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Original poster

Moving from C London to a quite small village with a PFB - any advice?

36 replies

ChampagneSupernova · 27/01/2008 18:09

Hello MNers
Currently living in London and we've just found a gorgeous house in a lovely village in herts. We've made an offer and are hoping to complete when the baby is around a month old at the end of April(gulp).

At the moment I don't have a huge circle of ante natal friends in London so I'm counting on "getting out there" with my baby in the village.

Village itself has a playgroup and a church which I'm hoping to get involved in - just wondering if there are any other things I've not thought about.

I can drive but haven't done it much in over ten years so will need a bit of a country driving refresher I think ) but will have to with the move (though we've checked that we can get supermarket delivery )

Any top tips from village dwellers old and new gratefully received and much appreciated...

OP posts:
Pennies · 27/01/2008 18:14

I'm in a village in Herts - I moved here from London with my 2 yr old and 10 month just over a year ago (that's how old they were when we moved). The key is to get involved with the local mums and toddlers group - I've made loads of friends from there and it's been great.

As you;ll have a newborn the NCT local group might be good starting point for you too so you can meet other local mums with newborns - when you've got your first it's invaluable to have people you know with babies the same age.

Original poster
ChampagneSupernova · 27/01/2008 22:18

Thanks Pennies, I'll see what the NCT has to offer...
anything else?

OP posts:
FuriousGeorge · 27/01/2008 22:22

If you've got a baby,you are halfway there already.It makes it easier for people to approach you for a chat.

Getting involved in church/playgroup or anything else is a great idea.You'll meet lots of people & they will really appreciate someone who is community minded.Sadly too many people move to villages & treat them as a dormitory & don't help or get involved in anything.

A word of warning from someone village born & bred.Don't,under any circumstances slag anyone off,you never know if the person you are talking to is a relation of the one you are bad mouthing.

FuriousGeorge · 27/01/2008 22:24

Always have Calpol in your cupboard.There is nothing like a 12 mile round trip in the middle of the night,to the nearest 24 hour supermarket,with a screaming baby in tow.

Buy a huge freezer & stock up with bread & milk,ditto.

Squiffy · 31/01/2008 08:50

Everything FG says, in spades. the church thing is a really good way to get to know people (belief in god not particularly relevant) and you will be accepted very quickly if you do this.

If there is a pub then DH should frequent it for a couple of hours once a week at least(oh, the scarifices that have to be made). After a while locals will start chatting to him.

You should never use yellow pages or large stores to source things. Always ask (in pub and church) for recommendatiosn for local builders/plumber/window cleaner/ironing lady or whatever, and if there is a local town with independant shops use them. Paying £20 more than Curry's for your big (VERY BIG) freezer is worth it's weight in gold when the locals clock that you bought it from 'old Mr Smith's' white goods shop in the town.

Always say 'good morning' to people when you pass them in the village or on footpaths. ALways go the the fetes abd coffee mornings and if possible try to take some cakes along and offer them to the stalls to sell. And try not to look as if you are making an effort, whatever you do. Wear decent green wellies and invest in a dog. Job done.

Wisteria · 31/01/2008 08:56

"If there is a pub then DH should frequent it for a couple of hours once a week at least" Squiffy

Sorry but you should both go down for a drink to get to know people.the days of the village pub being a male domain are thankfully long gone in the majority of places........

Onlyaphase · 31/01/2008 09:00

Also, I found my local baby clinic a source of friends and advice, especially when you are waiting to have your baby weighed. Some clinics run massage groups as well, and I made a couple of really good friends though this. There was also a local NCT drop in group in the village.

I would take a look at the notice boards in the village and local health centre as this will give you lots of ideas for what is on locally for you and your baby

Anna8888 · 31/01/2008 09:05

Village cricket for DH
Bell ringing for you

Basically, everything anyone else has said about participating fully in village life.

I "did" the village Mother & Baby thing when my daughter was born and loved it - it was so inclusive - everyone went, from the 19 year old local girl who couldn't leave the village because she couldn't drive, to the local childminder, to the wives of hospital consultants. It was really relaxing and friendly.

