Days from exchange and cold feet and feeling like we’re overpaying

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We’re FTB and days from exchange (due Friday) and I’m in full panic. DP is completely calm.

We’re paying £10k over asking. (I think we offered too high after being outbid on a few houses and not being able to get viewings for others. )

houses around us are selling for 10-20k more but are in much better condition and have bigger rooms.

we’re going to have to spend £20k just on repairs ( cracks, rewire, windows, roof) when we move in.

im in full panic because I feel like we’re overpaying and buying a money pit and feel like an idiot for offering so high over asking to begin with. He’s completely calm and has answers for everything, says that much over asking was normal when we were looking, those other houses are more expensive and will have repairs
we can’t see them from the photos, money spent on repairs is normal when moving in etc.

and he thinks it’s too late to start again because we’ve spent so much on surveys and solicitors, and our mortgage offer will expire and we wouldn’t get the same deal

but I’m still completely stressed out and worrying all the time. Is this normal? He says it’s FTB nerves but I’m worried he’s just too laid back and this is our last chance to save us from losing all our savings.

We had a second viewing at the weekend to take measurements. i wanted to make sure we still like the house, which we did. It’s a three bed semi with a garden. We love the location. I know we’re so lucky to be able to buy. so I feel bad for whinging but I’m so worried. I feel sick. Is this normal?

Honestly these nerves are normal and why people often don't actually much like selling to FTB.

If the location is good and done up the house is going to be worth more you should be okay. If you stay in the house a good while the amount you spend on purchase becomes less and less relevant.

Just make sure you have some funds for the repairs you need.

Well technically you are overpaying but the market sets the price ultimately, not the estate agent who have their own ideas - rightly or wrongly. Valuing a house is an art, not a science - if it needed to be £10k over asking price to secure it, then so be it.
£10k over 25 years is £400 a year extra to repay which is not excessive for a house you love and a 3 bed with a garage could be your first and last house.

Listen to your DP. It will be fine. You like the house and you like the area. 10k isn't a lot in the grand scheme of things, and you'd lose money and be back at square one if you pull out. We've moved house a few times in our 36 years together and one or two have been bad choices, but it's never the end of the world.

If you learned tomorrow that the vendors backed out, would you feel upset or relieved?

houses around us are selling for 10-20k more but are in much better condition and have bigger rooms

As you offered £10k over what is to say that these houses will not go over as well? You don't know if they will also flag up a rewire and cracks on closer inspection. Spending money on a house ie cracks, windows, rewire is normal, welcome to home owning. My house was 12 years old when we bought it, we have been here for 12 years. We have replaced the windows for much more energy efficient ones, replaced the boiler, bathroom, did a kitchen extension.

It is completely normal to feel scared about house buying and the responsibility that comes with it and overwhelmed at the tasks ahead. There are lots of home renovation videos on YouTube also Instagram showing you people gutting out houses. It is a learning curve. This is our 5th house. You get used to the oh shit feelings just before buying. FTB are the worst because of feeling this but then pulling out rather than reminding themselves of why they chose this house. There is nothing to say that you will even get the other houses then where will you be? How would you feel then?

Totally normal. The closer we got to exchange the more I worried we were doing the right thing, but we've been here for 5 years now and it was just nerves (it's a massive commitment taking on that much debt!)

You aren't overpaying. The market sets the value. I have bought 3 houses, every one seemed horribly expensive at the time I bought it, each time it seemed like a perfectly fair price once I was actually in. I have made a lot of money on the two I have sold. You just have cold feet.

Your DH is right. If you pull out now you'll have a hard time getting a different house before your mortgage offer expires and you'll be looking at higher interest rates, which will either make your payments higher or reduce the amount you can borrow. And if prices keep increasing, at least in the short term, will you be able to buy anything?

Repairs and improvements are part of owning a home. You're never "done" with them, they'll be a continual expense for as long as you own.

If you love the house and the location, just deal with the nerves and don't pull out. You'll feel better once you're in and settled! We lost £12k due to our buyer reducing their offer at the very last second before exchange, and I remember being so upset about it at the time, but there was nothing we could do because our mortgage offer was set to expire the day after completion and my income had dropped so we knew we couldn't get the same deal again. We gritted our teeth and went ahead. And I'm so so glad we did -- our house has appreciated by over 200k since then and that 12k, while annoying, was just a drop in the bucket against home values increasing. If you're going to be there long term 10k doesn't matter. (And that will be true even if prices drop in the future, property investment is a long term game.)

It's nerves. Don't pull out or you will have just thrown away money and prices are still going up - the houses you're comparing your new house with will be out of budget altogether.

I cried when I bought my first place. It was filthy and gloomy and the thought of owing all that money was terrifying.

Best decision I ever made.

