How do people find the time to use a second home?

[LivesinLondon2000]

So DHs parents have a second home in the Cotswolds which they no longer use as they are getting elderly and don’t like travelling anymore. They want to sell to free up the money and would like us to buy it. We could potentially just about afford it but just wonder realistically how often we would use it.
We work in London Monday -Friday, our DC are at school here and have loads of sports/social things most weekends and would be very reluctant to come with us I think.
But yet I hear of so many people - both friends and celebs/people on Instagram - who pack up every Friday night after school and head to their second home in the countryside. They make it sound so idyllic (e.g. Marina Fogle’s second home in Oxfordshire where her kids have ponies etc but live in London during the week for school).
How on Earth do people with kids enjoy this or make it work?
I just keep thinking of maintenance on another house (can’t even manage one 😂) and whinging kids who don’t want to come and also the terrible traffic on a Friday night and Sunday evenings.
And that’s before we even get into the ethics of having a second home

Even if you buy it as an investment (leaving aside the ethics) you're still going to have the maintenance headaches and calls on your time.

I expect the IL's would like to offload it to you. Saves them the hassle of finding a buyer and the associated legwork but the second home was their dream. If it's not yours, don't feel guilty about giving the 'opportunity' a swerve.

I think 2nd homes are completely unethical.

But also I don't understand the appeal of always having to go to the same place when you want a weekend away? Surely the nicest thing is to go to various different places and stay in hotels / Airbnb's. Stocking up two houses, paying two cleaners, having clothes at both etc just sounds like a headache to me.

We have one (in the USA where we live). We have chosen to have two small houses rather than one large one.
We have had it for a year now, I love it so much.
It is only an hour and half away but is a little lake cottage. Totally different to our city life.
We have totally different lake clothes, that stay there and a fully stocked kitchen. Staying and going isn't too much work.
Dc have all their clubs mon-thurs. Yes we have the odd teenage or work events we stay in the city for some weekends.
But we have lots of what are basically mini breaks, ice skating in winter and swimming in summer.
Given how little annual leave I get it gives me a refresh.

@calmlakes that sounds heavenly

We have two family homes, at opposite ends of the country, and spend one week in the second one each month.

We do this because it’s close to my family, but it definitely adds expense and complexity to our lives, and it’d be much cheaper to get a suite in a posh hotel each time instead.

We have what we need in each house, which I think is quite normal, so don’t need to pack much.

If you’re committed to the cost of two homes a few extra clothes is neither here nor there.

To add also that there’s a serious shortage of cleaners and maintenance staff where my uncle’s place is. You might have to do it all yourself even if you can afford to pay.

Bought mine a year ago; a flat in a small block, so no issues with security/maintenance - but novelty has dissipated; and I use it less than imagined - even though I now take the train, rather than drive. Yes, it is a pfaff, taking enough food, and spare clothes (what''s the weather going to be ?). Then - when leaving - emptying the fridge, putting the blinds down, and turning everything off - then once, half-way down the M6, realising (heating) you hadn't, and having to turn round, and go back. Also, I don't (I'm single) know anyone there, and eat in Wetherspoons, for some human contact, rather than alone, at my kitchen table, staring at the (to die for) beach/sea view. I keep it solely as the best hedge against inflation.

We had two homes for about 8 years but we bought it as my DH lived and worked abroad. Either he flew here or I flew there every weekend. He got made redundant just before covid hit and we sold it just as lockdown started. Made a good profit on it so it was worth it. I made sure the second house had no garden (just a flagged yard) and no maintainance (was a terrace in a maintained block of them) and we also had secure underground carparking to leave the car in when he was here for more than the weekend. Was also in walking distance to the town and station to get to the airport easily. I didn’t want to have to do gardening at both houses!! We also had two of everything so just carried a small suitcase back and forth. I miss it now though don’t miss all the flying and hours of each weekend sat at the airport and travelling.

Having duplicates is really essential to avoid packing and unpacking constantly. Inevitably a few things go back and forth but generally I do the laundry as I usually would, shop as I usually do etc. Just in different places.

I think it's pretty revolting for anyone to have more than one home. I live in Cornwall, and have seen so many communities destroyed due to selfish pricks buying houses they then don't live in.

sil and her dh along with his sister and her husband have just jointly bought a second home a couple of hours away.
It’s hardly ever empty. Sil has older dc so her and husband go down at weekends or during school holidays (she’s a teacher, he can work remotely), the other couple use it on the weekends the other couple isn’t there and they also go down and use it together. During the weeks inbetween, their respective parents go down and stay. It’s probably empty 5 days out of any month.
they don’t tend to keep clothes down there but other than that the house is fully equipped and ready for use at all times.
it wouldn’t be for me, We prefer to
have holidays more often, to different and new places, but it’s nice getting down there with them sometimes.

Ooh this is interesting for me as we are in the planning stages of buying a second home! (Plot of big land with derelict house on coast, knock down and replace with new).