Squiffy · 31/01/2008 10:52

No Wisteria, there is a method to this. If you both go down the pub together then people will be polite, but no-one really talks to you. If a bloke goes on his own and sits at a bar they do chat. And if a woman goes on her own then the local wives get a bit edgy. I didn't say it was fair, but them's the rules. When I moved to new village me & DH went to pub religiously together and sat at bar and had polite conversations but it was only when DH went by himself (when I was PG and couldn't stand the smell of smoke) that the locals really 'opened up'. And it was only after he got to know the men really well (by himself) that I got to know their wives really well. Am definately not being about this, but saying it like it is (down our way, at least)

Wisteria · 31/01/2008 10:57

such a shame Squiffy - I have lived in various parts of the UK in loads of villages and can see what you're saying re men opening up and talking more 'man to man' but you don't have to sit in pub joined at the hip! My dp goes in on his own but we also go in together and find that we have more fun and more chats together. We live up north now but when I lived 'down south' I found there were definitely more women around in the local pubs.

Totally agree wrt to women get edgy if lone woman goes in - shit attitude but it's true, women can go in together though .

Yaddayah · 31/01/2008 11:00

Agree with squiffy on the pub thing I'm afraid.

Agree with the saying of good morning (that took a bit of getting used to)

Do they have a Parish Council ? Get to know the local busybodys

Use locals if at all possible for ANY work.

Village life can be wonderful, but it can also be claustrophobic and everyone knows your business, just be prepared !

Fennel · 31/01/2008 11:06

We moved from a big city to a small village about 18 months ago and found it surprisingly easy to make friends and be part of things, I think having children really helped there, and also getting involved in local activities - even without sending DP off to the pub on his own to meet the men.

We never go to church, we're atheisists, but still somehow we ended up running two stalls on our first village/church fete. (I don't think anyone much goes to church and our neighbour runs it and she's very friendly and offers babysitting so we suck up to her). I go to the pub quiz and the pre-school committee meetings and get drunk at the school fundraising activities and DP helped set up an alternative energy group.

It all feels a bit bizarre when you are used to urban living, as we were, but certainly I can't fault our village on friendliness.

Wisteria · 31/01/2008 11:06

I suppose if you go in together people might not approach you as easily but we always sit at the bar and people do tend to talk to you there. I am talking abouit villages in Cornwall, Devon, Wales, Derbyshire and Nottinghamshire.

I have always found that the honesty thing works quite well - 'Hi we're new here and thought it might be the best place to meet other people' - asking for advice about things always works well, where do you buy your x and x's for instance.

Fennel · 31/01/2008 11:07

And we went coppicing to make poles for the community yurt building activity. So many things we never did in Manchester.

Wisteria · 31/01/2008 11:14

Where do you live Fennel? - it sounds idyllic!

Yaddayah · 31/01/2008 11:17

Our village also does rambles and the outlying woods has a group which do coppicing and other forestry stuff .. always on the look out for volunteers as well

Fennel · 31/01/2008 11:20

Devon, just outside Exeter. It is rather idyllic so far. I think we may still be in a honeymooon phase.

Wisteria · 31/01/2008 11:24

Ah - near my Dad then and you can definitely go into the green dragon together and meet people!

Fennel · 31/01/2008 12:22

I don't know a Green Dragon. The pubs in this village are all named after Meat-gathering activities. Poacher's. Huntsman.

Wisteria · 31/01/2008 12:24

He's out the other side from Oke'

cmotdibbler · 31/01/2008 12:30

You might think it sounds awful, but look into joining the WI - its a sort of no commitment, once a month thing that you can turn up to, but don't have to make a lot of small talk. They usually have a speaker, which may include a practical crafty activity, then coffee and a chat. Some WIs are older than others (av age of mine ~33), but all very friendly, and a good way to get to know possible babysitters !

FuriousGeorge · 31/01/2008 14:27

Ask the local old girls for advice on baby rearing,even if you have no intention of following it.Thank them profusely & the next thing you know,they will be telling all their friends what a 'nice young mother' you are.[worked for me!]

I don't know how remote your village is,but when we moved in,our neighbours advised us to buy a camping stove.We don't have gas,so when the power inevitably goes off,during storms,we can still cook something hot to eat.

Squiffy · 01/02/2008 09:17

Oh yes, supernova, glad someone brought up powercuts. quite a shock to the system at first. We have learnt that you can never have too many torches in odd locations (eg bedside cabinets). In our hamlet we get them maybe three times a year on average but they do sometimes last for a day or more...

TheHonEnid · 01/02/2008 09:22

I hated it and it took me about 8 years to finally like it

good luck

driving essential unless you want to go mad and have to pay out for CBT sessions for 2years

TheHonEnid · 01/02/2008 09:23

herts

I thought you meant the REAL countryside

it will take you about 30 mins to get back to central london, why are you worried?