Op, you are worrying totally unnecessarily. Put your energy into plans for your new home instead. You've done brilliantly to buy your first home in a great location, with a very smooth buying process. Our estate agent suggested we put ours on for sale at 300k, we put it on for 350k, we accepted 372k (and had another offer of 395k which we rejected as they lived abroad and hadn't even viewed it!) The asking price set by the estate agent is only a figure pulled out of the air. So stop feeling you have been overcharged. Decide right now you'll stop any more of this crap and get busy choosing paint colours!

If you still liked the house when you viewed again, I'd put it down to nerves.
I had a bad feeling when we viewed again before completion and got more and more worried. I still don't like the house over a year later and there's a reason it spent over 5yrs on the market. We'd got so far down the process and couldn't stand another day living next door to our awful neighbours. We loved a different house but felt it was too much of a gamble - found out later it went for £40k under asking and our new house needs significantly more spending on it than we realised.

I do remember feeling a similar way as a FTB with my previous house though. I think it took me a couple of years to like it, but I loved it when I sold it 15yrs later.

If you back out now you'll have to start the whole process all over again and it'll take time and so this time next year you could be in the same position with a slightly more expensive house. It's worrying no matter what you do. Go for it!

If it's any consolation we moved in 2018 and got £5k off, into a seemingly perfect house and since then have had to throw money putting this perfect house right.

A DIY bodger used to own it and did a huge amount of work.

Don't always believe the perfect pictures on Rightmove.

Almost everyone “overpays” - it’s the nature of house buying. If you’re buying a house it’s because you were probably the person willing to pay the most for it! In the long term house prices will always go up so don’t stress about it.

Something is worth what someone else will pay for it; be it a house, a barrel of oil, a diamond etc. So you aren’t overpaying; your price is the point at which the market cleared and buyer and seller struck a deal. If you want to live in this house, I’d go ahead.

I still remember the cold feet I felt just before moving into the house I currently live in. I was seriously tempted to walk away - it would have been a huge mistake, I was
just feeling nervous which does seem very normal.

My last house we paid below asking (about 5%) and it was a cheap unfinished DIY project. Despite the survey indicating all the main building work seemed good the whole thing demanded a rewire, lots of replumbing, MASSES OF INSULATION (they'd only done the first bit you saw on accessing the loft but boarded a lot of the rest making it look like it was all insulated) a bath replacing and it was a money pit.

Buying money pits will give you no end of sleepless nights, stress and an endless list that never ends.

If you have over paid as well and your gut is screaming to pull out.

I would pull out, and I would wait for a house that makes you feel excited - the feeling should be one of happiness not pure dread.

Pull out

You are not describing last minute nerves to me but genuine concern you have taken on too much and it is too expensive. We are just about to head into a cost of living crisis, don't over extend yourself now.

Thanks for all the replies everyone. its really helpful to see the range of responses.

On paper we’re in a really good position. We need to move. The new house is much better placed for us than where we are now. To see our friends and for our hobbies we drive near the house 3-4x a week. Our jobs are as stable as you can expect (his industry has a massive skills shortage and I’m on a training contract which makes it really hard for them to get rid of me). We have budgeted for repairs, and have 25-30% contingency (I’m a worrier so have to add safety nets to everything). And my training contract means I get 6monthly pay reviews.

But i don’t have the happy excited gut feeling that people say you’re supposed to have. The idea thought of the estate agent handing me the keys and saying ‘congratulations’ makes me want the throw up! DP quite excited. Some people said about FTBs pulling out because of nerves. I would have done ages ago. I’m like ‘we should pull out because xxxx’ and he says ‘no, you already planned for that’ or ‘that will be a problem with all houses’

People don't have that excited, happy feeling you're "supposed" to have about a lot of things -- houses, babies, getting married, taking a new job. That's because these are stressful events, not because they weren't the right thing to do. On paper it sounds like this house is perfect for you. I wouldn't jeapordise everything on just a feeling.

I felt the same when we got our first house. It was a tired ex-rental (full of work carpets and scuffed magnolia walls), cost a lot but we slowly did it all up and now I love it and the area we live in. It seems like a lot and we paid £8k over asking to secure it. But we couldn't afford the nicely finishes houses in the same street.
You have cold feet as it's so much money.
On the bright side but doing it up you'll know your wiring and roof is sorted and you can decorate it just as you like!

Worn not work!

You are due to exchange tomorrow and are only now considering whether this is the house for you? Obviously you have to make the right decision for yourselves but it's a little crazy that you've let things get this far down the road - it's not only a waste of your time and money and also the whole chains too. This is exactly why I wouldn't ever sell to FTB's

If the location is right, I would say absolutely go for it as location matters so much. Everything else can be fixed slowly.
I was apprehensive leading up to exchange on our current house (FTB) even though we had had 2 failed purchases earlier. Just quashed my nerves every time doubt made it's way into my head. I was very nervous about getting they keys going into the house and hating it. It didn't happen. It was fine. I wasn't excited either though. It was a very flat feeling. But I'm so so glad we are here. And so grateful for being in the right location every time I need to go somewhere and don't have to get in the car.