I definitely plan to be a ‘two of everything’ house. But I (naively) don’t think that will be an issue as all my heels and work blouses will be in the city and all my shorts and flip flops at the house!

we are designing it to work for us and as an air b n b. For example there will be a small separate butlers pantry (locked) with an under counter fridge/freezer where we can stash food in between visits, and keep the wedding china and any fancy kitchen gadgets (magimix). The master will have two walk in wardrobes, one will be ours and kept locked.

we don’t have kids atm so that makes it so much easier.

We know the area well and can work from home a good chunk of the year, from there. As long as its not Friday night / Sunday evening the drive is a pleasant traffic free 2.5 hrs.

Improved, not destroyed.

I have a holiday let in Cornwall. It’s a business. We don’t actually make much money from it, and we don’t get there ourselves often.

it’s been a let for almost 20 years and before that, it was a hotel dating to 1940.

the situation is quite nuanced isn’t it? Bit of a difference between running holiday accommodation and having a second home. I don’t resent anyone who has a second home, I just wish enough property was built to
give everyone somewhere decent to live.

certainly in some
places the anger is directed at tourists or
people running holiday lets. I often wonder whether people in Cornwall never leave Cornwall, as they seem very anti-tourism.

running a holiday let is hard work. Having a
secoNd home Would be easier
i think.

I think it’s unethical (usually) as it prices out local people who can’t live near their own families. Personally, I’d prefer a big camper van so you aren’t tied to one place.

I'll never have a second home because I won't have the money, but even if I did, it does sound really boring. I used to have camper van fantasies but noticed when camping that people in camper vans seemed to spend an incredible amount of time cleaning. With kids it would just be such a grind.

I am lucky that I have one house but I don't enjoy the practical side of homeowning. The thought of doubling my workload in order to never have the book I really fancy reading within reach and having to buy 2 of everything- no thanks.

If the community agreed with you they have the choice of selling to a local for a lower price than an outsider would pay. If they don’t then it suggests that they don’t see it as such an issue.

Blaming the buyers who want a place there, over the sellers who just want the money, is putting it the wrong way round.

Rubbish. We bought our derelict second home off a local, when none of the locals wanted it. We used local trades people to renovate.

Maybe you'd have preferred it to fall in to total disrepair?

I was thinking about buying a holiday cottage to let, and for the odd week ourselves, then to retire to. We’d hardly use it because DD wants to hang with her friends. We have the same issue with our camper these days. Up until she was 10, we did these amazing tours for the whole summer holidays, but she felt left out and doesn’t want to go anymore.

I suppose she might make friends if we had a second home. But possibly not. If I do it, it will be a financial decision, not a lifestyle one.

There is the most stunning detached seafront house near me, it must be worth an absolute fortune, it’s someone’s second home but they never ever visit it (for years) and never rent it out, the blinds are shut permanently and it’s starting to look tired as they don’t maintain it apart from someone keeping the gardens reasonably tidy. I don’t have a particular problem with second homes if they are actually used either by the homeowners or holiday makers but I feel really annoyed that this beautiful house which is a landmark in the village is just standing there, doing nothing for the local economy and slowly falling into disrepair, it’s like they are giving two fingers to the locals.

I don’t understand how people manage either, it wouldn’t be for me. You can’t really go anywhere else on holidays and even if you go there a LOT, it is still vacant for about 70% of the year.

luckily I’m not in a position to have this hassle.😁

And now it's presumably empty most of the time or, even worse, an Airbnb? That isn't good for the local area, trust me.

DH’s family did it by kids being at boarding school. So school social things happened during term time. Outside of term they often had friends to stay out there etc.

my parents have a holiday home at a ski resort and they use it quite often (retired). When we were younger we used it a few weeks a year but they rented it out a lot more.

We have just bought a second home in a city my dh grew up in and one that we would like to retire to, we’d also like to spend more time with Mil, who it now quite old - we used to stay with her but she grew too anxious about Covid and everything else! We have probably chosen an unusual second home location but it’s vibrant with lots of great pubs and restaurants and we’re enthusiastically supporting them! Our main house is close to London - the small town is a lovely place to bring up kids but it’s very dull and now the kids have gone to Uni and we can work away from London we’d like to begin the move but there are still ties.
No problem convincing the kids to move - they love the second home location, they love the new city - we have two of everything, no cleaner or gardener though, we have a list to check as we move between locations, there’s a supermarket en route if we need supplies - it’s mostly just dh and I and it’s smaller than main house so pretty easy to keep clean and weird as it may sound doing maintenance and creating a home is quite a relaxing contrast from working life in quite stressful city job. Doing nothing at second home is not entirely appealing - we have friends who feel the same way, work in the City but spend time at second home building kitchens, wardrobes & gardens - not everyone craves a life of luxurious idleness. It is expensive and we don’t intend to Airbnb - we can afford to run two houses without feeling the pinch. When we’re 100% sure on the move and taking a back seat in our business, maybe 10 years from now - we’ll sell the main house.