replaced the kitchen floor with new lino so it is liveable. Manky carpet in the hallway and dining room but these will also go when we get to do those rooms. We are doing the hallway now as it is dark and rather miserable.

I remember feeling like it was my home when I opened the box with my vases, knickknacks and put them out on shelves, window sills and had my favourite diffuser going. Even a bunch of my fake flowers and plants made it more home.

'Buyer's Remorse' is absolutely normal. Try not to focus on it too much if you can manage not to, as it can get all out of proportion if you do. I'd try to concentrate on the practicalities of moving in and making it yours, and try to stick your fingers in your ears about your negative feelings if you can. If you ignore them, most people find they really will go away.

Most houses look a bit dismal when the furniture and fittings are all gone, even immaculate ones can look smaller and meaner; if it's cold and dark as well, that's even worse. And if it has a few 'things that need doing' about it, even more so. Our present place looked a bit grim furnished, but positively dreadful when we walked into it empty after buying it. But once it's light and cosy and has your things in it, it's bound to feel different if you let it.

I'd suggest trying to get at least one room looking basically 'nice' if not quite 'finished how you dreamed of'. You can then use it as a refuge and an encouragement of how the rest will be one day if the rest is getting you down.

Have the carpets cleaned if they're dirty, and if you still hate them but can't replace them yet, or want to wait until you have got the feel of the house first (which I would advise), put some cheap rugs down. Pictures on the walls make a big difference- they not only cheer a place up, but stamp it as yours. Though our seller cleaned the bathroom/kitchen (he was still doing the kitchen floor when we arrived with the keys, which was sweet of him) I felt better when I had scrubbed all the surfaces down myself. It was like I'd licked it, so it was mine.

I felt the same when i bought last year, it looked tired when empty. I didnt love it but knew it was a good choice of house. I fell in love when i started ripping stuff out to make it mine

It does sound like there is alot to do and you will get there!

I would prioritise the door as that will make it feel much warmer.

Maybe the carpets you hate cover up some gorgeous floorboards? Nice new paint on the walls will help.

When I was remodelling my favorite house I really wish I had made the bedrooms gorgeous at first - just some paint really. It will give you somewhere to go when the rest of it gets you down.

OP I’m so glad you posted. I have been feeling guilty and stressed about our new house. It was bought in a rush and for me it isn’t so much the house (although, same as you, we realised there was much more that needed doing than we first thought), for me it is the area. I don’t like the area. It is so in the middle of surburbia. I have been worrying that we shouldn’t have bought, and we shouldn’t spend money on it. But it is too late now 🤦‍♀️ So I am hoping in 6 months I will love it. I am so glad to know it isn’t uncommon.

Yes, I felt like this for at least 3 months. I cried, I was devastated, I missed our tiny rented flat. I now love our house because we've made it ours.

Don't make any sudden changes. Move in and give it a couple of months at least, see how you actually use the house and what your priorities are.

Focus on cleaning and airing the house as a first priority. The rest can wait and is easily changeable.

Our front door was draughty and a cheap, ugly flimsy little uPVC thing. It still took us 2 years to replace. Don't forget if you're having major work done chances are that some tradies and building materials will hit the door on multiple occasions.

Is the place liveable? You say it's just dated and tired, isn't it? Live in it, and then slowly work your way through to make it yours. If you have bought one that's renovated, you'd have to pay much more and it won't be completely to your taste.

If you only have a grand or so to do it up I absolutely wouldn’t do the front door. Just paint it. Clean and restore or swap the hardware.

Spend it on paint, and new window dressings, at a push a carpet.

I felt the same years ago..bought a grotty 2 bed ex LA house in a super posh village..it had lots of land but was vile inside..we had the money to buy better but didn't want a mortgage...roll on a couple of years- we added a big extension and it ended up our dream home..we sold it 18 years later for a lot of money..takes work and imagination but so worth it.

Its very very common to feel "new house regret" and will disappear very quickly . When you move in, and have all your bits and pices around, it will feel like your home.

All the stuff that needs to be done will take time. You'll get so used to that crappy door /bathroom colour you won't even notice after a while.

