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Original poster

How do people find the time to use a second home?

128 replies

LivesinLondon2000 · 23/05/2022 10:21

So DHs parents have a second home in the Cotswolds which they no longer use as they are getting elderly and don’t like travelling anymore. They want to sell to free up the money and would like us to buy it. We could potentially just about afford it but just wonder realistically how often we would use it.
We work in London Monday -Friday, our DC are at school here and have loads of sports/social things most weekends and would be very reluctant to come with us I think.
But yet I hear of so many people - both friends and celebs/people on Instagram - who pack up every Friday night after school and head to their second home in the countryside. They make it sound so idyllic (e.g. Marina Fogle’s second home in Oxfordshire where her kids have ponies etc but live in London during the week for school).
How on Earth do people with kids enjoy this or make it work?
I just keep thinking of maintenance on another house (can’t even manage one 😂) and whinging kids who don’t want to come and also the terrible traffic on a Friday night and Sunday evenings.
And that’s before we even get into the ethics of having a second home

OP posts:
dillydally24 · 23/05/2022 14:48

Ha! If you find the answer to this question, let me know. I have no idea how other people manage it for all the reasons you've given. It sounds like a nightmare to me. Instead, we have invested in a larger house in London rather than buying a second home.

dolphinsarentcommon · 23/05/2022 14:50

You need to be retired.

It's not just fun, you have two to maintain, clean etc.

I couldn't have done it before

easyday · 23/05/2022 14:51

It only really works if it's within say two to three hours. That way you can think ah weather forecast is good let's go! And if you can keep clothes and toiletries there (I mean you are not letting it out in between visits) so much the better. Having weekend commitments then reduces it to half terms and so on if you get time off too!

DustyTulips · 23/05/2022 14:52

I think it works at a different life stage - when you can go away for long weekends, maybe work from your second home for a few days etc., so older teens or young adult DC who don’t need taking to weekend activities or who have left home. Or people with DC in private schools with very long holidays, who use the second home for much of those (I assume with a SAHP).

WhatTheWhoTheWhatThe · 23/05/2022 14:53

We had one for a while and used it loads when the kids were younger and I was a SAHM sold it once I went back to work as just couldn’t find the time anymore. The only person I know who uses their’s loads has been a SAHM for 17 years and her DH earns a lot of money and can pretty much work remotely from any location.

would love to have our holiday home back but selling it was the best financial decision we ever made.

ladygindiva · 23/05/2022 14:56

Is it time to get into the ethics of it yet or no?

Travelwiththree · 23/05/2022 14:56

I would much rather use the money to see more of the world. If you have a second home or a caravan, it's difficult to justify going anywhere else.

Humphriescushion · 23/05/2022 15:01

We have just finished renovating our second home and am now contemplating similar. Don’t think I will have the same issues since no children but don’t want to feel that I don’t actually live in either place iykwim ( is difficult to explain and very early days as well).
My initial thoughts are that I don’t want to end up cleaning two houses.
I want to do holiday things in holiday home.
How to make friends
Will it fee like a chore.

Sorry not sure my musings are much help ( your thread struck a chord with me today), but I would consider how far away is it? Will it feel like a change and a holiday? Will it be a lot of work and faff? Will the children want to come? Can they bring friends?

On the plus side for me my grown up children will be falling over themselves to get to it.

Think you are right to be giving it a lot of thought.

VanCleefArpels · 23/05/2022 15:03

We sold ours for the reasons you outline. Would be far easier with small children with no outside school commitments but as soon as they get into weekend activities / parties etc not to mention teen meet-ups then it’s just impossible to find the time. The holiday home becomes a huge financial burden unless you decide to commercially rent it, in which case you may not get a look in during the school holidays! Catch 22

TinyViolins · 23/05/2022 15:03

He who has two women loses his soul; he who has two houses loses his mind, as the saying goes.

We have a second home in West Sussex and this is indeed a problem (I am aware of the sort of problem it is, hence the username change). Our main source of family rows at the moment is DH wanting to go to the country as much as possible, DS15 never wanting to go, me and DS12 caught in the middle.

I think if you decide to go for it, you need to work out the ground rules- what % of weekends and holidays you'll be there, what happens if a weekend clashes with a big party or sports fixture. You also need plans for maintenance etc if you're not there for long periods.

I think it probably works fairly well with young children who are going to get a lot out of the countryside and are more likely to accept parental decisions about how to spend weekends. I also think it will work well when my DSs are older, can drive, and rather like the idea of a house in the country to go to with friends. And for us it's part of a long term plan to fully renovate the house then move to Sussex when we retire, so it makes sense from that perspective. But yes, all the points you make are good ones. I certainly wouldn't do it just because your in laws have suggested it.

TequilaShot · 23/05/2022 15:05

You need to have young children. Once they grow up and start having weekend commitments you've had it!

thebabynanny · 23/05/2022 15:09

Rich families in London pack up on a Friday night and come back on a Sunday night. Nanny comes with and there's a weekend housekeeper at the country house.
Only works until the children have weekend activities, or they get booted off to board.

