Days from exchange and cold feet and feeling like we’re overpaying

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We’re FTB and days from exchange (due Friday) and I’m in full panic. DP is completely calm.

We’re paying £10k over asking. (I think we offered too high after being outbid on a few houses and not being able to get viewings for others. )

houses around us are selling for 10-20k more but are in much better condition and have bigger rooms.

we’re going to have to spend £20k just on repairs ( cracks, rewire, windows, roof) when we move in.

im in full panic because I feel like we’re overpaying and buying a money pit and feel like an idiot for offering so high over asking to begin with. He’s completely calm and has answers for everything, says that much over asking was normal when we were looking, those other houses are more expensive and will have repairs
we can’t see them from the photos, money spent on repairs is normal when moving in etc.

and he thinks it’s too late to start again because we’ve spent so much on surveys and solicitors, and our mortgage offer will expire and we wouldn’t get the same deal

but I’m still completely stressed out and worrying all the time. Is this normal? He says it’s FTB nerves but I’m worried he’s just too laid back and this is our last chance to save us from losing all our savings.

We had a second viewing at the weekend to take measurements. i wanted to make sure we still like the house, which we did. It’s a three bed semi with a garden. We love the location. I know we’re so lucky to be able to buy. so I feel bad for whinging but I’m so worried. I feel sick. Is this normal?

This is so true!! I didn't get excited about any of these things, it's always strangely anti climatic. I'm always like "oh right, okay. That didn't feel as good as I had been thinking. Now there's all this stuff that needs to be done "

Do NOT pull out. All will be well OP. What you're feeling is normal. Just focus on practicalities and getting things organised.

Buy it. 10k is nothing in the scheme of things. Or you go back to square one and the next house you view is 10k more than it was when you had the first offer accepted, and you have to go another 10k over to secure it. Then a new mortgage application, valuation, survey. God no. Get it over with ASAP and live in it a couple of months so you can prioritise work needed.

We've started a full reno and our "year 1" work that we agreed on after viewing has been scrapped and we are doing other things first. You won't know until you are in.

Do not pull out.
we have just bought our lingterm house and I was very unsure and wanted to pull out before exchange. Dh wouldn’t let me. It was nerves. I did spend the first three weeks very upset at the amount of work. Not sure why as previously I’ve done three complete renovations, one so bad that the builder buyers wouldn’t touch it!

worse case and you actually don’t like it when you are living in it, you can sell it in a couple of years and still be in a better position financially than if you’d carried in renting.

I get where you’re coming from OP. We’re in the process of buying a house for £40k over the asking price. But that’s what we had to do to secure it as there is nothing on the market where we want to live and we were getting outbid on everything.

Ive been saving to buy for years and it’s been a big goal for me so I thought I’d feel much more excited than I do. But I think it’s just the worry that things will go wrong and buying a house is so uncertain up until you exchange. I’m sure I’ll be thrilled once we finally gets the keys and can crack on with all the things we plan to do with it but right now I’m wary of being too invested.

Ooo it’s a tough one op. I get it. Can you negotiate on price? Anything in the survey that could be haggled on?
Or could you view it as an investment? Do you think the house will still have a value to you if you add the cost of repairs to the cost of purchase?
Do you love the house enough to be disappointed if you never bought it?
cold feet/worries are normal, you don’t have to proceed with it, but that decisions also has consequences- can you love with those, more than if you went through with the transaction?
have you written a lost of pros and cons to purchase or not purchasing and seen which way you prefer to take?

Clearly lots of posters here too young to know what negative equity feels like! You want to hope and pray you won't need to divorce in the middle of it.

Completely normal.

Unless you find some really serious showstopper, you might as well go ahead. You have already paid much of the cost of buying, which will be wasted if you start again.

Even if you might have shaved £1k off the asking price, think of it over the period of time you will live in that house. And compare the costs over that time period with what it would cost to to rent. You have to live somewhere

Deep breath. You have got this.