I felt like this too. It's crazy we make such a huge decision after just 10 minutes! We've been in now for a few weeks and the previous owners left the house in a state. I could have cried. It was left in a shockingly bad state and it took a week of cleaning to get it at a decent level. Since living here I've already noticed not all the windows open, one is broken, theres a leak near the window.. only 2 of the 8 cooker hobs work, the integrated dishwasher is broken.. the gutters are totally blocked! The list is endless. However! I do feel much better about it as it's actually ours and we own it. We are doing the jobs as and when we have the time. It felt better once we got our furniture in as it felt more familiar. And the best moment was my 2yo randomly announcing 'I like new house' so, you'll get there. Totally normal to feel strange at first but in time when you get your own things in and things fixed, you'll make it your home. Good luck.

This is a completely normal reaction - post traumatic purchase reaction. It's a huge personal and financial commitment you've made, and you're bound to react to this.

When I purchased my property, the day the keys were handed over I walked in and cried. Cried! When I should have been celebrating purchasing on my own, all I could think was is this the right decision/this doesn't feel like home/I don't like it.....

Once things settled everything turned around. It's amazing what a paint job and new blinds can do. I also hated my bathroom and did a full demo about 6 months in.

I’ve cried over properties more than once, convinced I’ve made a huge mistake! With a little time, perspective and work it’s always worked out though and I’m sure it will for you too :)

Totally normal, OP, and it will pass. We moved into our first non-rented home last year and it seemed SO ugly, cold, small and dark. I hated everything about it and cursed the previous owners on a daily basis for their crappy bodge-jobs and hideous taste in wallpaper / carpets (and vile white uPVC front door!) But it was all we could afford and it had potential to be a much nicer house.

A year later and it feels like a completely different place. There are still a million jobs to be done (tbh the white plastic front door still annoys me) and it will probably be never-ending and has taken all our savings, but the joy of having somewhere that's ours after decades of living in other people's houses and paying other people's mortgages - priceless.

It's actually a good thing to spend some time living there before you embark on change. We've ended up doing things in a completely different order to what we planned, because once you actually live there day in, day out, your priorities change and you find you can manage for a bit longer with things that you thought you'd rip out on Day 1. It will probably save a lot of expensive, hasty mistakes!

As above PP say you will feel better when in and maybe do a thorough clean and paint ,some pale emulsion about £10.00 a big tub B and Q .Dont worry so much about the door ,maybe paint that a smart colour? I promise you it will feel so much more welcoming .Maybe a rug or smart doormat ? .Some air freshener and a couple of Pot Plants and you will be desperate to come home!

I've been in our current home nearly a month now, and felt exactly the same. As others have said, there was so much I didn't notice on first viewing. Their kids had scribbled and painted across walls, window latches were hanging off, the ex owners' rubbish and tat was everywhere, and they had no intention of taking it away. We had issues with the boiler. I felt so annoyed with the old owners, I didn't see how I could ever like a house that had them and their style stamped all over it.
We didn't move in straight away, and, like you, I had the feeling of relief going 'home' to our temporary house, and I was disappointed when we got the boiler sorted as it meant we had to move into the new house...
I still don't love it but can imagine a time when I might. We've decorated a lot and had family round.
I'm still at the stage of missing my old neighbours and all the people I knew to chat to though.
I don't think the time of year helps, with the dark and the rain.

Thank you all so much for your replies. I have family popping round to see the new house tomorrow evening so it’ll be interesting to see their take on it. Won’t see the house in proper daylight until Saturday when I plan to give it a good deep clean and see where that leaves us.

This is a really common thing and I think a PP mentioned buyers remorse. Our first house was a lovely 3 year old new build 2 bedrooms with an en suite and we loved it but then we moved into a 3 bed family home before starting our family. It felt weird when we moved as the decor was so dated and I didn’t actually like how the front of the house looked but it was what we could afford at the time.
we are about to move again 19 years later into a newer house with extra bathrooms and bigger bedrooms for our teenagers but I’m swapping a beautiful big garden for bigger rooms as it’s what we need. My boys no longer play football in the garden but they do want bigger bedrooms.

we had a 20 min viewing over 3 months ago and I’m sure I will have some regret when we move but I’m looking forward to decorating and filling the new house with our things to make it our home.

a good clean and some fresh paint on the walls will help it feel a lot more like home

Paint and cleaning are your best friends. Also in a way its good, if you moved into an immaculate house that wasnt to your taste you wouldnt replace stuff because it would be a waste of money. This way you can put your stamp on it without feeling guilty x.