TheTeenageYears · 23/05/2022 15:10

Second homes aside there are parents who structure their lives around DC's activities from a young age and those who don't. We always did and therefore decamping somewhere else every weekend or every other weekend would never have worked for us unless those activities were portable. From a practical perspective most people who have a second home they visit very regularly wouldn't really do much packing - they would have almost all they need at the second home, that would be one of it's pluses compared to just taking regular breaks staying in a hotel or renting a holiday home.

WhatTheWhoTheWhatThe · 23/05/2022 15:14

ladygindiva · 23/05/2022 14:56

Is it time to get into the ethics of it yet or no?

Given that the OP was asking about finding time not ethics then no.

Beenthere123 · 23/05/2022 15:16

I wouldn’t. We’ve done it for a while and it’s tiring and expensive.

I assumed it was what I wanted.

better to buy a bigger primary residence and go on a few more holidays instead. Rent cottages etc.

I think you need a lot of money to make it work. Paying for help in both homes to ease the chores.

vanguardian · 23/05/2022 15:35

The cleaning wouldn’t be so much of an issue but for me it would be the constant feeling of living out of a suitcase? Always packing and unpacking?

Whippet · 23/05/2022 15:42

We toyed with the idea of a second home for a while after we inherited some money after parents died. We used to rent cottages and turn up on a Friday night to a beautiful clean cosy costal retreat and think 'wouldn't it be great to have one of these?' But then we quickly realised that we'd be the ones responsible for making it cosy and keeping it clean and we quickly went off the idea!!

Original poster
LivesinLondon2000 · 23/05/2022 15:43

Thanks so much for all your messages - the consensus seems to be that it is just as difficult as I am imagining it would be.
Unless of course you have a nanny/housekeeper - actually one of the people I know who really loves their second home does indeed have a housekeeper - fulltime at their London home and part time at their other home. No wonder they enjoy it! There’s no chance of that for us unfortunately- it would be us doing everything ourselves.
There’s always something needing doing in this house - I just don’t think I could cope with another house needing plumbing issues sorted, garden tidied, fridge cleaned out etc etc
And our kids are just reaching the stage of having loads of weekend activities here which I know would be a big issue - just like you mention @TinyViolins (love that username 😂)
I think we would probably need to look on it as a long term project and something we could potentially use when DC are older and/or we retire. I guess we could still buy it now and maybe renovate and rent it out until then.
Said house was also owned by mil’s aunt previously & has been in the family a while and so there is a bit of an emotional tie. DH’s siblings are not too bothered either way - they’re probably not in a position financially to be able to buy it anyway - but it means we won’t feel too guilty if we don’t buy it either - hopefully!

OP posts:
yesthatisdrizzle · 23/05/2022 15:44

ladygindiva · 23/05/2022 14:56

Is it time to get into the ethics of it yet or no?

Go for it 😂

motogirl · 23/05/2022 15:50

I don't know. 1/3 of the homes on our development are second homes, mostly londoners, you see them arriving about 8/8.30 pm on Fridays. On the day the lockdowns were called in the evening were had traffic jams 3 hours later as they all fled for here!

I get tired just taking a few trips a year but I suppose i get to live year round here

Somuddled · 23/05/2022 15:51

The people I know who have second homes got the most use out of it while the children were under 8. Then used it less as a family until they were 15 and could reliably be left alone for the weekend if they didn't want to come. They time in the middle it was used more by extended family. Or one parent and a few friends would go. But it was near the coast so more to do than just countryside

RidingMyBike · 23/05/2022 15:51

A colleague had one. It worked brilliantly for them BUT they didn't have kids so they were going down to enjoy weekend walks, tennis club, pub lunches. They have two of everything so less packing. And they had a cleaner for both houses. They also ate out a lot so there was less of the buying groceries hassle too.

motogirl · 23/05/2022 15:53

Also to be completely frank, I love hotels, the cleaner sorting the wet towels, making the bed, restaurant downstairs ... why spend money on a house when you can rent hotels a few times a year. We could easily afford one for disclosure, we are choosing to be mortgage free instead

Augend23 · 23/05/2022 15:54

I definitely don't have a second home!

I have benefited from other people's second homes...

How do they work it? Some of them have grown up kids and jobs where they can WFH on a Friday (even pre COVID) hence go down Thursday night. When the kids were little all clothes etc lived down there and spare toothbrushes etc. You just did the washing and hung it up before you left on an airer to take down the next time you came. Hive heating so you aren't coming down to a freezing house.

The ones who enjoy it most definitely don't rent it out for the rest of the year (which then does increase the moral dilemma).

Others are self employed and wealthy and take time off as and when they want.

I couldn't face the maintenance even if I could afford to pay someone else to do it - I just wouldn't want to manage or organise it.

Quitethe · 23/05/2022 15:59

I lived next door to someone's second home, it just seemed a massive faff.
He was always complaining about maintence/having to clean on the rare weekends he was up, two lots of food shops, the pain of having to basically pack your shit each time for a small weekend and basicallt relied on us to tell them when things were going wrong, "your house is massively leaking water" was a fun call to give them at night! As time went on they visited less and less.

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