Thanks everyone :) it’s been really helpful to read all the responses.

it’s really helped take the emotion out of it by reading these. Logically, I know we’re not going to pull out. He’s been keeping it together for months. And we’ve checked everything we possibly can and analysed the situation to death. We know the location and size works and we can afford it. It’s just hard to shake the worrying feeling. And he doesn’t have it.so when he tells me it’s FTB nerves, I just think ‘but then you’d have it too!’ Which is really silly.

Oh god OP, I sympathise! We will apparently have the keys in our hands in 24 hours and I feel very sinking-ship 🫡 about the whole thing. I’ve just said on another thread that I have cried at work today, and am astonished that something so nice and good and fun should be such a stressful shitshow.

I can’t pull out. We had the offer accepted in January and since then the pickings on Rightmove have gone from slim to… nothing. I’ve wobbled many times in the last 6 months but now I literally search RM to find zero (0) which makes me feel better about it all. We got the last decent and affordable gaff in town 🫤

(I’m a worrier so have to add safety nets to everything)

Well, there it is. Worrying is your usual mode, so why would buying a house be any different? This is why your DH is calm and reassuring, because he knows you and how you operate. Plus, you have all sorts of good reasons for buying the house you are, don't you, it's a sensible decision.

It will be fine. It's a stressful process with much of it out of your control, most people would flap a bit at that. But it will most likely be OK and you will be glad you didn't pull out.

Don't freak out about the amount of repairs required. Realistically, you don't have to do them all straight away. The first house I owned was a total wreck and I just did the urgent stuff and lived with the other stuff, and did it as and when I could afford it. You learn to live with a place - it doesn't have to be show home pristine from the get go. Its a step on the ladder.

Adding my two pennies. I, like many other posters, think you should go ahead. Worrying is normal but it doesn't sound like you're over stretching and you have good contingencies in place which you will need.
We bought a fixer-upper last year and didn't haggle on the price. It hadn't been touched since 1980. Offered full asking for something that would need a LOT spending on it and there's been more than we anticipated. But it was the right size and in a good location. It's not perfect but the road, each time I turn onto it, makes me smile.
It's a huge expense and it will feel a bit anticlimactic but sometimes in life you have to take risks.
Our FTB property I thought was astronomical 9 years ago and said to DH we shouldn't buy. He said the price was reasonable. Its now worth double what we paid as the area has been developed and invested in and is highly desirable.
You sound like you have a balanced relationship so if it's truly not right for you I think you'd both be aligned. All the best and I hope it works out.

Absolutely this It's 'take a deep breath' time, buying a house. It sounds like it is right for you, though, from your descriptions. 10 grand really isn't a lot above asking right now, and fades to nothing much over the period of a mortgage. And those other houses may have all sorts lurking in the way of expenses- you just haven't seen their^ surveys.... Good luck to you both, and try not to worry more than you can absolutely help.

I’m also a FTB and have just exchanged today so no going back! But even though all I’ve wanted for years is to own my own home, I’ve felt very uncertain about the whole thing. I’m pretty sure it’s just the responsibility of it all and the huge debt! I’m also worried there may be things wrong with the house that we’ve missed and we’ll regret it when we get the keys and see it again. But I’ve kept reminding myself - it’s just a house and it will be fine. Good luck with yours!

Update: so after all that we didn’t exchange on friday. The vendors solicitor found a new problem in the contract (or something) and wants to delay the exchange. I don’t really understand what happened. Need to catch up with my solicitor tomorrow.

on Friday, a house we LOVED in February but were outbid by someone who really wanted to live on the same road as his brother and nieces (the EA told his story when she told me by our bid was good but someone offered more because of this) came back online but with a different estate agent (looks like an online one) and at 60k more!! I contacted the estate agent
to see if it’s the same house. I was told it’s the same house but with the new vendor. He completed 6weeks ago and is selling because the house is too small.

I know that 1) there’s nothing I can do 2) I don’t know why he’s selling. Something horrible might have happened to him. 3) that house might have had all kinds of nasty problems.

But I’m still I’m so frustrated. The size/ style/ location, it really could have been a first and last house, and it’s hard to believe that he really wanted it, like we really wanted it, and isn’t just trying to flip it. The estate agent even said I’m welcome to view it but he’s done nothing to the house so it should be the same as when we viewed it (but at 60k more!)

Yesterday DP and I sat down and made a list of all the reasons we like the new house, why we need to move, and our finances which confirm we’re better off buying compared to renting. He’s super calm as always (we really are quite well balanced!) and I have to look at the list when I’m stressed or upset about the house situation.

The replies on here, and this house situation, have helped me cope with the exchange better. Mainly because I just want to buy the house so I can get out of this buying system!

I would be very nervous about a vendor selling in 6 weeks. He is unlikely to achieve the £60K premium so may not even cover his costs in stamp duty. Many mortgage companies don’t want to lend on a property sold twice in 1 year due to potential issues with the title registration. I think he’ll struggle unless it’s an area with cash buyers.
I would also want to know if he moved in at all to make that decision about being too small.
All that said, you should be excited to be moving to your new place - are you mentally starting to see yourself living there? Can you envisage hanging out with friends or family? FTB nerves are one thing but you should also have some excitement. (Unless it’s a reno job which is a whole different thread).

We’re 100% not interested in the other house. Too much bad feeling. It was more of a frustrated vent. The new photos show one bed in the main bedroom, and one sofa and tv in the living room. No other furniture pictured. it’s also listed as ‘offers in excess of’.

New house is not a full reno, but logistics of repairs are still hard. I’ve been calling contractors. most don’t reply/ pick up. The ones who have, won’t let us book work until we’ve completed because we don’t own the house yet. And they have long lead times. we’ve been quoted 3 months on some of the repairs that affect the main bedroom. we can’t do anything like put large furniture or new carpet in that room until it’s done.

I don’t think we’ll be there in summer which I’m really upset about. We don’t have a garden at the moment. We have friends visiting from US in August and I don’t think it will be moved by then.

So I’m finding it hard to be excited and picture us living there because when I do, I’m first hit with ‘where does this fit in with the tradesmen?’ I’m excited for the bit 6months down the line when the work is done, all our things are in one place, and we’ve painted/ are painting.

Currently we have a tiny kitchen and we can only just fit two people in at once. So we’re excited that we can fit two people and a small table in the kitchen! I hate that we have no kitchen seating. We’re both excited about the dishwasher. We saw our friends yesterday. They’re excited because they’ll be able to cycle/ walk to us. They don’t drive so we always end up driving to them, otherwise they have to get two trains.

i just struggle to imagine us getting to that point. I have unsubscribed from the Rightmove notifications.

It all feels up in the air because you can't make firm plans. You'll get there. This part of b3ing right on the cusp of a big change and not being able to control the progress is a terrible feeling. But it will pass.

Okay so your last post clears it up. The only time I fretted about moving house was when facing renovations especially as I was leaving a modernised nice house. The upheaval and uncertainty you’re experiencing is entirely normal. As many on the extensions/renovations thread will tell you, the result does make it worth it in the end.

No words of advice but feel for you OP. Things will get better they always do!

You may well have overpaid but is that necessarily the end of the world to get what you want?

It sounds loads but in the grand scheme, it's really not and you'd waste at least half of it pulling out.

If the house is where you want it to be, that's the one factor you can never change.

Eventually all houses need work. If this is for 10-15 years just look at it as making your investment upfront.

Once you've done the immediate work, look at overpaying you mortgage by £10 a week (the MSE calculator is a good one) and you'll soon make up the difference.

Your husband also has a good point about the mortgage. Say you theoretically offered now and got it 10k cheaper but the interest rate is half a percent higher, you are actually paying more in the long term with the second option even though on paper the price is less